mr.blond Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 its been a month already and i keep leadking in these break up forums. Is that stunting my recovery? its pritty much all I feel like doing. 1
tikay00 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Sometimes its literally the only thing that keeps my mind off the loss, and reinforces my decision of NC, and encourages me to keep with it. But yeah, it always reminds me of my ex, but I'd be thinking about her anyways. I just like to get reminded why I need to move on, whenever I get those urges.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 This is an interesting post. When I was going through my break up last year, I was obsessed with this site.. to the point where I did feel like it was hindering my recovery. At some point I had to take a break. Only you can judge if something's "too much" for you but I don't think it would hurt to log off and focus on other ways to help you heal. Get outdoors, meet up with friends, start up a new hobby.... 2
HereAndThenGone Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Interesting timing of this post because the thoughts of me spending less time on this forum have recently started as well. I was here a few years ago after a breakup. I was still very much in love with him and the relationship was really toxic so it took me literally two years to finally feel like my old self again. I had forgotten but I got to a point then where I felt sick and tired of waking up and logging in to this forum and spending my day reading through stories looking for something I am never going to find on this site; acceptance. It's like you're digging for that "Aha!" moment that's going to change your mindset and you're not going hurt anymore. But that doesn't happen here. That happens when you get off here and start slowly incorporating yourself back into the real world. It's a gradual process and I didn't realize I had recovered from the break up until I finally met someone I had feelings for again. I couldn't possibly see caring about someone besides my ex. It wasn't the same love, because you never experience the same love twice, and sometimes we worry about this but that doesn't mean you won't love someone again and the longing for your ex will at some point fade out. I can vouch from experience. I'm here now because of someone completely different and I have zero feelings for the former "love of my life". It's amazing what time and new experiences can do even when you feel like there is no hope. 1
Author mr.blond Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 hahahah... the thought of not loving that treacherous scorpion woman anymore seems laughable at this point. especially scenes she was body snatched by Zoloft.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I'm glad to see someone say this. When I first joined these forums (many moons ago under a username I no longer remeber) I found it a healthy outlet at first, but over time it became an obsession. I couldn't (refused to?) see myself in other people's problems and deluded myself into thinking things were different. I read other stories and figured that I was fine because at least I wasn't as bad as some people. This website is a great resource, but it can be very damaging if you aren't in a good mental place. Ultimately, if you feel it's making it harder to move on, you should step away.
lauri Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I find that spending time helping other people on this forum has actually helped me move forward. The experiences of others actually put things into perspective for me...it allows me to realize that my situation isn't unique and it helped me move forward. I will say this thought, posting on here is much better than messaging your ex! Moving on will come from you...but I think the lessons you learn from here will help you in the long run, even if it doesn't feel like it now. 2
Author mr.blond Posted November 10, 2014 Author Posted November 10, 2014 Interesting timing of this post because the thoughts of me spending less time on this forum have recently started as well. I was here a few years ago after a breakup. I was still very much in love with him and the relationship was really toxic so it took me literally two years to finally feel like my old self again. I had forgotten but I got to a point then where I felt sick and tired of waking up and logging in to this forum and spending my day reading through stories looking for something I am never going to find on this site; acceptance. It's like you're digging for that "Aha!" moment that's going to change your mindset and you're not going hurt anymore. But that doesn't happen here. That happens when you get off here and start slowly incorporating yourself back into the real world. It's a gradual process and I didn't realize I had recovered from the break up until I finally met someone I had feelings for again. I couldn't possibly see caring about someone besides my ex. It wasn't the same love, because you never experience the same love twice, and sometimes we worry about this but that doesn't mean you won't love someone again and the longing for your ex will at some point fade out. I can vouch from experience. I'm here now because of someone completely different and I have zero feelings for the former "love of my life". It's amazing what time and new experiences can do even when you feel like there is no hope. cool. i like what you said. Cant wait to get there, as of right now though my mind is a wilderness.
BC1980 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I think it depends on how you are using it. For me, I gained tremendous support from others who responded to my thread, and I realized I wasn't the only one out there suffering. For me, it helped a lot, but I can see how it could become an obsession to some. This forum helped talk me out of some stupid decisions I would have made otherwise. Now, I enjoy responding to others who might need help because I can relate so well. 3
sooshi Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 mr. blond, your recovery is as good as the work you put into it. A sincere question: How does your belief that medication stole this girl from you help with your recovery? I can't imagine that it does. I feel like it would be more helpful to you to understand that she made the choice to leave. The question is: Are you ready and willing to accept that? From reading what you've written, it looks like you have the "halo effect" going on with her. You see her as perfect. But what I think you may really have going on is that you had your fear of abandonment triggered, and it is common that when this happens, we actually become more attached to the person/object who abandoned us. It's been shown both in animals and in humans. How much does this resonate with you? 1
jackinthebox1 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I have some doubts about this forum sometimes, because... The best people to take advice from are people who are in happy relationships. We are all giving and taking advice based on our own current circumstances which is NCNCNCNCNCNCNC, never give in, My married friend said why not just answer the phone when they call. I dont know, we are all analysing and second guessing everything at this point. I think its just a good place to vent, but be careful about advice as many people are hurting
BC1980 Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I have some doubts about this forum sometimes, because... The best people to take advice from are people who are in happy relationships. We are all giving and taking advice based on our own current circumstances which is NCNCNCNCNCNCNC, never give in, My married friend said why not just answer the phone when they call. I dont know, we are all analysing and second guessing everything at this point. I think its just a good place to vent, but be careful about advice as many people are hurting I have to disagree with this. The best advice I received (both on LS and in real life) was from people who had been through bad breakups. Some of them had moved on to happy relationships, but the common denominator was that they had been through what I had been through. Not one person said to stay in touch with an ex. 1
NopeNah Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I have to disagree with this. The best advice I received (both on LS and in real life) was from people who had been through bad breakups. Some of them had moved on to happy relationships, but the common denominator was that they had been through what I had been through. Not one person said to stay in touch with an ex. I can see it from both views to an extent. Completely depends on where you are in the 'process'. I know for a fact I don't want to reconcile, so if she texts or calls with some actual reason, I'll respond. Not like it's a priority for me. I honestly hope she doesn't and wish her well. I still care about her wellbeing, family, ect.. Guess I'm indifferent about it now. Or getting there.
Rainah Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 Interestingly I actually stopped looking at break up forums for a weeks and I stupidly got derailed from the NC rail today, maybe if I had went to a break up forum instead of act on my feelings I may not have been derailed.
ralfgarnett Posted November 10, 2014 Posted November 10, 2014 I find it usefull to vent, and to also know that your not alone because I have felt very alone at times and still do, its also good to be able to write whats on your mind and get advice, but of course there is no magic wand to take the pain away if only there was.
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