smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 It is what it is...if he doesn't meet your expectations, just move on simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 IMO you invest in someone who treats you the way you want to be treated. In this early stage (only 4 dates in and not exclusive), having to tell them how you want to be treated, in my view it is already a red flag. If you are with the right person, you shouldn't have to. Like I always say, they don't call or text you because they don't want to, whether they are 16 or 55, it's all the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinroof53 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Consideration. Simple. Whether it's in the form of a text (which HE initiated and I responded to with a question) or simply saying "thank you." He shows evidence he won't (doesn't). It's difficult to "force" someone to communicate to your liking. It's easier to find someone who matches your style. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Consideration. Simple. Whether it's in the form of a text (which HE initiated and I responded to with a question) or simply saying "thank you." I would have deleted his phone number and email address if that happened to me. Well, it has happened to me. He texts you first, you respond with a question, and he leaves you hanging with no follow up response. He's inconsiderate and not that invested if that's how he treats you after 4 dates. I wouldn't put up with that. Like Smackie said, if you have to tell him how you want to be treated, that's a red flag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinroof53 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 His "style" would send me a clear message that he's not that interested in me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I wouldn't be so quick to write someone off because of communication style. If there are other things bothering the OP, or the guy's actions aren't showing he's interested, I could understand. But moving on so quickly just because he's a bad texter is a little hasty, in my opinion. A communication style conflict should be pretty easy to resolve through conversation. We're not talking about 20 year olds in this situation. If the OP likes the guy and this is the only thing bothering her, I think she owes it to herself to at least discuss it with the guy. If what she hears she doesn't like, then by all means move on, but running at the first sign of any small conflict is a good way to never have a lasting relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 I wouldn't be so quick to write someone off because of communication style. If there are other things bothering the OP, or the guy's actions aren't showing he's interested, I could understand. But moving on so quickly just because he's a bad texter is a little hasty, in my opinion. A communication style conflict should be pretty easy to resolve through conversation. We're not talking about 20 year olds in this situation. If the OP likes the guy and this is the only thing bothering her, I think she owes it to herself to at least discuss it with the guy. If what she hears she doesn't like, then by all means move on, but running at the first sign of any small conflict is a good way to never have a lasting relationship. Good post. I'm not writing him off because of this, but I will be a silent observer. His actions and time will reveal everything. I just have to be patient, then decide how much I want to invest in someone like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Good post. I'm not writing him off because of this, but I will be a silent observer. His actions and time will reveal everything. I just have to be patient, then decide how much I want to invest in someone like this. But isn't his action of not responding to your text, a bad sign to you? Has he even responded to your text yet, or called you? Why do you have to be patient? That to me sounds like you're compromising your values already. Like, you're giving him too much leeway so he'll just continue to flake on you via text. Don't do it. Never compromise your values for anyone. Why not decide today how much you want to invest of yourself with this guy after 4 dates? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 What has he been doing with his time? I am newly married to a doctor and I'm curious what precipitates a doctor to take a leave... It is pretty unusual unless there is some underlying "issue" (forced leave? artistic sabbatical? religious retreat?) Reiterating this question; why is he on leave? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 H...I won't chase and I won't pursue! This is your problem right here....if you don't reciprocate, he is going to wonder how much interest YOU truly have. He could very well be wondering what your intentions are. on the other side of the coin he could be multi dating. That would explain the lack of response....could be out on other dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 But isn't his action of not responding to your text, a bad sign to you? Has he even responded to your text yet, or called you? Why do you have to be patient? That to me sounds like you're compromising your values already. Like, you're giving him too much leeway so he'll just continue to flake on you via text. Don't do it. Never compromise your values for anyone. Why not decide today how much you want to invest of yourself with this guy after 4 dates? Patience meaning not jump to conclusions, letting emotions settle down, looking at the big picture, not being hasty. He's never flaked on me one time when it came to making plans, and four dates is way too soon to make any type of decision. I'm just getting to know him, and dating someone 14 years my senior is a whole new territory for me. It's good experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Reiterating this question; why is he on leave? medical leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 This is your problem right here....if you don't reciprocate, he is going to wonder how much interest YOU truly have. He could very well be wondering what your intentions are. on the other side of the coin he could be multi dating. That would explain the lack of response....could be out on other dates. I do reciprocate! Very favorably, in fact. I don't initiate. Even if he is on other dates, that is not an excuse not to respond to a text which he intiated!! Truth be told, I was dating someone else too when we first met, and I had no problem texting either guy in timely manners. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I do reciprocate! Very favorably, in fact. I don't initiate. Even if he is on other dates, that is not an excuse not to respond to a text which he intiated!! Truth be told, I was dating someone else too when we first met, and I had no problem texting either guy in timely manners. Why is that then...because it's it's his fiduciary duty to do so? Watch out for Karma eh...at least you won't be able to complain Link to post Share on other sites
ScreaminEagle Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I haven't initiated one text or set up one date with him, so I am definitely not pursuing him. (I'm just freaking out behind closed doors.) We saw each other last night. He texted me this morning and I responded with a question. Seven hours later, still no response. Do you treat all your dating experiences like this? Not initiating any communication, waiting for the other person to ? Regardless of age ? Why freak out when you made no effort to initiate communication? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Do you treat all your dating experiences like this? Not initiating any communication, waiting for the other person to ? Regardless of age ? Why freak out when you made no effort to initiate communication? Good question...fellas, here a typical example of why you shouldn't put it on a pedestal. There are many more people like this out there who just think they are so wonderful...entitlement. Good job on that guy for not responding, I hope he doesn't for the next few days. He got some last night, so he might as well run now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 (edited) Why is that then...because it's it's his fiduciary duty to do so? Watch out for Karma eh...at least you won't be able to complain I started dating both men in the same week. I'm not exclusive with either of them and neither did I sleep with either of them. How is this bad karma? Because I was free on a Tuesday night and a Wednesday night and now I should be punished because I said yes to both? This is called DATING. Whatever, man. Edited November 9, 2014 by PumpkinLumpkin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I do reciprocate! Very favorably, in fact. I don't initiate. Even if he is on other dates, that is not an excuse not to respond to a text which he intiated!! Truth be told, I was dating someone else too when we first met, and I had no problem texting either guy in timely manners. Then this should tell you despite what you feel in your crotch, you are not a priority. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 It bothers me a bit because I typically gauge a man's interest in me by how responsive he is with me in between dates. This man is giving me crumbs. We've been on four dates over a period of two weeks. I have let him initiate all of the dates AND texts because this is my method of how to gauge his interest; however after sending me a text, he sometimes takes up to 24 hours to respond, and when he does it's usually a one-word response. I missed the part where you said you're not initiating anything. If that were the case, I'd quickly lose interest myself. You're playing a game and it's backfiring on you. Call him up and ask him out if you want to go out with him. After 4 dates doing all the initiating I'd be keeping you at arms length unless you stepped up and started initiating. I don't mind initiating and paying for the first few dates but after that if the woman doesn't initiate anything I take it as she's not interested and I move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Then this should tell you despite what you feel in your crotch, you are not a priority. "despite what I feel in my crotch"??? hahaha! I didn't sleep with him!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I missed the part where you said you're not initiating anything. If that were the case, I'd quickly lose interest myself. You're playing a game and it's backfiring on you. Call him up and ask him out if you want to go out with him. After 4 dates doing all the initiating I'd be keeping you at arms length unless you stepped up and started initiating. I don't mind initiating and paying for the first few dates but after that if the woman doesn't initiate anything I take it as she's not interested and I move on. Bold 1: Am with you all the way on this Bold 2: Head game...it's what they all advice each other, but some fail to see that it's not working. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 "despite what I feel in my crotch"??? hahaha! I didn't sleep with him!!!!!! No but YOU DO WANT TO. Why go for 5 pages on this thread if he didn't mean that much to you hmmmmm? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 In other words you are making this into a big deal....and you only went out on 4 dates..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 No but YOU DO WANT TO. Why go for 5 pages on this thread if he didn't mean that much to you hmmmmm? Okay...you got me. I do like him. I don't think I'm ready to initiate contact yet...esp. in light of him not responding yesterday. Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Bold 1: Am with you all the way on this Bold 2: Head game...it's what they all advice each other, but some fail to see that it's not working. Whoa there horsey. Don't lump all women together like that. Not all of us play head games with men. I sure don't. If anything, I get head gamed by men A LOT. And frankly, I'm tired of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts