tikay00 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) Anyone that has fully healed, and moved on, can you describe the one exact moment, or the moments leading up where you realized you healed, and moved on, and that your ex doesn't consume your mind anymore? Is it gradual, and unnoticeable, or does it just hit you one day? And what goes through your head? Are you jumping up and down, or do you just breathe a sigh of relief, and smile? Also, when you've moved on, do you even have any thoughts of being a genuine friend to them, or even just checking up on them to see how they are, or do you just leave well enough alone, and you truly don't care anymore? Edited November 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
evanescentworld Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 D'you remember the exact day before you met them? That's it. Benign indifference. When thinking about them, is like thinking about the old lady packing your stuff at the supermarket for you. You're fine, and pleased an' all, but the moment you step away, you're thinking about how to steer the damn cart, and find your car keys.... 7
SoThatHappened Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Anyone that has fully healed, and moved on, can you describe the one exact moment, or the moments leading up where you realized you healed, and moved on, and that your ex doesn't consume your mind anymore? Not fully healed, but moved on. I just dealt with the pain until it was gone. It came in waves for 4 months. Is it gradual, and unnoticeable, or does it just hit you one day? It really just hit me one day, although looking back I was improving each day. Honestly, the tightness in my gut just left. And what goes through your head? Are you jumping up and down, or do you just breathe a sigh of relief, and smile? Just a sigh of relief, and a $h!t-eating grin... and a "damn... that sucked." Also, when you've moved on, do you even have any thoughts of being a genuine friend to them, or even just checking up on them to see how they are, or do you just leave well enough alone, and you truly don't care anymore? As I mentioned, not fully healed, so no way in God's green earth would I reach out at this point. Likely never. 2
Author tikay00 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 D'you remember the exact day before you met them? That's it. Benign indifference. When thinking about them, is like thinking about the old lady packing your stuff at the supermarket for you. You're fine, and pleased an' all, but the moment you step away, you're thinking about how to steer the damn cart, and find your car keys.... Doesn't it also depend on the relationship?
evanescentworld Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 No. The relationship is over. What it was like is irretrievable, and what it was like, has no bearing on now. Not unless you permit something impermanent to affect your emotional state. And why permit what is now past, to overshadow how things should be now? 2
Seeker12 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Have you ever seen a girl on the street, she was pretty and attractive, you looked at her, made eye contact, nothing else happened. You carried on your way and forgot all about her? Yup its that feeling, of well nothing. You appreciate everything that happened, just like that moment of eye contact you made with the pretty girl/boy.
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I think you have healed when you just want that person to be happy, when i have had the relationships i have been in end, i am not really angry, even though it probably comes across as anger, i am deeply hurt.....so for that to go away and for me to wish them happiness...is me healed...its where i want for the best for them whatever that might be or whomever that might be and i realize that i was not the best for them,..not even right for them..i dont not care for them.i just cant be that way, but i dont care about who said what or who lied or who did what..or what they did to me....everything has come to pass....and i wish them only happiness....that is healed...and it feels like a weight is lifted off of me..i think that god helps me out with this....he lifts weight on me....and i can move on....deb 1
Author tikay00 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) So bittersweet. Right now, I feel like that's the scariest part. Not wanting to love them like that again, but when I get there, I know it won't affect me, and that's the scary part for now. I think the scariest part is the person that dumped you will have the same feeling. Such is life. Edited November 5, 2014 by tikay00
riokid180 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Anyone that has fully healed, and moved on, can you describe the one exact moment, or the moments leading up where you realized you healed, and moved on, and that your ex doesn't consume your mind anymore? Is it gradual, and unnoticeable, or does it just hit you one day? I was in a six month rebound, and got dumped again, and then felt absolutely nothing for my fiance. No urges to facebook stalk. No romantic longing. Total feeling of indifference.
Leroy82 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 That's a great question! Looking back at it. You'll just know. One day you'll be out and about and you'll realize that you haven't thought of your ex in a while. And the thought of her doesn't make your heart hurt. The best way to describe it is, you're living again, for yourself. But, it takes work. You need to stay with NC, that includes Google stalking, Facebook Stalking, etc. Out of site = out of mind! Then, one day you'll just smile and be like, hey, I haven't thought of 'her" today. I feel good again. And its a glorious feeling! 2
April Moon Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 One of the ways to know that you have been healed is if you saw them making out with someone you wouldn't care. Nothing they do will affect you. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 One of the ways to know that you have been healed is if you saw them making out with someone you wouldn't care. Nothing they do will affect you. yeah not sure about this one......i think it would be hurtful......it would not be something i would choose to watch ...i think being healed is knowing when something you see ...isnt something that you need to see......and you look away.......deb
mightycpa Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 There was a moment... a transitional moment when I was simultaneously thought I was still hers and I realized that I no longer was that guy. I was just me again. I had just woken up. There was no relief, no joy, no sadness, no bitterness. I simply knew it for what it is. I was free, and indifferent about her. That felt very good, having the knowledge that I was free, but my feelings for her simply didn't exist any more, one way or the other. I didn't want to celebrate, but I knew it was a good day. It's hard to describe. Free. I felt like I'd just been freed. My memory of that day still sticks with me. It is hard to feel that moment now because there was no feeling in it. But I'll never forget it. 1
mariekatie Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Anyone that has fully healed, and moved on, can you describe the one exact moment, or the moments leading up where you realized you healed, and moved on, and that your ex doesn't consume your mind anymore? Is it gradual, and unnoticeable, or does it just hit you one day? And what goes through your head? Are you jumping up and down, or do you just breathe a sigh of relief, and smile? Also, when you've moved on, do you even have any thoughts of being a genuine friend to them, or even just checking up on them to see how they are, or do you just leave well enough alone, and you truly don't care anymore? For me, i've always moved on when i fell for someone else. I'm usually lucky and will meet a better guy after a few days. When i start dating a new guy, it means i've moved on. When i first break up, i thought i can't ever get out of it. But dating new people helps. Not necessary have to be dating, but talking to new people really occupies your mind. I guess i'm the kind who can move on easily, only if i have someone new. After i moved on, i wanted to know how is his life, did he regret dumping me. I found out he regrets it but it's too late because i'm already with another guy. Once i move on, i'll never ever turn back. It's his loss, not mine. I know i tried my best and now i'm with a way better guy! So basically it goes like this for me: Stage 1: Denial, thought we will patch up within a few days Stage 2: Desperation Stage 3: Gets mad and asking "WHY" Stage 4: I need answers. Starts to deal with the pain and realizing it was really over. Stage 5: I deserve someone better but i still want answers Stage 6: Give it one last try, gets ignored because i was 'crazy" Stage 7: Starts talking to new people. Many new people in fact Stage 8: New dates shows interest, i slowly show interest Stage 9: Totally interested in new guy, forgot ex's existence Stage 10: Moved on So few months later, my ex came back to tell me he misses me but i've moved on. Good luck to all dumpees!
April Moon Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 yeah not sure about this one......i think it would be hurtful......it would not be something i would choose to watch ...i think being healed is knowing when something you see ...isnt something that you need to see......and you look away.......deb That is the point- indifference. If you are hurt by seeing this then you still care. It will take a lot of time to get to this point but it is worth it. People try to rush their healing process so they don't have to feel the pain anymore. They don't want to hear it will take months or even years to get over something but it does.
STM206 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Although I can't say I'm a 100% healed I can say I'm getting there. What I've noticed is it comes in moments as opposed to gradual steps. 6 months in I remember standing outside on break from work and smiling because the sunshine was out and looking forward to having the weekend off. It was the first time where I felt happiness within. From that point on I noticed I had less depressive days and started having more positive days. Although thoughts of him still happen daily at 10 months, I don't have that irresistible itch to want to contact him anymore. It's almost as if you're finding a new normal again. When you're with someone for an extended amount of time, you become "us" as opposed to "me". I would think after the first year I'll be well on my way to basically being almost completely moved on and slowly opening that door to possibly dating again.
STM206 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 The feeling? "Indifferent, a little more resentful and annoyed when I think of the ex as i start to see him for who he really was and not on the pedestal. Happy to simply be alive. Stronger. A little more confident."
Author tikay00 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 For me, i've always moved on when i fell for someone else. I'm usually lucky and will meet a better guy after a few days. When i start dating a new guy, it means i've moved on. When i first break up, i thought i can't ever get out of it. But dating new people helps. Not necessary have to be dating, but talking to new people really occupies your mind. I guess i'm the kind who can move on easily, only if i have someone new. After i moved on, i wanted to know how is his life, did he regret dumping me. I found out he regrets it but it's too late because i'm already with another guy. Once i move on, i'll never ever turn back. It's his loss, not mine. I know i tried my best and now i'm with a way better guy! So basically it goes like this for me: Stage 1: Denial, thought we will patch up within a few days Stage 2: Desperation Stage 3: Gets mad and asking "WHY" Stage 4: I need answers. Starts to deal with the pain and realizing it was really over. Stage 5: I deserve someone better but i still want answers Stage 6: Give it one last try, gets ignored because i was 'crazy" Stage 7: Starts talking to new people. Many new people in fact Stage 8: New dates shows interest, i slowly show interest Stage 9: Totally interested in new guy, forgot ex's existence Stage 10: Moved on So few months later, my ex came back to tell me he misses me but i've moved on. Good luck to all dumpees! Yeah, talking to new girls helps A LOT. Just seeing a girl smile at you, or showing interest shows you that you are still the same person you were before. The relationship just ran it's course, and that's it.
OK_computer Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 D'you remember the exact day before you met them? That's it. Benign indifference. When thinking about them, is like thinking about the old lady packing your stuff at the supermarket for you. You're fine, and pleased an' all, but the moment you step away, you're thinking about how to steer the damn cart, and find your car keys.... That's the sure sign you've healed! You don't spend even a second thinking about her after she's gone, well maybe a second, but it doesn't affect you AT ALL. Like the way I talk to my ex from 10 years ago, my first love, it's so damn casual, it doesn't affect me at all, it has no bearing on my emotions. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I have a bad tendency to forget and just move on. It's unhealthy because sometimes I forget the lesson to don, I don't think about the mistakes that I made, I don't try to learn sometimes, hiding from the pain. The end of a relationship is much like a test. When you were together, emotions were not under arrest. But at the end, when things are actually falling apart, Take the time to learn from the mistakes you made from the start. You may be sad about losing someone you love, However please remember what I said right above, The day you realize that it wasn't meant to be, Is the day you will return back to being full of glee! My own personal experience is rather new to discuss, I haven't really thought about it as of late very much. It's still rather new, but don't worry about me. Because it took only a few days to realize it just wasn't meant to be.
Stsm5934 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I agree about the feeling of indifference. I'm not quite there with most recent ex, but with ex's in the past, that's when I know I'm really over them. Knowing that they were in a new relationship or being contacted by them wouldn't bother me at that point. I can see why the relationship didn't work out with the person and there is no blame about the end of the relationship anymore. There is a recognition that no matter how it ended, it would have eventually ended because they were not the right person for you. I can think back on the time I spent with them fondly and appreciate the time I had with them without a desire to have them back in my life. Chances are if I ran into them in the street I would feel like I was seeing an old friend, but my heart wouldn't flutter and I wouldn't be nervous. That's how I know I'm really over them. To be honest it's usually taken me a year to get completely to that spot of indifference, but certainly the entire post-breakup time I am moving forward steadily. 1
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