spicytango Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 So i posted here about two years ago. I am now posting becus i need advice again. I've been dating the same guy for two years now. Last weekend he told me that he need his 'me time' which translated to me as space. That was last friday...we spend the weekend apart... Its the 5th day now and he has neither texted or called. I'm starting to think this is his way of breaking up with me perhaps? I've not texted or called him either becus I'm trying to be respectful of his request. The last time we spent time together was three weeks ago and everything seemed fine..we were both happy. Or so it seemed. Maybe i am wrong.... I need advice and some light shed on this situation. Should i just move on? I've been keeping busy but my brain keeps going back to him...wondering if what he meant was breakup or that he just wanted space..? I miss him a whole lot and i am very sad.
PegNosePete Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 It seems as though he doesn't want to be in a relationship, I'm afraid. That or he's found someone to be in a relationship with. 1
mammasita Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 After 2 years you should be able to communicate with each other regarding what "space" means....and he certainly should not just fade out of your life. You need to talk to him. You've given him enough space at this point. He owes you that much. 3
Author spicytango Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 So should i just contact him then? It seems that whenever i text him i get ignored. Or if i call its voicemail... It just seems strange. And it makes me angry ...is it common for people to try ans give false hope? He nrver asked for a break up but 5 days and no contact at ALL?
Frank2thepoint Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 So should i just contact him then? It seems that whenever i text him i get ignored. Or if i call its voicemail... This is bad news. Since you have reached out to him and he just ignores you, then it seems he has checked out of the relationship. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It is unfair and disrespectful of him to do something like this, but he has done it. Accept the loss and try to move on. Do not contact him ever again. 2
Author spicytango Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 No what i meant was that he contacted me last on sunday just to check up on me and since then i haven't tried contacting him. In the past sometimes he wouldn't answer texts or call back.
PegNosePete Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Send him this. "I would like to fix our relationship but it takes two. If you want to fix things between us then you need to begin communicating like an adult, right now. If you can't discuss things like a reasonable human being then I will assume our relationship is over. You have 24 hours to respond." 2
Frank2thepoint Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 ...since then i haven't tried contacting him So how about you try contacting him? 2
EuTuBrute Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 .In the past sometimes he wouldn't answer texts or call back. Do you like that feeling!? My ex gf of 2.5 years did that. RED FLAG. They cant communicate their feelings towards you and all they want to do is run and hide. No communication = no relationship You are about to be burned, be warned 3
mammasita Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I dunno OP, after going back and reading your first thread, I don't even think you were in a "relationship". Did you ever discuss being "official" in the first place or do anything other than spend the night at his house?
Author spicytango Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 First of all, thank you all for replying back to me and trying to help me and give me suggestions. Frank2thePoint, I did contact him this past Friday to see him and grab a couple of things that where at his apartment. I feel that he didn't really care so much that I was taking things back, so that made me feel even more that he wanted a breakup. When I got there he seemed pretty business like, though when I confronted him about not talking for 5 days (I told him I was trying to give him space), he immediately told me we weren't over. I told him that I missed him and he said the feeling was mutual. One thing that I might mention to help figure things out is that he also mentioned to me that he couldn't always be helping me with my self esteem issues...in other words, me dragging him down all the time with my, 'poor me, I am ugly' fishing for compliments attitude, of which I totally understand. Low self esteem is unattractive and a huge deterrent for both genders. I've been doing that for a while but I feel as if I am getting a little better..slowly. I only saw him for an hour because he has been working out twice per day due to the career field he is trying to get into. His body language seemed OK...of course you may have seen something I didn't pick up on lol He has been trying to get his life back on track and I feel that perhaps he just doesn't have time for a girlfriend and its just taxing to him to try and keep up with maintaining a relationship. Its probably just common sense that when anyone is depressed with their own life, that they can't handle a relationship. I know for sure that he is depressed/stressed with his life... I am also trying not to be selfish. I am trying to be understanding by giving space and keeping busy with my own crap, of which includes school and full-time job. I always think its something I am doing wrong, but it could fully be just him trying to get a life back that he used to have... In any case, that was what happened. I texted him later on that evening asking about seeing a movie next weekend and he said maybe. But that was about it. Any other texts were ignored. So I just stopped. I don't know what to do now. He says we aren't over but his actions are very negligent...or am I just to needy and need to go get a life? lol Thanks again and sorry for this being so long.
Author spicytango Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 I dunno OP, after going back and reading your first thread, I don't even think you were in a "relationship". Did you ever discuss being "official" in the first place or do anything other than spend the night at his house? Hi mammasita! Yes we did, two years ago. We lived together at one point and then moved into separate apartments due to my sister needing help with her rent. I don't know if thats a huge deal that sent him the wrong signals? He seemed just fine with it though. :/ We had been spending every weekend together up until last month.
Frank2thepoint Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 I don't know what to do now. He says we aren't over but his actions are very negligent...or am I just to needy and need to go get a life? lol The best you can do is just give him space and work on yourself. Stop contacting him from now on. If you do have self-esteem issues you really need to work on that. You need to be happy in your skin. Exercise helps put you in a better mood. You don't need to go crazy, join a gym, and work out for three hours a day. Walking, bicycling, and/or jogging help. 15 minutes, three times a week will make a huge difference in your view about yourself. Accept the relationship is probably over. Therefore start moving on and healing. If he comes back to you, and you are ready, then go for it, but don't count or wait for it. His actions do tell a different tale from what he says, which is why I am telling you to move on. He is probably doing the slow fade, so it's best you just cut him off.
Author spicytango Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 The best you can do is just give him space and work on yourself. Stop contacting him from now on. If you do have self-esteem issues you really need to work on that. You need to be happy in your skin. Exercise helps put you in a better mood. You don't need to go crazy, join a gym, and work out for three hours a day. Walking, bicycling, and/or jogging help. 15 minutes, three times a week will make a huge difference in your view about yourself. Accept the relationship is probably over. Therefore start moving on and healing. If he comes back to you, and you are ready, then go for it, but don't count or wait for it. His actions do tell a different tale from what he says, which is why I am telling you to move on. He is probably doing the slow fade, so it's best you just cut him off. Yeah that makes sense...the actions vs the words make me so confused.... Your response made my heart drop into my stomach but I think you are likely right.... so I should just stop all contact then? Whats a slow fade? I assume it's where someone just starts making minimal contact until they just stop? I think its often the hardest thing to do is stop contacting someone but its a lot easier if the other person is not even replying I guess. Man, these next couple of months are going to be so damn lonely.
sagamore Posted November 9, 2014 Posted November 9, 2014 Yeah that makes sense...the actions vs the words make me so confused.... Your response made my heart drop into my stomach but I think you are likely right.... so I should just stop all contact then? Whats a slow fade? I assume it's where someone just starts making minimal contact until they just stop? I think its often the hardest thing to do is stop contacting someone but its a lot easier if the other person is not even replying I guess. Man, these next couple of months are going to be so damn lonely. When the actions and the words contradict, follow the actions. He may be SAYING your relationship is not over, but he is ACTING like you're done. This is a breakup. I'm sorry you're hurting. Work on yourself -- you deserve more.
Author spicytango Posted November 9, 2014 Author Posted November 9, 2014 When the actions and the words contradict, follow the actions. He may be SAYING your relationship is not over, but he is ACTING like you're done. This is a breakup. I'm sorry you're hurting. Work on yourself -- you deserve more. Yep. I'm trying. And your right. I know for sure he doesn't want me in his life or he'd make time. I guess i was hoping he'd prove me wrong. Sad day.
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