Trane Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Now in my forties, I've discovered that the best way to avoid getting hurt in the dating world is to expect nothing and not care. Investing your emotions into a person before any successful connection makes the letdown that much harder when it happens. The times where I didn't care about making a connection is when a few of the ladies tries harder to keep me interested.
Assasda Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 100% Correct. Why do you invest emotions in someone you dont know yet? Its ridiculous. Learn who they are, then take it from there. Some guys think that its their duty to please and entertain these women.
Author Trane Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 100% Correct. Why do you invest emotions in someone you dont know yet? Its ridiculous. Learn who they are, then take it from there. Some guys think that its their duty to please and entertain these women. What sometimes made me curious is that I thought women liked guys who showed that they cared, at least a little bit. When I showed little to no interest is when they started questioning or caring whether I did.
Dallers Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) This has been known for quite a while now but it will not get you anywhere serious. It is just the nice guy finished last situation. Girls do not want to be put on a pedestal or bullsh*tted that they are perfect and all that crap. They just want to be treated like a normal human being. This secondly shows that the guy has high value, by not showing her attention she wants to find out why as the norm is that every guy fawns over her. This is simple tactics which most men fail to grasp. Be a nice guy and lose, be a normal guy and gain a girlfriend, be a bad guy and gain a casual short term fling. I'm the latter. You may see this a lot but girls always repeat that they hate guys that play games. They put it on their online dating, they say it in quotes, they never stop saying it. Why? Because she never forgets the guy that played those games with her and her insecurity for the bad guy or being treated different to how nice guys treat a girl is why it will always take her back to him. I do not condone this behaviour but it works. Edited November 5, 2014 by Dallers
Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 If you close yourself off you don't get hurt but you also don't get the happiness... Why not concentrate on trying to prevent being hurt instead or closing yourself off...
Frank2thepoint Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Here is a trick I learned. I have no problem showing my interest in a woman, even after a couple of dates. I'm not closed off emotionally, so I get to show the woman that I am a man with genuine emotions. Many women freak out over this. Which is good for me, because I get to know they are not emotionally mature, nor compatible for me. So I move on to the next one. I am emotionally mature to handle each woman as a unique experience. Happiness lies in that sweet spot, in between stoicism and effusiveness, that leaves you balanced. 1
Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 If a relationship fails perhaps we should start learning to look at is as a mourning for a situation that wasn't real rather than we are "failing" or there is something "wrong" with us. If we took each situation as practice in preparation for being able to have lasting happiness with the person we connect with then its not so bad. Everyone falls off the horse. Its choosing to get back on and learning from your mistake that helps you learn, evolve and become better.
Redhead14 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Now in my forties, I've discovered that the best way to avoid getting hurt in the dating world is to expect nothing and not care. Investing your emotions into a person before any successful connection makes the letdown that much harder when it happens. The times where I didn't care about making a connection is when a few of the ladies tries harder to keep me interested. The real trick is to be cognizant of the fact that the initial attraction to a man or a woman is all about endorphins/infatuation. It is OK to enjoy that feeling, however, remember it's possibly a fleeting one. And, don't forget, that you really need to have that initial attraction or else you wouldn't be asking anyone out. If you shut that down entirely, you'll never make a connection with anyone. You are correct in saying that you shouldn't expect anything in the beginning. Just be in the moment, enjoy being with that person, assuming you are enjoying it and let things unfold naturally and just be prepared to accept it if things don't work out. If you aren't feeling a connection with a woman and she is feeling it for you, she will try harder to keep you interested, it's an ego thing.
Recommended Posts