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feeling lonely today :( -another bad date

bebegal

By bebegal
in General Relationship Discussion

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bebegal Established Member

bebegal

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im sitting here-- totally bummed after a date with a guy who once again has one thing on his mind---sex. Am I ever going to meet someone who cares about me or am I going to be fighting off sexually frusterated men for the rest of my life. The past 6 dates ive been on have been ppl i met at work-not even like i met them at the bar. I just worry that Im goign to be single forever :( I feel like everyone else has boyfriend and fiance (im 24). I know there is no guarentee that Ill even find someone.. Im just looking for a ncie guy who I have something in common who treats me nice.. someone who can have an intellectual conversation--not one who converses about what color thongs you are wearing.. etc. I am feeling very lonely today.

 

p.s to all those who red my other post-- the guy who i left the voice mail for on sat never called

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

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These things usually happen when you least expect it, and when it's least convenient. And when you are not looking for it.

d'Arthez Established Member

d'Arthez

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Originally posted by bebegal

I just worry that Im goign to be single forever :( I feel like everyone else has boyfriend and fiance (im 24). I know there is no guarentee that Ill even find someone.. Im just looking for a ncie guy who I have something in common who treats me nice.. someone who can have an intellectual conversation--not one who converses about what color thongs you are wearing.. etc. I am feeling very lonely today.

 

There is no guarantee. For you or for the people with a fiance / boyfriend. These men might also break hearts, or end up with broken hearts. As hard as it may sound, come to accept that.

 

Nice guys, of the variety you want are not in popular demand, especially if you are looking in your own age bracket. They are there, but you won't find them in 'normal' environments. Have you thought of changing the places you look for them?

 

Some men suffer from the same predicament. They can't find a girl to hold an intellectual conversation with. Even on feelings. What can they do? Try and try again, or just not bother at all to make an effort, unless the girl is really something for them.

 

And as what you are looking for, and who you are, are statistically reasonably / very rare, it is hard to impossible to find each other, if you are looking consciously. Go with the flow, be yourself, and don't wear any rings :laugh: .

SleepingLover Established Member

SleepingLover

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d'arthez makes a good point about "age bracket".

 

Now I'm starting to understand why women in their early to mid twenties are always hitting on me. Heheh. I'm 38 and have been divorced for 3 years and it seems the only women whom come on to me are in your age range. Not that I'm saying to look for an older male. I'm just starting to get the impression that younger females are taking a liking to me because I'm more interested in them as person first and foremost.

 

I'm sorry you are having such hard luck.

 

But like D'arthez said, we NICE guys are not in popular demand because most women want the JERKY boyz. This can be explained, however. Most women like the Jerks because most of the jerks have more "masculine" qualities, whether it be physical or emotional. Most of us NICE guys are considered weak, but realistically who is the weaker one... one who can display his emotional side to his lover or one who has to act all macho and hide it? Which is more important, a person whom you can connect with or the handsome jock type whom thinks all the women want him and has an overblown ego? Which is better... a man who worships you or a man who worships himself? Maybe you are simply looking for love in all the wrong men. There are many single guys out there, so don't get bummed too soon... for you the game has just begun. ;)

 

Best of luck.

EC Established Member

EC

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But like D'arthez said, we NICE guys are not in popular demand because most women want the JERKY boyz. This can be explained, however. Most women like the Jerks because most of the jerks have more "masculine" qualities, whether it be physical or emotional. Most of us NICE guys are considered weak, but realistically who is the weaker one... one who can display his emotional side to his lover or one who has to act all macho and hide it? Which is more important, a person whom you can connect with or the handsome jock type whom thinks all the women want him and has an overblown ego? Which is better... a man who worships you or a man who worships himself? Maybe you are simply looking for love in all the wrong men. There are many single guys out there, so don't get bummed too soon... for you the game has just begun.

 

I love that! :love:

 

 

 

 

 

Its true though what D said as well...when your looking your not going to find it, but when you go to the grocery store to buy tampons BOOM there he is! :laugh:

Illusion24 Established Member

Illusion24

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You can't mix business with pleasure!!!

 

I'm 23 years old and when I left my ex (2 year relationship) I thought I would never find a guy who understands me and will loves me the way I want to be loved...Well I did!!

 

Once you stop searching and enjoy your youth HE'LL come to you...Don't feel lonely...Go out with some friends and get all dressed up and have a good time..Make yourself feel better...You don't need a man to make you feel good...all you need is a little music and a good friend to laugh with... ;)

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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Originally posted by SleepingLover

d'arthez makes a good point about "age bracket".

 

Now I'm starting to understand why women in their early to mid twenties are always hitting on me. Heheh. I'm 38 and have been divorced for 3 years and it seems the only women whom come on to me are in your age range.

man i wish i had your problem SLEEPINGLOVER

Mz. Pixie Established Member

Mz. Pixie

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Perhaps you should try a different "type"? Relax some of your "qualifications"

 

I'd much rather have a man who worships me rather than himself- and luckily that is what I got when I met my now bf. He'd dated a couple of users before me since his divorce. I'm thinking what is wrong with these women??

 

Nice guys are not hard to find. They might not be the ones who are the coolest, most attractive guys. They are most likely just normal. Maybe they don't make alot of money- my bf is a teacher- but they are usually faithful and know how to treat a woman.

 

Money and model looks are overrated if you ask me. Money cannot buy happiness and looks eventually fade. Plus, I don't want to be with a man who spends more time on his appearance than I do on mine. I'm the girl!

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

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I don't want to be worshipped. I want an equal. A partner. A teammate. Someone who will work with me, not for me. I don't want to be put up on a pedastel, to disappoint someone eternally. I was someone who can look at me as realistically as I look at them. I don't ask for anything other than that. And it is kind of nice to be complimentary with someone, and supplimentary. I can't handle hard labor, or very physical tasks -- I am extremely petite, very short and not large in stature. I am less attracted to men who are very short and delicately built because the two of us canoeing would be hilarious, neither of us able to portage the canoe! My husband not able to carry me over the threshold! :D That kind of thing....

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bebegal Established Member

bebegal

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well... i feel better after reading your replies. I guess everyone goes through this phase sometimes, nice to know im not alone.... I like to post on here to make sure that Im not the only one out there with these thoughts/feelings :o

d'Arthez Established Member

d'Arthez

Posted
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Originally posted by SleepingLover

But like D'arthez said, we NICE guys are not in popular demand because most women want the JERKY boyz. This can be explained, however. Most women like the Jerks because most of the jerks have more "masculine" qualities, whether it be physical or emotional. Most of us NICE guys are considered weak, but realistically who is the weaker one... one who can display his emotional side to his lover or one who has to act all macho and hide it? Which is more important, a person whom you can connect with or the handsome jock type whom thinks all the women want him and has an overblown ego? Which is better... a man who worships you or a man who worships himself? Maybe you are simply looking for love in all the wrong men. There are many single guys out there, so don't get bummed too soon... for you the game has just begun. ;)

 

Best of luck.

 

Nice guys, of young age are not in popular demand. When women decide they want to settle down, they become more popular. Not when you are 24, or 25 (as I am). And I don't mean the spineless, passive agressive variation of nice guys, who always blame the women for chosing the 'jerks.' They are as bad as the jerky boys. And both can seriously mess up your mind.

 

It's not about the worshipping. Worshipping of a human being is bad. Period. The healthiest relationships are those wherein both involved are equals and can behave as equals. Which means they can see the good sides and bad sides of the partner, support them emotionally (and financially). Can hold meaningful conversations and discussions with each other, and even allow for differences in opinion, so that a discussion is not ended with: "Whatever you say ..."

 

The problem is, the more you are not average, the harder it becomes to find someone.

If you have an IQ of 160, and would not have a relationship with someone who is more than one standard deviation below that, it would mean that only 1 in every 741 people qualifies. You want to hold meaningful conversations right? If you are average on IQ (100), and date only within 0.5 standard deviation, that means 38.3 percent of the population would qualify!

 

It takes some time to find a nice guy in your specific age bracket, bebegal. But they are there.

 

BO: find some other activities than canoeing! :p

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

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Originally posted by d'Arthez

BO: find some other activities than canoeing! :p

 

:laugh:

 

Yes, you remember Adam - he and I were a serious miss-match because I love going to the beach, I live in Florida for God's sake, but he never did. Too skinny, too pale.

 

Or - what about when I go fishing? Who will put the worm on the hook? Or when I have a baby, and the father of the baby is crying more than I AM at the birth! :laugh: (too in touch with his emotions!)

Mz. Pixie Established Member

Mz. Pixie

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Okay, when I say "worship" I don't mean actually worship. I just like to be treated very very well. In return for that, I treat my man very very well.

SleepingLover Established Member

SleepingLover

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Posted

And I don't mean the spineless, passive agressive variation of nice guys, who always blame the women for chosing the 'jerks.' They are as bad as the jerky boys. And both can seriously mess up your mind.

 

I know the ones of which you speak. I, myself, don't blame women for choosing JERKS, however I blame Jerks for being jerks and treating the women, whom they supposed to adore, as stepping stones. Hmmm I might be nice, but I don't think my ex would ever consider me passive heheh. To a degree, maybe, but there is a line you don't cross with me and a few men have crossed that line and I have brought them to their knees... without having to be physical I might add. :)

 

It's not about the worshipping. Worshipping of a human being is bad. Period.

 

Ahhh c'mon that was taken out of context. :) You all know what I mean by saying "worship" in the context of a relationship.

d'Arthez Established Member

d'Arthez

Posted
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Originally posted by SleepingLover

I know the ones of which you speak. I, myself, don't blame women for choosing JERKS, however I blame Jerks for being jerks and treating the women, whom they supposed to adore, as stepping stones. Hmmm I might be nice, but I don't think my ex would ever consider me passive heheh. To a degree, maybe, but there is a line you don't cross with me and a few men have crossed that line and I have brought them to their knees... without having to be physical I might add. :)

 

Ahhh c'mon that was taken out of context. :) You all know what I mean by saying "worship" in the context of a relationship.

 

We understand each other perfectly. But the spineless variation makes a relationship into a worshipping contest. And that is bad. Sometimes they will go so far to make the woman who they are involved with feel guilty for not loving them as much as they do. That is part of the messing with one's mind comes in.

 

Hence the comment on worshipping.

SleepingLover Established Member

SleepingLover

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by d'Arthez

We understand each other perfectly. But the spineless variation makes a relationship into a worshipping contest. And that is bad. Sometimes they will go so far to make the woman who they are involved with feel guilty for not loving them as much as they do. That is part of the messing with one's mind comes in.

 

Hence the comment on worshipping.

 

Ah gotcha..

 

I agree 100%. I have had a few friends whom are that way and I've seen the negative effects it has had on their wives :(

SleepingLover Established Member

SleepingLover

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by blind_otter

I don't want to be worshipped. I want an equal. A partner. A teammate. Someone who will work with me, not for me. I don't want to be put up on a pedastel, to disappoint someone eternally. I was someone who can look at me as realistically as I look at them. I don't ask for anything other than that.

 

"Worship" as in "Adored". I don't know a woman whom doesn't want to be adored by their lover... if they aren't "worshipped" (as in Adored) then sumtin' is terribly wrong in the relationship and sumbuddy gonna stray. Trust me on that one. ;) Equally a man should be adored by his woman. Nobody said anything about an imbalance where one worships one more than the other or is treated as a slave.

 

 

Originally posted by blind_otter

I can't handle hard labor, or very physical tasks -- I am extremely petite, very short and not large in stature. I am less attracted to men who are very short and delicately built because the two of us canoeing would be hilarious, neither of us able to portage the canoe!

 

Hmmm.. now how do you figure that ALL small guys can't canoe or handle physical tasks? What kind of tasks do you plan on sticking your hubby with? Heheh Let me explain something, I'm 5'8" and 125lbs soaked and wet, but I have handled physical tasks that some of my friends and relatives couldn't handle even though they are 20, 30 and 40 lbs heavier. One day, my best friend (weighing in at 185lbs) couldn't get the lug off his wheel to change a tire. I managed to get it off in less than 10 minutes, but oops I broke the lug off with the nut heheh.

 

I think your attraction may be more physical. You like bigger guys and that's ok. I know some bigger guys that are swell guys.

 

However...

 

Originally posted by blind_otter My husband not able to carry me over the threshold! :D That kind of thing....

 

For some women that could pose a problem .. afterall it is all a matter of weight ratios. What if... let's be hypothetical and cruel.. you gain 100lbs (hey stranger things have happened hehe). Now your big guy may end up with a little difficulty carrying you over that threshhold heheh.... nothing like throwing your back out on your wedding nite :eek:

 

Just had to tease you a bit ;)

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