Thought The Clouds Would Part, Angeles Would Sing, Nope, Just Emotional Silence

[AaronSG]

First off I'm going to 100% apologize for even posting something that most would find "silly"! But to me this is pretty important, even if to most it might appear insignificant!

 

For the better part of three months now I have been doing my best, as time would allot, as to remove all the "visual reminder" of my now ex-fiance out of my home. At first the removal of such items and things went very well and very quickly, for the initial stuff like clothing, her old desk, her old office chair, he old file cabinet, some of the artwork around the house that she paid for and put up got removed and thrown out. Any important paperwork of her's left behind meet my shredder and was eaten up! Any gifts and greeting cards she had ever bought and given me as gifts were packed up in a small box and given to my Mom and said "put this up in the rafters of your garage, maybe someday I can build up the nerve to re-visit it all"! She did, she took it, it felt good!

 

Every image I had taken of her with either my camera or my smart phone got loaded onto a 8 Gig USB flash drive and both camera and phones image folders got wiped! I gave the flash drive to my best friend and told him to not give this back to me for one year! Even if I cry, even if I throw a hissy fit or even threaten him with harm, do not give it to me, he promised he wouldn't, so that felt good to handle.

 

But now, today, I just finished up with something that has been eating away at for as long as my ex-fiance has been gone, and that is "the boxes"!

 

In August of 2013 my ex-fiance wanted to go about organizing the whole house, top to bottom, every room, every closet, every drawer and so forth. Plus she said that she didn't like my "man style" way of organizing a home! To do this, as to make everything real convenient and nice she used about 25 to 30 of my old e-bay united states post office shipping boxes to put everything into as to help clean things up around the home. So as time went on and each box got filled up and taped up, she'd use a permanent marker to write on the outside of the box what it's contents was.

 

No problem, no big deal, we were still together, very much in love, thought we were doing something worth while that we would prosper from as we faced eternity together. But after she left, whole different story, so after I got rid of just about everything else, I had to contend with each time I opened up a closet door, I would be staring at 25-30 boxes with her hand writing on each of them. Knowing that she put these boxes together, she taped them up, she touched each and everyone of them and she wrote on each and everyone in her interesting style, it was getting to me.

 

But knowing that I had a move coming up, into a new home, I couldn't bring myself to do anything about these annoying boxes with her writing on them. So the move happened, kept the stuff in the boxes and didn't destroy them, made the move more easy by keeping them intact. But since the move into my new place, I have gone about spending a little time each day in removing these boxes out of my home. Well today I did it, today I removed what was the last of her energy out of my home, by way of emptying the last box, putting the items in their proper places, walking back to the last box, picking it up and walking to our property's dumpster area and taking a minute to look at the box, look at her handwriting, remembering the days we worked so hard on the project, and then with a little bit of hurtful emotion, I tossed it into the dumpster, tuned around and walked away!

 

To be honest, and I know I was just fooling myself into thinking this, but for some reason I thought this little event would be so monumental, that the clouds in the sky would part, the choir of angels would bellow and life would feel hunky dory...........nope, didn't get the choir......just got somber when making the long walk back home!

 

Again, my apologies for posting perhaps as some might think a "silly" or "trivial" thing at best, but this event today meant something to me, and that is now, and with little over 3 months worth of effort my home is like 99.99% ex-fiance free! Just thought I'd share!

Edited November 7, 2014 by AaronSG

[Egone]

I feel for you.

 

 

Getting rid of things will certainly help remove the reminders they can bring. Like when you're having a perfectly happy moment, then BAM, you see something of theirs and the old memories come rushing in.

 

 

You'll have less of that now that those old boxes and the other stuff are gone and you're in a new place. It's a great fresh start to begin building NEW great memories and experiences in!! :-)

 

 

Your mind may still have some bad moments. It's okay. You're doing what you need to do to move on. Have some patience with yourself and be proud!