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Posted

I'm a 28-year-old should-know-better woman who is the "other woman." Even typing that out felt ridiculous. He is early thirties, not married but in a serious long term, long distance relationship. We started out as friends, then I developed a sexual attraction to him, then we acted on it.

 

Eight months later here we are, feelings have developed, and his girlfriend has come from across the country so that they can talk in person about ending their relationship, or I guess not doing that? I'm not sure, from the beginning I have not wanted to know anything about his relationship with her. I have never asked, and I wish I didn't even know this talk was happening. I was good with having what we had, while we had it, knowing the end date. It all felt fairly predictable, and I knew I would be sad and miss him when they moved back together, but I thought it was inevitable.

 

She has been here four days. Staying together is definitely what she wants to do, otherwise I don't think she would have come here. I am really uncomfortable with the idea that if their relationship does end, it will be because he left her for me. I told him he needs to decide if he wants to be with her or not be with her, not be with her or be with me. But that's what he said the situation is. I almost wish I made a stronger play, but I go back and forth on it. In my secret heart of desires I want to pull a Meredith Gray and say "Pick me. Choose me. Love ME."

 

I know if he doesn't do that I will be okay. I'll be fine, there will be someone else, I'll love again, all those things. I've been guarding my heart a long time and haven't been in a relationship for eight years, so none of that was true before I met him. I credit him with giving me a situation where I could show myself that I am ready. I'm ready now, and now I know. I want him. I love him. And right now the man I love is trying to work out his relationship with another woman.

 

The waiting is killing me. I go back and forth on whether I should just end it in my own mind now, to have some control back. But it would only be temporary relief. I love him, it's worth a few more days to me. Then I will know, one way or another this situation is over forever. It's going to change. And I'm ready. I just want to know.

 

A part of me wants to give him (and her) their space right now, to decide what they really want. And a part of me wants to call him and demand an answer right now, put an end to this anticipation. I'm really conflicted on that point. I care about him but I care about myself too, and I don't feel too good right now. Obviously if I'm pouring out this tale to the internet I'm starting to feel pretty desperate. This story is hardly unique in anyway, I know I've made some bad decisions that have led me to this place, but either way I won't regret it because oddly I feel like I got my heart back through this situation. So I wait.

It's been four days.

Posted

You seem to be in control of your emotions and accepting of the fact that he might choose her. At this point it is really out of your control. You did not get fooled and knew he had a girlfriend when this started. At least there will be no kids or family broken up by the affair.

You should also not blame yourself totally for this situation. He betrayed his girlfriend and that does not make him exactly "prince charming" in most people's eyes.

If it does not work out, learn from your mistake and do not repeat it. No one is perfect .

  • Like 1
Posted
I'm a 28-year-old should-know-better woman who is the "other woman." Even typing that out felt ridiculous. He is early thirties, not married but in a serious long term, long distance relationship. We started out as friends, then I developed a sexual attraction to him, then we acted on it.

 

Eight months later here we are, feelings have developed, and his girlfriend has come from across the country so that they can talk in person about ending their relationship, or I guess not doing that? I'm not sure, from the beginning I have not wanted to know anything about his relationship with her. I have never asked, and I wish I didn't even know this talk was happening. I was good with having what we had, while we had it, knowing the end date. It all felt fairly predictable, and I knew I would be sad and miss him when they moved back together, but I thought it was inevitable.

 

She has been here four days. Staying together is definitely what she wants to do, otherwise I don't think she would have come here. I am really uncomfortable with the idea that if their relationship does end, it will be because he left her for me. I told him he needs to decide if he wants to be with her or not be with her, not be with her or be with me. But that's what he said the situation is. I almost wish I made a stronger play, but I go back and forth on it. In my secret heart of desires I want to pull a Meredith Gray and say "Pick me. Choose me. Love ME."

 

I know if he doesn't do that I will be okay. I'll be fine, there will be someone else, I'll love again, all those things. I've been guarding my heart a long time and haven't been in a relationship for eight years, so none of that was true before I met him. I credit him with giving me a situation where I could show myself that I am ready. I'm ready now, and now I know. I want him. I love him. And right now the man I love is trying to work out his relationship with another woman.

 

The waiting is killing me. I go back and forth on whether I should just end it in my own mind now, to have some control back. But it would only be temporary relief. I love him, it's worth a few more days to me. Then I will know, one way or another this situation is over forever. It's going to change. And I'm ready. I just want to know.

 

A part of me wants to give him (and her) their space right now, to decide what they really want. And a part of me wants to call him and demand an answer right now, put an end to this anticipation. I'm really conflicted on that point. I care about him but I care about myself too, and I don't feel too good right now. Obviously if I'm pouring out this tale to the internet I'm starting to feel pretty desperate. This story is hardly unique in anyway, I know I've made some bad decisions that have led me to this place, but either way I won't regret it because oddly I feel like I got my heart back through this situation. So I wait.

It's been four days.

 

Yes, but after being so careful about getting hurt in a realtionship, do you think its wise to start one with a guy you know is a cheater?

 

I know the feeling is normally "this is different, we have something special" I'm sure its the same feeling his current GF had also at some point.

  • Like 2
Posted

wow :) I am 37 I had a choice to be with someone who has a girlfriend also ( every relationships has different situtations ) I made the choice to step back and leave it alone. The reason I did that, is because I wont like if someone did that to me. ( I believe in what you put out is what you receive ) no matter what choice he made. *karma*

  • Like 1
Posted

I feel bad for his GF.

  • Like 2
Posted

My advice differs from the above because I feel LDRs are bogus. You didn't post details about their situation but if they've never actually been together then what's the point of trying to save it? Similar to being penpals.

 

Wait it out. It's only a few more days. But you should promise yourself that if they do stay together (whatever that means), you need to exit. If they do break up, proceed with caution. Don't be the default, fallback girl. Make sure he wants you for you. Regardless, he gave you something special by allowing you to open up once again to relationships.

Posted

Its' been 4 days and no word? I think you have your answer.

 

I also don't believe she came long distance to break up with him -- that isn't what women do. Why spend the money to get dumped? You can do it via phone, text, email - heck, even skype.

 

You have your answer. Personally, I would back away and leave him alone. He is a cheater and a liar; why continue to build a rocky foundation that will crumble because it was constructed on lies, deceit and hurting another. I am sorry you are hurting; but it is never a good idea to get involved with someone already in a relationship.

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