Zeo828 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Hi all To make a long story short, I met someone who I really connected with. We are in our early 30's. I had not connected with a women like I did with her in years. However, after 2 months I ended it. Why you may ask? Long story short, throughout those 2 months I realized that I did not like the way she dealt with conflict. She emotionally scared me, as I felt like I was walking on eggshells. And if I broke an eggshell, she would push me away, leaving me wondering where I stood in the "relationship" I noticed she had a bit of a chip on her shoulder. She would go on rants about men. I tried to deal with things in stride, she was actually very nice. However I felt something strange in my gut. The downfall really came when she pulled 2 tantrums on me, right out of the blue. 1st Tantrum (after only 2 weeks): I was telling a story and happened to mention a female friend I have who use to have a crush on me. Her reaction was to pull away, say some mean things, break it off with me over a text that night, and finally yell, curse, and shame me the next morning when I called her to talk about it. This all came as a total shock as even if I was in the wrong, we could have easily discussed it and dealt with it. For the 1st time I saw another side to her, someone who made a small ting into a big thing. Her reaction seemed off. But I apologized and asked her to next time calmly talk to me and that I would listen and value her feelings. She said "OK" 2nd Tantrum (2 months into dating): She asked me one night, out of the blue, what my relationship was with the last woman I had sex with. I was honest and said it was a "fling." Well she pulled away again, said some hurtful things to me, and implied she didn't need me. She wanted to go home,angrily threw a stuffed into the backseat of my car, would not tell me what was wrong, only sometimes say a hurtful comment. I got home that night and felt lost, like I was waiting for her to break it off again. My emotions were going UP and Down, walking on eggshells. I felt emotionally scared. She later acted like nothing happened, but I brought it up because I felt it needed to be discussed. She told me only that she was "threated" by my answer. When I tried to explain she would not let me explain, got angry, and told me I ruined a perfectly good night by bringing up something she thought we were over. I wasn't over it! The next day I ended it and got verbally hammered. She later said she was sorry for the verbal assault, she was just "mad." How can someone be so charming and wonderful, but be set off by things that could have been easily dealt with though adult dialogue? This one hurt because we clicked, I just couldn't deal with the other BS that went with it. I feel guilt and doubt over ending it, because it wasn't ALL bad. there was also MUCH good. But how much can my emotions be left in the balance over things I do or say?
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 She's either bi-polar or suffers from BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Borderline Personality Disorder - Personality Disorders 1
Fondue Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 It is best not to wonder why, just move on with your life. But that's just one man's opinion. EDIT: No, its not you. 3
Author Zeo828 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Thanks. Yeah I have been doing allot of research and I've read allot of BPD. I sort of figured the same thing. When she got angry I felt a "shift' in her personality. Sometimes people get mad and they still maintain a bit of their personality, but with this young woman it was like she was someone else. It scared me. She did suffer from depression, which I accepted and supported. But maybe there was more to this than depression, as has been noted. But man it's too bad. When things were good, they were good. They were easy. And thanks, yeah it may not have been me. But it's a shame.
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 My mother is manic, and I had to grow up with it, so I know what it's like to be around someone like that. It was confusing and difficult to handle. I resented her for years. It can be managed with drug therapy, but also has to be monitored for the rest of their life. Over time medication has to be changed or increased. She is responsible for that....obviously she wasn't maintaining it. Someday she will come to the realization that it's her illness is what's ruining her relationships and her quality of life. There is nothing you can do about it, it's up to her.
Author Zeo828 Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 "Confused" is definitely the word. The punishment always felt disproportionate to to the "crime."
Author Zeo828 Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 I just want to add that this has been hard for me because I really liked the person. I felt a connection I have not felt in awhile with a woman, but she had this other side I couldn't deal with. As I write this on a saturday night I feel very alone. My friends not around. Friends who I couldn't get off my back when I dated her, and who are MIA now that I'm single. I know she wasn't right for me. How could I keep taking her flight response to any issue she had towards me? But it's been tough for me.
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Sorry for your sadness, chin up you will get there someday.
sagetalk Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I feel guilt and doubt over ending it, because it wasn't ALL bad. there was also MUCH good. But how much can my emotions be left in the balance over things I do or say? I dated a girl like this once, it's sad and frightening at the same time. You never really know what tiny little thing will send them into attack mod. Sounds like you did the right thing.
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