If you knew someone avoids you because they like you

[Darren2013]

How would you feel if you found out that someone was making it a point to avoid you because they have a crush on you? I'm not asking how you would feel about that if you didn't feel the same way because the answer would be obvious. If you didn't feel the same way you would not care that such person was avoiding you. In fact you may be glad they have enough sense to avoid you and not attempt to act on their feelings.

 

But let's assume you do feel the same way and you are secretly crushing on someone whether at work or school or wherever and you used to talk all the time until one day their behavior changed all of a sudden and they started avoiding you and then later you came to find out the real reason they are avoiding you is because they like you. How would you react then? Would you avoid them back?

[eye of the storm]

Honestly? I would feel like they were emotionally stunted and had issues.

 

Darren, this woman views you as a co-worker. Nothing else.

 

The reason I say this is because to truly like someone, you need to get to know them. What makes them tic. What is she passionate about, her hobbies, her dreams. You get to know someone by spending time with them.

 

You don't really know her either. She is just a fantasy you are building up in your head.

 

Once you actually got to know her you may feel like she is the one, or you may discover that she is really someone you don't want to be around much.

 

I work with a guy that in the office is really nice and everyone likes but I know his neighbor and he says the guy is a total A-Hole at home.

[OwMyEyeball]

More likely I'd put gum in their hair before offering my last fruit roll-up as a peace offering.

[Thegreatestthing]

Well I'm going through this right now- I'm avoiding a guy and ignoring him even though I'm crazy about him,simply because I don't want to get involved ,because it's too much for me,and because I already have a bf.

I wish he knew actually because maybe then he wouldn't be hurt by it etc etc.

Edited November 6, 2014 by Thegreatestthing

[sillyanswer]

How would you feel if you found out that someone was making it a point to avoid you because they have a crush on you?

 

I would probably ignore them and focus my efforts on someone who was more able to express their feelings.

[littleblackheart]

But let's assume you do feel the same way and you are secretly crushing on someone whether at work or school or wherever and you used to talk all the time until one day their behavior changed all of a sudden and they started avoiding you and then later you came to find out the real reason they are avoiding you is because they like you. How would you react then? Would you avoid them back?

 

 

 

 

If the feeling's mutual, I'd break the ice and make it clear that I am interested, with actual words as opposed to eating his cake and / or letting him carry my bags, probably because I find situations like this to be a bit uncomfortable and confusing.

 

 

If this is someone I'm likely to see everyday or that I regard as a friend on some level, I'd ask him directly what has prompted his change in behaviour, and would try to be very diplomatic if I'm not interested in that way - provided, of course, he admits to his feelings.

 

 

I'd only avoid back if I really didn't care for the guy at all on any level (if I don't know or like him), and had no respect for his feelings, or if I enjoyed the attention a bit too much - like some kind of ego boost (I've seen it happen).

[Darren2013]

Honestly? I would feel like they were emotionally stunted and had issues.

 

Darren, this woman views you as a co-worker. Nothing else.

 

The reason I say this is because to truly like someone, you need to get to know them. What makes them tic. What is she passionate about, her hobbies, her dreams. You get to know someone by spending time with them.

 

You don't really know her either. She is just a fantasy you are building up in your head.

 

Once you actually got to know her you may feel like she is the one, or you may discover that she is really someone you don't want to be around much.

 

I work with a guy that in the office is really nice and everyone likes but I know his neighbor and he says the guy is a total A-Hole at home.

 

 

I don't even want to talk about my specific crush in this thread. That's not the purpose of it. I am already coming to terms that it is okay to look but don't touch in regards to her and even the looking part will be from a far distance and only a 2 second glance from time to time. If she wants to come over and talk to me I won't be rude and ignore her but I also won't encourage anything either. Which is why I declined to go get coffee with her on the break. It is okay to look but don't touch. She is off limits.

[Darren2013]

If the feeling's mutual, I'd break the ice and make it clear that I am interested, with actual words as opposed to eating his cake and / or letting him carry my bags, probably because I find situations like this to be a bit uncomfortable and confusing.

 

 

If this is someone I'm likely to see everyday or that I regard as a friend on some level, I'd ask him directly what has prompted his change in behaviour, and would try to be very diplomatic if I'm not interested in that way - provided, of course, he admits to his feelings.

 

 

I'd only avoid back if I really didn't care for the guy at all on any level (if I don't know or like him), and had no respect for his feelings, or if I enjoyed the attention a bit too much - like some kind of ego boost (I've seen it happen).

 

 

Well there would be nothing wrong with eating his cake if he made it for everybody at work to consume and not just for you.

[Darren2013]

Well I'm going through this right now- I'm avoiding a guy and ignoring him even though I'm crazy about him,simply because I don't want to get involved ,because it's too much for me,and because I already have a bf.

I wish he knew actually because maybe then he wouldn't be hurt by it etc etc.

 

Yeah there's all kinds of reasons to avoid and ignore someone you like even if feelings are mutual because of practical concerns in getting involved among other things. For me I have a combination of reasons for avoiding or keeping a distance from my crush and there are also reasons I haven't yet revealed on this board but they are reasons that make sense to me. The pain of having to see her at work when it is unavoidable is only temporary and I can bite the bullet for another 5 months or less. I think once one of us quits first it will be that much easier to get over her because out of sight out of mind. I find I am more at peace on my days off when I don't see her face at all.

 

I'm still going to bake the cake at Christmas but everyone will be invited to consume it so that it doesn't look like I baked it just because of her.

 

I don't know if I mentioned that she attends some of the same festivals and church function events I go to. We go the same place to watch the ball drop on New Years Eve. Well this year those places are off limits as far as I am concerned. If I know she will attend a certain place I am not going to be there. If others ask questions as to why I didn't go I will come up with an excuse. It isn't that hard to get creative and come up with a convincing cover story.

Edited November 6, 2014 by Darren2013

[littleblackheart]

Well there would be nothing wrong with eating his cake if he made it for everybody at work to consume and not just for you.

 

If the situation is unclear for either of us and has potential for confusion, I'd probably be extra wary of giving him a signal he may misinterpret, and would remove myself altogether - I prefer things to be clear, but that's just me.