DenverDude Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for articles or books for me to read up on co-dependency issues. It seems that I suffer from this. I attach to girlfriends really quick, and then instantly fall in love and into their realm. I focus all of my attention on them and at the same time distance myself from the people who have always been there for me (family, friends, etc) I just got dumped, and am feeling really depressed. I need some help as I am feeling all alone again. I hold everything in, and don't really talk about stuff with my family/friends which is another demon that I am battling. This girl made me so happy, yet at the same time she made me very angry. We were literally just laughing, kissing, hugging and having great memories a week ago. Now she has completely left me and moved out.
zen2475 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Without all the facts, I think you may not have so much a co-dependency issue, but maybe a more needy/clingy attachment style, or maybe a combination of both. Either way, it sounds like you may get into relationships to fill a void within yourself that only you can really fill. You really can't be in a loving, healthy relationship unless you are a "whole" person, meaning you are happy within yourself and don't need external sources to make you feel valuable. While you process this break-up, make this an opportunity to take a long, hard look at yourself and work on your own happiness. Being authentically happy starts with the realization that you are both the source and the cause of your own well-being. Meanwhile, I'm truly sorry for your loss and I know you must feel devastated for having lost your relationship and have this self realization at the same time. You probably feel like your world was yanked out from underneath you, but actually you are showing a lot of strength by acknowledging you have things you need to work on. That is the biggest, most important step, and I applaud you for that. 2
OwMyEyeball Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I agree with Zen. From what's been presented so far it's tough say if you're actually dealing with co-dependency issues. It sounds like you get in over your head in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Those feel-good sensations in the early goings can be really addictive, so it's not at all uncommon for people to lose themselves in them. You're very fortunate to have good family and friends. For your next relationship you'll want to ensure you have enough purpose and activities outside of it to keep yourself grounded. Getting too involved with any one person is a recipe for disaster. Make a point to continue spending time with those friends and family. Keep yourself on task with everything else you have going on in your life. Resist the urges to be in contact. 2
Zard0z Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I think this is partially my problem as well. I fell in love for the first time last summer. I was 26 years old and had never been in a relationship before. It was such a cool feeling to be with someone I got a long with so well. And that summer she basically had an apartment to herself and we spent almost every weekend there. During the honeymoon stage she'd always call me to meet her in the afternoons to hook up (I worked split shifts). It was very tiring on me, but she would get mad if I refused... and the sex was great so I was game for it. I didn't really understand what was healthy in a relationship at that time. But her wanting to see me so frequently and getting mad if I tried to avoid it, was probably not a sign of a healthy relationship. Especially the fact that I wouldn't stand my ground on that issue. She did tone it down a bit later on in the relationship, and was comfortable with me going out and hanging out with friends, playing softball, baseball, going to the movies without her, etc Anyway, just about 2 mos. ago now, she suddenly broke up with me, without a consistent reason other than "falling out of love". And I am really feeling the emptiness. I'm sticking with my hobbies and hanging out with friends, but during the down time it really tugs at me. I can't stop thinking about her.
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