DaisyDew Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Hi there, A little over a month ago my boyfriend of 4 years decided he 'doesn't know what he wants, but he knows it's not THIS' meaning of course "me and him". I could feel something wasn't right for only the weekend before it happened, and it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't strongly encouraged him to talk about his feelings, because I could tell something was troubling him and really wanted him to try talk about it (worth noting our relationship had just turned long distance). I handled it really well when it happened, part of me was prepared for the worst so to speak, and I didn't get upset in front of him, which even led him to asking me twice "are you sure you're taking this seriously?!" He contacted me 4 days after sending me the songs of a band I showed him and who we both really liked, I replied happily but probably a bit too enthusiastically looking back! He replied again, but this time I decided to leave it because no specific questions were asked in his reply and I didn't see the point in giving the satisfaction of an answer at that point! A little over 2 weeks later, he messaged me asking how things were going. When I received the message I felt so upset, confused, I had no idea what to say or do so I just left it. 2days after I decided to unfriend him on Facebook to try stop myself from looking into his life, and also him into mine (this happened one week ago) it wasn't an 'emotional' decision when I did this, I felt quite calm really because I felt like it was the right move to make for my own sanity! I felt hopeful about the fact that right now it's not possible for us to be friends, it'd be far too difficult, but that in the future we could perhaps be lucky enough to build up a friendship again from scratch, once this whole thing has blown over! So that's the background to the situation, but my question or worry at the moment is that I'm obviously implementing a No Contact rule on my part by having not replied to him and de friended him on FB etc, but I'm worried now that I should have given him a heads up beforehand just saying something like 'I'd appreciate having some time to take space etc', because now it's effectively like I've disappeared a bit, and while part of me wanted him to feel the shock of realising wow she's really not in my life anymore after 4 wonderful years by doing this, I'm worrying that he'll presume I'm either mad at him, being weird about things, or not wanting anything to do with him ever again etc. when really I'm just taking the space to let things settle and heal of course! What should I do? Should I just leave things as they are, or send him a message now saying 'things have been really busy lately (they honestly have been as I've just started a new teaching job) but I just wanted to let you know that I'm just taking the space to bla bla bla? I'm conscious of not jeopardising any future friendship I have with him. Any input is welcomed, the whole thing is stressing me out a bit at the mo! Many thanks all
Mandalorian Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Don't worry about what he thinks. Don't worry if he is presuming anything about your decision. He lost those rights when he decided that he didn't want you to be together anymore. Leave things as they are in my opinion. If there is a chance that you will become friends in the future, then doing as you are shouldn't be an issue. If it is, he wouldn't be worth being called a friend given what has happened.
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Leave his presumptions up to him. Stick to the NC. No need to justify or explain it.
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