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What is the right pace to go when dating?


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Posted

I met this person off an online dating site, who I think (so far) may have potential. My thing is, I don't want to jump into a relationship (he is also looking for one). I mean, I want to get to know him as a person, see if there is a connection and if we mesh well. I don't want to jump into a relationship, simply because he wants one. I have to feel emotional, physical, connection. Ideally, go on dates maybe once a week and after 2-3 months if I feel things are progressing then I will commit.

 

 

Is this too slow? I just want to do it the right way. My last two relationships, we didn't date first, and it didn't work out well. I found out after the fact that it wasn't a good match.

Posted
I met this person off an online dating site, who I think (so far) may have potential. My thing is, I don't want to jump into a relationship (he is also looking for one). I mean, I want to get to know him as a person, see if there is a connection and if we mesh well. I don't want to jump into a relationship, simply because he wants one. I have to feel emotional, physical, connection. Ideally, go on dates maybe once a week and after 2-3 months if I feel things are progressing then I will commit.

 

 

Is this too slow? I just want to do it the right way. My last two relationships, we didn't date first, and it didn't work out well. I found out after the fact that it wasn't a good match.

 

Any pace that isn't about an "instant relationship" is better than an instant relationship. Instant relationships often happen when you are very young.

But, the dating pattern you describe above is a good one. But, even at that point, you don't have to commit. There is another level you can go to which is just to declare exclusivity. Prior to that you have the option of dating other people to try to be sure if this one is the one you want to focus on. Don't forget, before 2 or 3 months of dating each other, you are still in throes of infatuation and endorphins. At about 3 months, the real you starts coming out more, and you are then in a new level of getting to know one another.

 

Having a relationship is a process, not an event.

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Posted

I don't think that's too slow at all. Is this guy asking you for a relationship before you've met? I would be wary of that. I suggest meeting him and seeing how things go.

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Posted
Any pace that isn't about an "instant relationship" is better than an instant relationship. Instant relationships often happen when you are very young.

But, the dating pattern you describe above is a good one. But, even at that point, you don't have to commit. There is another level you can go to which is just to declare exclusivity. Prior to that you have the option of dating other people to try to be sure if this one is the one you want to focus on. Don't forget, before 2 or 3 months of dating each other, you are still in throes of infatuation and endorphins. At about 3 months, the real you starts coming out more, and you are then in a new level of getting to know one another.

 

Having a relationship is a process, not an event.

I think he has great potential, but I don't want to put my eggs in one basket just yet.
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Posted
I don't think that's too slow at all. Is this guy asking you for a relationship before you've met? I would be wary of that. I suggest meeting him and seeing how things go.
No, but I like to make sure I'm not wasting my time. If he just wants to have fun then I don't want to waste my time. At the same time, I know there are guys who will tell you what you want to hear to get in your pants, but so far he seems sincere.
Posted

I'm in the same boat, OP. I find it very interesting. I've been seeing this lady since late August. We got out maybe once a week and have barely gotten physical. We haven't even talked about us having a relationship nor even being exclusive. This is the slowest I've ever gone, but it is quite enjoyable. I don't quite feel the need to pressure her to define anything at this point. I mean, we go out and have a great time, we're getting to know each other. And I don't want to mess that up. The way I see it, if she didn't at least like me in some fashion, then she wouldn't go out at all.

 

 

So enjoy your pace, OP! Stick to your guns. I find it very refreshing.

Posted

The correct pace for dating is whatever feels right to at the time under those circumstances.

Posted

We are all unique individuals...some might tell you to play the head game/drama thing, don't! Only the people in a relationship will be able to dictate the pace...we nor your friends are involved in this equation.

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