Darren2013 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 (edited) The woman I currently crush on has kids but fortunately her kids are grown and in their early to mid 20s. Youngest one is 23 years old. So whatever responsibility I would have as a stepdad would be very minimal because all her kids pretty much take care of themselves. I wouldn't have to worry about paying for their college. So the kids thing has never been an issue here. But I was just thinking what would happen if tomorrow I start developing a crush on a woman who has kids that are still minors or worse babies? That would be an even harder conflict than what I have been going through with current crush the last 3 months. We know the rule is that if a man is going to date a woman with kids then he better be prepared to step up to the plate and take on a serious stepfather role because the kids are part of the package. I would be dating her and her kids in a way. Certainly it is important that the guy is good with her kids if she has kids of her own. I would have a choice to make. I can either pass up an opportunity for love in order to continue my freedom from stepfather responsibility or I can pursue the relationship and sacrifice my freedom. I get the feeling that one day I am going to meet a woman who already has kids that are NOT grown yet and I am going to fall so hard for her that I am going to have a hard time making a decision and I will be posting a thread about it knowing what the answer will be and wishing I didn't. I hope my feelings are wrong and it does not happen because I get tired of running into decision conflicts and meeting a woman who I believe is great but unfortunately I can't get with her because of something that would cost me my freedom. God has a way of doing things on purpose. The thing you don't want to happen ends up happening because God likes to put the joke on me. Why? I don't know. Ask God because He is the one who controls every damn thing. Edited November 8, 2014 by Darren2013
Egone Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Your thoughts are spot on! They're great. There are many women out there. If you don't want to take on the responsibility for someone else's young kids, just skip it. Don't even start a light dating relationship with them. On the other hand, if you're willing to take on the baggage, it can be quite fulfilling (still exhausting, but worthwhile). As a former single mother, I truly appreciate your post even if you do decide to pass on us. The worst thing a man can do is get in a relationship with us but reject us, or blame us subconsciously, for our family.
todreaminblue Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 its good to read a guy recognizing the ramifications of dating a single mum as far as God goes he doesnt control things ...we do...we have agency to choose.....what we feel is right or wrong for us....he places people in our lives for a reason......a long time or a short time ...the decision on interaction with others is ultimately ours.....if you truly believe in god pray before you date......ask him for inspiration to make the right decisions.....or the holy ghost to help you to do right by you and those around you, that you hurt no one in the process nor that you get hurt and then listen to your heart ...sometimes the objective is to be hurt though by people who come in and out of our lives.....you cant blame god for hurting...people make their own decisions to lie to cheat to hurt............often we get hurt i believe so we can grow and learn and take it on board...a refinement of sorts.......refinement is draining....but i know its necessary..to perfect a person...... its hard doing or meeting anyone new.......but what can you do other than become a hermit and eat sardines for dinner.....you have to take a leap of faith...faith love hope.....for the best....good luck darren..deb
Art_Critic Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 It's not so bad, in a previous life I was a Step Dad to a wonderful little 4 year old girl.. I helped raise her till age 9-10 and had some influence on her through her teens and today at age 22 she is a wonderful and beautiful young lady with her whole life in front of her.. It's nice to know that I was part of that.... Just one way of looking at something... 2
Author Darren2013 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 its good to read a guy recognizing the ramifications of dating a single mum as far as God goes he doesnt control things ...we do...we have agency to choose.....what we feel is right or wrong for us....he places people in our lives for a reason......a long time or a short time ...the decision on interaction with others is ultimately ours.....if you truly believe in god pray before you date......ask him for inspiration to make the right decisions.....or the holy ghost to help you to do right by you and those around you, that you hurt no one in the process nor that you get hurt and then listen to your heart ...sometimes the objective is to be hurt though by people who come in and out of our lives.....you cant blame god for hurting...people make their own decisions to lie to cheat to hurt............often we get hurt i believe so we can grow and learn and take it on board...a refinement of sorts.......refinement is draining....but i know its necessary..to perfect a person...... its hard doing or meeting anyone new.......but what can you do other than become a hermit and eat sardines for dinner.....you have to take a leap of faith...faith love hope.....for the best....good luck darren..deb Yeah we may have freedom to a point but I also think based on my experience that God orchestrates all kinds of incentives for us to choose the path He wants for that particular time. The story of Jonah in the Bible is one example of that. There are others who go through a Jonah experience too. So while God may not make us do anything in a literal sense umm He may throw out strong incentives.
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