SycamoreCircle Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 7 months NC on a live-in gf whom I loved deeply that left me for another man(cheated, lied, smeared me)---ha, this should be my signature. I went on a date the other night with a woman from OKC who contacted me. She is mature, emotionally stable, seems to cut through BS, wants a serious boyfriend, financially secure, clean, honest and attractive. She seemed to like me. I liked her. I'm hung up on my ex! I know, I know. I know I need to move on. I know that my ex is a douchebag. It's just...I put a lot into that relationship. A LOT. And I'm just afraid that "just liking" this new woman won't be enough in the long run. Also, I'm not entirely sure she does it for me. I know that sounds superficial. She's blond and has a modesty about her(telltale signs of a well adjusted person) and I'm so attracted to darker, more curvy and exotic looking women. I feel like if I could meet someone that shoveled a lot of coal in my engine, the spell by my ex would be broken. I refuse to hurt anyone. We both agreed that we're not really daters. We look for serious relationships. We agreed on the sad state of dating in NYC and how everyone is disposable. What should I do? It's been about a day since our date, I need to decide. I feel like if I go "no" on this woman, I should write her an explanation that she's an amazing woman, I'm just sort of stuck. I know that that's needless, but after our lengthy conversation on the flakiness of people, I don't want to just leave her hanging. I'm afraid if I go "yes", my heart is not fully in it and my eye might start roving. I think about all I'm really good for right now is going out with women once, not pursuing anything seriously. I don't want to sleep with them because I don't want to hurt any one, including myself. Am I being selfish?
LostOnes05 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Don't do that to yourself man! This ex cheated, lied, and you want her back?? I went through the same thing after a five year relationship. Even if you got back with your ex, how could you trust her? Every time she missed a call or didn't text back for hours, your mind would start racing...again don't do that to yourself. Once someone breaks trust in a relationship, that's it (at least for me). As I was getting over my ex, her cheating, and lies I realized something very important. I am a great guy and I deserve a hell of a lot more and someone who puts 100% into a relationship just like me. Anything else would be selling myself short. Go out with this new woman and get to know her...don't sell yourself short. Good luck bro!
Frank2thepoint Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 We agreed on the sad state of dating in NYC and how everyone is disposable. I'm right there with you on this. Probably is the main attraction of NYC. I think about all I'm really good for right now is going out with women once, not pursuing anything seriously. I don't want to sleep with them because I don't want to hurt any one, including myself. Am I being selfish? You're not ready for a serious relationship. You know this very well, so don't fool yourself nor the new woman. The fact that you feel guilty of even liking her means you are definitely stuck emotionally. If you proceed with the new woman, you will be cheating her of the full experience. She may end up resentful, and you will "prove" to her that there are no good guys in NYC. Be honest with the new woman, give it to her straight. She'll be disappointed, but at least will respect you for being honest. Also, after you break the news to the new woman, put in a good word for me. I'm available for a serious relationship and have no problem dating a blond.
d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I went thru something similar to this a few weeks ago. I made the conscious decision to let the girl I was dating go. It would be selfish of me to lead her on at all. and we were exclusive for 2 months, I still felt bad. If you still have strong feelings for the Ex, don't pursue the new lady. You can'y use people to get over someone else, even if you aren't doing it on purpose or with intent to do so. Using them is exactly what you would be doing.
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