Superman2024 Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 After 5-6 messages (within 24 hours) with a girl on an OLD site she gave me her number and wanted to text. We've each sent 14 messages in the last day but I'm pretty much carrying the conversation and she doesn't ask me questions back. For example, I'll ask how her day was or what kind of music she likes and she'll respond quickly but not ask about me. Is this a red flag and should I keep pursuing? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 It's a red flag. She's not that interested in you, or she's a narcissist. It may be possible that she's incredibly inexperienced with social conventions, but more likely she's just not very bright. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Screw the small talk - call her up and ASK HER OUT ALREADY!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GG3 Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 I think narcissist is a little strong lol. There are lots of people like that. They don't know how to reciprocate in conversation. I had one guy online recently who kept messaging "Ask me anything you want." He was really interested but seemed to think I would just want to talk about him all the time I guess. I have been on dates with some before that just keep talking about themselves ugh. I'm sure they find someone eventually that tries to work with them...I usually move on. I guess you could try saying "So what would you like to know about me?" The next time you talk to her. See how she responds. Link to post Share on other sites
GG3 Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Screw the small talk - call her up and ASK HER OUT ALREADY!!! I will say I had someone like this who was much better in person. Asking her out might be a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 I will say I had someone like this who was much better in person. Asking her out might be a good idea. Getting a date is the whole point of OLD. It's not to constantly bombard each other with messages and texts. So much can be determined within a few minutes of meeting that will never, EVER, happen through text or e-mail. She might be waiting for him to ask her out already. Why else give out her phone number on OLD site?? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Completely agree with the posters above me. Although I will say that some people are just super sh*tty texters for whatever reason. I personally don't get it. If you're interested in someone, you respond in a timely manner and carry on full sentences with plenty of reciprocation. I'm not sure why that's so hard for some people but it is and it goes both ways. I'm old school so I will often opt to talk on the phone at least once if only to get a better sense of who I'm communicating with and if I have any interest in pursuing it further...or not. Having said that, my experience has been that people who've I've met online who can't engage effectively through texts means they're either not as interested as they might have been or they're preoccupied with all the other "options" buzzing in on their phone. Just one perspective after all 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superman2024 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 Thanks everyone, my next step was to see if she wanted to talk or just go ahead and meet. That should tell me for sure how interested she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 You probably sound like every other guy she gave her number to from the dating site and she could be bored with it all. "What kind of music you like?" "What do you like to do on the weekend?" "What movies you like? " These are all boring questions she may be tired of answering and she may have covered them in her profile. Throw her a curve ball or two and she may perk up. Get her on a date real soon. Dont be boring on the date and try not to be like all the other dates she has had in the last month. Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 You probably sound like every other guy she gave her number to from the dating site and she could be bored with it all. "What kind of music you like?" "What do you like to do on the weekend?" "What movies you like? " These are all boring questions she may be tired of answering and she may have covered them in her profile. Throw her a curve ball or two and she may perk up. Get her on a date real soon. Dont be boring on the date and try not to be like all the other dates she has had in the last month. If she's serious about dating then she's just going to have to get used to a little monotony. Besides, if she's bored with being asked the same questions over and over she should set the tone and start asking more interesting questions of her own. OP, I'm not a heavy texter but I can be a big talker and generally try to be as detailed as possible but I can't stand having to carry a conversation. Like others said, ask her out if you wish but she doesn't seem very interesting...or very interested for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superman2024 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 I sent her a text asking if she'd like me to call her sometime and literally a minute later she called me. We had a nice 10 minute conversation but I had to cut it short since I was heading out. She wanted me to text her later on, so that's good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 After 5-6 messages (within 24 hours) with a girl on an OLD site she gave me her number and wanted to text. We've each sent 14 messages in the last day but I'm pretty much carrying the conversation and she doesn't ask me questions back. For example, I'll ask how her day was or what kind of music she likes and she'll respond quickly but not ask about me. Is this a red flag and should I keep pursuing? I'd immediately lose interest personally. Either she's not that interested or is very boring, neither seems promising to me. I don't exchange numbers to text anyway and do so so that we can at least talk on the phone a few times...but if we texted or talked and I was carrying the convo, I'd just bow out now because I don't have time for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 This is age 18 to 27 business as usual. Link to post Share on other sites
stillcold Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 You know what they say: never drop it until you know it's hot. In other words, don't cut it off until you know for sure you should. Ask her out, go with the date, see how it goes. I've dated women who were like that but once you get to meet them in person, it seems as if they light up like a christmas tree. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 (edited) This is age 18 to 27 business as usual. ...If you're a terrible texter. Plenty of people don't want to engage in mindless smalltalk needlessly. They have lives to live. She didn't give the guy her number to talk about the weather. She barely even knows the guy and now she's got to sit there and deal with "how was your day?" I side with the girl on this one. Personally, I'm very direct and I don't wait more than a message or two before telling her she can give me her number or move on. Many times the girls applaud the frankness of it all because they like decisiveness and don't want a pen pal. Only once did a girl message, then give me her number, then back out last minute because we hadn't talked enough yet. I said "fair enough" and let her go. I don't have the time or patience. If a girl wants to text me a bunch of stuff she's just going to hear about in person anyways, I say "let's talk about it when we meet up!" Don't waste her time, OP. Keep your texts practical until you meet her. If it goes well then you can get a little flirty. And I said flirty, not boring. Edited November 6, 2014 by normal person Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Yeah the easiest conversations I have with girls are ones where they not only ask my question back (ie how was your day? Fine, yours?), but ones that will initiate the questioning as well. I love it when a girl randomly asks me something when I'm getting to know her because it shows that she's interested in finding out more. If she doesn't ask you questions it's going to be a chore just keeping up the conversations. I feel like it's a headache waiting to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 If she's serious about dating then she's just going to have to get used to a little monotony. Besides, if she's bored with being asked the same questions over and over she should set the tone and start asking more interesting questions of her own. Well I am sure we can offer them many suggestions on how they should act but I am not confident it will change much. This is what they tell me when I talk to them. They say most guys ask the same questions and they tend to use the examples I stated. One woman recently pointed out the one regarding the weekend. She said "what kind of question is 'what do you like to do on the weekends?' I shrugged my shoulders. I don't ask that stuff. You talk to them enough, little things like that come out anyway so I save my breath for other topics of interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superman2024 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 ...If you're a terrible texter. Plenty of people don't want to engage in mindless smalltalk needlessly. They have lives to live. She didn't give the guy her number to talk about the weather. She barely even knows the guy and now she's got to sit there and deal with "how was your day?" I side with the girl on this one. Personally, I'm very direct and I don't wait more than a message or two before telling her she can give me her number or move on. Many times the girls applaud the frankness of it all because they like decisiveness and don't want a pen pal. Only once did a girl message, then give me her number, then back out last minute because we hadn't talked enough yet. I said "fair enough" and let her go. I don't have the time or patience. If a girl wants to text me a bunch of stuff she's just going to hear about in person anyways, I say "let's talk about it when we meet up!" Don't waste her time, OP. Keep your texts practical until you meet her. If it goes well then you can get a little flirty. And I said flirty, not boring. The problem isn't getting her to talk or respond to my questions, but getting her to get interested in me and ask things on her own. She seemed to appreciate me asking about her day. How in depth can you go with someone you just met online? I want to know some of these basic things that aren't covered in someone's profile. I'd like to hear some examples that you don't think are boring for the initial messages. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I don't think narcissist is a strong word. Here's what you want: -someone you're physically attracted to. -someone who is engaged, present and open. -someone who makes you feel good. Easy breezy. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 The problem isn't getting her to talk or respond to my questions, but getting her to get interested in me and ask things on her own. She seemed to appreciate me asking about her day. How in depth can you go with someone you just met online? I want to know some of these basic things that aren't covered in someone's profile. I'd like to hear some examples that you don't think are boring for the initial messages. Grow a pair and ask her out. That's it. Get to know her in person. Texting is the most useless ****ing way of doing this. You're welcome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 The problem isn't getting her to talk or respond to my questions, but getting her to get interested in me and ask things on her own. She seemed to appreciate me asking about her day. How in depth can you go with someone you just met online? I want to know some of these basic things that aren't covered in someone's profile. I'd like to hear some examples that you don't think are boring for the initial messages. Maybe it's a non starter because she doesn't want to keep texting you all this stuff when you haven't even met her yet. Meet her in person. Then if you play your cards right, she'll want to know more about you. Right now you're just a faceless random asking her if she likes Taylor Swift. It's trivial nonsense until you meet in person. She obviously doesn't want to talk that much yet, so every time you text her something like that you're just making yourself look worse. I personally might make a joke or two about something in the profile, ask an additional question, get a response, then ask for her number. Then I text her something related to the joke and ask when she's free to go out. That's all you need to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superman2024 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I just think she's a poor communicator. She was like this from the beginning. She's the one who wanted to text. If she was so bored with me I doubt she would have called me after those texts. I take a little longer to get to know someone before meeting because I'm not a few blocks away from people like you have in NYC. In this case she was an hour away. I did ask her out BTW and she hasn't responded. I think I'm better off though since she didn't seem like a good fit. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I did ask her out BTW and she hasn't responded. I think I'm better off though since she didn't seem like a good fit. You did all you can do, if she doesn't go for it, keep doing what you are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
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