talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 stayed over at this girls after going a date with her. we messed about a lot with each other, happy to touch and play in all areas. as soon i went to take her pants off she stopped me and didn't really say why so i just respected her decision. (this playing happened a few times during the night but i never tried to take them off again) i just don't understand why a girl is happy for you to touch her everywhere and play and she is ok with doing it back to you as well, but taking her pants off was a step too far? im guessing she didn't want to have sex?
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 im guessing she didn't want to have sex? Duh .............. 4
Dallers Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 If she didn't want to have sex with you then you would not have ended up alone with her, she would not have let you stay over and certainly not allowed you to touch her. She wanted you but it is that time of the month for her clearly. How obvious does she need to make it??
Author talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 without sounding crude i had my fingers inside her and she was very turned on and she had her hand on my erect ...... so that doesn't make sense to me
Poppyolive Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 If its a first date, some girls get in their head that sex will not happen first date/second date or whatever the girl wishes. You just have to respect that. I am like that, I don't want sex until a few dates are had.
Author talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 oh i definitely do, just a females opinion is nice. just confusing why you would want to do that much with someone then stop.
Dallers Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Makes no sense. You must have done something to turn her off then if she was able to have sex. A first date normally will end or go all the way not bounce around in between. Revisit what you did and analyse where you went wrong.
newmoon Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 it's not confusing. it's just her brain kicking in and her it's going too far/moving too fast. she was probably starting to think while having some fun, and it interrupted what was happening, so she stopped it.
PogoStick Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 If she didn't want to have sex with you then you would not have ended up alone with her, she would not have let you stay over and certainly not allowed you to touch her. She wanted you but it is that time of the month for her clearly. How obvious does she need to make it?? A possibility, but if she's younger she might just be willing to play but not ready for sex.
HGirl Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 (edited) oh i definitely do, just a females opinion is nice. just confusing why you would want to do that much with someone then stop. Girls enjoy sex - this girl wanted to have sex with you or she wouldn't have let it go that far. HOWEVER - women are told conflicting ideas about sexuality on a regular basis. We're allowed to be sexually open, but not too much... you can enjoy sex... but be subtle about it.... You can wear a short skirt... but expect to be judged for it. etc. etc. Female sexuality is closely linked to her sense of self worth - we are told that if a woman is not pretty enough, she isn't as valuable in society. If she is too careless and open with her body, she is less valuable. Men are told to be sexually aggressive, and women are told that we need to safeguard ourselves against this. SO my guess is that she simply felt conflicted - the following ideas were probably going through her head; "Will he call me tomorrow if I have sex with him?" "Will he respect me less if I have sex with him?" "Does he like me or is it just about having sex?" Plus, men it seems (hate to generalise here) don't attach as much emotional value on sex as many women do. The vast majority of women will at some point meet a guy who has sex with them and isn't interested in them afterwards. This can lead to a feeling of "I wasn't good enough, or he would have called me back" - due to the high value placed on female chastity (this isn't a victorian outdated concept by the way, I read an article recently where Miranda Kerr was bragging about how long she kept Orlando Bloom waiting for just a kiss). So maybe she just wanted to make sure you had an emotional attachment to her before going all the way to avoid the above described situation repeating or occurring for her. One final thing to add; For many women, the act of sex itself is putting oneself in a vulnerable position - you are naked, you are literally having a foreign body put inside you (without being too crude). This can sometimes even be painful. It can feel a bit like an invasion, and a bit overwhelming if its not with someone you trust. Plus there is always a risk, however small it may be, of pregnancy. OH and to refer to the above, you are putting yourself in a position of judgement - "will he respect me less for this..." etc. So it could be a combination of all of the above, I'm guessing Edited November 8, 2014 by HGirl 2
HGirl Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Sorry if my post was a bit long winded,but I think many men do not realise just how multifaceted sex can be for women.
Author talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 (edited) really don't think i did anything wrong as she was more than happy to cuddle me all the time when it kept bouncing around in limbo, and getting intimate just not to the point of sex but it didn't happen. like we grinded like we had sex without having sex if that makes sense ha-ha and she loved it she isn't young she she is 25 like me. you think i should ring her in a few days and ask if she wants to go out again? Edited November 8, 2014 by talkatone
HGirl Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 (edited) really don't think i did anything wrong as she was more than happy to cuddle me all the time when it kept bouncing around in limbo, and getting intimate just not to the point of sex but it didn't happen. like we grinded like we had sex without having sex if that makes sense ha-ha and she loved it she isn't young she she is 25 like me. you think i should ring her in a few days and ask if she wants to go out again? Ignore what that guy said. A first date does not inevitably end in either scenario A (sex) or scenario B (no sex). It can end however the participants want it to. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong to me - you respected her boundaries. It's not like being sexually aroused has an on/off switch, and you accidently hit the "off" button. If you like her, I'd call and ask her out again. Heck, it's not against the law to actually ask why she didn't want to go further. It's probably the best course of action. Edited November 8, 2014 by HGirl 1
Author talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 ill ring her in a day or two when im not busy and ask her out on a date and ask that question you said tbf she is the one that asked me out and invited me back to her place and into her bed... feel like im being tested haha
HGirl Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 ill ring her in a day or two when im not busy and ask her out on a date and ask that question you said tbf she is the one that asked me out and invited me back to her place and into her bed... feel like im being tested haha Maybe she is testing you? I'd imagine it'd be a pretty effective way of weeding out guys who were only interested in sex - you wouldn't be calling if you knew you were unlikely to get it from her if that was the main thing on your mind. Plus believe it or not, women can have very high sex drives - just as high as men. With my exes, I was the one who initiated sex most of the time. Women just feel the need to handle it differently. She may very well have really wanted to have sex, but for the reasons I described, changed her mind.
Author talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 she just randomly text me saying, "its a two way thing but thanks for being sweet about it. im pretty sure you have picked up on it but im not very good at really talking feelings or being too emotional atm, that not being off or cold. x no idea what that means and what to do. thats heavy and confusing
HGirl Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 she just randomly text me saying, "its a two way thing but thanks for being sweet about it. im pretty sure you have picked up on it but im not very good at really talking feelings or being too emotional atm, that not being off or cold. x no idea what that means and what to do. thats heavy and confusing What had you text her? Oh, men are so not good at this stuff... sometimes. 1. Better to talk these things in person/phone call. Text conversations about emotions will inevitably become confusing. 2. I'll give you my translation; I'm not comfortable about talking about intimacy. (has she suffered recently, like a breakup?) I don't want to be cold, but I will take time to open up. That's not particularly heavy - why do guys assume anything relating to emotions is heavy? But sex on a first date isn't heavy at all? Sounds like fairly healthy communication to me. 1
Author talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 What had you text her? Oh, men are so not good at this stuff... sometimes. 1. Better to talk these things in person/phone call. Text conversations about emotions will inevitably become confusing. 2. I'll give you my translation; I'm not comfortable about talking about intimacy. (has she suffered recently, like a breakup?) I don't want to be cold, but I will take time to open up. That's not particularly heavy - why do guys assume anything relating to emotions is heavy? But sex on a first date isn't heavy at all? Sounds like fairly healthy communication to me. ah well she said shes not looking for anything serious right now. her heart is still a little bruised thats all. makes sens why she didnt go for intercourse, sucks though
HGirl Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 ooooh I see, recent break up? Well my advice, if you want it - if you like this girl, don't give up all hope. She went on a date with you so she DOES want to move on. That is progress in itself. It's good that she is being upfront about it to, as it shows a degree of respect for you and your feelings. Hopefully, when she's rallid round a bit and is ready, she'll remember you as the nice guy who she had good chemistry with, and who respected her boundaries. Please don't believe any douchebags who tell you to get all aggressive so you don't get put in the "friendzone". The friend-zone does not exist.
Author talkatone Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 ooooh I see, recent break up? Well my advice, if you want it - if you like this girl, don't give up all hope. She went on a date with you so she DOES want to move on. That is progress in itself. It's good that she is being upfront about it to, as it shows a degree of respect for you and your feelings. Hopefully, when she's rallid round a bit and is ready, she'll remember you as the nice guy who she had good chemistry with, and who respected her boundaries. Please don't believe any douchebags who tell you to get all aggressive so you don't get put in the "friendzone". The friend-zone does not exist. she said shes really busy but would like to plan something for soon with me and said please dont feel uncomfortable around me now please. i want to but im worried about getting too attached now tbh after what she just said i dont know what a good way around this is now.
MrMeh Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 She is not ready for a relationship. She's made more than one excuse, so she's clearly trying to avoid anything with you. Just stop contacting her unless you don't have enough friends.
preraph Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Where was birth control method in all of this? I mean, obviously she doesn't want to get pregnant. And if there's no other method going, then not having intercourse is the obvious answer. Some girls don't stay on birth control but go on it further into a relationship when they think the guy might be a keeper and don't risk pregnancy in the meantime. Also, she might be using the Clinton method of "not having sex" and telling herself she's not having sex, even though she is but just not intercourse.
Author talkatone Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 She is not ready for a relationship. She's made more than one excuse, so she's clearly trying to avoid anything with you. Just stop contacting her unless you don't have enough friends. i dont get it? where have you got that from? she is asking me to plan something with her soon and saying please, i think she is telling me subtly that she liked doing what we did in bed, and she she doesn't want me to think she is a looser for not going further.
HGirl Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 i dont get it? where have you got that from? she is asking me to plan something with her soon and saying please, i think she is telling me subtly that she liked doing what we did in bed, and she she doesn't want me to think she is a looser for not going further. Yeah I agree with you... I get how you're worried about getting too attached to her... but the best things in life are the ones you usually have to take the biggest gamble for.
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