windowplants Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 My boss and I became friends, and I was especially kind to him after his wife left him suddenly more than a year ago. I slowly began to develop feelings for him, and we always remained friendly and supportive of each other. We'd text on the weekends and recently he had me over for dinner and I had him over for dinner. We never crossed a line, have been respectful of each other and kind. We never did anything more than hug but we'd talk about everything -- families, fears, hopes. Two months ago he began acting very distant and cold to me. I even asked him if everything was OK and he told me he was fine. I found out through another co-worker that he met someone around the time he began acting weird towards me and they got very serious and are moving in together. I asked him about it and he finally told me, but only after I asked him directly. I told him I was happy for him, which I am, but also told him that there was a lot I left unsaid because of work. I was so hurt, but beyond the loss of a hope for a relationship (could it have worked? Probably not) -- I'm upset that I lost a friend. He's very distant to me now. I also genuinely want to feel happy for him in this beautiful stage of his life. How can I?
preraph Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 No matter how you feel about it, you better learn to act happy for him and then just never try to be personal with him ever again and just do your job and keep a fake smile on your face.
Author windowplants Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 Do you not think we can ever be friends again?
CC12 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I think you could maybe be friends again, but not until any romantic feelings you have for him have vanished. A friendship just wouldn't be appropriate if you're still hoping for a relationship or if you still want to be as emotionally close to him as you were before. If you can be a completely platonic friend, it should probably also involve being friendly with his girlfriend. Invite them both out for dinner so you and him can catch up and you can meet her. To be honest, the fact that he became very distant when he got serious with this girl probably means that he's not capable of having a platonic friendship with you, or of having the two of you in the same room, but there's a possibility that a good friendship could work out. You'll never know unless you try.
Author windowplants Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 Thank you, I appreciate that. The loss of a friendship hurt the most since the chances of us being romantically involved were very slim (our work prevented it.) We both connected on a level, and I think I was a good friend to him these past months.
preraph Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Do you not think we can ever be friends again? Not with you having feelings. You certainly can't initiate it. If HE wants to take steps to reestablish a friendship with you, it's his move, but since you want more, it would be stupid to get personal at all with him. He's your boss. If he decides he's tired of having a girl crushing on him or tired of worrying his new love will find out, he can fire you.
anika99 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 A friendship would require that both people want the friendship and it doesn't sound like he's interested. Some people have boundaries about having friendships with the opposite sex while they are married or in a committed relationship and you have to respect those boundaries. It is very very common for a man going through a divorce to latch on to the first female to show him kindness and attention. He will take full advantage of all that warmth and validation because it makes him feel better but usually once the dust settles and they get their footing they leave their soft landing friend or girlfriend in the dust so they can go spread their wings. Be very careful about letting yourself develop feelings for the newly separated or divorced man. They might be charming and affectionate but they are needy and temporary. I don't think a friendship is going to happen so let him go and just maintain a good professional relationship with him.
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