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Turning 30 in 2 weeks and i´m scared


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Posted (edited)

i will be 30 in 2 weeks, i spent most of my 20s in a relationship, 6 years with my ex. we were getting married last year and he broke the engagement,moved out of the country and disappeared from my life.

 

I feel so alone, i thought by my 30 i´d be married to the love of my life. my life was so perfect.

 

now i don´t have much, i´m moving out because my country is a mess. i´m starting over and i sometimes want to date again, but i think most men my age are taken already, i feel desperate sometimes, cause i spent the best years of my life with someone who left me hanging, and now everyone is married, I am so scared of ending up alone , i wanted a home, a husband a family. i want to be 23 again, someone pls help, i´m heartbroken.

Edited by alexa83
Posted
i will be 30 in 2 weeks, i spent most of my 20s in a relationship, 6 years with my ex. we were getting married last year and he broke the engagement,moved out of the country and disappeared from my life.

 

I feel so alone, i thought by my 30 i´d be married to the love of my life. my life was so perfect.

 

now i don´t have much, i´m moving out because my country is a mess. i´m starting over and i sometimes want to date again, but i think most men my age are taken already, i feel desperate sometimes, cause i spent the best years of my life with someone who left me hanging, and now everyone is married, i´m not even ugly. I am so scared of ending up alone , i wanted a home, a husband a family. i want to be 23 again, someone pls help, i´m heartbroken.

 

You will be fine. You have already learned the most important lesson. Life rarely goes as planned. And you know what, you are still here. Yep ya feel like crap, those were your best years and you wasted them, and you were suppose to have x by now. Were those years really wasted? Did you not have grand experiences? You had an expectation, an end goal and that's what is is biting you in the arse. If this man had suddenly died rather than disappeared would you still have viewed those years as wasted? Think about it.

 

You are just hurting. Most of us here have been there or are going through it ourselves....just keep moving forward. Continue with your move. The fact that you are considering dating is a very positive sign. Sure you may have a date or two and have pangs for the ex. If that is the case then you just need to give yourself a lil more time.

  • Like 3
Posted (edited)

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

 

You haven't wasted your best years. Your 20's are not you best years don't worry.

 

On my 30th birthday, I was single, living in a tourist town, working in a 2 jobs I didn't like and 6 weeks pregnant (although i didn't know it then) to a guy I worked with. It was a ONS. Life was pretty bad and I felt the same as you. I thought i was going to end up alone and that i would never meet a man who would love me. I thought about being a single mum. I thought it was my only chance to have kids. I was lost.

 

 

 

5 years later, I am living with the love of my life, I'm working in 2 fantastic industries, and we are planning to start our family some time next year. The best is still yet to come.

 

Travel. That's my advice. leave where you are and float like a feather until something feels good and then lay some new roots. love will come if you follow your own dreams and forget about "finding someone".

Edited by Million.to.1
  • Like 5
Posted

Grats on moving out. If you live anywhere I'm guessing you'd live (since you say your country is a mess), I think it's actually a good thing that you're able to emigrate without having to consider bringing a family with you. It would be much harder to do if there were kids in the picture.

 

One of my older friends just started her family in her mid 30s. She couldn't be happier. :) Chin up, OP!

Posted

I'm turning 40 in a few weeks! Ha ha ha ... You'll be ok, don't get desperate, don't look back. You'll be ok. Life will be good, we go on with or without someone. We'll all in this together all alone. If that makes sense.

  • Like 1
Posted

Well if you were born on Saturn you'd be barely a few days past 1 year old.

 

Age is a number for comparison that can have as much meaning as you want to give it.

 

For all the worries you have of having "wasted" 6 Earth years of your life in a relationship you could just as easily be in another situation where you had hopped around from one relationship to the next without ever having experienced a long-lasting one.

 

There's no magic number. Just what other people have that you don't or wish you had if only for the reason that you didn't have it. And if you did have it you'd realize that it doesn't really matter all that much.

 

Each decade we tend to worry about the next without giving ourselves the opportunity to enjoy the time we have now.

 

In our mid 20s we worry about our 30s. In our 30s we feel anxious about what our 40s will bring. By the time we're over the hill it's the 50s that start getting our knees quaking before the harsher reality of old age - failing health - begins to hit. Then we get all scared about that.

 

Right now is where you are and where you always will be. Anything else is a construct of your mind. Memories of days gone by or anticipations of the future.

 

Enjoy what you got and leave the worrying for what you don't to a distant memory long forgotten.

  • Like 2
Posted

Awww a sap story.

Poor thing.

 

Let me ask you something OP. Do you have food on your table at night?

Do you have a home to come home to?

Do you have clothes and a means of income?

A lot of people dont.

A lot of people never lived the privileged life that you lived

and you know what...........you are no better than them.

 

So the next time you feel sorry for youself, try volunteering at an institution with terminally ill kids

Try buying some food for mentally ill people at homeless shelter.

Your "troubles' will magically disappear.

I guarantee it

  • Like 1
Posted

Trust me, early 30s are your BEST years! Things are lacking in your 20s. But now you're mature, sophisticated, intelligent, and beautiful. If you started letting your body go after 25 then GET IT BACK. 30 is the age where you can be both physically and intellectually sexy.

 

And i can tell you about regret too. I gave my 20s to my exwife and also feel they were wasted. My 30s have been used to get my life back on track and reinvent who I am. In 2 months I'll be starting my 2nd degree in college and won't be finished until I'm 39. I'm irked to feel so far behind, but at the same time I'm also positioning myself to have 40 be my most successful year ever. I'll no longer be 25, but I'm taking care of myself and will still be damn sexy.

 

Feel free to send me a private message once you get enough posts. I'd love for you to find yourself.

 

Also, I'm curious what country are you leaving? Ukraine by chance?

  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted

that´s where i live, the most dangerous country of the continent. i almost got killed last month, they pointed a gun at me for my iphone. my ex went to london. i´m going to canada.

Posted

I get you're heartbroken and your life feels like a mess, but don't give up. You're young enough to turn it around and be on top of the world. If you're intelligent and ambitious you can find a good life in Canada.

 

Seriously, I hope you keep in touch about your progress. PM me and I'll send you my facebook.

  • Like 1
Posted

I thought the same way as you, OP. I spent the better part of my twenties in a dead-end relationship/engagement. As I approached my latter twenties I began to see the R for what it was: doomed. The break up was a relief, but I was left feeling hopeless. I thought I'd be married by 30. I had a child in my early twenties, and I wanted so much to build a loving, stable family for him, too.

I had to let go of those ideals and it was then that I flourished and became the best version of myself. I met my H soon thereafter, and things just fell into place piece by piece. My 30's have been far better than my 20's. I like myself a lot more than I ever did, and I'm a hell of a lot stronger. You'll be fine!!

Posted

Try re-framing your thinking. Do you remember when you were 18, finishing high school and starting college or moving out of your parents house? The world was yours; you could be anything and do anything you wanted! You have the same ability now; I just don't think you can see it.

 

You're going to be an exotic beauty in a new country where you can reinvent yourself. The world is yours again only this time you have maturity, smarts, and hopefully money on your side. See yourself as free and capable, not desperate.

 

I'm only a few months older than you and understand what you're saying about guys our age. Have you ever considered younger men? As I hit my late 20's I found myself being seriously pursued by smart, decent, marriage minded 25 year old hotties. As I've settled into my 30's with the right man I now know that my 20's were a whirlwind of learning experiences but the best is yet to come and the same is true for you.

 

Btw, my sister's friends started getting married at 22 and the last are heading down the aisle now at 28. The divorces have started so getting married in your 20's is no guarantee you would have stayed that way or been happy.

Posted

Well if it makes you feel any better I'm spending what's left of my 20s (I'll be 27 in 4 months) single and perpetually dateless. Still waiting to kiss a a girl for the first time.

 

Having my heart broken by somebody I was in a relationship with doesn't sound so bad. Then again, the grass is usually greener on the other side.

Posted

Feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere. Instead of doing that, recognize yourself as a human being with absolute freedom to mold her life the way she sees fit. The walls you believe exist aren't really there. There's a lot more to see and experience; there's more love to be had.

  • Like 2
Posted

You should try online dating. Women tend to have higher response rates from guys (especially the more attractive they are). You should have no trouble finding dates. Who knows, you might meet the right guy pretty soon. Give it a shot.

 

Also, you're still young. I've seen people in their 40s and up who are still single and mingling. Don't worry too much about it.

Posted

Good luck with the migrating :)

 

Try not to feel so bad, you have at least felt what real love feels like and what it is to have someone return your affections.

 

Many fellows will never even kiss a girl by the time they're 30. At least you aren't one of them. Could be a lot worse.

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