Just kinda left reeling. It was over in a instant. One choice

[JasonLeeRich]

Well, where to begin. Me and my (ex) girlfriend were together for 4 years. Talked about marriage and all that usual stuff. To the story. She got accepted to C.S.U after graduating from our local college in Texas. I still had just 7 more credits and I would have been done as well. My dad had just died and it seemed all so sudden that I was leaving my family behind to keep up with her in Colorado. But I loved her, so I went.

 

Stayed for 2 and a half months but had problems.I had a job but I had no car. No license and my mom said she wouldn't support me if I had chose to leave. I couldn't finish my online classes because I didn't have enough money in time. I was walking to work, riding a bike, trying to find rides. (9 miles) We shared the car which did help to an extent. But it was still hard.In her defense she did offer her loan money i I had paid her back. She would always ask if something was wrong because I wasn't acting myself; to which I would reply " No ****! I'm fine" ( It did make me act somewhat snappy rude and closed off) Knowing that was not the truth.

 

I just couldn't talk about it. I regret that choice now.

One day I decided the best thing to do was to go back home temporarily( to avoid further arguing for us) I told her in advanced and it crushed her. The whole week we were just kinda numb toward each other. She eventually broke down one day and bawled and yet I was still numb. I didn't say much. In fact I can't remember if I said anything at all. I wish I would have in retrospect. But I didn't. I told her I just wanted to get this done and be back. She replied " If you leave it's over." She made me sleep on the couch and wouldn't let me hold her hand anymore that whole week. Saying "you're leaving so basically it doesn't matter" There was a bar about 200 yards away so I hit the bottle.

 

Hard.( I REGRET) Just to be able to sleep at night because I felt so hurt, instead of communicating like I should have. She then left everyday not caring if I had a ride to work or not. So I couldn't ride out my 2 weeks notice. One day she left for work and came back and I was gone. I couldn't stand the suffering anymore. After 4 years that's how I left :/ I hate I did that to.

 

After about a week and a half back in Texas I contacted her saying I regret everything I had done. But I was very close to having everything finished and could be back up there soon. She said "no I don't want that" I hurt her to much because she had put her faith and hope in me that I would be able to do it (make it work) and she was tired of my wishy washyness and my emotional baggage. I guess it was a "test" you would say ,to her, of me being a man. Preserving. And achieving it all myself. She wanted no part of me now.

After 4 years. I was crushed to no end. I had dropped everything for her to move up there and it seemed to go unnoticed.

 

About a month later I found out she had a guy spend the night in our camper the day I left! A guy she meet in class 4 days prior of me leaving. ( i knew about him cuz i asked how school was when I was still in Colorado and she mentioned him! ) Posting pictures on social media. I thought how? How after 4 years could she move on that quick? I haven't even thought of another. I did pushed her away by blowing her up like crazy but I could not help it. It was a relationship I did not want to end. And for it to be over because I left for good reasons just felt .....idk.

 

SO many things. I hated myself for it. Why had I made that decision. I let the best gift I had ever had in my life slip through my hands. Now my future that I had planned with her (same college and all) was just over.

Edited November 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JasonLeeRich]

Dang no one seems to care lol. I just wanna know if i was in the wrong for leaving. Or if it was 50/50

[PegNosePete]

She was obviously cheating on you. This guy slept with her the day after you moved out? Really you think there was nothing going on before that? If so, I have a bridge to sell you.

 

So yeah you did the right thing by moving away. Now you have to do the right thing and stop communicating with her. She cheated on you and threw your relationship away. Time for you to move on...

[Strength in Healing]

I let the best gift I had ever had in my life slip through my hands.

 

If this shady pathological liar, selfish cheater was the best gift of your life, you really need to start inviting some different people over for Christmas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You see, we all are very hard on ourselves at this exact moment that you are in. We break down EVERYTHING we have done, and convince ourselves that had we JUST done THIS or THAT a little differently, we still would have the person.

 

The reality though is she would've fought for you if she wanted the relationship. She gave up where others would not have. It's hard to see blessings in disguise so early on, but eventually you will have 20/20 vision.

Edited November 5, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[JasonLeeRich]

You think so? I mean I was still there when she meet the guy. I hadn't left yet and I remember asking her "How was school?" And She said "It was ok I had this guy come sit next to me and talk a lot." I replied " Oh yea? was he cute?" Just being dumb and she said "Yea he was"

So this was literally 4 days before I left. She had just meet him. So idk if she was cheating. She may have had it in the back of her mind that if im going then **** it, ill just get with this guy. That will show him. MAybe she is just a little girl who gets pissed when she doesnt get her way

[Chi townD]

You think so? I mean I was still there when she meet the guy. I hadn't left yet and I remember asking her "How was school?" And She said "It was ok I had this guy come sit next to me and talk a lot." I replied " Oh yea? was he cute?" Just being dumb and she said "Yea he was"

So this was literally 4 days before I left. She had just meet him. So idk if she was cheating. She may have had it in the back of her mind that if im going then **** it, ill just get with this guy. That will show him. MAybe she is just a little girl who gets pissed when she doesnt get her way

 

 

You don't have to have intercourse in order to cheat on someone. She was investing her time and emotions into someone other than the person she promised herself to. She screwed this guy the very day you left. No mourning the loss of you or mourning the loss of your relationship. Most girls do not do this unless there was something there to begin with.

 

 

Okay, so you're probably wondering what to do now. You need to get your revenge. And the best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life.

 

 

Here's what you need to do. Go get a new hairstyle. Something people are going to notice and like. Then, you need to get new clothes. If you're a jeans, t-shirt, baseball hat and gym shoes kind of guy. Change to designer jeans, button down shirt with a vest and leather shoes. Be GQ 24/7. You want people to say to you, "DAMN DUDE! Looking sharp!" This is going to help your self esteem.

 

 

You need to finish your schooling and get that degree. And don't tell me about the money being a problem. You need to go to the financial offices. Enrollment is WAY down at College and Universities across the country. If you need money, they will find it for you to keep you enrolled and their numbers up. Trust me, they will find you the money in the form of scholarships and grants. I mean, there's actually a scholarship for left handed people! They can find you the money. A good education is going to open up more opportunities for you. And don't stop there! Go to grad school and get a masters. Then, you be able to land that sweet job that's gonna pay for that awesome townhouse in a great neighborhood and that car you've always want.

 

 

Then, get some new hobbies. With these new hobbies, there are usually clubs in your area with people that have the same interests as you. So, JOIN THEM! Join a running club, or a cycling club, dive lesson or a photograph course. Get out there and meet new people! And who knows! You never know who you're gonna meet along the way!

 

 

Then, travel! There's a great big world out there, and guess what? Your Ex isn't the entire world! Make a plan and save your money and organize a trip. Pick somewhere that you've always wanted to see and GO!! Have a blast!

 

 

Point is, keep busy! You need to let her go. Because, here's the rub, she already did. You need to go NC on her. NO CONTACT!!! Do not answer any phonecalls, let them go to voicemail. Ignore all texts and emails. AND BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!!!

 

 

Time to move on dude. You're hurting now, but you have a bright future ahead of you even if you don't see it yet.

[JasonLeeRich]

Yes Sir! You are right . Just going to be a long road but will be totally worth it. Maybe I just find it so hard because I was in a new and exciting place in Colorado and when I decided to come back home and wrap it up she didn't want me back. This place is literally a hell hole lol. Corsicana, Texas look it up. The worst. Same people same places.

 

That's prolly why it also seemed to hit so hard. I lost our future, and a place that I was really enjoying. Now its a long way back to the top.

 

I have sent letters apologizing my heart out and giving all my faults. She hasn't. She blames it all me. It really is her lost. This whole ordeal has help me grow as a person and learn from my mistakes. Reflect and meditate. She just "vine swing" on to the next one which benefits her more. She won't learn from this and it will hurt her all over again. She is just immature. Was afraid of being alone. Total rebound to keep her from the hurt.

 

Thanks for the support though ya'll. It has been tuff. In the end I just cared way more than her.

[GoBlue]

It is very hard to draw an accurate conclusion based on one person's side of the story. The jist of your post is that your relationship ended and you feel like some of the things you did caused it to end...and...you are very hurt because she ended up sleeping with another guy almost immediately after you left town. Is that about right? Everything that you have expressed is normal. Regrets, anger, confusion, etc., etc. I have no idea if the two of you should be together or not but relocating right after your father died certainly contributed to your stress and emotional state. None of that, however, can be undone. Here you are on this side of a broken relationship. How do you move forward?

 

 

 

There is something that you need to understand, you have basically experienced a divorce. The two of you were living as husband and wife even though you weren't "officially" married. So, the pain and regret you feel is normal. You are grieving and there are natural steps that have to take place:

1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
   
2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
   
3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
   
4. Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
   
5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”
   

This is the journey and it is always helpful to take this trip with support. Isolation is a killer. Have you considered speaking with a counselor? How about a Pastor or other spiritual mentor? Many relationships end because they need to end, others go through a pause in order for one or both participants to grow and become better people. Only time will tell which you are in. My thoughts and prayers are with you.