is it her grief or something else?

[MPDuluth]

Ive been in a relationship since last November with a woman who i love dearly. Recently, we broke up. The situation is very complicated. I have spent some time reading these forums lately looking for answers but I thought it was time to tell my story and ask you all for help and advice.

The woman I am in love with is married with children. We have been continuing a secret relationship for months. It was difficult, but we were in love. We would work hard to see each other and remain in contact by using messaging apps. At about the 9 month mark, my gf started distancing herself. She never asked me for space. She didnt feel the need to. She and I fought over this a little bit because I had felt shut out amd she had felt like I was needy. I admitted to being a bit needy so I tried to back off a little. Her struggles continued and we backed off a little bit.

The first week of August her brother committed suicide. She was obviously very devastated about this. She had pushed her brother away because his life was a mess...After he committed suicide, her guilt seemed to overwhelm her.

At first, she reached out to me. She talked to me about how she was feeling and thanked me for being so supportive. She said that she didnt know if she would still be here if it wasnt for me.

I tried to give her a sense of normalcy by talking to her in ways we always had while still being clear not to ignore her pain. But I could sense that she was becoming more distant. So I tried harder to get her attention and I let her know I was upset that she was not talking to me hardly at all. This was after about a week of having little contact.

Then she told me that she can barely handle things at home and is realizing she cant handle anything more right now. She was sorry because she knows that this hurt me, but she asked me not to be upset bc it was not intentional. At first, I said its ok, I understand. But I didnt know exactly what she meant. For the next couple weeks, I continued sending her little notes saying I loved her and I was here if she needed to talk.

Things quickly took a wrong turn. She started fighting with me and saying I was not able to give her any kind of space. I was fighting her back by saying its really hard to just go away and unfair for her to expect me to just stop caring. We fought so much that it got to a point where she was deleting pictures of us together, returning items, and she was saying that she is uncomfortable leaving things hanging.

I still tried to convince her not to do this, because i love her and dont want to lose her. So I wrote her a long letter trying to take responsibility for the fighting and understanding her reasons for needing space. Then she told me that it bothers her that I continue to hold onto hope for the future.

I told her that we made dreams together. Big dreams to live and love together forever. I reminded her that she promised me that we would, and she said "Dont throw a promise in my face! Things change all the time. Thats life." She says its not realistic for us to be together forever. She said her love for me fades more each day that I push her...and that she is sad she got herself involved in such a mess and that she never would have gotten close to me if she had known i could be this way to someone i supposedly love.

This infuriated me. I had only tried to show I cared about her. And I got upset that she kept pushing me away and insisting it was my fault!

One day i felt like we were growing closer together than ever, and the .ext day that same behavior i was doing was suddenly the cause for her love for me to be fading away. She says this has been beat to death enough and there is nothing more to say. She says it will be my fault if we never end up speaking again.

So, I have had no contact with her for a week now. She made contact with me the other day, to tell me that she was doing a suicide awareness event which I had originally suggested to her. She just wanted to let me know that she had decided to do it. I replied saying it will be a great experience for her.

Im wondering if there really is no chance of us ever being together again? I find it impossible to accept that bc we are soulmates. She said we were a bit naive though. And she says there will be some things she will miss but sometimes that is not enough.

Is her grief distorting her feelings for me and the reason why this is happening? I like to think everything she said can be taken back when she begins to get her life back in order.

[Reels]

So she is happy in her life while you aren't in yours.. Correct?