Seeing red again Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) Here's the situation: I met this girl online. Her name was Atley. We hit it off right away, talked almost nonstop, and even exchanged plenty of pictures. I finally mustered up the gonads to ask her out, and she said yes! Fast forward 2 days later... So, I meet her in a dog park. We talked nonstop for some time, her eyes seemed to light up when she talked to me. Anyways, as she was getting ready to leave, she gave me a hug and asked me when she wants to meet next. Great, right? Wrong... Well, I went full retard mode and messed it up when I pretended like I was going to kick her (stupid as hell, I know). I thought I was trying to be funny at the time. Serves me right for doing that to a girl that I barley knew. I never scared someone that bad before to where they blocked me on everything. Natrually, I feel as worthless as a screen door on a submarine, of course (ah, the joys of human emotion). Dosen't help that I'm 6'7" and very imposing, or so I'm told. I sent her a letter of apology on FB a day after the date and she hasn't seen it yet. Also tried to call her 3 days after the letter, rang twice and went to voicemail. I was going to leave one, but I choked up like an idiot and didn't. I am cursed with this damn ability of majorly f***ing up first impressions when it comes to dating. I know one or more of you is probably going to tell me to give up. Problem is, that she is really genuine and sweet. I've dated many women in my life so far, but she's the only one that has literally ever made me feel attracted to someone. If she was some other airheaded bimbo, I could care less. But, she's not. Normally, I am cold and insensitive to near everyone, but something about her really cut to the core of me and grabbed my attention. Nobody has ever done that with me before. Therefore, I ask you, how do I work myself out of this mess? I am a man of logic, not a man of relationships. This is foreign to me. Thank you to all who answer. Edited November 5, 2014 by Seeing red again
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I honestly don't understand, you went to kick her? Talk us through it. She said 'when do you want to meet again' and you pretended to kick her so realistically she was genuinely frightened? Kick her where? Was this directly after her comment about meeting again? Either way, from the way she's blocked you on everything, you should move on. Easier said than done but you clearly really freaked her out. If a guy frightened me physically on a first date I would never give him a chance again. Having said that, I'm struggling to see how someone could scare me through a 'pretend' kick where no contact was made in a public place, so badly that I freaked out and disappeared. That's why I'm so confused about this. I might think he was a bit goofy or that he wasn't great at judging social situations but I don't know how I could not even give the guy a 'goodbye this isn't working' text after.
Author Seeing red again Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 I honestly don't understand, you went to kick her? Talk us through it. She said 'when do you want to meet again' and you pretended to kick her so realistically she was genuinely frightened? Kick her where? Was this directly after her comment about meeting again? Either way, from the way she's blocked you on everything, you should move on. Easier said than done but you clearly really freaked her out. If a guy frightened me physically on a first date I would never give him a chance again. Having said that, I'm struggling to see how someone could scare me through a 'pretend' kick where no contact was made in a public place, so badly that I freaked out and disappeared. That's why I'm so confused about this. I might think he was a bit goofy or that he wasn't great at judging social situations but I don't know how I could not even give the guy a 'goodbye this isn't working' text after. I knew I was forgetting something... Well, she came out of an abusive relationship and the fact she had her hip broken multiple times didn't help much either. I made a joke about if the Vicodin she was taking started to work yet, then I pretended to kick her. I move very quick and the lack of lighting didn't help either. That was after she wanted to know when she wanted to meet me again. God, I have a really hard time describing this without coming off like I am a stalker or something. It feels awkward to me typing all this out. What if 'FUBAR'? Sorry about that, it means "F***ed Up Beyond Any Repair". Hear it many times in my line of work...
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I knew I was forgetting something... Well, she came out of an abusive relationship and the fact she had her hip broken multiple times didn't help much either. I made a joke about if the Vicodin she was taking started to work yet, then I pretended to kick her. I move very quick and the lack of lighting didn't help either. That was after she wanted to know when she wanted to meet me again. I see. I wouldn't beat yourself up OP, you clearly didn't set out to upset her, and what you did might have been cool with another girl. I can see why it could have upset her, perhaps it triggered some feelings off inside her that really freaked her out, I have a similar issue sometimes if a partner gets really drunk and starts acting differently because I have had past experiences with heavy drinkers and emotional pain, whereas most girls wouldn't care. Don't forget she barely knows you, and the 'lack of lighting' suggests perhaps it was dark or secluded. Maybe she felt safe with you initially but then realised she hardly knows you at all and freaked out in case you were going to assault her. What happened after the kick, how did you leave things? How did she respond to it, and what was said?
Author Seeing red again Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 I see. I wouldn't beat yourself up OP, you clearly didn't set out to upset her, and what you did might have been cool with another girl. I can see why it could have upset her, perhaps it triggered some feelings off inside her that really freaked her out, I have a similar issue sometimes if a partner gets really drunk and starts acting differently because I have had past experiences with heavy drinkers and emotional pain, whereas most girls wouldn't care. Don't forget she barely knows you, and the 'lack of lighting' suggests perhaps it was dark or secluded. Maybe she felt safe with you initially but then realised she hardly knows you at all and freaked out in case you were going to assault her. What happened after the kick, how did you leave things? How did she respond to it, and what was said? It got really quiet, she got in her truck and drove away. I would have if I knew... Like I said, I have an extremely irritating habit of messing up first impressions bad. One of the many downsides to intelligence, your social skills are horrible. I appreciate your input though!
Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 What if 'FUBAR'? Fu*ked Up Beyond All Recognition. Sorry going back to read the rest... Only got as far as this and can't actually believe a guy pretended to kick a woman on a first date...
Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 It got really quiet, she got in her truck and drove away. I would have if I knew... Like I said, I have an extremely irritating habit of messing up first impressions bad. One of the many downsides to intelligence, your social skills are horrible. I appreciate your input though! Erm... yah... That is completely and utterly FUBAR... I have no idea how you could possibly come back from that one. What have you said to her via text/ messages etc since? I take it she is not responding...
Redhead14 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Here's the situation: I met this girl online. Her name was Atley. We hit it off right away, talked almost nonstop, and even exchanged plenty of pictures. I finally mustered up the gonads to ask her out, and she said yes! Fast forward 2 days later... So, I meet her in a dog park. We talked nonstop for some time, her eyes seemed to light up when she talked to me. Anyways, as she was getting ready to leave, she gave me a hug and asked me when she wants to meet next. Great, right? Wrong... Well, I went full retard mode and messed it up when I pretended like I was going to kick her (stupid as hell, I know). I thought I was trying to be funny at the time. Serves me right for doing that to a girl that I barley knew. I never scared someone that bad before to where they blocked me on everything. Natrually, I feel as worthless as a screen door on a submarine, of course (ah, the joys of human emotion). Dosen't help that I'm 6'7" and very imposing, or so I'm told. I sent her a letter of apology on FB a day after the date and she hasn't seen it yet. Also tried to call her 3 days after the letter, rang twice and went to voicemail. I was going to leave one, but I choked up like an idiot and didn't. I am cursed with this damn ability of majorly f***ing up first impressions when it comes to dating. I know one or more of you is probably going to tell me to give up. Problem is, that she is really genuine and sweet. I've dated many women in my life so far, but she's the only one that has literally ever made me feel attracted to someone. If she was some other airheaded bimbo, I could care less. But, she's not. Normally, I am cold and insensitive to near everyone, but something about her really cut to the core of me and grabbed my attention. Nobody has ever done that with me before. Therefore, I ask you, how do I work myself out of this mess? I am a man of logic, not a man of relationships. This is foreign to me. Thank you to all who answer. You met her in person once at a dog park. You should not be as invested in seeing her as much as you are especially after all this. You did something that was maybe a little odd and caught her off guard and she got scared? I doubt that this was a full blown attempt to kick her. It was likely going to be a little playful tap. In my mind, her reacting this way, is over the top and a sign of something going on with her. Find someone else to date.
Mrin Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Ok that was really weird and I guess you know that already so I won't harp on it. Two things: 1. I get the socially awk thing and at 6'7" little awk can become big awk in a hurry. I guess a good rule of thumb to follow in the future is that in your mind any physical contact or simulated physical contact should be done with kid gloves until she tells you otherwise. You're big and intimidating. 2. As for her - you set off a trigger. Abusive relationship, 3 broken hips. Fast movemen, big guy, stranger, poor lighting. Not sure you come back from this because you triggered a really deep and really powerful flight emotion. She didn't feel safe. And she probably will have a hard time coming back from that. My suggestion is to just let her be. Anything more than what you have done already would just make her feel more unsafe. Sorry dude. I think it is definitely FUBARed
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