He broke up with me out of the blue and showed no empathy

[saz123]

Hi everyone.

 

Not entirely sure where to start as there is just so much to say.

 

My now ex boyfriend and I were together for nearly 2 years, at the beginning of the relationship of course everything was wonderful, we were so in love and nothing could get in our way.

 

However about 1 year + into the relationship he changed, completely. I saw a side to him that was horrible. He was like a complete Jeckl & Hyde. One day so loving, the next day he blamed everything on me and was just a complete narcissist.

 

This literally changed from 3 - 5 days a week. BUT he always blamed me, for everything. He showed no empathy when I was upset (especially when we broke up, yesterday), he thought he was always right and he found it incredibly hard to show his emotions.

 

He was just like a robot.

 

At the beginning - if I was told that this was going to happen to our relationship, I wouldn't of believed it. He showed ALL emotion.

 

Don't get me wrong though there were still amazing times we spent together after the year mark when he went crazy. He could often text message me and say things like "I love you so much" "I miss you" "I wish you were here so we could fall asleep together" etc.

 

About 3 months ago he seemed very emotionally unstable and was demanding space away from me. I gave him that space to an extent but I felt he needed help as he was just SO unhappy. I spoke to family and friends for advice and they all said maybe he should see a therapist. Yes, it was that bad. We ended up having a very physical fight at his house, that's when I thought it was the end of our relationship to be honest. But he just sat down on his desk chair and I just held him and he cried. I later went home and he text me apologising for crying and he said he didn't deserve me, and that he wanted to take me out for dinner.

 

He changed from pure anger to being loving in the space of 30 minutes.

 

But back to the actual breakup. A few weeks ago I felt as though our relationship wasn't working anymore, because I couldn't deal with his lack of emotion and empathy towards me. But to be honest I immediately regretted saying this to him, and he told me not to say such stupid things. I sent him a letter apologising for being an idiot and I attached his favourite chocolate bar too, but this is when he just went crazy again. He told me that he didn't want to see me or speak to me as 'I needed to learn my lesson'.

 

The sad thing actually is that we both loved each other. A few nights ago he just wanted to be held and cuddled and that's what we did one night for a couple of hours. He sent me a message when he got home saying "I wish I could just see you sometimes, like I wish you were here now so I could just fall asleep on you. Hugging with you is all I want sometimes, it's perfect. I love you lots".

 

3 days later...... BAM I'm dumped.

 

It all happened because I asked to see him on Thursday (2 days ago) as I hadn't really seen him much due to work, and we both had a day off. However he said no. He said he was busy and couldn't see me. Which is fair enough... WHY didn't I listen to him and put my phone down. But I was angry. He was with his best friend, and they spent more time together the past couple weeks than I did with my own boyfriend. Throughout our relationship I was always second best to his friend, say if I asked to see my now ex boyfriend he'd say yes of course. But then his friend would ask later on that day and I would get a text saying "Is it ok if I go and see ***** later he's asked to see me and I want to see him". So I'd obviously say ok that's fine.

 

But this time (on Thursday on our day off) I'd had enough - so I marched on up to his friends house and knocked on the door. My now ex boyfriend seemed happy when I came in, but they were both baffled as to why I was there.

 

But let me let you into another secret - my now ex boyfriends best friend was dumped by his girlfriend only a week ago. We were both there for him after this had happened and my boyfriend said to me "this doesn't mean we're breaking up now, don't be silly".

 

But look what happened?

 

My now ex boyfriend got me a membership at the gym he works at so he can train me, this was a week before he broke up with me. And a few days before he broke up with me he got his best friend a free months trial at the same gym.

 

Good timing, huh?

 

Anyway, he began to be crazy and horrible again. And I decided that I was going to actually stick up for myself for once - so I (probably stupidly) sent him a text message explaining that I'm not going to take his **** anymore and that I loved him but I just wasn't sure what to do anymore.

 

So obviously he sent me a text back saying "I think this is it for now bub".

 

So he came out and met me and broke up with me, saying that I stalked him up to his friends house and that I'm emotionally unstable.

 

To me personally I think that I took control and he didn't like it so he decided to take further control and boost his ego by breaking up with me. When he openly told me that day that he still cares about our relationship and maybe we'll get back together when I've 'grown up a bit'.

 

We're supposed to be seeing a fireworks display tonight, and he told me to think about whether I want to still go or not and text him to let him know.

 

I want him back, obviously. I feel like it's all my fault and I HAVE to fix it.

 

Do I go and see him? I don't want to get regected but I guess that's a risk to take.

 

I haven't spoke to him since yesterday.

 

Is it worth me going to say that I know he still loves me and I love him too, lets try to work through this.

 

I hate this situation.

Edited November 8, 2014 by saz123

[acrosstheuniverse]

No, no relationship is supposed to be this difficult. He sounds like an aggressive jerk. Saying stuff like how it's all your fault and he's waiting for you to 'grow up': what do you mean by you had a physical fight? Who assaulted who? If he hit you, and you comforted him afterwards while he sobbed then he has really got you exactly where he wants you.

 

I think the reason he went cold towards you after a year was because he just didn't feel it was working anymore. I went the same towards my ex when we split, I just could not bring the feelings back anymore. He would ask why I was acting like a robot and I'd hate myself for it, but I wouldn't be able to act any differently however much I tried. Sounds like it's been limping on for the past year when it should have ended a long time ago.

 

Let him go! Don't try and get him back. Think about what you are 'getting back'. Think about the quality of this relationship, how he treats you, and how dysfunctional you are together. Do you really want to bring that back into your life or would you rather be free from him so you can start looking after yourself, work out what you really want, enjoy your life without all of this aggression and drama? You will be free to meet somebody who respects and loves you and doesn't prioritise everything else over you. And somebody who is high-calibre enough not to tolerance a physically abusive relationship, either on the receiving or giving end.

 

It's not all your fault. Some is, I'm sure, all relationships are two-way streets. But you can't fix this and you'll lose every shred of dignity trying to do so. How old are you? You must be very young to put up with this kind of rubbish in your life. That's not meant to be an insult, at 18-22 I was with a guy with whom I had horrible arguments, insane amounts of jealousy on both sides, and felt I was being passed over for any and everything else when it came to what he spent time doing. You will learn from this relationship and move on, aware of what a healthy relationship is.

[Arieswoman]

saz123,

I am sorry for your pain but you just dodged a bullet. Maybe you can't think of it that way now but in time you will.

 

"When people show you who they are, believe them"

 

Good luck x

[saz123]

No, no relationship is supposed to be this difficult. He sounds like an aggressive jerk. Saying stuff like how it's all your fault and he's waiting for you to 'grow up': what do you mean by you had a physical fight? Who assaulted who? If he hit you, and you comforted him afterwards while he sobbed then he has really got you exactly where he wants you.

 

I think the reason he went cold towards you after a year was because he just didn't feel it was working anymore. I went the same towards my ex when we split, I just could not bring the feelings back anymore. He would ask why I was acting like a robot and I'd hate myself for it, but I wouldn't be able to act any differently however much I tried. Sounds like it's been limping on for the past year when it should have ended a long time ago.

 

Let him go! Don't try and get him back. Think about what you are 'getting back'. Think about the quality of this relationship, how he treats you, and how dysfunctional you are together. Do you really want to bring that back into your life or would you rather be free from him so you can start looking after yourself, work out what you really want, enjoy your life without all of this aggression and drama? You will be free to meet somebody who respects and loves you and doesn't prioritise everything else over you. And somebody who is high-calibre enough not to tolerance a physically abusive relationship, either on the receiving or giving end.

 

It's not all your fault. Some is, I'm sure, all relationships are two-way streets. But you can't fix this and you'll lose every shred of dignity trying to do so. How old are you? You must be very young to put up with this kind of rubbish in your life. That's not meant to be an insult, at 18-22 I was with a guy with whom I had horrible arguments, insane amounts of jealousy on both sides, and felt I was being passed over for any and everything else when it came to what he spent time doing. You will learn from this relationship and move on, aware of what a healthy relationship is.

 

I'm 18 and he is 22. I was his first girlfriend and he hasn't really ever shown interest in girls before he met me.

 

A couple months ago I went on holiday abroad and he was horrible again, but this time ignoring me. He did it so I could enjoy myself and have a good time, but it did the complete opposite. I was upset and confused and hurt as to why someone who was supposed to love me was being so nasty and unnaffectionate.

 

He picked me up from the airport when I returned home and he was as nice as pie. He told me he was so happy that he had me back home, and the next day he took me on a surprise trip to the zoo.

 

I don't know, maybe he's just not intact with his emotions.

 

Like a day before breaking up with me he was telling me how much he loved me and that he wanted to be with me.

 

I just think it's bizarre how he broke up with me a week after his bestfriend got dumped.

 

Maybe he'll regret it? I don't know.

[evanescentworld]

Do NOTHING that would make it difficult for people - yourself included - to differentiate you from a doormat.

Forget the fireworks display.

Delete him from your emotional history, open a new tab, and label it "Why who I am and what I do, is so much more important to my progress and well-being than anything or anyone else."

 

Go complete No Contact - and do everything that entails. Read the guide, it will save you from this mess.

 

Oh and in my opinion?

 

He has some serious mental issues unfolding....

[saz123]

saz123,

I am sorry for your pain but you just dodged a bullet. Maybe you can't think of it that way now but in time you will.

 

"When people show you who they are, believe them"

 

Good luck x

 

Thank you Arieswoman.

 

It just hurts and he blamed the break up all on me.

[Itspointless]

He has some serious mental issues unfolding....

I agree with this. He sounds like in the avoidant spectrum. I do not dare to say if his behaviour indicates a personality disorder, but you two together does not sound healthy to me. Bottom-line, do not go back to him, sorry.

 

Explore why you were attracted to him, if it is something from your past and try to work on yourself.

 

Good luck.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I'm 18 and he is 22. I was his first girlfriend and he hasn't really ever shown interest in girls before he met me.

 

A couple months ago I went on holiday abroad and he was horrible again, but this time ignoring me. He did it so I could enjoy myself and have a good time, but it did the complete opposite. I was upset and confused and hurt as to why someone who was supposed to love me was being so nasty and unnaffectionate.

 

He picked me up from the airport when I returned home and he was as nice as pie. He told me he was so happy that he had me back home, and the next day he took me on a surprise trip to the zoo.

 

I don't know, maybe he's just not intact with his emotions.

 

Like a day before breaking up with me he was telling me how much he loved me and that he wanted to be with me.

 

I just think it's bizarre how he broke up with me a week after his bestfriend got dumped.

 

Maybe he'll regret it? I don't know.

 

The trick is to not stick around to find out if he regrets it or not. I can't explain enough how important 'no contact' is for you to get over this.

 

You never responded to what I asked about the physical fight? If it was just you hitting him I'm not going to jump on you or judge you, it's not my place over an internet forum (I would say the same to a guy before posters jump on me), but I thought it might be important to the story.

 

Also that whole ignoring you 'so you can have a good time' thing is ABSOLUTE passive aggressive bull crap. He KNOWS that a girlfriend wants to hear from her boyfriend. When I'm away from my boyfriend I love hearing from him even if it's just checking in a few times a day (I know some girls who can't go a day on vacation without skyping their boyfriend but that's more at the extreme end!), I want to hear how he's doing, tell him what I'm up to and tell him I love him. If he ignored me I would think something was wrong, and be worrying the whole time. It's one thing to be the person on vacation so busy and with difficult time zones and call charges unable to check in too often but to be the person at home living their regular life and ignore their partner is really weird. It's his way of upsetting you passive aggressively but maintaining innocence so that if you challenge him on it he can pretend he was doing what he thought was the right thing and you're a clingy nightmare.

 

My ex used to do this kind of thing. We'd go out for a meal with my friends and he'd say that they were ignoring him (I didn't think they were, to be honest) and then he'd just shut down and sit there silently at the table. When I pulled him to one side and asked what was up he said 'I'm obviously not wanted here but I don't want to leave and ruin your night so I'm staying and being quiet so you can just have your fun', it was so ridiculously childish and made the entire rest of the night super awkward for me, even my friends were asking me afterwards what the deal was with him, he embarrassed me like that quite often.

 

He wasn't ignoring you to 'let you have fun' (that would imply that him speaking to you would ruin your fun) he was doing it to be nasty. Unless you had expectations of like texts every hour and he only spoke to you once per day or whatever, but I'm guessing he must have really blanked you out for you to have felt 'ignored'.

 

Don't feel bad he blamed all of the breakup on you if you honestly believe it wasn't all your fault. There are three sides to each break up: his, hers and the truth. He's probably just making himself feel better by putting it all on you.

[zen2475]

This guy is demonstrating some behaviors that are the hallmark of a psychopath. The pattern of a relationship with a psychopath general follows three stages: idealization, devaluation and discard.

 

In the first stage, the idealization stage, you think you have met the person of your dreams, when you are actually entering a sick game that you are guaranteed to lose. The psychopath will lure you in with charm, attention, and various, covert emotional manipulation tactics. In other words, they "love bomb" you.

 

What is important to remember here is that none of this is genuine. Psychopaths are good at getting people to bond to them, but they never form bonds with anyone. This is all a process to gain control over you and to feed his desire to use and destroy.

 

Once the psychopath knows they have lured you in, the devaluation stage begins. This is exactly as it sounds....everything is your fault, and you notice him pulling away. He treats you like crap, but throws you just enough bread crumbs to keep you hooked. You find yourself accepting gradually worsening behavior and you lose your self-respect.

 

There is a lot of "crazy making" in this stage, and you'll find yourself gas-lighted (twisting a situation around to make it appear you totally misunderstood something) and being blamed for the demise of the relationship. He'll tell you you are too needy or clingy, when he is the one distancing himself to see how much you'll run after him. It's insidious.

 

Eventually, psychopaths realize they have you hooked, and then they become bored with you and the relationship. That's when the third phase kicks in, and they discard you.

 

You are left emotionally bereft and full of cognitive dissonance; otherwise, wondering what the hell happened because you can reconcile this cold, distant and even cruel treatment with the love-bombing you experienced in the idealization phase.

 

This whole process is a form of emotional rape, where the victim is purposefully targeted, exploited and betrayed. The effects can be devastating.

 

Be thankful this person is out of your life. The longer you would have stayed with him, the more damage he would have caused.

 

I would suggest you do some online research on psychopaths and love, how they work in the process, and how best to heal.

[Itspointless]

We have to be careful putting labels onto others. Yes this all could be, on the other hand he could just be dismissive-avoidant. That is why I spoke about the avoidant spectrum.

This guy is demonstrating some behaviors that are the hallmark of a psychopath. The pattern of a relationship with a psychopath general follows three stages: idealization, devaluation and discard.

 

In the first stage, the idealization stage, you think you have met the person of your dreams, when you are actually entering a sick game that you are guaranteed to lose. The psychopath will lure you in with charm, attention, and various, covert emotional manipulation tactics. In other words, they "love bomb" you.

 

What is important to remember here is that none of this is genuine. Psychopaths are good at getting people to bond to them, but they never form bonds with anyone. This is all a process to gain control over you and to feed his desire to use and destroy.

 

Once the psychopath knows they have lured you in, the devaluation stage begins. This is exactly as it sounds....everything is your fault, and you notice him pulling away. He treats you like crap, but throws you just enough bread crumbs to keep you hooked. You find yourself accepting gradually worsening behavior and you lose your self-respect.

 

There is a lot of "crazy making" in this stage, and you'll find yourself gas-lighted (twisting a situation around to make it appear you totally misunderstood something) and being blamed for the demise of the relationship. He'll tell you you are too needy or clingy, when he is the one distancing himself to see how much you'll run after him. It's insidious.

 

Eventually, psychopaths realize they have you hooked, and then they become bored with you and the relationship. That's when the third phase kicks in, and they discard you.

 

You are left emotionally bereft and full of cognitive dissonance; otherwise, wondering what the hell happened because you can reconcile this cold, distant and even cruel treatment with the love-bombing you experienced in the idealization phase.

 

This whole process is a form of emotional rape, where the victim is purposefully targeted, exploited and betrayed. The effects can be devastating.

 

Be thankful this person is out of your life. The longer you would have stayed with him, the more damage he would have caused.

 

I would suggest you do some online research on psychopaths and love, how they work in the process, and how best to heal.

[zen2475]

We have to be careful putting labels onto others. Yes this all could be, on the other hand he could just be dismissive-avoidant. That is why I spoke about the avoidant spectrum.

 

Which is why I said he's demonstrating behaviors of a psychopath, and didn't come outright and call him that. No different than you saying he is dissmissive-avoidant.

[elaine567]

We have to be careful putting labels onto others. Yes this all could be, on the other hand he could just be dismissive-avoidant. That is why I spoke about the avoidant spectrum.

 

Labels or not, this man is not showing normal behaviour and has indeed IMO narcissistic/psychopathic traits.

My advice is to run and keep running and never look back.

Be grateful that he is out of your life.

[Itspointless]

Which is why I said he's demonstrating behaviors of a psychopath, and didn't come outright and call him that. No different than you saying he is dissmissive-avoidant.

Thanks you for your comment, appreciate it We seem to be on the same page here, Dismissive-avoidant attachment is not an PD though, AVPD and NPD are. I advice her not to stick with him to found out what it actually is.

[Tabitha87]

Just be happy that you didn't have kids with him. That's the next thing that likely would've happened for him to have more control over you, all the while he'd beat you mentally (sometimes even physically), but then give you just enough things you want to see/hear for you to stay. Because you'd feel like it's all your fault, you try and stay to make it work, but it never does.

 

I just lived 9 years of it & finally walked away. We have two kids though so unfortunately he still tries to use them against me and have me change my mind about breaking up, but I'm never looking back!

[OwMyEyeball]

So far we've got:

 

Anti-Social Personality Disorder

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

 

Given his age combined with the described mood and behavioural shifts I'm going to assume he's developing Bipolar Disorder

 

But that's all amateur psychology fun and games.

 

At the end of the day the advice to the OP is the same - stay away from this guy. He's not someone you can fix.

[saz123]

The trick is to not stick around to find out if he regrets it or not. I can't explain enough how important 'no contact' is for you to get over this.

 

You never responded to what I asked about the physical fight? If it was just you hitting him I'm not going to jump on you or judge you, it's not my place over an internet forum (I would say the same to a guy before posters jump on me), but I thought it might be important to the story.

 

Also that whole ignoring you 'so you can have a good time' thing is ABSOLUTE passive aggressive bull crap. He KNOWS that a girlfriend wants to hear from her boyfriend. When I'm away from my boyfriend I love hearing from him even if it's just checking in a few times a day (I know some girls who can't go a day on vacation without skyping their boyfriend but that's more at the extreme end!), I want to hear how he's doing, tell him what I'm up to and tell him I love him. If he ignored me I would think something was wrong, and be worrying the whole time. It's one thing to be the person on vacation so busy and with difficult time zones and call charges unable to check in too often but to be the person at home living their regular life and ignore their partner is really weird. It's his way of upsetting you passive aggressively but maintaining innocence so that if you challenge him on it he can pretend he was doing what he thought was the right thing and you're a clingy nightmare.

 

My ex used to do this kind of thing. We'd go out for a meal with my friends and he'd say that they were ignoring him (I didn't think they were, to be honest) and then he'd just shut down and sit there silently at the table. When I pulled him to one side and asked what was up he said 'I'm obviously not wanted here but I don't want to leave and ruin your night so I'm staying and being quiet so you can just have your fun', it was so ridiculously childish and made the entire rest of the night super awkward for me, even my friends were asking me afterwards what the deal was with him, he embarrassed me like that quite often.

 

He wasn't ignoring you to 'let you have fun' (that would imply that him speaking to you would ruin your fun) he was doing it to be nasty. Unless you had expectations of like texts every hour and he only spoke to you once per day or whatever, but I'm guessing he must have really blanked you out for you to have felt 'ignored'.

 

Sorry I totally forgot to reply to that part...... He grabbed me on the arms a fair few times. So I had to push him off of me.

 

And yeah exactly I was being ignored. AND he totally denied it when I brought it up to him when he broke up with me. Whatever is all I can say.

[saz123]

UPDATE

 

So....... He asked to see me.

 

Yes I went, but only to find out what he had to say. Closure is a big deal.

 

He told me these things:

 

1) He still loves me.

2) He can't be with me at the moment.

3) He wants me to become happy and independent, and not rely on him for happiness.

4) He wants me to work for his affection.

5) He reckons I need a month to myself to gain independency.

6) He thinks I need to grow up.

7) We can get back together when I'm happy in myself again.

I am so sick of this yo yo of emotions going on.

 

Someone shed some light!!!!!!!!

[saz123]

So far we've got:

 

Anti-Social Personality Disorder

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

 

Given his age combined with the described mood and behavioural shifts I'm going to assume he's developing Bipolar Disorder

 

But that's all amateur psychology fun and games.

 

At the end of the day the advice to the OP is the same - stay away from this guy. He's not someone you can fix.

 

Bipolar is something I can agree on.

 

See my update.

[evanescentworld]

UPDATE

 

So....... He asked to see me.

 

Yes I went, but only to find out what he had to say. Closure is a big deal!

And you didn't get it (as your last comment clearly indicates). Why not? because exes never give us closure. They merely add and prolong the confusion.

 

 

He told me these things:

 

1) He still loves me.

Well he's had a distinctly peculiar way of showing it. I for one, would never give it the label of 'love'. He still likes manipulating you, more like. Is he succeeding...?

 

 

2) He can't be with me at the moment.

To which, of course, you promptly replied - "That's ok, I don't want to be with you at all...."

 

3) He wants me to become happy and independent, and not rely on him for happiness.

Read my signature. he actually does have a point here....

4) He wants me to work for his affection.

Tell him to drop dead, and you'll weep on his grave, how's that?

5) He reckons I need a month to myself to gain independency.

Tell him it will take a lot longer. Would a lifetime be ok? Yes? Good. Bye....

6) He thinks I need to grow up.

"Try looking in a mirror, you egocentric jerk!"

7) We can get back together when I'm happy in myself again.

"Oh we can, can we? I think I'll be the judge of that, not you. Let me think about it for a second....

 

No."

I am so sick of this yo yo of emotions going on.

Then quit dangling on his string, and go NO CONTACT! Right now, this minute - for good!

 

Someone shed some light!!!!!!!!

You don't need a torch. You need a map.

 

Outta here.

 

Read The Guide.

it will shed a whole lot more than just light....

[SoThatHappened]

Run, sweetheart.

 

You obviously have feelings for this P.o.S., but you can eventually let go of those feelings by not contacting him ever again.

 

His behavior will NEVER change until he learns his own lesson. Believe me. If you just stick around, he will never change.

 

Do you want to be married to someone like that? I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but you'd be in for a miserable life if you ended up with this person.

 

There are guys who don't act like this. You're very young, and have a lot of life to experience. Make sure this d-bag isn't in your life at all anymore.

 

Maybe, MAYBE after years apart he will realize what he had with you and realize his faults. Until then, he's not part of your life anymore.

 

Find someone who treats you like a significant other is supposed to be treated.

[anika99]

I'm going to add borderline personality disorder to the mix, based on the rapid emotional cycling and the way he would idolize and then devalue the OP

[dclan]

UPDATE

 

So....... He asked to see me.

 

Yes I went, but only to find out what he had to say. Closure is a big deal.

 

He told me these things:

 

1) He still loves me.

2) He can't be with me at the moment.

3) He wants me to become happy and independent, and not rely on him for happiness.

4) He wants me to work for his affection.

5) He reckons I need a month to myself to gain independency.

6) He thinks I need to grow up.

7) We can get back together when I'm happy in myself again.

I am so sick of this yo yo of emotions going on.

 

Someone shed some light!!!!!!!!

 

 

..........you missed:

 

8) His demands make no sense at all, and contradict each other.

9) No one breaks up with someone they love, because of depression.

 

*You are depressed

*You break up with your girlfriend who you love

--->Wouldn't you become MORE depressed?????

 

I think your ex is just a douchebag who is playing you. Because this whole thing makes no sense at all.

 

If he is depressed and loves you, then loosing you would probably hurt him even more. Yet he wants YOU to work for his love?

 

....makes no sense at all

 

Something is not right, he is keeping something from you. He might be dating someone else, yet wants to keep you in the backburner "just in case".

 

be carefull-----

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, this guy is showing some seriously disturbing and abusive behaviour. You cannot fix it. With all due respect, you are not qualified to do so nor should attempt it at the expense of your self-respect and dignity. He is manipulative and unstable and this will happen again. Over and over. He places crazy demands on you while ignoring his own instability and general as*hole-ishness. This is what an abuser does. They blame you for their rages, outlandish reactions and inappropriate behaviour, and wash their hands of responsibility. That isn't love; it's not even like. It's toxic codependency.

 

You don't need us to tell you what to do. You already know. Don't let yourself be his emotional (or literal) punching bag anymore. You are far too young to be wasting your time with someone who clearly isn't prepared to be in a healthy, mature relationship. He isn't a well person. I would also wager he's got someone else on the go too, and is waiting to see how it pans out with her but is keeping you as Plan B in case it falls through. Stay far away from him and focus on surrounding yourself with positive influences and loving people. He is not one of them.

 

For what's it worth, I have dated a man eerily similar to your ex-boyfriend. PM me if you want any further insight. It hits quite close to home for me.

[saz123]

OP, this guy is showing some seriously disturbing and abusive behaviour. You cannot fix it. With all due respect, you are not qualified to do so nor should attempt it at the expense of your self-respect and dignity. He is manipulative and unstable and this will happen again. Over and over. He places crazy demands on you while ignoring his own instability and general as*hole-ishness. This is what an abuser does. They blame you for their rages, outlandish reactions and inappropriate behaviour, and wash their hands of responsibility. That isn't love; it's not even like. It's toxic codependency.

 

You don't need us to tell you what to do. You already know. Don't let yourself be his emotional (or literal) punching bag anymore. You are far too young to be wasting your time with someone who clearly isn't prepared to be in a healthy, mature relationship. He isn't a well person. I would also wager he's got someone else on the go too, and is waiting to see how it pans out with her but is keeping you as Plan B in case it falls through. Stay far away from him and focus on surrounding yourself with positive influences and loving people. He is not one of them.

 

For what's it worth, I have dated a man eerily similar to your ex-boyfriend. PM me if you want any further insight. It hits quite close to home for me.

 

He says I need to grow up in order for us to be in a "mature adult relationship".

 

My heart is in my mouth I'm so anxious about everything.

 

How am I supposed to be happy when he broke up with me? And I'm supposed to get back together with this guy?

 

His mind isn't working normal, this just isn't normal.

[saz123]

As I said in a previous post - he has a bestfriend and his bestfriend's girlfriend broke up with him a week before my ex boyfriend broke up with me.

 

His bestfriend has been saying how much he's enjoying his own space etc, but he is still meeting up with his ex girlfriend quite frequently.

 

I don't know but I have a feeling my ex boyfriend has been influenced by this, he thinks the world of his bestfriend and it all makes sense.

 

Other than the fact my ex is just strange in how he is treating me, he wants me but doesn't want me.

 

What the **** I don't know.

 

You all speak truth and I agree with what every one of you has posted. So I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for your help and support. I really do appreciate it

 

Never did I ever think I'd be in a situation like this at my age.