HGirl Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Recently a female colleague of mine was assaulted at a nightclub. A guy came along, put his hand up her skirt and made himself at home in a VERY private area. He was kicked out of the club, details taken etc. My friend decided not to press charges. It led to a discussion on this type of behaviour. I'm a female and I started going to clubs/bars when I was 18. I don't dress particularly provocatively (not that this factors into it, but I just KNOW some jerk will bring this up). When i'm on a night out, I will usually wear a dress or skirt. Almost every time I am out, I will have someone slap my bum, grab it or, once even reach up and grab my bum. Since I have been 18. Naturally, I am starting to get fed up of it. I'll swing round to try and see who did it, but the place will be too crowded. I don't doubt that other women suffer this ordeal on a regular basis. After all, we are conditioned in this society to see women's bodies as being available to any man as his due right. (J Lawrence Scandal = prime example). so I'm asking - Guys - have you ever done this? Why did you do it?
mrs rubble Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I have never been touched inappropriately in a pub or club. Only ever been subjected to comments "Show us your tits" "nice legs" etc. Then again New Zealand woman can be quite scary, so I'm guessing blokes here are probably scared that a kiwi woman will turn around and smack him one if he touches.
newmoon Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Recently a female colleague of mine was assaulted at a nightclub. A guy came along, put his hand up her skirt and made himself at home in a VERY private area. He was kicked out of the club, details taken etc. My friend decided not to press charges. It led to a discussion on this type of behaviour. I'm a female and I started going to clubs/bars when I was 18. I don't dress particularly provocatively (not that this factors into it, but I just KNOW some jerk will bring this up). When i'm on a night out, I will usually wear a dress or skirt. Almost every time I am out, I will have someone slap my bum, grab it or, once even reach up and grab my bum. Since I have been 18. Naturally, I am starting to get fed up of it. I'll swing round to try and see who did it, but the place will be too crowded. I don't doubt that other women suffer this ordeal on a regular basis. After all, we are conditioned in this society to see women's bodies as being available to any man as his due right. (J Lawrence Scandal = prime example). so I'm asking - Guys - have you ever done this? Why did you do it? where are you from OP? could it be cultural? because men don't do this in every society... it can vary based on where in the world you are...
maysj18 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 USA girl here. 24 years old. Happened to me more times than I can count One time in particular I was wearing a gypsy costume for Halloween and the outfit was very PG in all honesty. Regardless, an old man put his hand up my skirt and proceeded to rub down there. It was a split second and as soon as I whipped around, he was walking away. It was so damn crowded and dark that I couldn't see who it was. He ended up doing the same thing to another girl and actually managed to get his hand inside her panties because she was smashed between a bunch of people. I don't know what ended up happening but seriously, what a piece of ****. That's an extreme case but lesser things happen all the time. I rarely club anymore but I hardly ever wear dresses if I go out. While a victim is never to blame for this behavior, I see it the same way I see locking your car or your house when you're gone. People shouldn't steal, but they do. Men shouldn't grope, but they do and we need go be proactive at protecting ourselves. 2
IronZ Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I've never done this to a complete stranger at a club/bar or anywhere else. I have slapped ass before but only with an SO and because they liked that sort of thing. I think some guys are either very thirsty and can't control their urges or they're arrogant and think they have a right to do it. It's an unfortunate part of our society. I'd say the only way to avoid it is either avoid clubs altogether or surround yourself with friends (some of whom should be guys) so that no outsiders will dare to approach you and try anything. 2
Frank2thepoint Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 so I'm asking - Guys - have you ever done this? Why did you do it? I've groped each one of my girlfriends when I was in a relationship with them. In private and surreptitiously in public. I become a horny teenager when I am in a relationship. But to be fair, each of my girlfriends groped me as well.
Divasu Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Yes, it's happened to me in the past. Similar to your description and maysj18. It was crowded, so I could not identify who it was, etc. Matter of fact, my then boyfriend at the time, was with me and it STILL happened. Some male put his hand up my skirt while my back was turned and poked me "there". It was within a few split seconds. In any event, the number of times it's happened is small in comparison to the number of times I've been around a group of people in a social environment. I'm sure some women have done the same towards men, slap his butt as he walks by. Women have approached me aggressively, coming on to me and touching my arm or hair uninvited. I suppose when you're in an environment that involves alcohol and hormones especially, anything is possible.
Tayken Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I have had women smack my bum numerous times, and made lewd comments about my bum and knob. However, I have never touched or smacked the bum of a woman I wasn't banging.
mortensorchid Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 That's happened to me a few times, to be sure. I have a suggestion for you in order to make sure these things never happen: dress to repress. I have learned this the hard way with people, either in work or in many cases of social life, especially with people you don't know or don't know very well. When you are at work, dress conservatively (long skirts or pants, long sleeves, turtlenecks, etc.). Never wear anything that goes jingle jangle (ex. metal chain belts) or flashy jewelry. It only calls attention to you when you would rather be left alone. In your social life you may wear a few other things here or there that you wouldn't normally wear to the office, but keep it classy not trashy. Not that I am calling you this by any means since we don't have a visual to go on, but clothes make the man. If you dress like trash, people treat you like trash. As for the guys who are patting on the fanny and investigating further, they would never do so if you were wearing a skit to the ankles, would they?
Tayken Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Never wear anything that goes jingle jangle (ex. metal chain belts) or flashy jewelry. It only calls attention to you when you would rather be left alone. In your social life you may wear a few other things here or there that you wouldn't normally wear to the office, but keep it classy not trashy. Wow...hope all the mother that dress like this and condone their daughters dressing out like this, are reading this right now. I mean putting lipstick on a kid below the age of 16, and dressing them in short short skirts and see thru tops.....unfortunately we live in a world where some weirdos can't help themselves.
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 26 year old female here, UK. Has happened to me on numerous occasions. From an arse grab to a hand-up-skirt grabbing hard assault, turn round and there are six guys all pretending it wasn't them. I turned back round and it kept happening. I couldn't see who it was or I'd have kneed them in the balls, I left the club in tears because I was just trying to enjoy my evening and not get sexually assaulted, and the helplessness of not knowing who it was and being unable to address it made me feel so angry. 2
Divasu Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Wow...hope all the mother that dress like this and condone their daughters dressing out like this, are reading this right now. I mean putting lipstick on a kid below the age of 16, and dressing them in short short skirts and see thru tops.....unfortunately we live in a world where some weirdos can't help themselves. Yup. And thank goodness there are laws that lock up those weirdos.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Recently a female colleague of mine was assaulted at a nightclub. A guy came along, put his hand up her skirt and made himself at home in a VERY private area. He was kicked out of the club, details taken etc. My friend decided not to press charges. It led to a discussion on this type of behaviour. I'm a female and I started going to clubs/bars when I was 18. I don't dress particularly provocatively (not that this factors into it, but I just KNOW some jerk will bring this up). When i'm on a night out, I will usually wear a dress or skirt. Almost every time I am out, I will have someone slap my bum, grab it or, once even reach up and grab my bum. Since I have been 18. Naturally, I am starting to get fed up of it. I'll swing round to try and see who did it, but the place will be too crowded. I don't doubt that other women suffer this ordeal on a regular basis. After all, we are conditioned in this society to see women's bodies as being available to any man as his due right. (J Lawrence Scandal = prime example). so I'm asking - Guys - have you ever done this? Why did you do it? Well, I've only been to a club once, and that was for Halloween this year. I took great pains to make sure I didn't touch anyone (except for my friends) but if there was a situation where I had to barrel through the crowd I definitely didn't care who I ran into. If you're going to block the exit, you're going to get run into. I don't think I touched anyone in any inappropriate area, though I can't be entirely sure. As far as intentionally touching a woman's butt or something else? Never ever. One, I was taught that women don't like that unless they give you explicit permission and two, I was taught not to touch anyone's property without permission. An individual's body is their property, not mine. Of course, I'm not that great of a guy, so I'm a bad example of typical guy behavior...
Noproblem Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 That's happened to me a few times, to be sure. I have a suggestion for you in order to make sure these things never happen: dress to repress. I have learned this the hard way with people, either in work or in many cases of social life, especially with people you don't know or don't know very well. When you are at work, dress conservatively (long skirts or pants, long sleeves, turtlenecks, etc.). Never wear anything that goes jingle jangle (ex. metal chain belts) or flashy jewelry. It only calls attention to you when you would rather be left alone. In your social life you may wear a few other things here or there that you wouldn't normally wear to the office, but keep it classy not trashy. Not that I am calling you this by any means since we don't have a visual to go on, but clothes make the man. If you dress like trash, people treat you like trash. As for the guys who are patting on the fanny and investigating further, they would never do so if you were wearing a skit to the ankles, would they? This is ridiculous why don't we wear Hijab or scarfs! because some animals can't help themselves! No, I won't change my clothing to please men When you go to a bar or a night club what you wear is irreverent you will encounter bad guys there As a matter of fact bad guys are everywhere, and they rape girls and hit on them regardless of what girls wear! at work or at school if someone touches me, he'll pay for it! 1
dragonfire13 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 The arse-pinching has happened to me on numerous occasions. On one occasion on holiday, I had some pervert do the arse-pinch but then made his way to the front. By the time I turned around he stopped and there were a bunch of guys around so I didn't know which one did it. That freaked me out and the weird thing is I was wearing full length capri pants. I've worn tartier stuff and that hasn't happened to me, so it just goes to show it doesn't matter what you're wearing, you can still get felt up by a perv. 1
SawtoothMars Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Almost every time I am out, I will have someone slap my bum, grab it or, once even reach up and grab my bum. Since I have been 18. Naturally, I am starting to get fed up of it. I'll swing round to try and see who did it, but the place will be too crowded. I don't doubt that other women suffer this ordeal on a regular basis. After all, we are conditioned in this society to see women's bodies as being available to any man as his due right. (J Lawrence Scandal = prime example). so I'm asking - Guys - have you ever done this? Why did you do it? A few years back I had a woman feel up my dick while on a crowded bus in Asia. It didn't traumatize me. Also... your reading of the JLawrence Scandal borders on stupid. The most we can infer from "the fappening" is that dudes like naked lady pictures and Apple iCloud is a terrible place to store personal photos. USA girl here. 24 years old. Happened to me more times than I can count One time in particular I was wearing a gypsy costume for Halloween and the outfit was very PG in all honesty. Regardless, an old man put his hand up my skirt and proceeded to rub down there. It was a split second and as soon as I whipped around, he was walking away. It was so damn crowded and dark that I couldn't see who it was. He ended up doing the same thing to another girl and actually managed to get his hand inside her panties because she was smashed between a bunch of people. I don't know what ended up happening but seriously, what a piece of ****. That's an extreme case but lesser things happen all the time. I rarely club anymore but I hardly ever wear dresses if I go out. While a victim is never to blame for this behavior, I see it the same way I see locking your car or your house when you're gone. People shouldn't steal, but they do. Men shouldn't grope, but they do and we need go be proactive at protecting ourselves. Where I live we just jailed a serial groper. The guy has an estimated 500 victims. He would have had only 2 victims but most ladies seem to lazy to press charges.... which is mindblowing. Like the OP's friend who straight up gets molested at the night club.... but figures it's better to let the guy attack more women.
Author HGirl Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 where are you from OP? could it be cultural? because men don't do this in every society... it can vary based on where in the world you are... I'm from the UK/Europe
Author HGirl Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 A few years back I had a woman feel up my dick while on a crowded bus in Asia. It didn't traumatize me. Also... your reading of the JLawrence Scandal borders on stupid. The most we can infer from "the fappening" is that dudes like naked lady pictures and Apple iCloud is a terrible place to store personal photos. Good for you? But your reading of the JLaw scandal seems to ignore her own comments, on how she regarded the whole incident as a form of sexual assault. Those dudes you refer to, didn't seem to think anything bad of viewing those pictures - because society seems to enforce an idea that women's bodies are open to scrutiny/judgement and general viewing/touching. You wouldn't think it acceptable for someone to go into another person's house without their invitation, then go through their underwear drawer and have a read of their private diary would you? Yet this is what voyeurism is, except 100 times worse. Your whole mentality seems to focus on victim blaming - "its other women's fault for not pressing charges." "Its Jlaws fault for not storing the pictures better" WRONG It is the perpetrators fault for assaulting these women in the first place. It is the fault of the hackers, not Jlaws. 1
Author HGirl Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 I've never done this to a complete stranger at a club/bar or anywhere else. I have slapped ass before but only with an SO and because they liked that sort of thing. I think some guys are either very thirsty and can't control their urges or they're arrogant and think they have a right to do it. It's an unfortunate part of our society. I'd say the only way to avoid it is either avoid clubs altogether or surround yourself with friends (some of whom should be guys) so that no outsiders will dare to approach you and try anything. Sadly, I have had male friends do this. Both times I have been standing at a bar, both times I am pretty certain they groped my bum, but because I wasn't able to catch them out completely, I didn't feel comfortable accusing them. (I am not friends with them anymore). Also, once I was wearing jeans, so how I dress doesn't safeguard me against this it seems.
Author HGirl Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 This is ridiculous why don't we wear Hijab or scarfs! because some animals can't help themselves! No, I won't change my clothing to please men When you go to a bar or a night club what you wear is irreverent you will encounter bad guys there As a matter of fact bad guys are everywhere, and they rape girls and hit on them regardless of what girls wear! at work or at school if someone touches me, he'll pay for it! Amen! Really not a fat of the argument of telling women to cover up, like it's our fault. Plus this has happened to me while wearing jeans. hardly provocative clothing, surely? 1
preraph Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 The first time it happened to me, I wasn't wearing anything provocative, hippie jeans and some old shirt. He grabbed my crotch. I kicked out at him but missed. I've had lots of butt grabbing or just rubbing up against and I will elbow or kick them or step on them with spiked heels if I can manage it. A tiny Hispanic girlfriend of mine who was very pretty and I were at an outdoor concert and walking side by side. Now, she was the smallest voiced sweetest girl on earth, not at all tough, never raised her voice, very small and feminine. So all of a sudden she whirls around and decks a Hispanic guy behind her. He had grabbed her crotch. I was so surprised. I always kind of felt protective toward her, but she could take care of herself. She told me that because she was Hispanic, that some Hispanic guys felt entitled to touch her. I remember a couple years later, one followed her into the lobby restroom where she worked and laid down on the floor to watch her use the restroom. I happened to be picking her up that day and she was very upset about it but wouldn't even tell building security about it because she was scared of retaliation and also just embarrassed. I could kind of kick myself now for not just at least telling her bosses behind her back, but she's a grown woman, so I felt it was her decision. And those guys she worked with were pretty sexist themselves, but I felt they'd have watched out for her anyway. It's just not cool to put your hand on a strange girl's sexy bits and you deserve whatever you get.
ScreaminEagle Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 I have never in all my years laid a hand on a woman at any pub, bar, club that I didn't know or have a relationship with. The men that I have seen do this have been either extremely intoxicated and or have a huge set of rhinocerous tesicles, which winds up with a drink in the face or a fight breaks out. I have had women though slap my rear, pinch my rear, also make lewd comments, but I never took offense to them. My ego was pleased.
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