Supernova31 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 So I'm going out on a date Saturday to meet this woman for the first time. I suggested to her that we go out for a coffee somewhere which she happily accepted, but my friend said I was being cheap and I should of taken her out for a meal and now I'm thinking is he right? Any opinions will be greatly aprechated!
Tik Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Nope; k.i.s.s - keep it simple stupid. You're only getting to know her. Save that meal etc for when things start to pick up. By all means pay for her coffee/ drinks and if things go well, why not extend the date and grab your meal in tune. I've found casual and fun has always worked best with dinner or meal dates having that extra bit of expectation you don't need in your first few dates. 2
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 You're not being cheap, you're being reasonable. Coffee or drinks is always my preferred first date activity. Like Tik said, save the dinner dates for later on down the road. Also, the fact that she happily accepted should be enough to tell you you've made the right choice. I'd go by how the girl seems to feel about it, not by what your friends say.
PegNosePete Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 You have never met her, so presumably it's OLD? No you are not being cheap. You don't even know if she's real yet. She could have been telling you a pack of lies about herself, using her friend's photos, etc. The first "date" should be more of a meeting to see if you actually like each other in real life. You will probably have to go through a lot. If you buy each of your first dates a meal in a restaurant then you'll go broke pretty quick. And... don't take advice from people with no experience of OLD, like your friend!
Author Supernova31 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Thanks guys! I don't know why I even doubted myself lol
CarrieT Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Start with coffee early enough in the evening so that if it goes well, you can segue into a meal, if inclined. And if it does not go well, you will still have time to do something else on your own or with friends later. 2
J21 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Coffee is perfectly fine. Just offer to pay. I spent a lot time and money on "one and dones" dinners when I first started OLD. That sh^t starts adding up quick. You will know in the first 5 minutes if you are attracted/interested in her. Good luck
carhill Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 You suggested and the date is on you. If the 'coffee' goes well, there's nothing inhibiting either party from suggesting it turn into something else, like a 'meal'. Either party has that freedom. Cheap or free is IMO always reasonable for a first meeting with essentially a stranger. First meetings for myself were usually a lunch date but that's probably reflective of my generation, and the man generally paid (I always did). Sometimes a walk in the park or a bike ride (free) were first dates too. Good luck with your meeting!
clia Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Is the date during the day or at night? A Saturday night coffee date seems...lame. A Saturday afternoon (or morning) coffee date is fine. If it's an evening date, at least take her out for drinks (or offer), especially on a Saturday. Or if you two don't drink, maybe take her out for dessert and coffee. You don't have to do a full meal -- just leave the option open in case things are going well and you want to extend the date.
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I generally like to get dressed up for dinner and make an evening of it (get a cab etc. so we can share a bottle of wine) so I wouldn't accept an invite to segue a coffee date into dinner but I'd eagerly arrange the dinner date for very soon after if I liked a guy. Coffee is great for a first date. Why spend an entire evening, and all of that money, when you might know within the first few seconds you're not going to be into them romantically? It's low pressure, cheap, and also gives you the opportunity to meet someone without the cloud of alcohol over you, which can make somebody seem like they have a type of personality they don't possess sober (more charismatic, friendly, outgoing, funny) and helps to see how you 'click' in a day to day setting. Go for it and have fun. And offer to pay for your first drinks. Personally on coffee dates I always really appreciated it when a guy buys me a coffee, and then made sure that I buy the second two. It was a huge turn off when I went on a date with a guy and at the till he asked the waitress to split the very cheap coffees so he only had to pay for his own. It's not about wanting to be paid for, it's about whether somebody has a generous nature or not, which is a huge plus. I also have a generous nature so it's important to me a guy does too. You have a better chance of making a good impression if you buy her a drink
Author Supernova31 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Is the date during the day or at night? A Saturday night coffee date seems...lame. A Saturday afternoon (or morning) coffee date is fine. If it's an evening date, at least take her out for drinks (or offer), especially on a Saturday. Or if you two don't drink, maybe take her out for dessert and coffee. You don't have to do a full meal -- just leave the option open in case things are going well and you want to extend the date. Thanks again guys for all your input! I'm meeting her in the afternoon, I used to spend a lot of money on first dates, and it just made me feel worse when things don't go well. I'll see how things go, I'll worry about the meal once we meet and if we click.
the tank Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 So I'm going out on a date Saturday to meet this woman for the first time. I suggested to her that we go out for a coffee somewhere which she happily accepted, but my friend said I was being cheap and I should of taken her out for a meal and now I'm thinking is he right? Any opinions will be greatly aprechated! cofee is fine .
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I agree with everyone here it's not being cheap. Leave the expensive meal 3 or 4 dates down the line. That's when you can tell if they are into you or your wallet.
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 To add it makes things easier if the date doesn't lead to another. She doesn't feel guilty, and you didn't waste your money. Have a good time and good luck! 1
IronZ Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Here's what I recommend, and this is kind of what I do for most of my first dates. Plan it out in stages. Ask her for coffee, but make it around lunchtime. If the date goes really well, you can proceed to the next stage and say "hey, I'm having fun with you. Are you hungry? Want to grab some lunch?" If she agrees you can take her somewhere nearby for lunch. Doesn't have to be a 5 star restaurant, it can be quick finger type foods. A burger and fries is perfect sometimes. After lunch you can see where the date is headed as well. If you think she still might want to hang out, invite her to do something else. There are tons of activities you can do to just spend time together. Some of them are free. You can even take her to a park or a nice scenic area and walk around with her and talk. If it's late enough you can ask her if she wants to grab a drink with you. Point is, you're not being cheap, you're planning it in stages. If the date goes well you can keep having something to do with her. If it's not going well, you don't have to spend a lot of money and can cut it off at the first stage. 2
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Uhhh I remember those first dates where they bought roses, full on fancy dinner, and then not feeling it and having to say no sorry not interested. All I wanted was to get to know them, not having them trying to impress me. I agree keep it simple. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I think for first meets/dates from OLD, coffee, a drink, or something else simple and cheap is best. It can easily turn into a much longer outing if you hit it off. Have fun!
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Uhhh I remember those first dates where they bought roses, full on fancy dinner, and then not feeling it and having to say no sorry not interested. All I wanted was to get to know them, not having them trying to impress me. I agree keep it simple. ^^THIS. I hated that feeling of guilt I got when I realized it was a no-go yet it was clear there had been so much effort put forth. It's often how I got sucked into a second date because I felt like "Well gosh, he really went all in, maybe I should give it another shot". Not ONCE has it worked out. 2
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