intheblinkofaneye Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Hello,I am a first time poster here. Discovered H's Affair 4 weeks ago. He is desperate to save the marriage and says he will do anything including a Polygraph Test. Has anyone actually had this done ? Too tired to think sometimes.... Thanks all Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Hello,I am a first time poster here. Discovered H's Affair 4 weeks ago. He is desperate to save the marriage and says he will do anything including a Polygraph Test. Has anyone actually had this done ? Too tired to think sometimes.... Thanks all Plenty of people have had it done. I did a lot of research on them. For a while I thought they had some merit but the reality is that they're not scientifically reliable. However, polygraphs do end up resulting in a lot of "parking lot" confessions. The wayward agrees to the test assuming that somehow they'll get out of it or learn how to beat it. But when the rubber meets the road, they panic and start confessing right before the test. You might be best to schedule it, pretend to believe in them, and follow-thru regardless of what confessions you get prior - many more end up happening during the test. From what I've read, you'll only be able to ask 3-4 factual "yes or no" questions. You won't be able to ask things like, "Did you love her?" As for finding one, most advice I've read says to consult your local police department and ask for a reference. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 There is a reason they are not admissible in court. They are also very expensive. If your marriage is at the point where this is the only way, save the money to pay your divorce lawyer. I'd try counseling instead if you want to save your marriage but if you just can't go there, don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author intheblinkofaneye Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 It's not that we are at that point, but he is trying to do everything he can to put my mind at ease. (well as much as it can possibly be anyways). i had not even thought of it, but now that he mentioned it I wonder.. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 I tend to think that a good strategy is: when you investigate and find nothing, you both win. Many times a betrayed spouse tries to avoid these kinds of measures but then the healing is delayed further. If he wants to exonerate himself, you might be best suited to let him. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 If you already know, what's the point? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 The fact that he volunteered to do it is a good sign. When they refuse there is a reason.band in a lot of cases there is a parking lot confession before the test even occurs. Take him up on the offer and make like you are going through with it even if you are not. Yes there can be errors but these companies do not stay in business by being continualy wrong. If you are convinced it is wrong there is no law against doing it again somewhere else Link to post Share on other sites
Author intheblinkofaneye Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 I ask myself the same thing. I already know, so why waste the money and time ?? I do not know how to answer that really. One side of my brain says enough is enough, he said he disclosed everything let it be. The other half says go ahead and do this, find out if he has really told all. Maybe it will give me piece of mind (if even for a moment anyways) Link to post Share on other sites
Author intheblinkofaneye Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 I have been reading some other posts in the polygraph search here and can't seem to actually found anyone who went through it. I see some who suggested it, but no actual follow-ups. I think I am still in the detective mod part of this insanity. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Just my opinion but since you already know of his cheating then I don't know if a poly would really be of any benefit. A poly may be ok if someone is denying an affair and it needs to be confirmed. But whether they met in the motel or at the park or whether they did it 6 times or 16 isn't exactly game changing material. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Go on Maury Povich. They do them all the time there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Plenty of people have had it done. I did a lot of research on them. For a while I thought they had some merit but the reality is that they're not scientifically reliable. However, polygraphs do end up resulting in a lot of "parking lot" confessions. The wayward agrees to the test assuming that somehow they'll get out of it or learn how to beat it. But when the rubber meets the road, they panic and start confessing right before the test. You might be best to schedule it, pretend to believe in them, and follow-thru regardless of what confessions you get prior - many more end up happening during the test. From what I've read, you'll only be able to ask 3-4 factual "yes or no" questions. You won't be able to ask things like, "Did you love her?" As for finding one, most advice I've read says to consult your local police department and ask for a reference. The parking lot confessions are the waywards final way of controlling the information. If not they wouldn't wait until the parking lot. But yeah that happens a lot. OP if you don't feel he is being honest its a good idea, most likely you won't have to go through with it. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Where it may help is determining if he is still lying. I could have potentially forgiven my wife's affair. What I couldn't do was reconcile with a spouse that was still actively lying to my face. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I had my cheating husband take one. He lied up until the very last second. Seriously, was confessing to new stuff DURING the test. Broke my heart into about a million pieces to know just how far he'd go to keep the truth from me and save his own skin. Make him take the test. It's a small price to pay to learn the true character of the person you may or may not want to spend the rest of your life with. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author intheblinkofaneye Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 The cheapest around here is 350.00. WoW. Maybe his willingness to do it is enough proof that he disclosed everything. WH has his first counceling today. (aside from the marriage councelor he saw last week) He wants me to put a tracker on his phone as well. He has been on this forum and read the "things a wayward spouse should know" post. Eager to hear his feedback after tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 What are the questions you want your husband to answer during the test? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Plenty of people reconcile without a poly. That said, a lot more people just keep lying through a reconciliation. I'd recommend you trust your gut; you can always schedule a poly later if your gut is screaming. Forgive me if I've forgotten already...did your husband voluntarily confess or was he discovered? If it was voluntary, that speaks immensely to true remorse and would be consistent with volunteering for a poly and to be GPS'd. It's tough to advise you on methods to investigate with him reading here. What he knows you're watching can then be circumvented. Link to post Share on other sites
Author intheblinkofaneye Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 I dont know if he knows I am posting here. I told him I was reading through different forums and came across the post and he read it while I was with him. He did not confess up-front. I grabbed his cell and discovered 4 sundays ago after he had been texting all day to her. (I thought he was texting his brother) Link to post Share on other sites
Author intheblinkofaneye Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 (edited) I would want to know if this was the first time he has cheated. (he says yes) Thats the main question I think. I am not sure if how many or how many times would make a differerance for some reason. Of course I can barely think sometimes at all. Edited November 6, 2014 by intheblinkofaneye more Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 The cheapest around here is 350.00. WoW. Maybe his willingness to do it is enough proof that he disclose everything. That is the exact nonsense he wants you to think so you don't call his bluff. As I said, not only was my husband willing, but he actually scheduled it himself. He was STILL busted with more and more lies. $350? A drop in the bucket. How much is the next 50 years of your life worth to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 $350? A drop in the bucket. How much is the next 50 years of your life worth to you? Some real truth to this ^^^. I remember languishing over $250 for a GPS. Best money I ever spent. Spent another $250 on a PI. Didn't miss that money either. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 350 is nothing compared to counseling costs over the next 2-5 years. Yes, have him take it - I'm sure he hasn't told you everything! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Go on Maury Povich. They do them all the time there. "I told you I wasn't the father bi#$%" ........sorry......couldn't help myself. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Some real truth to this ^^^. I remember languishing over $250 for a GPS. Best money I ever spent. Spent another $250 on a PI. Didn't miss that money either. Amen BH.....AMEN! I bought the XW a GPS for work....it was like $120.00. I checked the past trips and yup....you guessed it, she was w/ the OM. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I could have potentially forgiven my wife's affair. What I couldn't do was reconcile with a spouse that was still actively lying to my face. this! If I find out anything else, especially if it's not from him, I'm gone. I'll not be married to someone who is making decisions for me. I get that during the affair he did, but that should be over and done with now. And speaking as a WW, if he asked I'd gladly do it... I've offered to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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