Alwaysanxiousgirl Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 There’s this older guy (+13 years) at work that I’ve taken an interest in, but I’m confused and have been getting such mixed signals from him; he’ll do the whole staring and looking away quick when I look at him thing (this happens every day), tends to keep to himself but doesn’t mind me hanging around him, is quiet but (sometimes) tries to carry on a conversation with me when I talk to him, he smiles (at me? To himself?) whenever I become flustered or nervous in front of him…but then there’s other times like yesterday where he seems totally uninterested. I walked over to him and said hello like usual, but he barely even looked up from his phone at me and said hello back after a few awkward seconds of silence. Then I asked him how his day was only to get a one worded answer as a reply followed by more silence until, eventually, a few minutes later when he asked me how my day had been. I answered him, making sure to leave room for more conversation to take place, but he literally said nothing in response. After a few more minutes of just sitting there I asked him another question which he briefly answered. More open ended commentary from me and then…silence. After a while of just sitting there while he played on his phone I finally just got up and left, thinking maybe he wanted to be left alone or something. After that I could feel him watching me the rest of the night he looked at me a lot and looked away quickly when I looked at him. And…yeah. I don’t know. When I watch him talk to other people, he’ll animatedly talk and chatter away, but when it comes to me or whenever someone talks to him and I’m around him he’s so quiet. It’s flabbergasting and a tiny bit frustrating at the same time aha. Last night I watched him say more to someone in two minutes than he has to me in two weeks! I’m really interested in this guy and would like to get to know him more, but I don’t know if I should keep trying to talk to him and engage him or let it go. I don’t want to annoy him even though he’s told me he doesn’t mind my presence…grrr. Tonight I was going to ask him if he wanted to hang out at break since he usually goes off by himself anyway. Should I? Just…thoughts?
Keenly Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 What's stopping you from asking him out? Sitting on your hands and waiting is not going to get him to show interest.
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Some people would just rather admire from afar, than get involved. I wouldn't recommend dating people you work with, because then everyone gets involved, and if things go sour, you still have to see them everyday. Also jealous comes into play when you or they see you interacting with an attractive new co-worker. He might find the age difference is a little stretched....it may not be a problem for you, but it might be for him. So now there are the warnings, you do what you want to do, and take your chances with him. Maybe he needs to warm up to you. See what happens. 1
Author Alwaysanxiousgirl Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 What's stopping you from asking him out? Sitting on your hands and waiting is not going to get him to show interest. I guess I'm just still trying to gauge if he's actually into me or not.
OwMyEyeball Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I agree with smackie You're tempting eye candy Combination of the age gap and, far more importantly, the shared workplace are going to keep all but those with a high risk tolerance at bay.
Imported Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 (edited) You're 13 years younger. This is even worse if you're also 21-25. If you were like 30 and he was 43, not too much of a problem. But if you're 20 and he's 33, I wouldn't even consider it. Nice to look at, but not going there. If you're 23 to 27, it would really depend. Do you think he knows your age? I actually dated a girl I thought was too young and as it turns out, she was two years older than me!!! I wasn't even gonna go there because sometimes I look at her and thought she might be 30 and sometimes I see her and she looks 19. I'm not gonna be that guy, so I let her be. Fortunately, she started talking to me. Edited November 6, 2014 by Imported 1
WomenWubber Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 If you don't feel like doing the direct approach, I'd say just try to interact more with him. Observe his body language. In time, you will be able to tell if he likes you.
Assasda Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 There’s this older guy (+13 years) at work that I’ve taken an interest in, but I’m confused and have been getting such mixed signals from him; he’ll do the whole staring and looking away quick when I look at him thing (this happens every day), tends to keep to himself but doesn’t mind me hanging around him, is quiet but (sometimes) tries to carry on a conversation with me when I talk to him, he smiles (at me? To himself?) whenever I become flustered or nervous in front of him…but then there’s other times like yesterday where he seems totally uninterested. I walked over to him and said hello like usual, but he barely even looked up from his phone at me and said hello back after a few awkward seconds of silence. Then I asked him how his day was only to get a one worded answer as a reply followed by more silence until, eventually, a few minutes later when he asked me how my day had been. I answered him, making sure to leave room for more conversation to take place, but he literally said nothing in response. After a few more minutes of just sitting there I asked him another question which he briefly answered. More open ended commentary from me and then…silence. After a while of just sitting there while he played on his phone I finally just got up and left, thinking maybe he wanted to be left alone or something. After that I could feel him watching me the rest of the night he looked at me a lot and looked away quickly when I looked at him. And…yeah. I don’t know. When I watch him talk to other people, he’ll animatedly talk and chatter away, but when it comes to me or whenever someone talks to him and I’m around him he’s so quiet. It’s flabbergasting and a tiny bit frustrating at the same time aha. Last night I watched him say more to someone in two minutes than he has to me in two weeks! I’m really interested in this guy and would like to get to know him more, but I don’t know if I should keep trying to talk to him and engage him or let it go. I don’t want to annoy him even though he’s told me he doesn’t mind my presence…grrr. Tonight I was going to ask him if he wanted to hang out at break since he usually goes off by himself anyway. Should I? Just…thoughts? OP I dont think this guy likes you. either that, or he's super weird. what attracts you to him?
Standard-Fare Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Do you have any firm signals that he might be interested you, other than the staring? (Which sounds kind of creepy, BTW.) I wouldn't jump the gun and assume that his lack of chatter/communication is due to his nerves over liking you. Yes, it could be that, but it could be for other reasons. I think you have the right approach in trying to engage with him in a friendly manner. Keep up with that (in a laid back, non-aggressive style) and see if he warms up and shows you any signs of flirting. If you never see that, well, it doesn't matter whether he likes you or not -- because do you really want that type of guy? A dud with no ability to demonstrate his interest to a woman? 1
GorillaTheater Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Maybe the company sexual harassment training really took root.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 You're 22. He's 35. He may as well be 65 in terms of being in completely different life stages. I would be wary even if it did seem like he wanted to date, but it doesn't seem like he does. If anything it sounds like he's not particularly interested in talking to you. Maybe he senses your attraction and it makes him uncomfortable. To everyone saying "just ask him out!" I would remind them that this is a workplace! It is usually not appropriate and sometimes even forbidden to date someone in your immediate office. Also, once again, OP is 22. The last thing she needs is a reputation for pursuing older men at the office. That can follow you around long after you leave your current job.
preraph Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I'm not seeing any sign that he's interested. I mean, he's probably staring trying to figure out why you keep trying to engage him in conversation. Do you even know he's single and straight? I mean, the fact he keeps his voice low when he's being friendly to others when you're around is NOT a good sign. It's more a sign of I don't want her in my business.
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