eileen42 Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 I posted already today, but I figured while I was on here I might as well get all the questions out: My bf of 5 or 6 months frequently changes plans with me at the last minute. Just last weekend he had mentioned to me once or twice that he wanted to go snowboarding (he LOVES it). He and his buddy wanted to go again, and they just got back from a snowboarding trip last week. Anyway, we had tentative plans for Friday night. At 2 pm on Friday afternoon he tells me that he's going snowboarding with his friend, and I can come if I want to. I told him I really wasn't in the mood and I thought we were going to be able to do something together because we don't see each other much during the week (we both work a lot). His response was: "I told you before, if you want spend time with me you're going to have to learn to snowboard and do the things I like". Ugh. Really irritated me. But I can't tell, is that really a selfish/rude thing to say or is it simply an honest statement and I'm being too sensitive about it?
EC Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 I think thats bullsh*t! Let me get this straight..you hardly spend time together...then then you make a date to hang out and he breaks it to go snowboarding...then tells you to start liking snowboarding in oreder to spend time with him??? Oh no girl...relationships are about compromise...Yeah he likes to snowboard but if he is serious about you he needs to learn to make time for you to. You don't have to be the only to change your schedule or what you like to do to comfort him...
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 For one, it's rude. For another, he doesn't have his priorities in order. He should be spending time with YOU - not his buddies. This is especially true since you don't see each other a lot. If I may ask, are you happy in the relationship outside of this selfish scherade he puts on? The quote you cited doesn't make him sound very mature. Have you told him that this really irritates you? Sometimes guys need to be shaken up now and then.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Compromise. That is the key. Try snowboarding and let him teach you how to do it - It actually could be FUN! And just think of the nights alone in bed...Fire roaring, and some nice romance... Then he has to do some of the things you like to do as well. If he doesn't, well, then yes, he's selfish and thinking of himself first! That is OK once in a while but not all the time. How long have you two been together? If things don't improve and he doesn't make the effort to be with JUST you, well, then maybe it is time to reconsider him and find someone who will want to spend ALOT of time with you!!
Author eileen42 Posted March 14, 2005 Author Posted March 14, 2005 Outside of this, the relationship is a bit iffy (see my other post from an hour ago). We've been dating about 5 or 6 months. I did try snowboarding and it was fun. My concern right now is that I don't have any health insurance (just started a new job), and I have a bad habit of hurting myself in the snow I need to figure out how to put my foot down. His reasoning was "You've known this all along". Reading my other post might be helpful also. Ugh.
HoldOn Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 It is definitely rude. I have put up with a lot of crap in the past, and now I don't take it anymore. I rarely cancel plans with people, and I so I get upset when people cancel plans with me. I don't think this is about compromise. This is about respect. You had plans, he should keep them unless some emergency comes up. (snow boarding is not an emergency.) Regardless, you teach people how to treat you. If you allow him to do this he will just keep treating you like 2nd place to everything else. Question: would you be upset with a girlfriend if she cancelled plans with you last minute? I would be. So why would you accept it from a guy.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn I have put up with a lot of crap in the past, and now I don't take it anymore. I rarely cancel plans with people, and I so I get upset when people cancel plans with me. Seriously, don't take this crap from guys. Snowboarding is definiely not a valid reason to cancel plans with your SO. I've reviewed your other thread, and IMO, this guy is very questionable. If his focus is not on you, you may want to have a serious talk with him, if he's capable of that. Otherwise, expect more of the same as he gets more comfortable making you second-string plans.
Hund1976 Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 The polite thing to do would have been to ask you to go snowboarding and if you said no then done something else with you since he had already asked you to hang out Friday. My thing is people should keep their plans to the biggest extent possible. If your mom gets hit by a train and you have to run off to the hospital at the last minute that's one thing, but besides emergencies like that people should keep their promises.
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