MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 My BF was away all weekend. He text'd me from a layover yesterday and I asked him to come for dinner. He said he couldn't cuz there was some trouble at his house while he was away (nephew lives there) and he had to go talk to his brother about moving the kid out. I didn't get any details but text'd him back asking him to call me when he gets into the city before going home, so I can (jokingly) "calm you down". I got home from work and text'd him at 5pm asking if he was back yet. He said yes and was on his way to his brothers! WTF where was my phone call???!! I text'd a sarcastic message back to him saying that I wasn't important enuf for him to take two f***ing minutes to call me?! And he nastied me back with 'not the time to be pushing my f'in buttons.' Okay, this is a 6mnth relationship (he was the OM) and I've been separated for about 2 months. I DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY. On one hand I want to blow him off for a couple of days. On the other I really wanna give it to him and then end it all with him. He doesn't have time for me. It is becoming more clear that everything else is more important than I am. I have 2 kids and I still make time for him. He can't even take two minutes to call me after being away. Am I overreacting? Any suggestions on how to handle this one? Maybe I'm not ready for a relationship either.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 In this specific instance, you are over-reacting. It sounds like he had some important things to take care of at his house. I would give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. If this kind of situation becomes more frequent, then you have every reason to be upset and frustrated. But from what you have posted, I cannot definitively say that he is blowing you off or that he doesn't have time for you. His text reply wasn't nice, but that could have been purely the result of stress. We all can get a little snippy when we are dealing with personal issues.
blind_otter Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 I kinda feel like you were overreacting in this instance.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam I would give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. If this kind of situation becomes more frequent, then you have every reason to be upset and frustrated. A few weeks ago he had lunch with his parents and was going to call me after. He text'd me at 2pm saying they were almost done and he'd call me. Then at 4pm he hadn't called so I text'd him and he said they are still there. See, our relationship has been somewhat discreet because I was married even though the marriage was over, he didn't want to deal with any opinionated family members. That same day, he finally called me at 6pm because he got called out to a job. Well, he can leave his family at his house to go to work for a bit, but can't leave the room for 5 minutes to call me? He has cancelled alot of our plans because of work, and that I can understand because he owns his own business and is 24-7 for service calls. BUT I am starting to wonder if I come last. Not second, not third, not even fourth but dead last. Because of my situation, I am a little high maintenance in the emotional department. I don't need his crap - what I need is someone to be there when I need them. I can't plan what we're going to do 2 days from now, never mind the summer coming up. We're going to have a heart to heart talk tomorrow evening (if he doesn't get a call for work). I really need to think about what it is I want and need right now. If we were both ten years older and close to retirement, this might work but I have a life to live now - I'm almost 40.
blind_otter Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 It sounds like what you want is a man who is completely at your beck and call....which would be nice, but is unrealistic. Everyone has their own life, and their own issues, and to demand that you come first - before THEIR personal life - is a little odd.... I've been weirded out by people asking me who is beeping in on my call waiting. I'll be all, GET OFF MY BACK!!!
Pendawn Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 A few weeks ago he had lunch with his parents and was going to call me after. He text'd me at 2pm saying they were almost done and he'd call me. Then at 4pm he hadn't called so I text'd him and he said they are still there. That same day, he finally called me at 6pm because he got called out to a job. Well, he can leave his family at his house to go to work for a bit, but can't leave the room for 5 minutes to call me? I do think you are being a bit unreasonable, sometimes people just can't drop everything to call you at the exact time they said they would, and frankly I find it rude if people leave a dinner or a room to make a phone call. Could be that he wanted peace and quiet and a stress free time to call you, rather than fitting you in when he's with other people. That said, IF you are waiting to hear from him becuase you don't know when you'll see him next, I can understand why that is infuriating because you're sitting round putting your life on holding waiting for him to call and say when you'll see him or not. I'd say when it comes to seeing him, let him know you need to know say 1-2 days in advance so you cna organise your schedule nad are not sitting around waiting for him to call and give you the word you cna see each other. But if he's able to do that, I would relax a bit about him calling you just to say hi, see how you are. He calls, he just doesn't call the exact time he says, IMO that's not a big deal.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 Originally posted by Pendawn ... IF you are waiting to hear from him becuase you don't know when you'll see him next, I can understand why that is infuriating because you're sitting round putting your life on holding waiting for him to call and say when you'll see him or not. I'd say when it comes to seeing him, let him know you need to know say 1-2 days in advance so you cna organise your schedule nad are not sitting around waiting for him to call and give you the word you cna see each other. But if he's able to do that, I would relax a bit about him calling you just to say hi, see how you are. He calls, he just doesn't call the exact time he says, IMO that's not a big deal. Yes it IS unfuriating because I never know when I'm going to see him next. Because of his job he can't make any time commitments whatsoever. We've had the discussion where I've said I have been left sitting around waiting when we had plans and had to cancel them. So we agreed not to make any definite plans ever - everything is 'wait and see' and revolves around his schedule. I don't expect him to be at my beck and call, not at all. He knows my schedule as to when I don't have the kids and I don't think one night a week to do something or even just sit at home with each other, is asking too much. I don't even get that much. He is going on the road for 4 months and will be back every other weekend. But I have a feeling he will be busy doing his household stuff and paperwork and won't be able to fit me in. I love him, and the sex is great and he loves me, but I am so new at this and was married for 13 years. He's been divorced for a few yrs. I talked to him a few min ago on the phone. All he can say is sorry and that's the way it is. He said he didn't call cuz he was zoned in on getting to his brothers place-so I said I guess that puts me at the bottom of the list then. He asked what I wanted him to do. I said he could make it up to me and again he said he can't because he can't make promises he can't keep. I KNOW he can't commit time to me, but WTF is wrong with sending flowers or even just say I'll make it up to you without giving a time and day? Then he asked what I want to do and I said I don't know and couldn't talk here (at work). He's calling me later. Not sure if we'll get together tonight. I'm scared that it might be over. Even though I don't see how it can work. I want someone I can do things with - now I seem to be just finding more excuses to end it.
alicia24 Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 That sounds a little crazy. I think you need to back off and let your BF take care of his family matters.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 17, 2005 Author Posted March 17, 2005 We decided we needed to have a talk. It was going to be last night. I was still back and forth about ending it with him until he called saying he'd be late. I understood (work related) but then he called again and had another job to go to. Then another one and this one wasn't IMO as important as seeing me. Now I have the kids for the next four days and I really want to get this resolved. He's not the guy for me, he doesn't have time for me and he doesn't make me feel important when he keeps blowing me off. Emotionally high-maintenance is me.
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