clia Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 At least have a little faith... The beginning of a relationship is when a lot of new things are learned/introduced, and emotions are flaring. The only emotions that should be flaring at the beginning of a relationship are butterflies in the stomach, nerves, infatuation, happiness, and joy. Not anger. Not telling a person to F off. A relationship isn't about giving up and moving on after a sign of weakness. It's a commitment to get through whatever issues you may have. Two months in is hardly a relationship. It's a blip on the radar. Nine weeks ago she didn't even know this guy. It's not like this is a man she's been married to for years and has children with, and I'm telling her to bolt. She barely knows this guy and he's already treated her disrespectfully. You think it's going to get better?
Author shakepig Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 4 days is more than enough time to cool down after an argument. I suspect he's reached his breaking point in this short, rocky relationship and is letting it fizzle out. If you really want this relationship, reach out to him to see if you two can meet in person and talk. sent an apologize text to him already. if he is not responding, I have to let it go I guess. stupid mistake I made.
Zahara Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 we didn't have that feeling-crazy stage. guess he is not into me that much in the first place. he could say things like 'getting the **** out of here' he is not afraid to lose me at all. Well, he said get the F out and you kicked him in the nuts. Call it even. Both of you suck at communication. But 4 days of silence -- it isn't warranted. When/if he reaches out to you, talk about a better way at resolving conflict and definitely think before you speak next time.
Author shakepig Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Partners should be careful when critiquing a partner's performance in bed. You don't just say stuff like that. Yes. I learned it.
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 8 weeks in & there is no HM period? You are already fighting & you don't like his love making style. Really -- what are you hanging on to? I see no upside whatsoever here. 3
Author shakepig Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 he hasn't replied the message I sent 4 hours ago. I sent over 'i'm sorry, baby. I regret the fights. I shouldn't have said those hurtful things to hurt ur feelings and make you feel not good enough' this is driving me crazy. i'm full of regrets. should I ring him up?
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 No you should not ring him. At this point he has figured out that you two don't work & he's ignoring you by way of breaking up. 4
Els Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 4 days is a very long time, especially over such a minor tiff and at 2 months. Also, I agree with the others who say that this is way too much fighting at such an early stage. I think you should cut your losses, really, at this stage. It could be 'possible' to work things out, but is it really worth it to do that for a 2-month R that is already so fraught with arguments? What are the good parts of this R? 2
Author shakepig Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 so I did call him. he didn't pick it up, It went to the voice message. I've done pretty much I should have done at this point. Time to stop trying and let it go.
Gloria25 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 "Lovemaking"? The guy skips foreplay...Any guy with half a brain knows that you get a woman "excited" before you head to penetration...Well, maybe not all people know, I mean, I was listening to my podcast the other day and a woman - an older woman - thought that penetration was "sex" - she didn't consider foreplay as part of it...Thank God I'm not in bed with her or her husband. He seems like a selfish "lover" to me....
ExpatInItaly Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 so I did call him. he didn't pick it up, It went to the voice message. I've done pretty much I should have done at this point. Time to stop trying and let it go. Exactly. I think this relationship is over. Honestly, it's a bad sign that you're on rocky ground after such a short time. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. 1
WomenWubber Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Seriously, what a punk. Be thankful you're rid of his lazy ass.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 (edited) You've done more than enough to apologize and try to reach out to him. From what you described of the argument the silence is totally unwarranted. Consider the relationship over. Even if he did contact you now to try...would you really want to? Learn to communicate effectively so that you will be better in your next relationship. Don't beat yourself up over this. While you may have hurt his feelings, your bf had no right to lash back at you with such disrespect. It takes two to make a relationship work. so I did call him. he didn't pick it up, It went to the voice message. I've done pretty much I should have done at this point. Time to stop trying and let it go. Edited November 7, 2014 by seekingpeaceinlove
Tayken Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 8 weeks in & there is no HM period? You are already fighting & you don't like his love making style. Really -- what are you hanging on to? I see no upside whatsoever here. Come on now, is that a trick question? You know it's the look
Author shakepig Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 Come on now, is that a trick question? You know it's the look he looks good and treats me good generally. the fights just happened. I am still in the cloud of confusions. I am all sad over him now..
Author shakepig Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 You've done more than enough to apologize and try to reach out to him. From what you described of the argument the silence is totally unwarranted. Consider the relationship over. Even if he did contact you now to try...would you really want to? Learn to communicate effectively so that you will be better in your next relationship. Don't beat yourself up over this. While you may have hurt his feelings, your bf had no right to lash back at you with such disrespect. It takes two to make a relationship work. I keep thinking if I have been unappreciative and wronged him. he seemed he was pushed to the limit by me. I really don't know anymore. am I really that bad to him? he has to break up with me in this way..
Author shakepig Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 he said I was spoiled. I think he is spoiled too to some extent, assuming that girlfriends should clean his house, take care of him when he was sick, and cook him meals (which I did). I have been feeling that he is not as invested as me. I did't want to invest anymore when he wasn't. I kept asking little things from him, like walking me out of the door after I spent the night with him, hugging me when we were walking, and I was feeling cold. he claimed he has been generous to me. I guess it was in term of money. he pretty much paid everything when we went out. I offered to pay a few times, he said no need. during the fight, I said something like ' I want to have emotional sex' he yelled back ' no, i'm not emotional attached' i should believe his words. just thinking back, the relationship had no solid foundation. One mistake I made screwed up everything. he probably hates me now. I think we took each other for granted. we're not right for each other now. even I'm full of regrets, deadly want to talk to and meet him for the last time, and express my feelings, I would not have the chance. saw his car passing by my window twice since yesterday( he is living nearby, he has to passby when he is going downtown, his car is fancy and loud).. he wouldn't have problem to find someone to replace me within one week. i simply don't know how to feel now.
Zahara Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 during the fight, I said something like ' I want to have emotional sex' he yelled back ' no, i'm not emotional attached' i should believe his words. There's your closure. Shut the door and move on. 4
newmoon Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 i don't think a mature individual needs days to process and cool down. that is called being immature. if he isn't communicating that is a huge red flag. especially so early on. men who go silent are the worst, they cannot handle emotions and express themselves to a partner, and you need healthy and open communication for a relationship to work. 2
Author shakepig Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 There's your closure. Shut the door and move on. i'm holding on to the hope that the words are out of anger in the moment of heat. he probably still has feelings for me. 5 mins before the fight, we were on bed..
Author shakepig Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 i don't think a mature individual needs days to process and cool down. that is called being immature. if he isn't communicating that is a huge red flag. especially so early on. men who go silent are the worst, they cannot handle emotions and express themselves to a partner, and you need healthy and open communication for a relationship to work. he should have decided to break up and just been ignoring me. Should I reach out for closure?
bathtub-row Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 (edited) he should have decided to break up and just been ignoring me. Should I reach out for closure? OMG, girl, I'm just sitting here shaking my head more and more with every post I read. Yeah, you probably shouldn't have said what you said in the way that you said it but, you're missing a big piece of the puzzle here. He's highly immature, abusive, ill-tempered, and mean-spirited. You probably have no experience with this but this is exactly how abusive guys act. They blow everything out of proportion and have you bouncing off the walls blaming yourself and wondering how to fix your blunder. He is totally overreacting to what you said. And look at how his silence has hurt you. Do you not think he knows this? He absolutely does and he's enjoying this head game he's playing with you. He totally expects you to act like the hurt victim and you're doing exactly what he wants. He's showing you his true colors and, no matter how hurt you are over this, I strongly recommend that you let him go completely because he is nothing but trouble. 100%. As another poster said here, she would never tolerate a man talking to her like that. Neither should you or anyone else. He is showing you what he's made of and it's not very impressive. In your mind, you think he's justified in talking to you the way he did, when there's really no excuse for it. And I'll make a bet with you --- he'll be back and he thinks you're going to not only be ever so grateful that he returned and forgave you, but you will have also learned that in order to keep him from blowing his stack in the future, you'll have to walk on eggshells with him. Then ta-da! he's got you where he wants you. Do you see how this subtle game works? You're completely in victim mode right now and I hope you'll get yourself out of it very soon. A mature man might be angry at first but would cool off in a few hours and accept your apology. In a serious relationship, you do not want someone who will resort to cruelty. Ever. Don't walk away from this relationship....run! Edited November 8, 2014 by bathtub-row 5
Els Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 he should have decided to break up and just been ignoring me. Should I reach out for closure? I think he's just being an ******* and you should do your best to stop worrying about what he's thinking/feeling, dump him, and move on.
newmoon Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 he should have decided to break up and just been ignoring me. Should I reach out for closure? it sounds like you've already done way to much. i thought your earlier posts said you have already called/texted/left voice messages. just leave him alone and start your healing process from this person. 1
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