Mark1 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 A good friend of mine is very awkward around women. This bothers me because when he and I hang out, he sort of ruins it. Here are some things I've noticed: -his voice gets really high talking to women -he has tons of female friends who he gets drinks with. Some are single, some are taken, but none view him as more than a great friend -he claims he is seeing a girl but never mentions when they hang out or what they do -we might be at a bar or at a baseball game and I might strike up a conversation with a woman. He will immediately ask "do u know her?" "Did u just start talking to her?" -I like to date older women (I'm 25) and he doesnt understand the appeal.It's not that he doesnt find them attractive, it's that he doesnt get it "why would a cougar want to go out w a 25 year old?" Etc It's there anything I can do? I feel weird giving him unsolicited advice especially when he has had a girlfriend before. Thoughts?
Assasda Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Well, If he doesnt want to change he wont change. Its all a part of programming though. Some of it is incorrect social programming, and some of it is incorrect parental programming The programming is - Women prefer, feminine-like men. Which is very untrue. - If you can explain this to him, he might change his views. There are also books he can read about this, if he's more of a cerebral type of dude
evanescentworld Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 You don't want to change him for his sake. You want to change him for your sake. He says and does things you don't like. He seems to get on your nerves. You're not really interested in improving his chances - you're interested in bettering yours. So, quit going places with him AND trying to get a date at the same time. two guys together looking to 'hook up' seem like immature predators anyway....
Standard-Fare Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Just choose different activities with him. Maybe you two would do better doing stuff like hanging out at home with video games and beer. He's not the right "wingman" type for you, and it's not fair for you to put him in those situations if he's only going to get on your nerves. His lack of success with women is not your problem.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I don't understand what you are asking about. Helping a friend is nice, but they need to do it without. You feel you are more successful with women, hence the need to give advice, But some dudes just don't get it, and you seem fairly nice. Don't give him unsolicited advice, you will not win. He may take it as criticism and it may get under his skin. You can try to show him the way, you can show him the rope, But in the end, he is who he is, and you'll have to learn to cope! 1
Author Mark1 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 You don't want to change him for his sake. You want to change him for your sake. He says and does things you don't like. He seems to get on your nerves. You're not really interested in improving his chances - you're interested in bettering yours. So, quit going places with him AND trying to get a date at the same time. two guys together looking to 'hook up' seem like immature predators anyway.... Well yeah, I want to change him because he's making me look bad. Pretty reasonable. And I don't go "looking" to hook up with women, I'm at a baseball game, I talk to people. Not a big deal.
GravityMan Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I think you are being a poor friend to him, OP. Your motives are selfish. Perhaps you should just leave him be. It's one thing to give someone a little subtle "push"...but it is a bad idea to try to change someone else. Not only does it seldom work, it often backfires on you in the form of resentment or worse. He is who he is, and if you still want to be his friend you'll have to accept that. He has to WANT to change. Do different activities with him, as Standard-Fare suggested.
evanescentworld Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Well yeah, I want to change him because he's making me look bad. Pretty reasonable. No. Quite the opposite, in fact. How would you feel if he was actually on a mission to change you, because he doesn't like the way you operate? You're no friend to him if your motives are purely selfish. Either quit going places with him, or just leave him be. He is who he is, and if you don't like it, that's your problem, and nothing you do should be to change him. And I don't go "looking" to hook up with women, I'm at a baseball game, I talk to people. Not a big deal. People - or women? This thread was started by you on the basis that you find his behaviour awkward around women. Ergo, you're looking to pick up a date. There are countless places where couples meet, and actually, a baseball game is as good a place as any other. He cramps your style. Do him a favour, and leave him alone.
todreaminblue Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Isn't part of being a "good friend" is loving a person for who they are and not what you want them to be......deb
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