losangelena Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Hey Gang, So I've been seeing this guy from OKC for about the last couple of months. Things have been going well. We're both a bit older (in our 30s) but are on the more inexperienced side of relationships. We live about 30 - 45 minutes away from each other, but still see each other 2 or 3 times per week. He brings me flowers about once a week and I like giving him little gifts of baked goods and that kind of thing (he has a sweet tooth, lol). We've started to meet each other's friends. We are also sleeping together on a regular basis. Anyway, we haven't officially had "the talk" yet about what we're doing or if we're headed in the same direction, relationally. That's been fine up to this point, since I don't feel the need to rush. However, in the last couple week or so, I guess I've been developing feelings for him because I find myself suddenly anxiously over-thinking things that I feel I have no business over-thinking. Case in point: He met up with me at a friend's birthday party on Wednesday night (right now is Friday afternoon where I am). While we were there, he invited me to a beach bonfire that's to happen tonight, and I accepted his offer. He also said he'd stayed home from work that day because he wasn't feeling well (so props to him for still coming out). Later, after the party when we were by ourselves at a different bar (we weren't drunk, just a couple of drinks for both of us), it was getting late and he asked if I wanted to go home. Now, I have two roommates, and he lives by himself, so I generally feel more comfortable spending the night at his place because we can do what we want without others being around. Still, he's spent the night at my place a couple of times, so that question was not out of the blue. However, one of my roommates has recently been raising a stink about me and our third roommate bringing dates home and that she feels uncomfortable, so as of right now, out of respect for her, we've put a moratorium on letting guys stay over. All of that happened after the last time he stayed over at my place. For me, it's kind of an embarrassing topic (the whole situation makes me feel like a teenager who's on curfew), but I told my guy anyway, because I didn't want him thinking that I just didn't want him staying over for no reason all of a sudden. He took it well, said he was fine with me coming over to his place, or coming to my place and not spending the night, that kind of thing (which is good), and then asked if I wanted to come back to his place that night. I felt that logistically it would be easier to just go home, but asked what he was doing the next night (Thursday) and invited him to another friend's birthday party and said if he didn't want to come, I could just meet him at his place after. At the time, he agreed to come. After that, we went and made out in his car for a bit and then he dropped me off at home and walked me to my door like a gentleman. Still with me? So yesterday, I texted him in the afternoon to see if he was feeling better, and he said he's still not feeling well and stayed home from work again. I asked if he still wanted to come out to the party, and he said he wanted to stay in and rest. Then he asked whether I wanted to meet him at his place later or just save it for Friday, and I said I'd like to come out, but would understand if he just wanted to lay low, so he said, yeah, let's just see each other Friday (today) and that hopefully he'd be feeling better. Sounds reasonable, right? And logically, I know this is the case, but my insecurity is telling me that maybe he's taken some time to think about my roommate situation and decided he doesn't want to deal with it, or that he doesn't want to date a woman who's living in such an arrangement. My fear is that he's using being sick as an excuse to pull away. As of this writing, it's about 2:30 Friday afternoon and I've yet to hear from him about plans tonight, though it's not out of the ordinary to hear from him later in the day rather than earlier. What I really don't want to have happen is for my insecurity and anxiety to cause me to act in such a way that I sabotage the whole thing. I kind of don't trust myself to know what to do, so right now I'm taking a "wait and see" approach. I feel that we're about 50/50 in initiating contact, and that if he's sick and our plans tonight are contingent on his being well, then he can go ahead and be the one to reach out. I guess I also fear feeling foolish that I thought this guy was really interested but now that things are getting more complicated, that he's changing his mind. A good friend of mine told me yesterday that the roommate situation is an inconvenience, not a deal breaker. I agree with him, but it's still hard to keep my fears at bay. Thoughts?
veggirl Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 You are waaaaaaaaaaaaay overthinking this. If a guy likes you, a small roommate snafu isn't going to cause him to suddenly lose interest. 1
Thegreatestthing Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Yep you think too much,live and let live. Hey Gang, So I've been seeing this guy from OKC for about the last couple of months. Things have been going well. We're both a bit older (in our 30s) but are on the more inexperienced side of relationships. We live about 30 - 45 minutes away from each other, but still see each other 2 or 3 times per week. He brings me flowers about once a week and I like giving him little gifts of baked goods and that kind of thing (he has a sweet tooth, lol). We've started to meet each other's friends. We are also sleeping together on a regular basis. Anyway, we haven't officially had "the talk" yet about what we're doing or if we're headed in the same direction, relationally. That's been fine up to this point, since I don't feel the need to rush. However, in the last couple week or so, I guess I've been developing feelings for him because I find myself suddenly anxiously over-thinking things that I feel I have no business over-thinking. Case in point: He met up with me at a friend's birthday party on Wednesday night (right now is Friday afternoon where I am). While we were there, he invited me to a beach bonfire that's to happen tonight, and I accepted his offer. He also said he'd stayed home from work that day because he wasn't feeling well (so props to him for still coming out). Later, after the party when we were by ourselves at a different bar (we weren't drunk, just a couple of drinks for both of us), it was getting late and he asked if I wanted to go home. Now, I have two roommates, and he lives by himself, so I generally feel more comfortable spending the night at his place because we can do what we want without others being around. Still, he's spent the night at my place a couple of times, so that question was not out of the blue. However, one of my roommates has recently been raising a stink about me and our third roommate bringing dates home and that she feels uncomfortable, so as of right now, out of respect for her, we've put a moratorium on letting guys stay over. All of that happened after the last time he stayed over at my place. For me, it's kind of an embarrassing topic (the whole situation makes me feel like a teenager who's on curfew), but I told my guy anyway, because I didn't want him thinking that I just didn't want him staying over for no reason all of a sudden. He took it well, said he was fine with me coming over to his place, or coming to my place and not spending the night, that kind of thing (which is good), and then asked if I wanted to come back to his place that night. I felt that logistically it would be easier to just go home, but asked what he was doing the next night (Thursday) and invited him to another friend's birthday party and said if he didn't want to come, I could just meet him at his place after. At the time, he agreed to come. After that, we went and made out in his car for a bit and then he dropped me off at home and walked me to my door like a gentleman. Still with me? So yesterday, I texted him in the afternoon to see if he was feeling better, and he said he's still not feeling well and stayed home from work again. I asked if he still wanted to come out to the party, and he said he wanted to stay in and rest. Then he asked whether I wanted to meet him at his place later or just save it for Friday, and I said I'd like to come out, but would understand if he just wanted to lay low, so he said, yeah, let's just see each other Friday (today) and that hopefully he'd be feeling better. Sounds reasonable, right? And logically, I know this is the case, but my insecurity is telling me that maybe he's taken some time to think about my roommate situation and decided he doesn't want to deal with it, or that he doesn't want to date a woman who's living in such an arrangement. My fear is that he's using being sick as an excuse to pull away. As of this writing, it's about 2:30 Friday afternoon and I've yet to hear from him about plans tonight, though it's not out of the ordinary to hear from him later in the day rather than earlier. What I really don't want to have happen is for my insecurity and anxiety to cause me to act in such a way that I sabotage the whole thing. I kind of don't trust myself to know what to do, so right now I'm taking a "wait and see" approach. I feel that we're about 50/50 in initiating contact, and that if he's sick and our plans tonight are contingent on his being well, then he can go ahead and be the one to reach out. I guess I also fear feeling foolish that I thought this guy was really interested but now that things are getting more complicated, that he's changing his mind. A good friend of mine told me yesterday that the roommate situation is an inconvenience, not a deal breaker. I agree with him, but it's still hard to keep my fears at bay. Thoughts?
Tayken Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 For me, it's kind of an embarrassing topic (the whole situation makes me feel like a teenager who's on curfew), You are in your 30s...get your won place. Your room mate has a point on so many levels, safety being the main one. You lot bringing the guys home are just fulfilling your own self interests, whilst endangering hers. If you intend to carry on seeing the guy and not have to feel like you are on a curfew, get your own apartment like most independent women. 1
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