Dumped psycho girlfriend... now what to expect?

[sotoman]

hello all.

two days ago my crazy girlfriend finally snapped and got arrested!

 

of course im done with her, but im very nervous about what happens next...

i mean, i understand that psycho girlfriends dont let their man get away that easy, right?

 

what happened, was we were celebrating her birthday, and then an argument started, and as all women with cluster B personality disorders react, so did she. simply speaking, my feelings dont count, nothing i say matters. its all about her.

 

i told her im tired of me not counting as much as she does, so i grabbed my shoes to leave. this is when she went spider-monkey on my ass. i had to fight my way out! neighbors called the cops, and she got arrested. Assault.

 

i havent heard from her since. that was sunday, its now tuesday.

i looked at the magistrate website, it said she was released at 5pm on monday afternoon.

 

whats making me nervous, is the silence.

 

ive been reading articles online about crazy ex girlfriends/boyfriends. they all agree, that they wont let the person go so easily. this is what im afraid of. im thinking that shes just dealing with being arrested, but that in a day or two, shell be banging on my bedroom window again.

 

im in the process of getting a protective order, but i dont know it will help.

 

id feel a lot better if i knew what to expect.

have any of you guys been through something like this?

what do you think she will do next?

 

thanks.

[Mi7522]

Sorry to hear what you're going through but there really is nothing you can do but keep your head on a swivel. If she is determined to get to you she will. Who knows what she will do but it doesn't sound like it will be pleasant. Just try to keep away from her is my best advice

[NJ123]

Why did you get involved in the first place with someone so crazy? I'm sure there were some red flags from the beginning.

[sotoman]

Why did you get involved in the first place with someone so crazy? I'm sure there were some red flags from the beginning.

 

well crazy girlfriends dont let you see theyre crazy at the beginning, now do they?

 

thanks for judging.

[NJ123]

well crazy girlfriends dont let you see theyre crazy at the beginning, now do they?

 

thanks for judging.

 

I'm not judging, I'm just being honest here. Did she talk bad about her past? Saying she hates all her ex boyfriends, problem with drugs, alcohol issues? All those things are red flags.

[sotoman]

I'm not judging, I'm just being honest here. Did she talk bad about her past? Saying she hates all her ex boyfriends, problem with drugs, alcohol issues? All those things are red flags.

 

ok sorry for that. its been a rough week...

no none of that stuff. we did drink, but it was normal casual drinking, and we did it together.

things did change after we got together, but it was gradual, and by then it was difficult for me to get out. till now.

[NJ123]

ok sorry for that. its been a rough week...

no none of that stuff. we did drink, but it was normal casual drinking, and we did it together.

things did change after we got together, but it was gradual, and by then it was difficult for me to get out. till now.

 

True, that's unfortunate. Hopefully she doesn't start trouble with you now, but it's probably likely you'll hear from her again.

[lemonsugar]

ok sorry for that. its been a rough week...

no none of that stuff. we did drink, but it was normal casual drinking, and we did it together.

things did change after we got together, but it was gradual, and by then it was difficult for me to get out. till now.

 

change your number and just be a bit careful not all girls are that crazy

[Strength in Healing]

Lmao I know exactly what you mean. Dated a cluster B myself.

 

What part of the cluster B was she, though? And who taught you of cluster B? That's generally reserved for more advanced psychology.

[SoThatHappened]

things did change after we got together, but it was gradual, and by then it was difficult for me to get out. till now.

It's funny how, generally:

 

- Women get into a relationship hoping the guy will change, and he doesn't.

- Men get into a relationship hoping the girl won't change, but she does.

 

Heard this quoted before and it's always resonated with me.

 

Anyway, as far as advice, I'd get a restraining order on her.

 

Keep your head on a swivel, and keep your wits about you... and run far far away from this one.

[HGirl]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through.

 

I had a crazy ex myself. He turned absolutely psychotic after we broke up -possessive, accusatory etc. etc. He would call me repeatedly (50 times successively one night). If I didn't answer, he frequently turned up at my house, banging on the door and trying to get in. It was one of the most traumatic experiences in my life.

 

How did I handle it?

1. Try to empathize. When he was being all crazy, I reminded myself it was an emotional reaction. A selfish, completely unfair one, but nevertheless. I tried not to judge him too harshly.

2. Reward good behaviour - likely, she will not sit back in silence for long. If she approaches you in a calm manner, reward her by speaking with her (even if its the last thing you want to do). If she is erratic or emotional, calmly back out of the situation.

3. STAY CALM AT ALL TIMES. She will be displaying enough erratic/emotional behaviour for the both of you. Your patience WILL be tried.

4. Gradually distance yourself. Luckily for me, I was able to move city about a year after the breakup.

 

He demonstrated some crazy behaviour right up until about a year ago. He added my new boyfriend on Facebook. He has recently been caught stalking my brother's facebook page.

 

Luckily for me, he has found another girl to direct is attention to.

 

Whatever actions you choose, I wish you the best of luck.

[OwMyEyeball]

Other than the spider-monkey attack what other crazy behaviours was she exhibiting as she "gradually" changed? Uttering threats to you or others? Lashing out? Throwing tantrums? Manipulative? Did she have an existing criminal record? Any history of substance abuse?

 

Given that there was alcohol involved, a day of significance (her birthday) and she quite possibly could have been at that point in her cycle, there's a good chance that while she acted out in that one instance, she's not of any danger to you.

 

Heck, that silence may be more her processing all the shame and guilt for the way she behaved towards you, wondering how in the world she's going to apologize.

 

You might be looking a little too hard for something that isn't there.

 

Give it some time and see how it plays out.

[NopeNah]

Other than the spider-monkey attack what other crazy behaviours was she exhibiting as she "gradually" changed? Uttering threats to you or others? Lashing out? Throwing tantrums? Manipulative? Did she have an existing criminal record? Any history of substance abuse?

 

Given that there was alcohol involved, a day of significance (her birthday) and she quite possibly could have been at that point in her cycle, there's a good chance that while she acted out in that one instance, she's not of any danger to you.

 

Heck, that silence may be more her processing all the shame and guilt for the way she behaved towards you, wondering how in the world she's going to apologize.

 

You might be looking a little too hard for something that isn't there.

 

Give it some time and see how it plays out.

disagree. Anytime it gets to that point... See ya! I'm sure he's been dealing manipulation, back and forth;) resentment towards each other, for whatever reason.. Doesn't matter. Delete her for ever and park your car in your garage. My tires were slashed last night.

[SoThatHappened]

I agree with Praying4Daylight.

 

Alcohol, her birthday, and her period don't justify going spider-monkey on someone's ass!

 

Lame excuses, all the way around. Something was leading up to this.

[stillafool]

If she starts anything with you get a restraining order against her. That should hold her off.

[sotoman]

What part of the cluster B was she, though? And who taught you of cluster B? That's generally reserved for more advanced psychology.

ive had a few psych courses in college.

 

 

thanks for all the input, guys! appreciate that.

for the gradual change im talking about...

 

after we got together, slowly she became more and more jealous, she began to throw more tantrums, over smaller and smaller things. yelling, etc. when any female would call me, she make accusations, you know the deal.

 

then i knew it wasnt healthy, i tried to breakup a few times, but she wouldnt allow it. shed show up at 3 am and bang on my bedroom window, etc etc, hundreds of voicemails and texts, until i finally gave in and took her back. (it wasnt until recently that i learned this is also a form of abuse, manipulation)

 

this is why this current silence is making me very nervous.

normally shed be blowing up my phone. this isnt like her previous behavior at all!

i dont think that shes capable of being rational, i dont think she can sit and think, "well maybe i should leave him alone..."

shes never been able to do that before, why should she now?

she has NEVER been able to go more than a few hours without texting or calling, even when we would break up, or even while shes at work!

 

ill be honest, its creeping me the f**k out!

id feel better if she was blowing up my phone, and then stop once i get the restraining order (its already been started).

a friend says that shes giving me time to 'cool down', as if im just mad, and ill take her back again.

Edited November 6, 2014 by sotoman
adding more!

[Downtown]

ive had a few psych courses in college.

Then you already know, Sotoman, that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., the temper tantrums, rapid flips between adoring and devaluing you, lack of impulse control, black-white thinking, always being "The Victim," and great fear of abandonment (evident in the irrational jealousy) -- are classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). SIH is very well aware of these red flags because he's had experiences similar to your own.

 

That's why SIH was asking about which of the Cluster B disorders you had in mind. If you're interested, you will find SIH's story in his thread at So Much Pain. Also, I provide a list of BPD red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs and a more detailed description of them at my post in Rebel's Thread. As you likely know, numerous members on this forum -- including SIH, Rebel, and me -- have broken free of toxic relationships with BPDers.

 

P.S. -- Exit plan tips for a Non leaving a BPDer are offered in BPDfamily's article #10 at Leaving a Partner with BPD.

Edited November 6, 2014 by Downtown

[Strength in Healing]

That's why SIH was asking about which of the Cluster B disorders you had in mind. If you're interested, you will find SIH's story in his thread at So Much Pain.

 

 

Talk about a walk down memory lane lol...

 

I am happy to report that we all heal, as the pain I felt so vehemently at that point no longer lingers.

[Mi7522]

Like I said mate, keep your head on a swivel! I don't think you've heard the last her but truly hoping this is the end

[Raena]

The descriptions I'm reading on here are giving me flashbacks to when my ex would do the same thing. Gah it was soooo traumatic. The constant calling, the banging on the windows, breaking my door down and I could go on and on.

 

I had SUCH a hard time getting away from him. Seems like you are one step ahead of where I was at when all that crap happened with me though so hopefully you'll be smart enough to get away from her.

 

Looking back on it, a restraining order is probably about the only way I could have kept him from doing what he did to me over and over when I was vulnerable but yet foolish enough to get sucked back in every time with him. It might be what you need to do too.

 

The other end of it though is that maybe this time she'll actually leave you alone. Maybe being arrested was enough of a wake up call for her that she realizes this will never work out with you two? OK, so maybe I'm putting my rose colored glasses on but if this is the first time she's been arrested it might have made her stop and really think about what she's doing? If she's like my ex, that might work for a period of time but it won't last forever unless you can find a way to cut all ties with her permanently.

[OwMyEyeball]

Guess the spider-monkeys around my parts are tamer ...

 

After reading the "gradual change" behaviours I gotta agree with the "crazy" and would put money on BPD

 

A close friend dated one for two weeks. They had sex twice ... once without a condom. Of aaallll the women he's slept with (dozens) she was the one who got pregnant and gave birth to his first and only child.

 

Tantrums, streams of text at all hours of the day/night , trying (and failing) to use his friends to spy, cyber-stalking, and the most vitriolic, soul-crushing meanness I have ever seen anyone launch against another. Worst is that she uses their child as a tool for manipulation. It's hard to watch because he's a genuinely good guy who wants the best for his daughter, but has no idea how to deal with the mother.

 

She'll be completely off the wall for ten minutes then revert back to normalcy as though nothing had ever happened.

 

Anyhow, best of luck.

[sotoman]

The other end of it though is that maybe this time she'll actually leave you alone. Maybe being arrested was enough of a wake up call for her that she realizes this will never work out with you two? OK, so maybe I'm putting my rose colored glasses on but if this is the first time she's been arrested it might have made her stop and really think about what she's doing? If she's like my ex, that might work for a period of time but it won't last forever unless you can find a way to cut all ties with her permanently.

 

well this is the first time she hasnt blown up my phone... so hopefully it was a wake up call for her... but i dont think thats too possible. i mean shes an irrational creature at her core.

 

she calls me her 'husband', insists we will have kids, etc. thats always creeped me out.

 

other times when ive dumped her (she didnt allow it), she gave me half a day for me to 'cool off'. then shed call and say, "are you calmed down now?"- totally ignoring how i felt, or taking me seriously at all!

 

so 2 whole days without hearing from her???

im sure shes upset she got arrested, but i believe shes either getting drunk with her buddies, telling them its my fault. maybe shes getting laid.

BPDers usually are impulsive and promiscuous, right?

 

either way, this is really creeping me out. im worried of it getting violent again.

 

my hopes are that she finally got the message, but everything else tells me that someone like her wont let her captive go so easily.

 

my friend tells me that shes licking her wounds from getting arrested, taking a few days to get sympathy from friends, maybe f**k around a bit to feel better.

all the while using this time of being silent as a tactic against me, trying to make me feel guilty or make me feel like im the one who messed up. shes done this before, but only about half a day or so.

[sotoman]

let me explain why im being so worried about this, and why im analyzing her behavior so much:

 

from this article:

 

When you try to end your relationship with this type of person she will typically escalate the craziness and abuse and can become physically violent. Rejection is a grave blow to this kind of woman’s ego. In her mind, she’s perfect and you’re the one with the problems. How dare you leave her? Who do you think you are? She’ll show you, by god. Even if she’s the one who initiates the break-up—it doesn’t matter. These women often approach divorce and break-ups with a “winner takes all” mentality.

Ending a relationship with a woman like your girlfriend also represents a loss of control—over you, the relationship and her distorted view of reality. It challenges her world view and self view. These women react by amping up the craziness in a frenzied effort to get you back under their control. When she realizes she can no longer control you, she will then set out to try and destroy you.

[NopeNah]

I'd never heard of the cluster B, or whatever.. Until yesterday. I started reading a bit about abusive relationships and it hit me... Yes.. I left one! Not physically abusive.. Yet. Turn on a dime crazy though! Never in the wrong, loud, needed to be the center of the universe at all times.. Ect.. I actually had a wtf? Moment... It all makes perfect sense to me now and I will never speak to her again. Scary stuff!

[sotoman]

GREAT NEWS!

apparently, shes moved on!

 

i guess she views what i did as so heinous, so terrible, that she lost interest in me and moved on.

 

with BPD people, once they lose interest in you, they tend to stop caring about you altogether, and find someone else within hours to take your place.

 

apparently this is what has happened, because a friend told me that shes posting regular updates on instagram that shes going out, having fun, etc.

 

still no contact from her.

 

this is wonderful! this means that i wont have to worry about the hovering, the stalking, the manipulation to continue the relationship, etc.

im a free man! i won the lottery, so to speak.

 

people with BPD lose interest and find a new victim within hours.

 

thanks for your help everyone!