JK2 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Hey there just looking for advice and more importantly to vent. So I started seeing this girl about a month ago. I'm 27, shes 29. She seemed pretty great and everything was going well. We've hung out 5 times, she iniates texts 80% of the time, sex is good, all is well etc. The story begins here though:She used to work where I work at currently but left before I got here. It's an office job and our office is notorious for gossip and drama. Well anyways, she used to date a guy that recently just quit as well. This all took place about 2 years ago. And there apparently was a lot of drama here at work about it after they broke up. She told me about it in cliff version a few weeks ago, just not the whole story. So anyways about a week ago a female coworker of mine was talking about drama at work and some of the crazy stories of years past. She brings up the chick and what not. The story isnt really that big of a deal to me at all. Although it definitely sounded twisted and gossipy. So last friday me and the girl went out to dinner and I casually brought it up (looking back now, I dont know why). You could tell she was not pleased and she explains her side of the story in detail. Which she didnt have to, I thought it was more of a joke. So basically the other guy made alot of stuff up about her etc. S0 the night went on and we went back to my place. She leaves really early though, which she never does because she said she had to get up early. I think nothing of it. But then she doesnt contact me all weekend (which she always texts me pretty regulary) So I texxt her on Sunday asking her whats up and she just starts sending me Harry Potter sized novels texts saying how it is all just too much to take and she didnt realize it was an everyday conversation thing here at work and its pathetic (not me, but the people that work here) etc. I just say "hey look I didnt know it was that big of deal, I really dont care about any of it. Im sorry for bringing it up, lets just never talk about it again and move on?" She sorta say okay etc etc but not directly. So I basically just say hey lets hang out again. She responds "Ill sleep on it, how about that?" That really raged me. So following folllowing morning (this past Monday) I go kinda beta and text her again just kinda reiterating the whole I didnt realize it was a big deal, sorry etc. I admit to liking her and just want to go back to where it was, etc. (Full beta I know) She just says "I'm cute" and "a great guy" and all that stuff but she just doesnt know right now. I unintentionalyl brought up bad memories. Now I remind her of that, I'm a victim of circumstance, etc. So after sending texts back and forth (because my mind is full of *** and confusion as to why all this is a big deal) she admits to me that the guy used to be abusive and she is embarassed by the whole thinng. It also bothers her that the guy made all this stuff up about her and what not and that im around these people. I just ask her why she didnt just tell me in person. She said planned to and was going to ask me to drinks this week but then my text caught her off guard. She then continued to say we should get ddrinks for my birthday (which isnt until end of next week though?). Then towards the end of the conversation she went back to normal flirty joking texts and that was that. We've been NC since. So what do? I mean I know I shouldnt get ahold of her again, but the whole situation is just frustrating and confusing to me. Like I feel like I didnt do anyhting in all this. im not really sure what to do. I guess I also just wanted to vent to someone.
Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Phone her, ask her out. Don't bring up exes again. If she gets all dramatic about it all then it may be that this relationship was not meant to be.
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 It's over. Obviously this whole deal struck a horrible cord with her, now she is leary of getting involved with you because you are too closely connected with the employees she used to work with. She left that job for a reason....to put this horrid mess behind her. The damage is done bro. It's kind of a good thing, because this is bad baggage. maybe not to you, but it is to her. I know it's hard for you to understand and don't think it's a big deal, BUT the whole thing has emotionally scarrd her more than you can imagine.
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 This still resonates with her after 2 years?.....this can't be good.
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Phone her, ask her out. Don't bring up exes again. If she gets all dramatic about it all then it may be that this relationship was not meant to be. He already tried, she mentioned drinks sometime next week.....that sounds like a blow off to me.
heartshaped Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I was wondering where her reaction was so extreme and when I read she said he was abusive I was like ahhhh. It was like a lightbulb going off. I'd leave her alone for a few more days and then begin texting and calling like nothing happened. It would be best just to leave this whole situation alone and never speak of it again.
Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 He already tried, she mentioned drinks sometime next week.....that sounds like a blow off to me. Oh missed that bit. Sod it. Too much drama. Watch a soap instead.
Author JK2 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 This still resonates with her after 2 years?.....this can't be good. Yeah the whole thing blows my mind. So you don't think she is gonna contact me again then? I should just let it go?
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Yeah the whole thing blows my mind. So you don't think she is gonna contact me again then? I should just let it go? It's a red flag why bother. You are not exclusive, date others.
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 After that? You are better off staying away. IMO you dodged a bullet.
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