Cavendish Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I only ever hang out with my boyfriend (of 6 months) in the evening. We see each other twice a week (once midweek, one weekend evening) and it's good, but there's a limit to what you can do at that time of day (dinner/drinks/movie etc) I would love to spend weekend days with him, just as I think that's a fun time to go out and do things as a couple. However, he's said that he needs Sunday as a 'me day' to recharge. I get that - I also value my own time a lot - but he does volunteering and sport which often mean he's unavailable on Saturdays during the day too. It feels quite unnatural to me that I have a boyfriend that I never see during the day, and do daytime activities with. He has commented that when we have spent long chunks of time together he feels closer to me, but when we only have these evening dates, it's not quite the same. It's harder to get to that same depth of closeness in short bursts of time. But I really don't want to force him to give up the personal time or hobbies that he loves - I wouldnt want him to take those things from me. Any tips on how to get this to work? I feel a bit short changed as my expectations are different and don't know where the line is - I want to be reasonable without getting walked all over and just agreeing to his preferred set up. I know if we don't work this out there'll just be resentment from one or both of us and that's going to be detrimental. Look forward to hearing any advice - thank you!
lyndaaxo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I'd feel the same, and I completely agree with you. What are the reasons behind only seeing each other at night during the week? Work? If so ask if you can both book a couple of days off and go somewhere for a little adventure.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Talk to him about it.. He's your boyfriend... Tell him how you feel. If he isn't willing to accommodate, then it's up to you to decide if that's what you want to deal with (which is clear you are not).
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 hey cavendish, there must be some way you can compromise on this even if its once a fortnight to have a day date.....the world looks different during the day and i think its a good idea when getting to know someone that you know them at different times.... breakfast dates.....lunch dates and dinner dates...... As you do i full respect the idea of me time....i also know what its like to feel the need to recharge....often when i am on recharge is when others tend to come around more and need me to listen.....and they pull the plug on me hiding out in my room..makes me want to get lost somewhere on a long road to nowhere.......so i end up needing more of a recharge than if i took the time to recharge properly......when i am not recharged properly i malfunction regularly....smilin....but that's life.....cupcake wars has to wait a little longer for me to watch it..... In a relationship people who need that recharge time have to compromise...everyone needs down time....but...not at the sake of the relationship where one or both are not satisfied with time spent.....talk to your beau honestly and openly .....try to get him to see your side and compromise maybe on a once every so often of doing it your way....if he doesnt want to compromise his down time......consider carefully if he is caring about how you feel and what you would like...because it isnt a big ask to want to spend a day together now and again......to me...if a guy didnt want to spend not one day out of a week or out of a month for that matter with me.....i would be curious on whether the days were all down time.....or up time with someone else..or he was actually a vampire and waits til the sun goes down to come out...ok ...not a vampire...but definitely up time with others instead of me...being in a relationship doesnt have to mean a loss of self...it should be a mutual gain to both........deb 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Also, how long has this been going on?
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I understand needing alone time, and no one hates a disrupted routine more than I, but this sounds really extreme. In the six months you've been together he's never made day plans with you? He's never once agreed to skip sports to do something special with you? You've never spent a weekend together? At six months you guys should be finishing up the honeymoon phase and looking for a little time apart, not keeping your boundaries up. There is nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend before 6 PM. If he's unwilling to compromise you should move on without a second thought. 1
Author Cavendish Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 It's pretty much always been that way - we've not had that many day time things which was normal to me at first (when we were just dating) but now we're properly together it feels like more of an issue. The issue came up because last Sunday we had arranged to hang out and then he wanted to leave at about 3pm which to me was in the middle of the day. I got upset with him and then we had a phone call afterwards about how it isnt me, he just really needs that time to regroup on a Sunday. I said I was OK with Sundays being off limits, which I think I am, but I hadn't really thought through the fact that he is always busy on Saturdays. Now I have I just feel a bit stuck It's frustrating because I feel like I am the 'needy' girl whereas actually what I want is very normal and not overbearing at all. And I dont have any doubts about the legitimacy of the 'me time' - he is very trustworthy and I know he adores me, and I also know he is worried about upsetting me, but he has to be true to himself and what he needs. Gah!
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 It's pretty much always been that way - we've not had that many day time things which was normal to me at first (when we were just dating) but now we're properly together it feels like more of an issue. The issue came up because last Sunday we had arranged to hang out and then he wanted to leave at about 3pm which to me was in the middle of the day. I got upset with him and then we had a phone call afterwards about how it isnt me, he just really needs that time to regroup on a Sunday. I said I was OK with Sundays being off limits, which I think I am, but I hadn't really thought through the fact that he is always busy on Saturdays. Now I have I just feel a bit stuck It's frustrating because I feel like I am the 'needy' girl whereas actually what I want is very normal and not overbearing at all. And I dont have any doubts about the legitimacy of the 'me time' - he is very trustworthy and I know he adores me, and I also know he is worried about upsetting me, but he has to be true to himself and what he needs. Gah! Its good to be true to who you are in and out of a relationship.....shouldnt however come at the expense of not making others feel loved appreciated and worthy of your time...compromises have to be made to make a relationship work its plain and simple...when one person such as you is making all the compromises...it becomes a one sided relationship...and that aint fair........deb
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