mattsdv1986 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 How do you move on? My ex played with my back and forth for quite sometime. Got mad at me when she found out I was dating, and when she is in a new relationship wants nothing to do with me. I mean i know she was yo-yoing me and keeping me on the back burner until she found someone else, but now that she did, she wants nothing to do with me. Funny thing is, whne I met someone else, she told me how could I? That I was intnetionally trying to hurt her and she was tryign to heal. Now that she is with someone else (same thing I was doing, she tells me she wants nothing to do with me. My story is below - its long, but added it anyway. My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 6 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful because we never had a discussion about it. She basically said fi you want to be with you'll move because I am moving regardless. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this. After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isnt dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again. We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people of if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter. After this (1 month post breakup) she checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I was doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I gave in and talked, she totally reverted and became cold and mean. When I say we needed to not talk, she gots extremely angry and freaked out about old arguments. It came to a head (2 months after breakup) when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and that we had out shot. 2 days after this (2.5 months after the breakup), she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new (nothing serious) and freaked out. Said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else (dating other people was her idea). She then said that she felt betrayed that I can move on so quickly and she is taking time to heal and I am now in a "serious relationship" and that I was "Intentionally trying to hurt her" (which is so far from it when I want since I wanted to be with her). She then texted me 2 days after this if we could have a serious conversation - I agreed, but she came back saying she didn’t need to and there was no point and nothing I could say would make her not feel hurt, but maybe I could email her and she might listen to how I feel. I just left it with maybe it’s not the best time for us to talk, and when things have calmed down we could have a discussion. After this, she literally blocked me on all forms of communication. About 2 month after she told me she missed me / 4 months post breakup) (present), she became extremely indifferent, almost professional-like when speaking to me. I find out from a friend she is dating someone else and he is "making her really happy" and they are in a new relation / BF/GF. After trying to meet up with her for a drink, she tells me to "move and and that I need to stop clinging to us and she doesnt want to confuse me." Her friend came into town last week (who I am a good friend with) and said that she has changed - is extremely prissy, stuck up, needs everyone to pay attention to her and that she is not the same person that we both know before we moved. She also said that spending time with her she realized she is extremely selfish - kind of sucks that she has turned int othis person. I sent her an email about 2 week ago (like 5 pages) basically saying everythign I wanted, everything Im improving on, and everything I wish I done. No response. She imed me today (4.5months post breakup) basically saying that she wants no relationship with me as friends or otherwise. After that I told her that I didn’t want it either because she is a selfish person that literally only cares about herself. Told her not to call, email or write me and I will not do the same. I am done – time to get up and move on. You know you had too much when you had enough.
Sweetescape910 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Dude. Come on... This girl onlywants you when she cant have you. Don't let her manipulate you into thinking seeing other people is wrong. YOURE NOT HER BOYFRIEND ANYMORE. Do no contact please. She's clearly bipolar and territorial. Tell her to f*ck off
Sweetescape910 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I'm at work right now by the way, so I cant give you GREAT advice but once I come home I'll write more. Don't let this girl ruin you or make you feel like ur not worthy. You don't want someone who's so emotionally insensitive. By the way, if you can, can you please look at my newest thread and give me advice on my situation as well?
Sweetescape910 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I know it sucks, it's so hard when people are so emotionally insensitive forwards your feelings but you know this girl is not right for you. Don't waste your time on this girl. You've been nothing but nice to her. She clearly has insecurity problems. The best way to move on, is time. Take it day by day. BUSY YOURSELF. I know it's hard. It's so easy to sit there and pity yourself but you have to remember life moves on and people do too. Your chapter with her is over. Hang out with your friends, focus on family, and work. I promise you everything will fall into place. This girl is not the one for you and you know that.
Author mattsdv1986 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 I know it sucks, it's so hard when people are so emotionally insensitive forwards your feelings but you know this girl is not right for you. Don't waste your time on this girl. You've been nothing but nice to her. She clearly has insecurity problems. The best way to move on, is time. Take it day by day. BUSY YOURSELF. I know it's hard. It's so easy to sit there and pity yourself but you have to remember life moves on and people do too. Your chapter with her is over. Hang out with your friends, focus on family, and work. I promise you everything will fall into place. This girl is not the one for you and you know that. Its funny because she thinks im the bad guy and did nothing to win her back. The whole time I asked her what are we doing and she just became more and more distant. Finally I told her to leave me alone and she kept pining for me. I got trapped back in, and finally when she met a dude, she threw me away
Author mattsdv1986 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Dude. Come on... This girl onlywants you when she cant have you. Don't let her manipulate you into thinking seeing other people is wrong. YOURE NOT HER BOYFRIEND ANYMORE. Do no contact please. She's clearly bipolar and territorial. Tell her to f*ck off Curious on the BiPolar part
Sweetescape910 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Its funny because she thinks im the bad guy and did nothing to win her back. The whole time I asked her what are we doing and she just became more and more distant. Finally I told her to leave me alone and she kept pining for me. I got trapped back in, and finally when she met a dude, she threw me away Manipulative people will make you feel like you're in the wrong, when in reality, you didn't do anything. From what I see, you invested a lot of time and energy trying to make it work, for her to just slap you in the face and throw you away. She only wants you when she cant have you. Once she gets you she gets bored. I promise you the guy shes with will see through her ****. You'll meet a great girl, who won't play games with you. Someone who is caring torwards your feelings. This girl has proved she has no potential, has no relationship skills whatsoever, and proved she's not worth caring about. thanks for the advice btw, I'm keeping NC. Please do it with me! Whenever u think to contact her think of the things I told you. I PROMISE there's a better girl out there.
Downtown Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 She thinks i'm the bad guy.Matt, I agree with your suspicion (which you mentioned four weeks ago) that she has strong traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). The behaviors you describe -- e.g., the push-pull cycle, always being "The Victim," lack of impulse control, rapid flips between loving and devaluing you, and black-white thinking -- are classic warning signs for having strong BPD traits. If you're interested, you might want to take a look at my list of BPD red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs and a more detailed description of them at my post in Rebel's Thread. Take care, Matt.
sooshi Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Matt, I didn't read most of your post, but to respond to the title of your thread: I moved on by taking responsibility for my feelings and my life. I moved on by being realistic--I'm not a priority in his life, and he doesn't want to have a friendship with me right now. He only wants to be impersonal and formal, and I'm worthy of more depth in all of my relationships. I can infer from the length of your post that you're really hurting. Loss hurts, especially when you've been with someone/a part of their life for as long as she has been a part of yours. You've had dreams broken, and connections lost, and the pain you're feeling is a normal reaction. Therapy was really helpful for me in grieving and accepting my own interpersonal losses. 2
hoping2heal Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 She was behaving like a twatty little brat so it is pretty funny what you said to her in your kiss off e-mail. Honestly, she's got huge balls. Breaks up with you, then acts like YOU owe her something with the whole "e-mail and I might listen" BS. Um, no...
Author mattsdv1986 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 She was behaving like a twatty little brat so it is pretty funny what you said to her in your kiss off e-mail.. How so? Any insight?
Chi townD Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 She was always pulling on the leash to make sure the dog was still there. Funny thing about Ex's. They don't want us, but they don't want anyone else to have us until they've moved on. It's like, "wait a minute! I dumped you and you're supposed to be a hot mess and a big pile of blubbering goo! You're not supposed to be dating yet. I AM! This isn't how this is supposed to go down!"
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