lovesickgirl Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I've dated my ex for 2.5 yrs & only been broken up for 5 weeks. We talked a little & agreed we both missed each other very much. The break up was hard on me because I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him while he wants space & doesn't know exactly what he wants but he does know he does not want a relationship at the moment. Thursday night I saw him at a concert with a group of friends, he ignored me most the night making me feel awkward then all sudden he came over & said he was just as hurt as I am & it makes it hard for him to see me. We kissed & soon after I went home with him. I told him I didn't want to sleep with him if he had been seeing other people or dating someone new & I made that very very clear to him that it would devastate me if he lied to me. He told me dead in the eye & explained he was not chasing tail & had just been focusing on himself. In the morning it felt like we were back together just super into each other, I went home & had no need to bother him. Felt pretty good about things. Saturday comes & someone tells me he's at a sports game with another girl! My heart sank, I called him later into the night because I was so mad about thursday night, the next thing I know a GIRL picks up his phone & asks "hello how can I help you?" I was so enraged!!!! How could he do this to me? Did he think this would be a funny way of dealing with our emotions? Were almost in our 30s! So I texted him You know what? I'm tired of the way you disrespect me & horrible kind of situations you put me through. You're a weak minded individual who only cares about his ego. I finally see your true inner self. Have fun toying around with other people's hearts, the best decision I am making for myself right now is falling out of love with you. We haven't talked since, the worst part is were going on a vacation with a huge 60+ group of our mutual friends & he will be there. How do I act now? How do I move on? I just want someone to talk to me because I never felt so hurt over a ex boyfriend as I do him
Arieswoman Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Lovesick girl, I am sorry you are hurting over this. This is why you broke up ; he wants space & doesn't know exactly what he wants but he does know he does not want a relationship at the moment. and you know this because he told you. Then, We kissed & soon after I went home with him I'm sorry but you allowed him to play you. He's already told you that he doesn't know what he wants, but it isn't you, so don't be his comfort blanket while he makes his mind up. Here's what you do ; Cancel the holiday - you aren't in a position to deal with seeing him with other women right now, the money you will loose will be better than feeling like having salt rubbed in an open wound. Block him, delete his numbers and pack up his stuff (if you have any). Ask a friend to take it round to him. Go NC - you can read about it on this site. Focus on you, what you want to do with your life and how you can do it without him. It will be tough very tough, but you'll come out of it stronger. Good luck x 1
KatZee Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Your ex pulled what my ex did. Dumped me after 2.5 years, said he needed to be single/work on himself, we went NC for 5 weeks after which he became an entirely different person, nasty, cruel, and a person I didn't even recognize. Turns out he had met someone else while with me, dumped me to explore that, and after 5 weeks it seemed like things with her were working so he completely turned on me. You HAVE to go completely NC here. Delete and throw out everything. And I agree, do not go on this vacation because guaranteed you will have NO fun. You will always be on edge, looking to see if he's around you, looking to see if he's having fun with other women, watching him have a blast and not even care while you're hurting. Taking a loss on some cash, and being disappointed that you can't go on this vacation are only minor inconveniences, but anything you experience or see on that vacation will have a lasting impact on you and will set you so far back emotionally.
Author lovesickgirl Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 My ex & I broke up 6 weeks ago after almost 3 years I'm having a really hard time coping with the fact it's really over. He's already trying to talk to other girls within our group of friends & the pain is so great for me that I'm coming off psychotic to everyone else. I felt shut out when we broke up...no closure just the sudden fact 3 days before my birthday he said he wasn't in love anymore. Weeks later he said he missed me & I spent a night with him which made me feel like we were back together or heading in that direction only to find 2 days later he was out on a date. I went crazy on the fact he did that cause it tore my heart up so much that he turned into something else & now treats me as though I am a stranger. He's not nice & says some terrible things to me. Blocked me from calling him & now I feel helpless I've had relations in the past, I was even engaged once & was able to move on a like a normal person but when it comes to him...I'm obsessed & depressed. How do I stop loving him so much? Clearly he does not love me back but I just can't let go no matter how hard I try. Just even running into him in public makes me want to die. Please help
Elias33 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 He is behaviorally abusive to justify his decision regarding you. He missed you, and met with you, to land a little softer before moving on to another woman. Any contact with him is like presenting him a pillow for a soft landing, for a decision HE made. Any contact with him is going to be torture for you, and prolong the grieving process. Simply said, no more contact. Do this for your own self-respect and worth. Mourn the person you lost, not the person you maybe/possibly maybe can get back. So tell yourself, you lost him, and grief accordingly. Sorry about your situation.
lemonsugar Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Run away be glad you got away. He is obviously a grade A tool! You will find someone better got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. He was a toad 1
Strength in Healing Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Lol lemon that was funny. Though to the TC... you said before you were able to "move on like a normal person". Well, there is no such thing. Every situation is unique. The road paved with pain and flames is a path we have all walked. You have to keep walking, but every time you reach out to your ex, you are touching the fire that lines it, and you'll get burned. The trick is to keep the pace, and understand not all people are like him, there is far better out there waiting for you at the end of the road. 1
johnson_j Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 This guy sounds like a real jerk to treat you how he did. Sometimes it's just not easy to move on, but you have to trust yourself that by maintaining NC and focusing on yourself, you will wind up in a better position one day. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 (edited) I concur with Strength in Healing in that there isn't a singular solution to how to get over someone you love. It's a painful process and everyone grieves and recovers differently but it is something you have to go through. Distracting yourself, even temporarily, doesn't work. I also think SIH hit the nail on the head that if you continue to reach out to your ex you are only delaying your own healing. It's painfully clear this guy is a tool and isn't into you any longer for whatever reason so save your dignity and stop chasing after someone who doesn't want to be caught. The good news is that if you keep your distance and keep yourself from falling back into old patterns, there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel. This too shall pass. Good luck. Edited November 7, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 3
DaddyO Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 "I need space" is code for I got someone else, and the best you can do is be my "**** buddy". Run Girl. This guy's a tool 1
Author lovesickgirl Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 I don't know how to stop tormenting myself. I know it could be worse it could be a divorce I could've had a kid with him So why am I so obsessed with the fact we broke up? I talked to them this morning I told him I wanted to clear the air and just have honesty so I could help myself Move on. Made it clear to him that I would not be mad if he was seeing someone but needed to know what happens now. We had too many of the same friends we hang out with to keep resenting each other. He tried to explain that he doesn't want to date anybody after dating me That the answer hasn't changed from no I'm not seeing her & I'm digging for a false answer. And I said it looks like you're doing fine you're already dating somebody else He said I'm allowed to have friends you're thinking too far into it And I'm not any better than you are when it comes to moving on I hurt just as much Not even hours after we talked she (the girl I suspect he's dating) post pictures of them and friends hanging out. I don't know how to feel about my situation other than stupid or lied to. I should be running & not looking back to such a tool But what the **** is wrong with me that I still want him? Has anyone else felt like this? How did you make it through?
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