blynnae05 Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I can't help but stop thinking of ways to bring my ex back. Thinking of things I could say or do. I've blown up his phone with texts for 5 months and it pushed him away. He doesn't care about me anymore and doesnt have hope for another relationship. I've said all Icould and did all i could. I've sent him apologetic messages and asked him for a chance to at least be in his life, not a relationship. Just to be there for him. But no reply. Its been about a month since he's said anything to me, which is the longest he's went without saying a word. . He's acting like I don't exist. Im devestated and heart broken. I can't get passed this. I've tried No Contact and failed it..more than once. My heart knows he's done but in my mind, its denial. I'm always hoping and praying he will talk to me again. But in the back of my mind I always ask myself.. "why? Why doesn't he want to try and fix things and get rid of the bitterness and bad feelings he has towards me?, why does he act like I murdered someone or cheated on him when I didn't?, would he even care of I was dead?, was there more to it then just pushing him away?, is it really too late to just start over and be only friends? " I obsess over thinking about these questions all the time. How can I just accept that he wants nothing to do with me and move on? I want to move on but what if there still is a tiny spec of hope that he will talk to me again and eventually want to work things out?? This isn't healthy. I need some serious help guys!! I'd appreciate it!
user_name Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 Its going to take a lot of time. And when you think you got it, that you overcame it, it hits you right on the face and you fall again. I understand you have a lot of questions, some people say that its better to leave them unanswered but I don't know... I too had a lot of questions, I wondered the exact same things as you. So I realized that it wasn't that he hated me or he is bitter, it was cause he didn't really love me. I called him after a while of not talking and asked him straight out and he said that no he never fell in love with me. My heart sunk. All this time I thought we were BOTH in love. That was bittersweet. It hurt like hell to know the truth, but the truth helped me, in a weird way. So, I am not sure if you really want to know the answer to those questions. Im not sure what kind of relationship you two had, but it will take time, patience and a lot of strength. Dont get your hopes too high, you cant all pray for it to get better. You should just think about yourself and how if he missed you or he needs you, he would reach out to you.
StrangerThanFiction Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I can't help but stop thinking of ways to bring my ex back. Thinking of things I could say or do. I've blown up his phone with texts for 5 months and it pushed him away. He doesn't care about me anymore and doesnt have hope for another relationship. I've said all Icould and did all i could. I've sent him apologetic messages and asked him for a chance to at least be in his life, not a relationship. Just to be there for him. But no reply. Its been about a month since he's said anything to me, which is the longest he's went without saying a word. . He's acting like I don't exist. Im devestated and heart broken. I can't get passed this. I've tried No Contact and failed it..more than once. My heart knows he's done but in my mind, its denial. I'm always hoping and praying he will talk to me again. But in the back of my mind I always ask myself.. "why? Why doesn't he want to try and fix things and get rid of the bitterness and bad feelings he has towards me?, why does he act like I murdered someone or cheated on him when I didn't?, would he even care of I was dead?, was there more to it then just pushing him away?, is it really too late to just start over and be only friends? " I obsess over thinking about these questions all the time. How can I just accept that he wants nothing to do with me and move on? I want to move on but what if there still is a tiny spec of hope that he will talk to me again and eventually want to work things out?? This isn't healthy. I need some serious help guys!! I'd appreciate it! Any chance you had at getting him back has been destroyed completely with your actions, I'm sorry. You've made yourself look so desperate and needy to him that he's run for the for the hills away from you because he's secure in the fact that you're still in love with him. You may think your feelings matter to him right now, but they don't. You are his ex. You're over for a reason. I'm so, sosorry you're going through this right now. I know how how much it hurts to feel unwanted and unloved. It feels like you're dying. But it gets better. You'll feel better. But you need to wake up and face reality. You said it yourself, he's done with you. You have to accept this because this is what's happened. Coming here and hoping that we'll tell you there's a chance for him to come back is just looking for validation for you to keep holding out hope that he will.
Itspointless Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 You may think your feelings matter to him right now, but they don't. You are his ex. You're over for a reason. Just to add, sometimes this reason has everything to do with fears or stupidity of the one who is pushing you away. Only thing we can do is glueing ourselves together again. Holding out hope will keep you stuck. Loosing hope is sometimes not that easy, at least in my experience. Iin my case she admitted that she actively pushed her feelings for me away due to some stressful things that were happening to her. The hope that she will see the light is still somewhere and unconsciously in my mind (I know a lot better than that). You have to ask yourself is it possible to ever trust that person again? The harsh truth is that it will never be like how it was. I don't know why some things happen, it seems so unnecessary and it probably is, but still this is reality. I also can tell you that having answers is not perse better. My ex was emotionally avoidant, she granted me answers and expected that logic would be satisfying. I noticed she got annoyed that it wasn't to me. As I could not understand why conditions not having to do with us should break us up, the feelings for each-other were there with both of us (well suppressed with her). I can tell you it was just as worse as an earlier experience where I got no answers at all. Help yourself, try moving on from him. Very slowly you will feel better.
dclan Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I can't help but stop thinking of ways to bring my ex back. Thinking of things I could say or do. I've blown up his phone with texts for 5 months and it pushed him away. He doesn't care about me anymore and doesnt have hope for another relationship. I've said all Icould and did all i could. I've sent him apologetic messages and asked him for a chance to at least be in his life, not a relationship. Just to be there for him. But no reply. Its been about a month since he's said anything to me, which is the longest he's went without saying a word. . He's acting like I don't exist. Im devestated and heart broken. I can't get passed this. I've tried No Contact and failed it..more than once. My heart knows he's done but in my mind, its denial. I'm always hoping and praying he will talk to me again. But in the back of my mind I always ask myself.. "why? Why doesn't he want to try and fix things and get rid of the bitterness and bad feelings he has towards me?, why does he act like I murdered someone or cheated on him when I didn't?, would he even care of I was dead?, was there more to it then just pushing him away?, is it really too late to just start over and be only friends? " I obsess over thinking about these questions all the time. How can I just accept that he wants nothing to do with me and move on? I want to move on but what if there still is a tiny spec of hope that he will talk to me again and eventually want to work things out?? This isn't healthy. I need some serious help guys!! I'd appreciate it! Let me give another perspective: Right now...your ex wants to be left alone. There is nothing you can do about it. Nothing. Even if you chase after him, your only pushing him away even more. Cause he'll be saying to himself: -"god this girl is annoying, why won't she leave me alone?" Unfortunatly thats the reality of your situation. So...what should you do?- You go NO contact. You stop contacting him. Why? because of 2 things: 1) At your current situation you are only hurting yourself, with the side effect of pushing him away even more, which in turn hurts you more. 2) More importantly, you need to clear your head about your current situation, and decide if you want to move on, or not, or what ever. But at this point, you are only making your situation worse. The thing is that right now you need to heal from this. If in, lets say, 6 months you want to try getting him back again, then of course go ahead and do it, but you need to do it with a clear head. He may have also forgotten about the reasons for breaking up, so it could actually be easier to contact him. No contact will give you a "time out" period in all this. Lets say 3 or 4 months. After that time out you can choose to try to get him back, or to keep moving on. But you need to clear your head. I can't stresss that enough. Do this for yourself, even if you want to have hope that some day you guys will get together again, you still need to clear your head.
Ronni_W Posted November 2, 2014 Posted November 2, 2014 I want to move on but what if there still is a tiny spec of hope that he will talk to me again and eventually want to work things out?? This isn't healthy. blynnae, Not only is it unhealthy, but it's also just plain wrong to think that you are as powerless and weak and useless and helpless (without him) as you have been telling yourself. You MUST change and raise your own perception and opinion of you! You must invest in a new "cover story" for your identity of who you are, what you're capable of, and how powerful and strong you truly are. There is NO tiny speck of hope that he'll be interested in working things out with you. His words and actions have been clear. You can let this all go without any fear of having blocked or prevented such a thing from happening. It's lying dormant and needs to be cultivated, but you DO have the dignity, insight, illumined pride, stoicism, endurance and resilience to get through this in a dignified and healthy way. You really do. I know that you're hurting, and I'm sorry for that. But it is your job that you owe to yourself, to make the hurt mean something more than just keep letting it hurt you and keep you stuck right where you are. Hugs and best. 3
Author blynnae05 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 My ex acts as if I don't exist, which I don't blame him for reasons. He keeps ignoring me. He hasn't talked to me in about a month. He won't ever reply to my texts. The last time I talked to him, he told me I pushed him away and that he can't try to make things work and that he DID care. But I wasnt asking for a relationship. Just to be friends or get along. I don't want I to be together but I don't want him to hate me. He's been so cold towards me. I unintentionally pushed him away and he acts like I asked him to marry me, or cheated, or murdered someone but I didn't do any of that. I've tried talking to him as if nothing ever happened between us but he still doesn't answer. I lie this is the "I don't care" part of him but seriously...Why would anyone(ex in particular)want to ignore someone instead of get along with them? I haven't did a dang thing to him but push him away. I've been giving him ALOT more space than I use to. I told him that I promise I wont be the way I was to him and I haven't. I told him off Alot out of hurt and anger. And when he wanted space, I tried getting closer but that pushed him further away. He wants nothing to do with me and it hurts . I feel like there's something wrong with me. Has anyone ever hated their ex or been hated by then but down the road, you became friends? Why would someone not want to get rid of bitterness or negative feeling for their ex? I understand in certain situations that it would be tough but something like this?
lostsoul6486 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I'm the same way as him with my ex. Our situations are a bit different because she cheated. Trust me, if he ever loved you, it's just as hard for him as it is for you. My ex CHEATED and it still hurts me to ignore her and not look at her. She doesn't text anymore which is a little bittersweet. Sweet because I really want nothing do with her since she got her new bf and cheated but bitter because just a short while ago she actually seemed to care about how I felt. You say you didn't cheat and it seems like your relationship just fizzled out according to your post. That doesn't make it any easier on him at this point in time though. You seem to still care about him even though you don't want to be with him but you have to face the fact that you hurt him whether it was intentional or not. Just give him space and maintain NC. Eventually he'll think things through and see that he also has some blame to take for things not working out (it's barely ever just one person's fault). Once he sees that, he'll make a judgement call on whether or not he still wants you in his life. He is probably in a lot of pain right now and not thinking straight. It's going to take some time for him to separate his emotions from his thoughts. If you really care about him, start NC and give him all of the time and space he needs. Once his head is clear, he'll reach out if he still wants to be friends.
lakerman34 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 My ex and I have the same mutual friends and, get this, we live next to each other in a duplex. 3 guys all working for the same company on one side, 3 girls working for the same company as us on the other. She won't even look at me, talk to me, say 'hi' in passing, nothing. This has been going on for 2 months. One of my roommates is one of her best friends, and her roommates are her best friends. They all tell me that they don't think she's truly over me, but she never talks about it. She's starting to "see" a new guy who vaguely looks like me, and going on other dates (guy works ridiculous hours, and they went on supervised dates with her friends, which I find REALLY weird). They haven't been one-on-one yet, but apparently she "really likes his company and talking to him." It sucks. I'm a good person, I don't deserve this, and part of me still even cares about her. Fact is, we have to move on. I have a date on Thursday and, possibly, a date on Sunday. All indications about Thursday date is girl plans on staying the night and "things" will happen. All you can do is move on. Nothing else to do. Give your ex space. This is only respectful. You look like the creep if you don't. Be the better person. Look like the person that is over it. EVERYONE in my house is sort of seeing her actions as ridiculous right now, and I'm just like "hey, I don't want to be friends, but we can treat each other like human beings." Just call a spade a spade. She probably sucks. You're luckier than me, you can probably avoid her much easier. Just 1 girl out of 3,500,000,000 acts as if she hates your guts (even though, deep down, she may REALLY like you, but needs to get over you, so wants nothing to do with you). Point is, who cares. Don't keep yourself from meeting 1 out of the other 3,499,999,999. 1
leavesonautumn Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 What would be the benefit of having him as a friend right now? More importantly, why do you want him as a friend if there are still feelings involved? After a break up we say "we just want to be friends" but in my opinion, we just want to be around to keep an eye on them. It would only cause hurt and confusion until both people have moved on from the relationship. I have a feeling you are hurt by this because it's a form of rejection, not that you truly care about being buds. It's extremely awkward and uncomfortable trying to be friends with an ex right away and they still want to be with you romantically or there is tension. I know, I did it after breaking up with someone and he wanted to stay friends. He was a good person and deserved awesome things but being friends was not healthy so not talking was the best thing to do.
IfiKnewThen Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) my 2 cents is this.. its when they have a new person in their lives they really seem to act this way. they are so afraid its gonna mess up their relationship to talk to you or acknowledge youre alive. now u didnt say (i dont think) that he has someone new. but i venture to say he does. i think mine does too. no doubt. because this rings true with 2 old relationships i was in where they found someone new and _____________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________the relationship and communication completely and utterly flatlined. and you want to do cpr and jump start any life into it again. but somewhere the them you knew...had an out of body experience and they are living again somewhere with......their minds on someone else. at least thats what it feels like and they are mad because...they know darn well we still love them and maybe they feel some guilt. so they turn it to hate and anger. it will fade someday. one of my ex's emailed once a long time ago and said...im not mad anymore and my heart softened for u again. (he was getting engaged) and i had been 100% N/C for a month and he was shocked. anyway i digress. he will regret that behavior towards u someday unless hes narcissistic or very immature. Edited November 5, 2014 by IfiKnewThen
dclan Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 My ex acts as if I don't exist, which I don't blame him for reasons. He keeps ignoring me. He hasn't talked to me in about a month. He won't ever reply to my texts. The last time I talked to him, he told me I pushed him away and that he can't try to make things work and that he DID care. But I wasnt asking for a relationship. Just to be friends or get along. I don't want I to be together but I don't want him to hate me. He's been so cold towards me. I unintentionally pushed him away and he acts like I asked him to marry me, or cheated, or murdered someone but I didn't do any of that. I've tried talking to him as if nothing ever happened between us but he still doesn't answer. I lie this is the "I don't care" part of him but seriously...Why would anyone(ex in particular)want to ignore someone instead of get along with them? I haven't did a dang thing to him but push him away. I've been giving him ALOT more space than I use to. I told him that I promise I wont be the way I was to him and I haven't. I told him off Alot out of hurt and anger. And when he wanted space, I tried getting closer but that pushed him further away. He wants nothing to do with me and it hurts . I feel like there's something wrong with me. Has anyone ever hated their ex or been hated by then but down the road, you became friends? Why would someone not want to get rid of bitterness or negative feeling for their ex? I understand in certain situations that it would be tough but something like this? who did the dumping? why you guys broke up?
mammasita Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Well considering that he dumped you and you've been blowing up his phone its not surprising that he's being cold. WHY are you torturing yourself, its almost psychopathic. Leave the man alone. Exes are exes for a reason. They aren't meant to be friends.
Author blynnae05 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 I broke up with him back in June. Odd thing is, his reaction was just "OK. :/ I'd fight for you but you'vebeen thinking about breaking up for a while now". And I told him I was thinking about it for just a couple days..and he still didn't fight. We had talked about everything and decided to try again once he was home for good after being discharged from the army. He's been back since September 20th and he really hasnt talked to me since he's been home. The reason why I broke up with him in the first place is because of communication issues. He acted like he really liked me when we hung out. He was such a sweetheart and he would always do things for me. But when he left to go back to base, he started distancing himself 2 weeks after he left. I haven't understood him since then. Its like he changed into a totally different person. Apparently I'm dead to him now cause he's been ignoring everything I say. I sent a long apologetic message about a month ago. He never replied. I'm not sure if something was off or what but I told him not to say "I love you" soon and to not have sex for quite a while cause I was trying to get to know him. He said that's fine and that he doesn't take "I love you " so lightly. Funny thing is, he tried telling me he Liverme and tried having sex with me just a few days before he left for base. I'm not sure if those were red flags?
dclan Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) I broke up with him back in June. Odd thing is, his reaction was just "OK. :/ I'd fight for you but you'vebeen thinking about breaking up for a while now". And I told him I was thinking about it for just a couple days..and he still didn't fight. We had talked about everything and decided to try again once he was home for good after being discharged from the army. He's been back since September 20th and he really hasnt talked to me since he's been home. The reason why I broke up with him in the first place is because of communication issues. He acted like he really liked me when we hung out. He was such a sweetheart and he would always do things for me. But when he left to go back to base, he started distancing himself 2 weeks after he left. I haven't understood him since then. Its like he changed into a totally different person. Apparently I'm dead to him now cause he's been ignoring everything I say. I sent a long apologetic message about a month ago. He never replied. I'm not sure if something was off or what but I told him not to say "I love you" soon and to not have sex for quite a while cause I was trying to get to know him. He said that's fine and that he doesn't take "I love you " so lightly. Funny thing is, he tried telling me he Liverme and tried having sex with me just a few days before he left for base. I'm not sure if those were red flags? If you don't want to be in a relationship with him, then why would he want to be in contact with you? So to sum it up: - you break up with him for silly reasons rather than fixing them - you expect him to behave a certain way, despite the fact that he is not your boyfriend? If you indeed broke up with him for communication issues, which is ironic, because rather than "fixing" the issue, you decided it was best to end it (so lack of communication on your part). You are also sort of dissapointed that he "didn't fight for you". Well...maybe thats his way of moving on. You wanted out of the relationship, so you have no say at all on how he wants to handle it. If you want to be with him, go be with him. Don't play mind games. Either be with him, or stop getting angry at him for handling the break up the way he does. He is entitled to do what ever he wants. HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYMORE. You are still in time to fix your mistake. Just stop acting childish. You clearly still love him, so stop acting selfish and go fix the relationship.ç But if you don't want to be with him, then just let him be. If he needs to move on, stop talking to him giving him hope. Edited November 5, 2014 by dclan 1
IfiKnewThen Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 its tough love but good advise dclan. but let me ask you this. if you want to fix it..and they are not allowing you to communicate to do that? what next? he may not even connect the dots that she cares or wants him back. but he wont answer a phone or text? so how does one convey this and "fix" it? i tried to text....write emails etc. and no communication. i was with a man for 3 years who was my b/f. i broke off too and came back. i tend to think they met other people and dont care for us as much anymore if at all...i dont know what more to make of it... BUT sometimes we want to fix things. are NOT playing games...........we need their cooperation on some level. to tell the story of how we feel... i wish he would allow it, the guy on my end.. 1
dclan Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) its tough love but good advise dclan. but let me ask you this. if you want to fix it..and they are not allowing you to communicate to do that? what next? he may not even connect the dots that she cares or wants him back. but he wont answer a phone or text? so how does one convey this and "fix" it? i tried to text....write emails etc. and no communication. i was with a man for 3 years who was my b/f. i broke off too and came back. i tend to think they met other people and dont care for us as much anymore if at all...i dont know what more to make of it... BUT sometimes we want to fix things. are NOT playing games...........we need their cooperation on some level. to tell the story of how we feel... i wish he would allow it, the guy on my end.. 1) Ok first, about establishing contact: Well it doesn't really matter if he answers or replies. If you call him, lets say, 5 times in one day...he will see those missed phone calls. The same goes for e-mail or texting, they will be informed that you are trying to communicate, maybe they won't read the content, but they'll know that you tried contacting them for sure. Unless that by some random chance, all those 3 mothods of communication stop working and he doesn't get the multiple missed calls, the e-mails, and the texts, he will know you are trying to get in touch. Now, the only 2 reasons you would try to contact them would be: to apologise to them and become friends, or to try to reconcile. Either guilt or love. The truth is that, even if he doesn't reply, he WILL probably read those e-mails or text. 2) Why won't he answer?: Now this is the part thats tough. In a way, you are as the dumper then one that decided to end the relationship. The dumpee does NOT own you anything. It was your choice, no one forced you. If the dumpee feels like he doesn't want to see you ever again in his life...you'll just have to accept it. There is no advice to give you for this. There isn't really a good solution for this either. There is one thing that might help. Be honest. Write a letter or e-mail. Express EVERYTHING you are feeling. From how you felt months before the break up, the emotions that lead you to the decision of breaking up with him, how you felt post break up, and how you are feeling now. Honesty is maybe, the only real tool you have. You could to extablish contact, lets say, every 4 months, and see if he picks up the phone. Maybe one day the dumpee will stop hating you, or he will at least want to speak with you. Lots of "mights", "coulds" and "mays". Just like there is no guarantee that a dumper might come back, there is no guarantee a dumpee will want to see you again. 3) So what do you do? Like I said, call, call, call. If he ever wishes to answer the phone, he will. If he doesn't....I'm sorry, but again, was your choice :(. --- Now regarding the OP....she is indeed playing mind games. Because in a way she feels, at least for her words, as if she was entitled to her ex's attention....when she is not. And the fact that she doesn't seem to realise this, shows she is either very young, or too selfish. I honestly hope she gets back with him, and she is able to fix this. I actually get very sad with this situations, because when a dumpee gets dumped, he can at least move on. But when a dumper gets regrets, they might have to live with their mistake for the rest of their lives. And this is truly awfull. So, like I said, get in contact. All you can do, is hope he picks up. If he doesn't, keep trying, or give up. There isn't much else you can do really. I honestly hope you girls get back together with the guy you love. I'm actually very sympathetic to your cause. Edited November 5, 2014 by dclan
IfiKnewThen Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 for me.... you nailed it. i agree with everything you just wrote in the last reply. i rather have been the dumpee i have been there. you almost feel victimized and can heal ...easier. i feel like i did wrong. this is so horrible. i called him and told him i wanted it to be the way it was..i think he said not now . im not sure i was so out of it at the time from stress. that was last saturday. but for 1 month like a complete jerk and idiot..he asked me if i loved him and i said no once. he said i know u love me and he fought for me. but i told him to move on and YES i already hate myself deeply for it. when i came to my senses it was too late it seems. he was going out with a friend (he was afraid to say date...but he was getting a facial and he doesnt do that for friends ) so i knew otherwise or guessed. its a long story. this is all too long to explain. and i dont want to hijack this thread with my problems. i wish they had programs like ventrilo like you can talk on b/c im so drained from writing....grieving and my disability to boot. bottom line: he has the right to do as he wishes. i get that. but if you ONLY had a clue how much i did for him, and at least i talked to him, i cant help feeling....he needs to do the decent thing to contact me and give me closure like i tried to give him or say something. or let me say goodbye i love you..if he doesnt want me... something. but this silence is maddening and utterly painful and i can relate to the OP on that level. we had 3 years. i dont want to get into it but when he was hungry i gave him food. (never brought his up to him EVER, and wont) but i need the info to help get me unstuck...and bring this to proper closure. i need to know, to go away or not and not just take a hint. i dont know if im being punished or what. i know how the OP feels about no dialog. and feeling hated. and you say hate too. i feel he hates me for 1 month of his life. when i treated him like a king..for 35 out of the 36 months we were together.
dclan Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 for me.... you nailed it. i agree with everything you just wrote in the last reply. i rather have been the dumpee i have been there. you almost feel victimized and can heal ...easier. i feel like i did wrong. this is so horrible. i called him and told him i wanted it to be the way it was..i think he said not now . im not sure i was so out of it at the time from stress. that was last saturday. but for 1 month like a complete jerk and idiot..he asked me if i loved him and i said no once. he said i know u love me and he fought for me. but i told him to move on and YES i already hate myself deeply for it. when i came to my senses it was too late it seems. he was going out with a friend (he was afraid to say date...but he was getting a facial and he doesnt do that for friends ) so i knew otherwise or guessed. its a long story. this is all too long to explain. and i dont want to hijack this thread with my problems. i wish they had programs like ventrilo like you can talk on b/c im so drained from writing....grieving and my disability to boot. bottom line: he has the right to do as he wishes. i get that. but if you ONLY had a clue how much i did for him, and at least i talked to him, i cant help feeling....he needs to do the decent thing to contact me and give me closure like i tried to give him or say something. or let me say goodbye i love you..if he doesnt want me... something. but this silence is maddening and utterly painful and i can relate to the OP on that level. we had 3 years. i dont want to get into it but when he was hungry i gave him food. (never brought his up to him EVER, and wont) but i need the info to help get me unstuck...and bring this to proper closure. i need to know, to go away or not and not just take a hint. i dont know if im being punished or what. i know how the OP feels about no dialog. and feeling hated. and you say hate too. i feel he hates me for 1 month of his life. when i treated him like a king..for 35 out of the 36 months we were together. If you want we can talk PM or on another thread (link me the original thread created by you), if you don't want to hijack. ...however I don't think it is really wrong to speak here, if you are indeed on similar situations, advice can be helpfull to both of you. Now...how long have you been broken up?
RoseHeart Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 My ex explained it to me this way.... he can't be friends because personally it will only take him back to our history and the fact that we had something means he'll remember that whenever we are together. He told me it makes it difficult for him to "move on" mentally (he left me btw) and that it just seems messy to stay in contact. I think he could sense I might not still be 100% over it. I think your ex is similar to my ex. Perhaps they know that they could potentially hurt us more by being friends with us. I know if I were still close friends with my ex then chances that I'll feel heartbroken all over when he's with someone new is good. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think there's something more wrong with him than anything. If you've tried and he still doesn't want to be friends then that's the end of it. I backed away right after my ex said we can't really be more ever. Even if we might not understand 100%, when you think deep down it's probably not even that good of a idea to remain friends with your ex. I think it will hurt more in the long run. He shouldn't be responsible for your happines. Don't put him on a pedestal. He's just another guy. His opinion is one mere opinion. Leave him for good and move on. Perhaps this guy
Author blynnae05 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Posted December 27, 2014 My ex and I ended on good terms 6 months ago. But he had changed his number like 6 weeks ago and he never gave it to me. I didn't even know he changed it. Well I messaged him telling him I needed to talk to him(to just vent) and a few days later, he replied back with his new number to me. I text him like 2 to 3 times a week. He responds maybe one time out of the 2 or 3 times I try texting him. When we do talk, he's short with me. I try to carry on conversations but he won't put any effort into it. Its mainly just questions I ask him..nothing personal and nothing about our past relationship. Simply just "how are you?" or "what was that actors name in that one movie?"..things like that. Sometimes I get an answer sometimes I don't. Lately its been a lot of nothing from him. He works 2 jobs but I wait til night time to talk to him cause I know hes busy. I'll even leave him a question for him to wake up to sometimes but never a reply. If he doesn't care to talk, then why did he give me his new number? I'm confused. And to top it off, we talked last night about things. I asked him how he honestly feels about me and why he doesn't want a friendship right now..he said he's skeptical that I will/have change, which he means NY thinking I'm going to tell h off again like I did for the passed 6 months. That's what pushed him away but anyway, I asked him why he gave me his number if he's so skeptical and he said "doesn't mean there is not a chance" and I go "a chance of what?"..he didn't reply. I asked him "what did you mean by chance?" today and still no reply. What the heck is going on here?
dravas18 Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) I am good at giving advice, not so much as listening to my own, however - and this isn't going to be easy to hear on your end, you are being strung along. It really does suck wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, I know I am going thru it right now, but he is using you as a so called security blanket. If he wanted to work things out, he would, but right now he is out playing the field and saying "if that doesn't work I have you to fall back on" Games, some people have to play games. Right now he can control things with you when it is convenient for him. That is why he will only respond when he wants. This guy wants to feel like he is awesome, and if you text him even when he doesn't respond, it makes him feel great - while you sit around waiting for his response. Since I do not play games, I would just say something along the lines of "if you are serious about wanting to work things out, you know how to reach me" Don't respond to other texts, because he will text more - and if you do, just say the same type of thing again. It sucks and it hurts and you have no interest in other people (trust me I know), but use this time to see your friends, and yes date other people. You don't have to sleep with them or have romantic encounters, but doing things to keep your mind off this guy helps. Work on yourself and remember that it is possible to have a strong connection with more than one person. Edited December 27, 2014 by dravas18 2
SurplusIndifference Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Here's the cold opinion of a guy who has been there before: You have chased him, annoyed him, and pursued him away from wanting any contact with you. You do not want to be friends with him, no matter how much you try to convince yourself of it. It's obvious that you want him in your life in any and all capacity so that you can eventually win him back. After five months of unrelenting barrages of texts/letters/calls/etc, you have made yourself look like a crazy person to him. The more you push, the more you will drive him away. The best thing you can do is leave him alone. You will not convince him to come back with the way that you are acting, it's something he would have to choose to do on his own. With what you are doing, you are making it an easy choice for him. Please stop contacting him before you end up with a restraining order.
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