greenman77 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 So me and this girl have been talking on OkCupid for about a week and earlier today (Friday) we texted each other and decided that we should meet up and do something this Sunday. I'm supposed to call her tomorrow (Saturday) so that we can figure out what to do. This girl only has one picture on her profile and its a neck up picture. And she didn't mention what her body type is in her profile and now (of course) I'm kinda freaking out. I mean, I don't mind if she a bit chubby but if she's kind of obese that's a deal breaker for me. So I would like to see another picture of her but I have no idea how to ask her for that. Is it too late? She's also very small. She is 4'11''. I'm supposed to call her tomorrow to figure out what we are gonna do for the first date. Is this fair of me to ask or am I being completely irrational and crazy? Any suggestion guys? I would really like to see another picture of this girl before we actually meet. Would really appreciate the help cuz I'm freaking out right now lol!
sagamore Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 She's probably on the larger side, or she would have posted a picture showing otherwise. Sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear. But you absolutely should ask for another picture! This is totally accepted in OLD. Just ask, "Hey, before we meet, do you mind sending me a picture where I can see a little more of you? Here's a full length picture of me, so you get a clear idea of what I look like." Who knows, maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised! Beauty does come in all shapes and sizes. Good luck. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Tell her 'here's a full body shot of me so that we can recognise each other Sunday. Send me a similar one back please! Looking forward to it' It's a polite way of going about it, but there's nothing wrong at all with wanting to see her whole body before you meet up. Not everyone is attracted to overweight people, and I would be turned off by what I felt was a level of deception if the other person was hiding their body from people they'd established contact with (I can understand why they may not show it on a public profile if they're embarrassed). You don't have to sugar the pill if she comes up with some excuse... just tell her you saw she didn't have any full body shots on her profile and you'd love to see what she looks like. 1
irc333 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Yeah, I'd at least consider contacting a woman online that at least had a WAIST up photo of herself. If she has 7 selfies with her face smashed into the picture, I click on by.
Author greenman77 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Should I text her asking her for the picture before calling her or ask her when I call her on the phone (to plan the date) later today?
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Should I text her asking her for the picture before calling her or ask her when I call her on the phone (to plan the date) later today? I would ask her on the phone, so she has less time to come up with a fake excuse as to why she can't do it. However, if you're calling to plan the date then you're gonna have to decide beforehand whether you want to arrange the date or not, if she refuses to send you it. I mean personally I'd still go even if you don't get the picture because it's just one date, and you might be missing out on a great girl. But if she won't send you a photo she probably does have something to hide and if you don't like overweight women you may not want to waste your time on it. 1
CaliGypsy Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 No matter how you slice it . She's going to know why you asked . Even though I had slim listed as my body type, before I put up a full length picture I got asked for more all the time and I knew what they were really asking lol. Interestingly enough when I had no picture at all I still got messages. Wasn't sure what to think about that. No one size fits all type there
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 it's a catch 22 isn't it.. do nothing and you might wind up going on a date with someone you aren't attracted to, ask her for a full body shot and you sound like a superficial jerk.. a toughie... it it were me.. I wouldn't want to insult her and would talk to her on the phone some more.. gauge her interest as well as yours, maybe there won't be any interest go further after speaking with her. she should be posting a full range of photos and by not doing so she is looking like she is hiding something but she also may be doing it as a weeding tool to remove someone only considering looks or may not realize she is cutting her dating pool short by doing it. can you search he on FB and see if there are any photos of her ?
Kamille Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Couldn't you just meet up and proceed from there? I've gone on dates with guys from OLD to realize once on the date they weren't my type personality-wise or physically. I don't see why this would be any different. 7
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Couldn't you just meet up and proceed from there? I've gone on dates with guys from OLD to realize once on the date they weren't my type personality-wise or physically. I don't see why this would be any different. Same here and good advice..
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Interestingly enough when I had no picture at all I still got messages. Wasn't sure what to think about that. No one size fits all type there Desperate for someone, anyone to write back to them... or they just copied you into a copy and paste message they sent every woman in their city. Maybe one in a thousand times it's because the guy loved what you wrote and really digs your interests and hopes that you might be a match... but most people I know wouldn't consider somebody without photos so I'd say that's unlikely. 1
irc333 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 If I was on the fence about it, if they lived locally...between 5 to 15 mins from where I live, I'd tempt fate and meet up with them. But as I live in a rural area where most of my dating contacts are usually an hour away, I'd probably not take that chance if they live too far.
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 but most people I know wouldn't consider somebody without photos so I'd say that's unlikely. Same here, but... I did have a 6 month relationship before I met my wife with a girl who had no photo.. she did hit me up first though and after some emails we met.. she was pretty hot...
xxoo Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 If you've already arranged the date, I think you should just go. Its not like you can gracefully back out upon receiving a photo at this point. 1
Author greenman77 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Thanks guys I really appreciate the help! I think I'm just gonna not ask her for the picture and just call her and set up the date. It's just one date and who knows I could be pleasantly surprised. Her only picture doesn't give me the sense that she might be overweight but girls nowadays are masters at hiding that from selfies haha so I guess I'll take a chance! I did try looking for her in Facebook and stuff but not having her last name made that even harder to find her so no luck there. She seems like a nice girl from the messages we exchanged though so I'll go out with her so let's see what happens! Thanks again. 9
mammasita Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I agree with just going on the date regardless. You're not marrying the girl for goodness sake. If she's a big girl, then so what.....don't ask her out again. 2
Author greenman77 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 I agree with just going on the date regardless. You're not marrying the girl for goodness sake. If she's a big girl, then so what.....don't ask her out again. Yeah exactly
KatZee Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I just went on a date with a guy who this happened to. She had only neck up shots and he thought she was pretty. So he showed up where they agreed to meet and she wasn't there... he waits around for like 15 minutes, she's still a no show. She then calls him and is like... hey come to my car, I'm across the street. And in broad day light she flashes her lights at him. He goes over, and she opens her tinted window down like a couple inches so he can't see her. At this point its like creeperville and she says, "get in my car." Like any sane person he doesn't and is like, we can either get coffee like we said, or I'm going home. So she finally agrees and she gets out and of course the chick is like 250+ pounds. She was embarrassed of herself and she was tired of guys not "giving her a chance." So they stood outside talking for like an hour and she kept trying to go over to him to kiss him and he'd back away and they were circling her car... the visual I had of this situation was hilarious. Finally he lost his s.hit and was like "I'm going home, you're such a liar..." blah blah blah. Long story short: I wouldn't trust these neck up photos as far as I could throw em. Some guy actually messaged me on POF with only waist up shots, or only face shots... after some digging, turns out, he was wheelchair bound. Which isn't a crime, however lying about it, trying to conceal it to dupe someone to date you? No so cool.
Author greenman77 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Well I just called her and we're gonna go bowling tomorrow afternoon so we'll see what happens. 1
Phoe Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 When I was on OLD i only had one photo, a headshot. I purposely did not post a body shot, because I wanted to avoid the men who care about that. One man I talked to, asked for more pictures. I declined, and politely told him it wouldn't work, and stopped talking to him. 1
Author greenman77 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 When I was on OLD i only had one photo, a headshot. I purposely did not post a body shot, because I wanted to avoid the men who care about that. One man I talked to, asked for more pictures. I declined, and politely told him it wouldn't work, and stopped talking to him. Yeah I wouldn't want that to happen because she seems like a pretty cool girl. And if she happens to be overweight (which is not a deal-breaker for me, as long as she's not obese), its fine with me as long as we get along well and click. She has a very cute voice though! 2
leavesonautumn Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Even if she sent you a picture and she was on the heavier side, would that make you break the date? I think it causes some people to obsess a bit on how attractive the other person is and forget that there's so much more to people. I don't blame you but like Phoe said, maybe she doesn't want the focus to be on looks. How people look in pictures doesn't come close to expressing how they are in person. We all have little quirks and ways about us that make us interesting or attractive to other people, regardless of how we look. Focus more on getting to know her as a person and have fun bowling! That sounds like a fun first date . 3
rester Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I think you're doing the right thing. Asking for more pictures may have left a bad taste in her mouth. I think it's better to judge attraction face to face instead of pictures. Have fun on the date. 1
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