MJ052 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Hey everyone! I'm new here, but I've been reading loveshack for almost two months and I like it. It makes me feel that I'm not the only one going through this awful situation. Sorry for the next long paragraphs and also thank you so much for taking the time to read it. My bf and I were together for 2 and half years. Before that we use to be friends for two years (friends that liked each other of course) anyways, we go to college together and we are studying the same career. I recently (in 2013) won a scholarship to study in the US for one academic year, we decided it was not a reason to break up the relationship and gave it a try. Of course we had ups and downs like in any long distance relationship. However, during my stay I felt like he was not being special and even though I was doing everything I can to make things work it seems like I'd lost some kind of spark for him. When I came back to my country, I was feeling so happy that I got to see him again and he felt the same way too, I was determined to try and fix things. We got into a couple of fights and it was always the same thing: he was not giving me a 100% and I couldn't understand why. It got to a point where I decided to take a break. That break lasted one week after I took the decision of having a real and mature conversation with him about what was going on in our relationship. It was like a big bucket of ice when he told me that ever since I came he was not feeling the same, he was confused and he did not know what he wanted, that I have changed and that he felt like things were not the same anymore. I told him that I was willing to work on the things I'd done wrong so we can work it out, however he told me that it was not fair for me to be in a relationship where only I was the one willing to make things work and that he didn't know how long it was going to take him to make up his mind and so I shouldn't be waiting on him. OK, I understood. Of course after that came all the begging, crying, and asking him to take me back and to forgive me for the things I've done wrong to change his mind. He was always sticking to his decision and even tho I tried to convince him for like two weeks after we broke up, his answer was always the same. On top of everything I have him on some of my classes so it was even worse for me to see him and not being able to hug him and kiss him. Things started to calm down and even tho I never stop loving him or wanting a second chance, I was feeling better and at least we started talking again, not like friends but at least in a friendly way because we even had group work together. He was never rude to me, he never ignored me and he never treated me like **** after we broke up. I started to read all this things about getting your ex back and all those methods out there, I'm honestly still thinking about buying one of them but there is something inside me that is telling me that he will never come back. This morning I decided to send him an email, not an emotional one but a more like "I accept your decision" kind of email. I told him that I accept his decision of moving on and end the relationship, that in this time I had a lot to think about and I was getting closer to God and that I'd learned that to love someone it also means to let him go and wish and hope for the best for him. I apologized for acting like a little girl after we broke up and for being disrespectful to his decision. I told him that I would love to share what has happened to me in a near future, but for now I understand that we needed space. I honestly didnt think he was going to answer, but he did, in less than 10 minutes. He sent me the most painful/peaceful/saddest email I've received so far. He said that he thanked me for accepting his decision and for respecting him. He understood my behaviour after the breakup for being something natural and that I didnt need to apologize for that because he was aware that it had to happen. He also said that I was a wonderful person and that he was so happy that i got closer to God and that he was going to do the same thing. He wished me nothing but the best for me because I deserve it and that i was a very strong person, that he knew i was going to be fine in time because I have so much to give and such a bright future ahead. He said that I deserve nothing but good things in my life and that he also wishes to have a normal conversation with me in the future without feeling awkward or guilty. He also said that the real reason why he broke up its because he felt like it wasnt the same anymore, a lot of things changed and that he was not feeling happy anymore and that more than love it had became a routine. Even tho I will still see him at college, we are graduating at the end of november and it'll all be over.... i feel at peace for that. However, I feel devasted because even tho I know we ended things in good terms, this email proved me that he does not love me the way he did before and I still do. It's so difficult guys I feel like I'm in a dream. Im 24 years old and he is my first bf, my first time for everything. I was never interested in having a relationship before him. I know we had ups and downs and Im trying to respect and accept his decision but it's so hard. I wish we could be together in a future, when we both know what we want in our lives and when we are ready to commit with each other, but I feel like its impossible and that he will never come back because apparently he cares about me and loves me (at least I like to think that) but he is not in love with me anymore. I'M SUCH A MESS RIGHT NOW. PLEASE POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ABOUT HAVING A SECOND CHANCE IN THE FUTURE..... HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED LOST OF LOVE AND HOW CAN I BE FRIENDS WITH HIM AFTER A WHILE?
Seeker12 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 (edited) Honestly, you need to go NC, meaning no contact, its your chance to heal, and also gives him a chance to really see the hole youll leave in his life if he loses you, which should prompt him to start initiating contact and missing you basically. Go NC for as long as possible, until your neediness etc wanes, and you can logically think whether you want him in your life as a bf and as a husband, its painful, itll hurt, itll tear your heart apart, but NC is your only chance of proper, healthy recovery, and possibly, down the line, him coming back (dont count on it 100% as he controls his feelings). The friends thing, well, read my NC diary and you may see that with my ex, im getting back to the friends stage, but in my case it was a mutual breakup due to factors out of our control. But for you, due to the fact that its an actual break up where the person is walking away, the friends stage isnt something you should be thinking about, you should right now focus on the present, collecting yourself, and going NC for your own mental sanity. Stop bugging him/contacting him, if thats what you are doing, find a friend, or set of friends who you can vent to, if not vent on LS, or if its that bad, message and vent to me, but by all means you need to show to him you are still the strong, confident girl you are, whether he is there or not. Edited November 6, 2014 by Seeker12
Author MJ052 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Thank you so much for taking the time to read this novel (lol)! I will do it, I know I have to. I haven't experienced the NC period yet but I KNOW IT'S TIME TO START IT SO I CAN HEAL and think logically, not emotionally.
Seeker12 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Thank you so much for taking the time to read this novel (lol)! I will do it, I know I have to. I haven't experienced the NC period yet but I KNOW IT'S TIME TO START IT SO I CAN HEAL and think logically, not emotionally. Be prepared for some crazy ups and downs, stay away from sad music, sad movies, sad stories, anything which naturally triggers a sad emotion in the human body, think and listen positively, lol it was cool, sometimes we need to reach out, and sometimes we need people to reach right back. Trust me, logical thought, especially when its proper you, instead of the emotional you will give you a better view. The NC period is for you first and foremost, but also if you really did mean anything to your ex, a week or two of no communication, topped with the fact that you are going out, enjoying yourself and living the life confidently, should make you more independent, but also show to your ex what he is missing, then the emotional balls in his court, and more often then not, the baby has a tantrum, trust me. DONT BUY ANYTHING, all the help you need you can get for free here on LS, he sounds like a decent guy, but you really need to go full blown NC, unless its necessary, such as group work or something, other than that shut him out. 1
Mi7522 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I'll be quite honest. He was very civil and to the point that he does not want you. He seems to be trying to let you down gently. Move on to someone that's better for YOU? He definitely will think back about how good you were to him but trust me by the time that happens it won't matter any more you'll be in a much better frame of mind and most definitely a new BF to tell him about you! That is if you have time to respond 1
Author MJ052 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Be prepared for some crazy ups and downs, stay away from sad music, sad movies, sad stories, anything which naturally triggers a sad emotion in the human body, think and listen positively, lol it was cool, sometimes we need to reach out, and sometimes we need people to reach right back. Trust me, logical thought, especially when its proper you, instead of the emotional you will give you a better view. The NC period is for you first and foremost, but also if you really did mean anything to your ex, a week or two of no communication, topped with the fact that you are going out, enjoying yourself and living the life confidently, should make you more independent, but also show to your ex what he is missing, then the emotional balls in his court, and more often then not, the baby has a tantrum, trust me. DONT BUY ANYTHING, all the help you need you can get for free here on LS, he sounds like a decent guy, but you really need to go full blown NC, unless its necessary, such as group work or something, other than that shut him out. I think I will start a diary for this NC period. I'm thinking about 60 days, I guess it will be hard but I have to do it. That means no Merry Christmas wishes no New Year's texts. Even tho I haven't experienced the NC period at all, I have had to make a limited contact because of group works and honestly, it kills me not being able to talk to him like I used to. The ups and downs are already happening and it sucks cause sometimes I feel like Im strong enough, other I just wanna cry and stay in bed, others Im just breathing.... its crazy. I dont like myself right now, I feel like I was too good with him by sending that email.
Author MJ052 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 I'll be quite honest. He was very civil and to the point that he does not want you. He seems to be trying to let you down gently. Move on to someone that's better for YOU? He definitely will think back about how good you were to him but trust me by the time that happens it won't matter any more you'll be in a much better frame of mind and most definitely a new BF to tell him about you! That is if you have time to respond I know Do you think he is being genuinly kind to me, or do you think he is doing it just to ease his guilt? I don't know if he still loves me, I just like to think he does to not feel worst. We were such a good couple and I honestly believe that if we were older, we would think about getting married. But I know right now its not the time and I probably have to get out there and find someone else. It's just so hard right now to think about someone else. I'm not even interested in dating.... I don't want to get through this again.
Mi7522 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I know Do you think he is being genuinly kind to me, or do you think he is doing it just to ease his guilt? I don't know if he still loves me, I just like to think he does to not feel worst. We were such a good couple and I honestly believe that if we were older, we would think about getting married. But I know right now its not the time and I probably have to get out there and find someone else. It's just so hard right now to think about someone else. I'm not even interested in dating.... I don't want to get through this again. Probably a bit of both, he is trying to ease his guilt but I'm sure he does genuinely care for you. You were together for over 2 years. You can't just wipe those feelings away. Timing is crucial in relationships and if either one of you are off just the slightest it will be difficult to keep it together. It takes time to start feeling better but don't let him consume you or you will never move on to being a better person because of this. Dating is also crucial to you feeling better, I'm not saying to jump in to a relationship but you will be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself and you never know but I would almost guarantee you will find someone much better for you.
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