richburn Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Hmmm.. Had a good couple of weeks been busy reading about psychology, eft, gym, emotional intelligence .. on it like a car bonnet then.. Therapist tells me I am doing well BUT... I need to chill and feel the pain, ride it out .. call it what you want.. she says I have been avoiding grieving. Point taken, so last couple of days chilled the hell out and WHAM memories coming flooding back. Broke NC last night sent a snotty text .. no reply, didnt expect one. Been thinking about her solid for last couple of days .. stinks. Am I wallowing or feeling the pain? How do you tell. Oh for context I do have abandonment issues and I do take break ups hard. Pointers?
tikay00 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 That's strange. You should have felt the pain instantly after the breakup. Feel the pain now, and remember it, so you remember why you're not breaking NC.
Ronni_W Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Hey, richburn. Don't take this as gospel; just use it to guide your own future actions according to your own instinct/intuition. Allowing yourself to have 'stinking thinking' for "solid days" = wallowing. Sending snotty texts = weakness of will . You are NOT that! Allowing yourself to just sit and feel (not think about) whatever is going on inside of your mind and body WITHOUT wanting to, or doing anything to, change anything = feeling the pain. You might be interested in looking up 'Focusing' -- good stuff about just being with and 'observing' the shapes, textures, colours and sizes of what is going on within your body. Kind of "meditation with a specific purpose/end goal". FYI, but which you likely already know, there is NO "schedule" for 'feeling the pain'. It's different for everyone and, on top of which, can get triggered months or years later (depending on how well we take care of it, initially). And, NO MORE SNOTTY TEXTS, yes?
Author richburn Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 thanks guys .. no more snotty texts. I think I have the answers I need for now. It did hit me hard to begin with, and I have had a few weeks of not wallowing but I havent been feeling it either. So, I have to do the latter and not the former .. got it. Thanks again.
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