Those who ended affair... (Updated)

[Lady2163]

I Ended it because one day Itmhit me how he could, lose everything. I've soent 15 years sacrificing and working hard to get to solid middle,class standing, decent house, good car, well respected in my field, etc.

 

He's spent 40 years. He has happy well adjusted adult children who enjoy his company. Very high up in his work. Lots of investments. Great social standing. Public figure.

 

All that would be gone. Poof. Because of me and I couldn't bear that.

 

I don't believe I felt romantic love for him, but yes, ending it to protect him was an act of friendship and love. Just not the spend the rest of our lives together.

 

Now all that said, we are in limited contact. Comfortable limited contact. Nothing face to face. That's just too much temptation for me.

 

I'm pretty sure we could have continued the sexual side of our relationship well into the nursing home. We had been doing it for seven years. We never had a fight, we never got cross with one another. We never got bored. I was bored with my exhusband wihtin a year of both of us being out of the service/having jobs that kept us in close proximity of each other.

[hello234]

Has my MM gone crazy about me?

 

I know there have been various posts here that talk about MM's who just walk away without a protest when AP ends the affair.. or other MMs who themselves end affair after spouse finding out and throw their respective APs under the bus..

 

But listen to how my MM is..

I tried ending it with him 3 times.. he always keeps coming back and saying he cannot walk away and that he loves me.. he always protests. He posts sad quotes and puts sad pics on his chat and FB.. he says that he will even tell his wife abou me but i am the one who said dont and he said Ok so he didnt... so we have gotten back together needless to say.. recently for the past week i am out of town and he is counting the days to when he will see me but i am just getting more and more frustrated from this relation, i dont know why.. and just dont wanna talk to him and listen to his sweet words and coaxing tone.. So i didnt reply him at all today and he again put a pic on his chat displaying a BIG "I Love <nickname for sweetheart in our language>" AND he updated his FB profle pic with the same pic.. is he crazy? Everyone can see that.. he messaged me saying look at my FB pic but i still didnt reply.. i figured he would just tell people its meant for his wife.. right? Am i right , or do u think this guy is really madly in love with me?

 

Due to this, seeing his sensitivity, emotions, etc..its making it hard for me to ignore..i keep thinking like "aww... would any other guy do this? if i loose him will i find someone like this who will keep coming behind me? I will just find a bunch of egoistic other MMs who wont care and just walk away.." TELL ME LADIES- do any of ur MMs do this too? Please tell me they do and this is just a manipulative move.. or do u think this guy is really loving me? How do i still be strong and not weaken for all this?

[AlwaysGrowing]

Posting on FB is about the most minimal effort someone can put into something.

 

On a list of 100 things you can do to show someone you love them....100 being...do nothing....a FB post would be 99.

[truncated]

Ask yourself if he respects you. If you feel the answer is "no" then what does that tell you?

 

I haven't been in your position, but I can say this. If I saw a big "I love you", and I was questioning whether it was for me or someone else, that would break my heart. How can he say he loves you, yet put you in a position where you have to ask yourself that quetsion?

 

Whether he loves you or not may be a moot point, as even if he does, is this te kind of love you want for yourself? Hearing the words should make you smile and feel wonderful, not leave you feeling confused and wondering what it means, is it true or is he lying to you to keep you quiet.

[HtotheN]

He claims that he will tell his wife because he knows that you will tell him not to. Call his bluff and see what happens. And generally speaking, pay more attention to what HAPPENS rather than what is said. Sure he keeps coming back, sure he says what he needs to say to keep you in the game. Another thing that he continues to do is stay married to his wife. Actions don't just speak louder than words; actions are the only things that count.

[HtotheN]

Has my MM gone crazy about me?

 

I know there have been various posts here that talk about MM's who just walk away without a protest when AP ends the affair.. or other MMs who themselves end affair after spouse finding out and throw their respective APs under the bus..

 

But listen to how my MM is..

I tried ending it with him 3 times.. he always keeps coming back and saying he cannot walk away and that he loves me.. he always protests. He posts sad quotes and puts sad pics on his chat and FB.. he says that he will even tell his wife abou me but i am the one who said dont and he said Ok so he didnt... so we have gotten back together needless to say.. recently for the past week i am out of town and he is counting the days to when he will see me but i am just getting more and more frustrated from this relation, i dont know why.. and just dont wanna talk to him and listen to his sweet words and coaxing tone.. So i didnt reply him at all today and he again put a pic on his chat displaying a BIG "I Love <nickname for sweetheart in our language>" AND he updated his FB profle pic with the same pic.. is he crazy? Everyone can see that.. he messaged me saying look at my FB pic but i still didnt reply.. i figured he would just tell people its meant for his wife.. right? Am i right , or do u think this guy is really madly in love with me?

 

Due to this, seeing his sensitivity, emotions, etc..its making it hard for me to ignore..i keep thinking like "aww... would any other guy do this? if i loose him will i find someone like this who will keep coming behind me? I will just find a bunch of egoistic other MMs who wont care and just walk away.." TELL ME LADIES- do any of ur MMs do this too? Please tell me they do and this is just a manipulative move.. or do u think this guy is really loving me? How do i still be strong and not weaken for all this?

 

I wonder why you seem to think that your only other choice is other MM?

[hello234]

what i meant to say is- Do i be scared of losing him? even as a friend? because he seems so loving, so non egoistical to keep coming after me.. another person would have been like Scr** u too then and walked away.. this guy is so persistent and it melts my heart... in general he is a sensitive and emo guy...

 

Can i go through with this and be NC? i m scared , thinking tha i may loose a good person ...or even friend.. sorry if it sounds cheesy but had to express what i feel..

[Poppy47]

Yep. Had all that, plus poems, had it all.

 

How do you know the FB message was for you??? It could very easily be for his wife.

 

He's playing on your feelings and vulnerability. In the end he will do nothing. It's so easy to write words and make protestations of love.

 

Poppy.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

You've been given clear, concise and constructive advice on this man many before yet you've ignored all of it. I'm not sure if it's just because you like the atttention you get on here or what but clearly you're not asking any of these questions because you want legitimate answers.

 

However, in the spirit of helpfullness I'll say one thing for certain: no, he doesn't love you. Out of all the men in the world who just might love or ever have loved you (say, idk, your father, your husband, your first grade school crush, etc) MM IS NOT among them.

[DKT3]

You've been given clear, concise and constructive advice on this man many before yet you've ignored all of it. I'm not sure if it's just because you like the atttention you get on here or what but clearly you're not asking any of these questions because you want legitimate answers.

 

However, in the spirit of helpfullness I'll say one thing for certain: no, he doesn't love you. Out of all the men in the world who just might love or ever have loved you (say, idk, your father, your husband, your first grade school crush, etc) MM IS NOT among them.

 

 

Bingo.

 

I have also wondered about her intentions. Its been so clear through all her posts that 1) this MM doesn't respect her 2) she doesn't give a crap about her husband 3) this has totally consumed her life. There is no way her child is not suffering because of this obsession, yes OBSESSION.

[Lady2163]

Has my MM gone crazy about me?

 

I know there have been various posts here that talk about MM's who just walk away without a protest when AP ends the affair.. or other MMs who themselves end affair after spouse finding out and throw their respective APs under the bus..

 

But listen to how my MM is..

I tried ending it with him 3 times.. he always keeps coming back and saying he cannot walk away and that he loves me.. he always protests. He posts sad quotes and puts sad pics on his chat and FB.. he says that he will even tell his wife abou me but i am the one who said dont and he said Ok so he didnt... so we have gotten back together needless to say.. recently for the past week i am out of town and he is counting the days to when he will see me but i am just getting more and more frustrated from this relation, i dont know why.. and just dont wanna talk to him and listen to his sweet words and coaxing tone.. So i didnt reply him at all today and he again put a pic on his chat displaying a BIG "I Love <nickname for sweetheart in our language>" AND he updated his FB profle pic with the same pic.. is he crazy? Everyone can see that.. he messaged me saying look at my FB pic but i still didnt reply.. i figured he would just tell people its meant for his wife.. right? Am i right , or do u think this guy is really madly in love with me?

 

Due to this, seeing his sensitivity, emotions, etc..its making it hard for me to ignore..i keep thinking like "aww... would any other guy do this? if i loose him will i find someone like this who will keep coming behind me? I will just find a bunch of egoistic other MMs who wont care and just walk away.." TELL ME LADIES- do any of ur MMs do this too? Please tell me they do and this is just a manipulative move.. or do u think this guy is really loving me? How do i still be strong and not weaken for all this?

 

 

I'm not going to say he doesn't love you but here is one possible aspect.

 

Many people do still love a chase and a challenge. Once the affair is in full swing, that thrill can be gone. I think often in affairs, time together has to be scheduled. You normally know in advance if you're going to have time for sex or just to see each other.

 

Every time you try to end things is the on challenge he gets. How can I win her back?

 

Just a possibility.

[gettingstronger]

It seems to me you have come to the point where you need an answer one way or another- the best way to do this is to become available full time, no strings attached and see how he reacts-that is the surest way to find out if he loves you-

[jellybean89]

if i loose him will i find someone like this who will keep coming behind me?

 

So when this affair is over, you are planning to engage in another one?

 

No, this guy does not love you. He wants to keep you hanging on so you don't tell his wife. He doesn't respect you either. There is no friendship. It is an affair, period. You love the chase and he knows you will continue to give in each time you take a few steps back. He knows it is easy to get you into bed. He knows he can put a cheesy comment on line and you will fall all over it.

 

Sounds like you two are in high school. Come on, analyzing his words and pictures on FB? Yuck. What happened to your H being this great guy that you were tired of lying to and betraying? Gone out the window cause the MM told you he can't wait to have sex with you again?

 

Make your mind up already. Either embrace being the Ow, not the wife you think you will be to him one day OR end the affair once and for all and fix yourself and your marriage.

[whatatangledweb]

I thought his wife knew, that they have an open marriage. Or do I have you confused with another person?

 

Who knows if he loves you. Does it really matter if neither of you will divorce ? The facebook post could mean anything and yes, he would tell people it was for his wife.I really don't understand why you are staying married. You are already talking about more MM in the future... What do you want? To be with your husband or the other man?

[FusionCutter]

NC is getting easier each day, but shame, guilt and regret builds. It's just unbearable and I hate myself and living like this. I know the only way to ease these feelings is to tell the BS, but that's the ultimate form of selfishness. It's like choosing between the right thing and running away and getting away from a crime.

[Lurkeraspect]

what i meant to say is- Do i be scared of losing him? even as a friend? because he seems so loving, so non egoistical to keep coming after me.. another person would have been like Scr** u too then and walked away.. this guy is so persistent and it melts my heart... in general he is a sensitive and emo guy...

 

Can i go through with this and be NC? i m scared , thinking tha i may loose a good person ...or even friend.. sorry if it sounds cheesy but had to express what i feel..

 

 

It really doesn't matter what anyone tells you as you keep asking the same questions over and over.

Just divorce your husband already and do whatever it is you want with this man. And yes, it all sounds cheesy and immature. Bottomless pit.

[KismetGirl]

all u who ended affair and stayed in Nc...

 

- Did u ever get intense desires or longings for passion and romance again with (ex) Mm? Did u ever feel intense desire to be touched n kissed by ex AP again?

 

My question- HOW DId u control these feelings???? What do u replace these feelings with? what did u replace the passion with? Some hobbies etc?

And those who are already married , was it easier for u since u already had a spouse at home to turn to for romance?

 

Im havin a hard time letting go of the ecstacy of the romance we had n attraction i felt for him... Do i really need this?? I just want someone to say " dont be scared of loosing the romance n passion- dont be scared of loosing him"

 

Ugh..

 

As someone with a ten year history with my MM and three years of NC....the feelings are much easier to deal with after some time of NC. It works best, it's really the only thing. Eventually you will meet someone else who attracts you, trust e. You may not feel it now but eventually someone else will flirt with you and have fun with you and you'll forget all about MM.

 

You will probably think about him once in a while but eventually it will become less of a craving and more of a sentimental fond memory.

 

I recently recconected with my MM after a fairly long NC and all those feelings came flooding back, and while I havent given in to them, they weren't as strong when he was out of sight out of mind. I'm single and the fact that i dont really have anyone else to distract me has made his sweet words and affection appealing like it used to me.

 

But if you are just wondering if eventually you'll forget about these feelings, then yes, you will. Just takes time. Don't fret. The first couple months are the hardest. Eventually he will be nothing more than a fond sense of deja vu.

[DKT3]

As someone with a ten year history with my MM and three years of NC....the feelings are much easier to deal with after some time of NC. It works best, it's really the only thing. Eventually you will meet someone else who attracts you, trust e. You may not feel it now but eventually someone else will flirt with you and have fun with you and you'll forget all about MM.

 

You will probably think about him once in a while but eventually it will become less of a craving and more of a sentimental fond memory.

 

I recently recconected with my MM after a fairly long NC and all those feelings came flooding back, and while I havent given in to them, they weren't as strong when he was out of sight out of mind. I'm single and the fact that i dont really have anyone else to distract me has made his sweet words and affection appealing like it used to me.

 

But if you are just wondering if eventually you'll forget about these feelings, then yes, you will. Just takes time. Don't fret. The first couple months are the hardest. Eventually he will be nothing more than a fond sense of deja vu.

 

She is a married woman with absolutely no intention of either being honest with her husband or leaving.

[hello234]

I am scared.. Scared of loss and a broken heart...

 

I know i have posted many many times on here and people have been wonderful and patient about giving me advise on MM- thank u for that.

 

I have been going back and forth about whether or not to end the affair, leave him completely, keep it low contact or continue..bla bla.. i am soo tired and mentally and emotionally exhaustted...has been a roller coaster of soo much frustration and pain ( no1 lies when they say an affair is pain and heartache)..Right now we are back in contact but i am continuing to get frustrated day by day over the same stuff and reading ppls advise on here fumes my negativity toward MM even more..

 

I just want him out.. I really Do.. i want him gone from my life.. BUt..I AM SCAREDDDDDDD.. I AM SOO SCARED OF THE PAIN I AM GOING TO FACE, THE HEARTACHE... please.. this is not even a joke.. just thinking about not talking to him anymore makes me want to not even wake up from the bed...

 

How DO i overcome this FEAR OF PAIN ND BE STRONG? I read somewhere some one else commented on someones post "dont be scared of loosing him".. those words inspired me and gave me a bit of confidence hearing words like that...

[DKT3]

How about not letting the MM go. I would suggest you let your husband go, its clear you don't love him and he deserves someone who loves him. Then you can obsess over you MM guilt free as a single woman.

 

He desevres so much more then a woman so intensely lusting after another man, giving him left overs.

 

That way you don't have to fear losing the man you love. You don't have to be scared. I just don't understand why you want to stay married.

[FusionCutter]

I am scared.. Scared of loss and a broken heart...

 

I know i have posted many many times on here and people have been wonderful and patient about giving me advise on MM- thank u for that.

 

I have been going back and forth about whether or not to end the affair, leave him completely, keep it low contact or continue..bla bla.. i am soo tired and mentally and emotionally exhaustted...has been a roller coaster of soo much frustration and pain ( no1 lies when they say an affair is pain and heartache)..Right now we are back in contact but i am continuing to get frustrated day by day over the same stuff and reading ppls advise on here fumes my negativity toward MM even more..

 

I just want him out.. I really Do.. i want him gone from my life.. BUt..I AM SCAREDDDDDDD.. I AM SOO SCARED OF THE PAIN I AM GOING TO FACE, THE HEARTACHE... please.. this is not even a joke.. just thinking about not talking to him anymore makes me want to not even wake up from the bed...

 

How DO i overcome this FEAR OF PAIN ND BE STRONG? I read somewhere some one else commented on someones post "dont be scared of loosing him".. those words inspired me and gave me a bit of confidence hearing words like that...

 

In a way, if your husband could see these very words you are writing, I really wonder how he would feel.

[Lady2163]

I am scared.. Scared of loss and a broken heart...

 

I know i have posted many many times on here and people have been wonderful and patient about giving me advise on MM- thank u for that.

 

I have been going back and forth about whether or not to end the affair, leave him completely, keep it low contact or continue..bla bla.. i am soo tired and mentally and emotionally exhaustted...has been a roller coaster of soo much frustration and pain ( no1 lies when they say an affair is pain and heartache)..Right now we are back in contact but i am continuing to get frustrated day by day over the same stuff and reading ppls advise on here fumes my negativity toward MM even more..

 

I just want him out.. I really Do.. i want him gone from my life.. BUt..I AM SCAREDDDDDDD.. I AM SOO SCARED OF THE PAIN I AM GOING TO FACE, THE HEARTACHE... please.. this is not even a joke.. just thinking about not talking to him anymore makes me want to not even wake up from the bed...

 

How DO i overcome this FEAR OF PAIN ND BE STRONG? I read somewhere some one else commented on someones post "dont be scared of loosing him".. those words inspired me and gave me a bit of confidence hearing words like that...

 

I don't think focusing on her husbands pain is really answering her question or helping her. She's asking for advice and help.

 

But there's no easy answer. You have to get to the point where you've had enough. No one one here can get you there.

[DKT3]

I don't think focusing on her husbands pain is really answering her question or helping her. She's asking for advice and help.

 

But there's no easy answer. You have to get to the point where you've had enough. No one one here can get you there.

 

Point is, its very clear what she wants and it isn't her husband. So why not just end it and be free for this great love that she has found. But your right about focusing on her husband, because she doesn't care and it won't help her end the affair.

[hello234]

Point is, its very clear what she wants and it isn't her husband. So why not just end it and be free for this great love that she has found. But your right about focusing on her husband, because she doesn't care and it won't help her end the affair.

 

HELLO?!!? why do u think im on here dying for advise and how to be strong?? I AM WILLING TO LET GO OF MM. I WANT TO CONTINUE MY MARRIAGE. so pls stop talking about my husband and about how i dont care about him and butting into our marriage.. thast between me and husb.. just please focus on what i am asking here. i am really helpless.

 

the post above this was right about me seeking for strength.. and having had enough. I think i have reached that point where i have had enough.. what was ur experiences when u came to the point of "Enough".. How did u handle loss??? thats all i want to know.

[MuddyFootprints]

You are on the brink of losing everything and everybody. That is the reality.

 

Don't be afraid of figuring out who hello really is, of finding out what love really is.

 

You need help.

 

Your whole world is about to slip away and you haven't any grip at all.

 

Don't be scared. Be brave enough to get the professional help you need.