bf is not talking after a fight

[CarrieT]

he probably still has feelings for me. 5 mins before the fight, we were on bed..

 

He's already told you he was not emotionally invested, so being in bed was irrelevant. YOU are equating the sexual act with emotion when it is apparent he never did. Did he ever tell you he had feelings for you? Because he DID tell you he was not emotionally attached!

 

he should have decided to break up and just been ignoring me. Should I reach out for closure?

No, no, no.

 

You have been given your closure - you just don't like the way it was given. Stop contacting him and realize the relationship is at an end.

[shakepig]

He's already told you he was not emotionally invested, so being in bed was irrelevant. YOU are equating the sexual act with emotion when it is apparent he never did. Did he ever tell you he had feelings for you? Because he DID tell you he was not emotionally attached!

 

 

No, no, no.

 

You have been given your closure - you just don't like the way it was given. Stop contacting him and realize the relationship is at an end.

 

Thank you for the advice.

 

 

he pursued me for one and half months. After we had sex for the first time, he asked me to be his gf on a date. he hasn't played mind games with me. I believe he is serious about me to some extent.

 

 

he responded my message last night, saying he has been sick. I was caring to him, offering to bring medicine to his place and take care of him. he said don't worry about it, he wanted some good sleep and was going to bed soon. no mention about the fight.

 

 

I think he is being a typical Virgo ( slightly cocky and insecure at the same time). I like him, and want to give the relationship another go. relationships are hard. it needs understanding and compromises. we are still on the stage of getting to know each other ( I should have waited a little longer before becoming his gf). i'm not perfect, could be inconsiderate sometimes and stubborn. I need improve myself too, not for him but for myself. it could be a positive learning experience.

 

 

I think I need work on communication with him, take things slow and avoid to make stupid mistakes on my end. Giving another one or 2 months, I could see clearly if he is worthy of my emotions, if I want him for chrismas lol

[shakepig]

I think he's just being an ******* and you should do your best to stop worrying about what he's thinking/feeling, dump him, and move on.

 

 

 

he responded. I want to give another go with him. question is, how ? he still sounds distant.

[Tinroof53]

You wish to allow him to abuse you more? Why?

 

He's shown you who he is = an abuser.

 

Why are you even willing to talk to him at all?

 

You deserve better.

[shakepig]

OMG, girl, I'm just sitting here shaking my head more and more with every post I read. Yeah, you probably shouldn't have said what you said in the way that you said it but, you're missing a big piece of the puzzle here. He's highly immature, abusive, ill-tempered, and mean-spirited.

 

You probably have no experience with this but this is exactly how abusive guys act. They blow everything out of proportion and have you bouncing off the walls blaming yourself and wondering how to fix your blunder. He is totally overreacting to what you said. And look at how his silence has hurt you. Do you not think he knows this? He absolutely does and he's enjoying this head game he's playing with you. He totally expects you to act like the hurt victim and you're doing exactly what he wants.

 

He's showing you his true colors and, no matter how hurt you are over this, I strongly recommend that you let him go completely because he is nothing but trouble. 100%. As another poster said here, she would never tolerate a man talking to her like that. Neither should you or anyone else. He is showing you what he's made of and it's not very impressive.

 

In your mind, you think he's justified in talking to you the way he did, when there's really no excuse for it. And I'll make a bet with you --- he'll be back and he thinks you're going to not only be ever so grateful that he returned and forgave you, but you will have also learned that in order to keep him from blowing his stack in the future, you'll have to walk on eggshells with him. Then ta-da! he's got you where he wants you.

 

Do you see how this subtle game works? You're completely in victim mode right now and I hope you'll get yourself out of it very soon. A mature man might be angry at first but would cool off in a few hours and accept your apology. In a serious relationship, you do not want someone who will resort to cruelty. Ever.

 

Don't walk away from this relationship....run!

 

 

I got ur point. he is definitely not too kind and warm-hearted... he is not too bad either except this time. this is the first time happened. he used to talk to me first when I was not rational and reasonable in the past. I think I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

 

I'm afraid he would start playing games and manipulate my feelings. I will be careful. If I see any sign of it in future, I will call him out and be ready to end it for good.

[shakepig]

OMG, girl, I'm just sitting here shaking my head more and more with every post I read. Yeah, you probably shouldn't have said what you said in the way that you said it but, you're missing a big piece of the puzzle here. He's highly immature, abusive, ill-tempered, and mean-spirited.

 

You probably have no experience with this but this is exactly how abusive guys act. They blow everything out of proportion and have you bouncing off the walls blaming yourself and wondering how to fix your blunder. He is totally overreacting to what you said. And look at how his silence has hurt you. Do you not think he knows this? He absolutely does and he's enjoying this head game he's playing with you. He totally expects you to act like the hurt victim and you're doing exactly what he wants.

 

He's showing you his true colors and, no matter how hurt you are over this, I strongly recommend that you let him go completely because he is nothing but trouble. 100%. As another poster said here, she would never tolerate a man talking to her like that. Neither should you or anyone else. He is showing you what he's made of and it's not very impressive.

 

In your mind, you think he's justified in talking to you the way he did, when there's really no excuse for it. And I'll make a bet with you --- he'll be back and he thinks you're going to not only be ever so grateful that he returned and forgave you, but you will have also learned that in order to keep him from blowing his stack in the future, you'll have to walk on eggshells with him. Then ta-da! he's got you where he wants you.

 

Do you see how this subtle game works? You're completely in victim mode right now and I hope you'll get yourself out of it very soon. A mature man might be angry at first but would cool off in a few hours and accept your apology. In a serious relationship, you do not want someone who will resort to cruelty. Ever.

 

Don't walk away from this relationship....run!

 

You wish to allow him to abuse you more? Why?

 

He's shown you who he is = an abuser.

 

Why are you even willing to talk to him at all?

 

You deserve better.

 

 

 

 

I don't know.. he is an abuser already? he got mad, and spent 5 days to cool down. I don't understand why he didn't respond me immediately.. if I was him, my lover apologizes sincerely for his share of mistakes, and I would run back to his arms..

[Tinroof53]

I don't know.. he is an abuser already? he got mad, and spent 5 days to cool down. I don't understand why he didn't respond me immediately.. if I was him, my lover apologizes sincerely for his share of mistakes, and I would run back to his arms..

 

It looks like it's not a good match.

 

Only go back knowing that you will have more abuse and pain, but why would someone choose that?

 

Did you grow up in an abusive home environment?

[bathtub-row]

I don't know.. he is an abuser already? he got mad, and spent 5 days to cool down. I don't understand why he didn't respond me immediately.. if I was him, my lover apologizes sincerely for his share of mistakes, and I would run back to his arms..

 

Well, you're willing to dive into this until you either waste more time with this guy to figure out who he is, or he'll end up sucking you back in to the point of no return.

 

The reason most of us here know that he's abusive just from the small amount you've told us is because a mature, respectful and decent guy would not have behaved as as he has, and he would not have spoken to you as this guy did. What you're seeing now is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

Being understanding and overly nice is EXACTLY how women just like you end up in abusive relationships. I'm trying to save you months or even years of sheer agony. This man is abusive and he IS playing head games with you. You don't see it because you don't know the signs and you have no clue as to how he thinks. Do you honestly think that abusers start off being abusive and somehow those women who are with them are just dumb and pathetic? These guys start out nice and loving and sweet, they like to rush the relationship and slowly, they show you who they are. He is testing you to see how far he can push you and you just sent a very clear message to him: he can push more. You're willing to put up with bad behavior because you have low expectations of men and of relationships.

 

Abuse is very much like boiling a frog in water. You've heard this analogy before, right? If you toss the frog into a pot of water that's already boiling, he will simply jump right out. He knows without a doubt that it's dangerous territory. But if you put him in water that's room temperature, his guard is down, he's relaxed. Slowly, you can crank up the heat. At some point, he thinks about how it's starting to get a little warm but decides to ignore the signs. And, before he knows it, he's dead; he's cooked.

 

Another big, red flag, is when a relationship is so troubled that you find yourself on a forum talking about how his behavior confuses and hurts you. Take a lesson from it and learn to cut guys like this out of your life. Don't give them a second chance to hurt you again. If you're willing to do that, then you'll start attracting better men. This is not about whether you're perfect or not, or whether what you said was not a smart thing to say. This is about his reaction to what you said. What you're seeing right now is how he will be from this point forward. No amount of understanding or talking or reasoning will change that. He will always blow things out of proportion, he will always make you feel less than, he will always have you under his thumb. He has already taught you that if you say something he doesn't want to hear, you will pay dearly for it. So, the next time you want to be honest with him, you're going to hesitate because you will fear his reaction. Once you do that, welcome yourself to the world of abuse.

 

My guess right now? He's not sick at all. He's either spending the week with another woman, or he's still playing games with you. Neither of those scenarios should be acceptable to you. Of course, you'll never really know because he'll never tell you the truth about it. And when a man has you guessing, it's time to cut bait and move on.

Edited November 8, 2014 by bathtub-row

[shakepig]

It looks like it's not a good match.

 

Only go back knowing that you will have more abuse and pain, but why would someone choose that?

 

Did you grow up in an abusive home environment?

 

not at all. from a completely loving family..

[ExpatInItaly]

This isn't a complicated scenario: You're more into him than he is into you. He sounds like a low-quality guy, anyway. Move on, OP. Your future self will thank you.