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Mid-50s Men and Texting. Clueless or Indifferent?

PumpkinLumpkin

By PumpkinLumpkin,
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Divasu

Divasu

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p.s. I still won't be initiating tho. :)

 

What did you/have you initiated, really? He's planned all your dates, so it seems. Sure, you've been along for the ride, but geesh.

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BlueIris

BlueIris

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Isn't dating funny tho? That's why I'm forced to throw my hands up in the air and just say whatever...life it soo short! Whatever the reason he's being a doofus, we now have 16 pages on some 56 year old doctor's rudeness when he probably saved the lives of hundreds of people over his career. The big picture. I don't care anymore. He's older, more experienced. Maybe he's slowing it down a notch. I have no idea. The best thing to do is live in the moment and enjoy my life.

 

p.s. I still won't be initiating tho. :)

 

Yeah, I don't pursue or initiate either. I guess I do some once we're in an exclusive relationship, but frankly, I just don't get turned on unless the guy is a take-the-reins kind of personality ;) so I'd be undermining that and just confusing him if I set a misleading pattern at the beginning. That said, if he has the reins, then he's in charge, right?

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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What did you/have you initiated, really? He's planned all your dates, so it seems. Sure, you've been along for the ride, but geesh.

 

I haven't initiated anything. He has. But planning is mutual, and if his plans need improvement, I'll kindly suggest a different one, or he will ask me. But he always initiates.

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Divasu

Divasu

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I haven't initiated anything. He has. But planning is mutual, and if his plans need improvement, I'll kindly suggest a different one, or he will ask me. But he always initiates.

 

Well now I'm even more confused.

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TheGuard13

TheGuard13

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I am dating a man 14 years older than I. He is 56. He knows how to text but the frequency and time he takes to respond is killing me! We've been on four dates over a period of two weeks. I have let him initiate all of the dates AND texts because this is my method of how to gauge his interest; however after sending me a text, he sometimes takes up to 24 hours to respond, and when he does it's usually a one-word response.

 

I can't tell if this man A) has a low-level interest in me, B) only interested in sex since most of our dates have been extremely physical (though we haven't done the deed yet), C) simply has no clue on texting etiquette, D) is not tech-savvy and doesn't care to keep in touch that way.

 

He's a physician, very bright and successful. However sometimes I'll say words like "bluetooth" or "retina display" and he will stop me and say wtf is bluetooth?

 

If I had his full attention, wouldn't he be responding to me right away? We met on a dating site so if he's able to post his profile, surely he can return texts in a timely manner! The silence in between dates is pure torture. Is this an age thing?

 

Thanks...and no yelling at me for freaking out! :)

 

 

 

I'm probably late to the party on this but...

 

 

Most adults understood that while texting is a thing, it should not be the main method of communication. If he's not communicating at all, that's a problem, but younger people tend to put wayyy too much emphasis on this method of communication.

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readynow

readynow

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Well, I'm trying to determine if the long response time is lack of effort or lack of electronic awareness. Or age 56. Or all three.

 

I'll answer Pumpkin, it's nothing to do with age.

 

I'm in my 30s and dated several men in this age group. The only time a man didn't text me was when I (accidentally :lmao:) slept with went far further than I should have on a first date with a guy I'd had an online LDR with... horror story...

 

My bf is 18yrs older than me and he has a very busy job but still manages to text me several times a day. It's just rude not to answer a question!

 

I've dated 2 doctors too and no problems texting either. Btw, I'll never chase a man or initiates dates - it's completely unnecessary. What's the point of both of you running around chasing each other? Just be appreciative and allow the relationship progress at least until you're exclusively together then do more.

 

Have you asked him why he didn't reply? What did he say? If you're important to him, he'll reply. He may give you a day or 2 at other times so as not to appear needy but he should reply your texts.

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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I

Have you asked him why he didn't reply? What did he say? If you're important to him, he'll reply. He may give you a day or 2 at other times so as not to appear needy but he should reply your texts.

 

He eventually responded the next day. Then he asked me on another date.

 

I said I was busy that day.

 

He responded a few hours later asking what day I'm free.

 

I never responded.

 

24 hours later, he initiated another text suggesting a day.

 

I said yes.

 

He said "yay!"

 

That's all.

 

Our sentences were all less than three words long. I think he's just not a texter. I dunno. I am not very enthused. What do you think?

 

(BTW this is the fifth date in 2.5 weeks all initiated by HIM! I did nothing! :)

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writergal

writergal

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I'll answer Pumpkin, it's nothing to do with age.

 

I'm in my 30s and dated several men in this age group. The only time a man didn't text me was when I (accidentally :lmao:) slept with went far further than I should have on a first date with a guy I'd had an online LDR with... horror story...

 

My bf is 18yrs older than me and he has a very busy job but still manages to text me several times a day. It's just rude not to answer a question!

 

I've dated 2 doctors too and no problems texting either. Btw, I'll never chase a man or initiates dates - it's completely unnecessary. What's the point of both of you running around chasing each other? Just be appreciative and allow the relationship progress at least until you're exclusively together then do more.

 

Have you asked him why he didn't reply? What did he say? If you're important to him, he'll reply. He may give you a day or 2 at other times so as not to appear needy but he should reply your texts.

 

I agree with you, readynow. If Pumpkin is important to Dr. Strange-Text (I've nicknamed him that in this thread, ha, ha), he'll reply to her texts more promptly than make her wait an entire day, which I think is rude to do when you're just starting to get to know someone.

 

He eventually responded the next day. Then he asked me on another date.

 

I said I was busy that day.

 

He responded a few hours later asking what day I'm free.

 

I never responded.

 

24 hours later, he initiated another text suggesting a day.

 

I said yes.

 

He said "yay!"

 

That's all.

 

Our sentences were all less than three words long. I think he's just not a texter. I dunno. I am not very enthused. What do you think?

 

(BTW this is the fifth date in 2.5 weeks all initiated by HIM! I did nothing! :)

 

Oh I think he's a texter. The question is, why is he texting you and not calling you? I still think it is rude that he waited 36 hours to respond to your text, and that he didn't call you to ask you out on your 5th date. Does he ever call you? Is there any way that you can transition him to the phone instead of using texts to communicate?

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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I agree with you, readynow. If Pumpkin is important to Dr. Strange-Text (I've nicknamed him that in this thread, ha, ha), he'll reply to her texts more promptly than make her wait an entire day, which I think is rude to do when you're just starting to get to know someone.

 

 

 

Oh I think he's a texter. The question is, why is he texting you and not calling you? I still think it is rude that he waited 36 hours to respond to your text, and that he didn't call you to ask you out on your 5th date. Does he ever call you? Is there any way that you can transition him to the phone instead of using texts to communicate?

 

We've only talked on the phone a handful of times. I really dislike talking on the phone anyway, so I don't care. I just want a prompt text!

 

I agree it is rude waiting 36 hours to return a text (that he initiated!)!!! I'm still really irritated and I haven't thought of a way to delicately bring it up without losing my temper.

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Sunlounger

Sunlounger

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I don't get it OP, everything seems to be going well and you guys are going out on quality dates. Why question it?

 

 

One of my best friends of 5 years is absolutely horrible on the phone. This guy is basically my brother and half the time, he doesn't even respond to texts and he is 25 years old! I used to wonder why he's like that but it is what it is. You just accept it and move on - as long as you guys continue to go out together and the time spent together is great, who cares?

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writergal

writergal

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Ok, wait it out and see if his texting habits improve as far as response-time.

 

Then if things continue to progress well, you can always bring it up in a teasing-playful way that his 36-hour response time bugged you (or not if it never happens again).

 

And kudos to you for not chasing him or initiating the dates. ;) Proof that romance isn't dead yet. I think as women we sell ourselves short when we resort to chasing men. Where does that lead us to? Nowhere.

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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I don't get it OP, everything seems to be going well and you guys are going out on quality dates. Why question it?

You just accept it and move on - as long as you guys continue to go out together and the time spent together is great, who cares?

 

You are right. It's just kind of confusing when you have a great date the night before and you leave each other on cloud nine, heavy on each other's minds. Then he texts you the very next morning and you respond happily with a question, and then get slapped with no response until 36 hours later. Then you start doubting, well, maybe we didn't have such a great date after all.

 

But who cares anymore? I'm done with it. It is what it is. He's already reached out twice since then and asked to hang out. Low-level interest? Nah. Maybe medium at best.

 

I'm not going to bring it up. I don't know him well enough to do that yet. Who knows, I might find out he has six toes, and if that's the case, we're breaking up on account of that and not the slow texting.

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Here is a different perspective for you PL. You have already figured out he is not a texter:

Our sentences were all less than three words long. I think he's just not a texter. I dunno. I am not very enthused. What do you think?

 

And you don't really care about talking on the phone, but WANT him to be a texter:

We've only talked on the phone a handful of times. I really dislike talking on the phone anyway, so I don't care. I just want a prompt text!

 

You are making an assumption about his personality by thinking it is RUDE to wait to return a text and something worthy of "anger" and "losing your temper:"

I agree it is rude waiting 36 hours to return a text (that he initiated!)!!! I'm still really irritated and I haven't thought of a way to delicately bring it up without losing my temper.

 

 

HE IS NOT A MIND-READER!

 

I think you are making such a big deal about this and he is probably clueless that his manner of communication is bothering you.

 

For all you know, he is on a different site and asking advice about a woman he is dating where he makes all the arrangements, but she never calls to talk. Or she never arranges a date...

 

See where I am going with this? You aren't communicating about something minor and silly in the beginning of a potentially good relationship.

 

This is not something to get "angry" about at all, but you have built it up and are FESTERING about it! For criminy-sake, the next time you see him you can flippantly indicate that you wish he would acknowledge your texts more quickly because it makes you anxious.

 

In this way, you are moving the onus of the situation back upon you. It is not that he is being rude (because he isn't) or that you are angry (because you are really not - although you are frustrated), but that you just wish to hear from him more often than you do.

 

Put this whole thing in perspective, would you? Simple. Easy.

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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Date is later this week.

 

My gut is saying he's dating a few women, along with me, and isn't at the point to choose one (yet). He slows things down by taking so long to respond and/or he might with a date while he's receiving my texts.

 

I'm also dating others too, because although I like him the best, it's unwise just to focus on him. It's too soon and we don't know each other well enough for me to be this bat-sht crazy over him.

 

He says he is monogamous and he has never pressured me for sex, although there's lots of affection during the dates...but this is not a guarantee for anything.

 

I'm extremely observant, so yes, I will let keep you guys updated.

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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Here is a different perspective for you PL. You have already figured out he is not a texter:

 

 

And you don't really care about talking on the phone, but WANT him to be a texter:

 

 

You are making an assumption about his personality by thinking it is RUDE to wait to return a text and something worthy of "anger" and "losing your temper:"

 

 

 

HE IS NOT A MIND-READER!

 

I think you are making such a big deal about this and he is probably clueless that his manner of communication is bothering you.

 

For all you know, he is on a different site and asking advice about a woman he is dating where he makes all the arrangements, but she never calls to talk. Or she never arranges a date...

 

See where I am going with this? You aren't communicating about something minor and silly in the beginning of a potentially good relationship.

 

This is not something to get "angry" about at all, but you have built it up and are FESTERING about it! For criminy-sake, the next time you see him you can flippantly indicate that you wish he would acknowledge your texts more quickly because it makes you anxious.

 

In this way, you are moving the onus of the situation back upon you. It is not that he is being rude (because he isn't) or that you are angry (because you are really not - although you are frustrated), but that you just wish to hear from him more often than you do.

 

Put this whole thing in perspective, would you? Simple. Easy.

 

Thank yoU! I wish you posted this the first day when I was being crazy!

 

I've had time to think and I'm okay.

 

I'm pretty happy someone smart and handsome wants to spend time with me...we'll see how this pans out. :)

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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It is not that he is being rude (because he isn't) or that you are angry (because you are really not - although you are frustrated), but that you just wish to hear from him more often than you do.

 

.

 

This X 100.

 

I have a hard time asking for what I want. A really hard time. :(

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Thank yoU! I wish you posted this the first day when I was being crazy!

It only took 17 pages of drivel for someone to put it all in perspective! :D:D:D

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PumpkinLumpkin

PumpkinLumpkin

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It only took 17 pages of drivel for someone to put it all in perspective! :D:D:D

 

Come on, now! Five of those 17 pages are Writergal practicing her writing skills and tossing around jokes!

 

And I started calming down around page 14!!

 

Okay, Carrie. Your post has given the gumption to maybe initiate a text to him today. It will be the very first. (watch him take two years respond.)

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Okay, Carrie. Your post has given the gumption to maybe initiate a text to him today. It will be the very first. (watch him take two years respond.)

Then don't get pissy when he takes two years to respond since you already know this is not his comfortable mode of communication.

 

And when you go on your date later this week, you can indicate that you wished you heard from him more often. Then leave it at that and see how he responds. Do NOT dwell on it!

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