Anyone else still feel depressed after 1 year? (Updated)

[LivingHalfAlive13]

Hello all I was here last year for the first 6 months of my break up under a different ID name, but after really not thinking clearly I associated my Id and email with work email or ID. So I didnt know I couldn't delete the account, so I went MIA and eventually changed everything to this. No association. My former name was Vin****1307 for those who remember or not.

 

Anyways as the title states it has been 14 months since my ex left me out of a 5 year relationship and it has been hell. I am seeing a counselor, and I moved, got involved in activities, 100% NC for the past 14 out of 15 months but the longing, and memories are still there. Pretty powerful might I add. I dont know what I am doing wrong and just looking for some input.

[hoping2heal]

Who says you're doing anything wrong?

 

Sounds like you just don't want to let go yet.

[tikay00]

I really wished I didn't see the thread title. Was doing soooo good today. Lol.

[LivingHalfAlive13]

Letting go? Sounds so easy doesn't it??? Do you think I want to feel like this? As unmasculine as it is my heart has always overpowered my mind its been that way even before the break up. Its who I am.

[irresolute]

Yeah, I wish I hadnt seen this either ugh.

Op, maybe you need to occupy your life so you dont have time to think of her. Are you no contact? You should be doing better by now, thats why Im asking.

[Million.to.1]

Hey Livinghalfalive.

 

Don't worry about others saying "i wish i hadn't seen this" - projecting their own fears of not moving on from their own break-up.

 

I understand what you are feeling. I have always found it very hard not to dwell on lost love, and it has always taken me a long time to "get over" a break-up that was important to me, even if it was relatively short.

 

Are you dating or have you considered it yet? Even though you are thinking about your ex a lot, it might just be adjusting to single life and not giving yourself a chance to be distracted. I think you should be looking around at your options and dating again. Just casual, fun dating.

[LivingHalfAlive13]

I have been in NC since July 2013. I dont snoop at all. FB blocked since July 2013. I lived about 50 yards from her up until a month ago and finally moved, but still doesnt seem to help that much. Over the past year I bought a cat, joined a Football team, volleyball team, seen a counselor. My counselor tells me that seeing I had a rough childhood she understands why I hold on to the euphoric relationship of what once was. So hopefully that calms some of the responders nerves about not getting over their ex after a year. I am also at the same job we met at and memories everywhere 5 x a week, but for the past year been actively looking for a new job but no luck. As for dating? I have no interest at all. Feel the bar has been set so high with my ex nothing really matters (I know all about the pedestal). I just think I am too far gone to be helped. Mindset to stubborn unfortunately.

[irresolute]

May I ask you what is that you think of her almost daily? Maybe the clue is there, what is that you miss the most...

 

you know, no one is that special, not even her. Think why are you wasting your life in someone who doesn not want you.

 

my advice: create an online dating profile and start dating right now.

i do think you might be depressed as well. Have you consider taking antidepressants? Some times is not on our hands...

[LivingHalfAlive13]

I think about once was. The good memories. Whether just being in each others company, the sexual chemistry. Also think about her having that with someone else. I know I am depressed unfortunately, hence the counselor.

[loversquarrel]

I know what its like....I suffer from depression and think about my ex more than I should. Sometimes I have to just keep reminding myself how many things she did to me that hurt. I literally talk to myself about it. It sounds crazy but it helps to redirect my mind.

[LivingHalfAlive13]

As the title states still have the emptiness and depressed feeling for over a year. I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if it eventually stops or when it does. Thanks

[anxiety101]

I used to feel like this, it does go away. But sometimes its best to speak to a doctor as it can mean you need medication for this, have you spoken to a doctor about what you described here?

[LivingHalfAlive13]

I am seeing a counselor. Doctor not an option due to crappy health benefits from job.

[jackinthebox1]

Are you going out every day? Making friends? working out?

Are you trying to get through this?

[mtnbiker3000]

My guess would be that the BU was merely a symptom and you might look deep inside to find the cause.

[BC1980]

I still feel depressed at times. At this point, it's not even about my ex. It's just the trauma from being abandoned and having that relationship vanish one day. It was as if he died, and the grief has been very difficult at times. When I feel depressed, it's usually from the reality that people can do this to you. I also feel less grounded and anxious about the future. I guess that's normal if you have had your entire life uprooted from one day to the next. Just lingering side effects I guess. I sort of live one day at a time now, and I have no long term plans at this point.

[LivingHalfAlive13]

I work out 5 times a week, and I am not a bar and club person by any means. I get together with my friends for football games maybe once a month, I am on a football team that meets once a week, and I work 2 jobs. Full time job is where we met though, so have been trying to get out of the current job. I also recently moved as well so I am trying. But unfortunately I still miss the dreaded ex, and think about her during the day

[mtnbiker3000]

If you come to a RS already filled up from your own happiness, joy, satisfaction, etc., then you won't need that from your partner. If you come into that RS empty and needy, it is only a matter of time before your partner grows weary.

 

As I am sure you have realized, you can't get these things from someone else.

 

Here is a great article by Robert Glover.

 

Is Living a Great Life Demeaning to a Woman?

 

I also highly recommend his book: No More Mr. Nice Guy

[Raena]

I think the timeline for when you'll get past this is up to you. It's been a year for me as well and I do still feel sad and depressed sometimes. Mostly it's because of what someone else said... I can't believe that people like my ex actually exist. Sometimes I long for the days when I still had my rose colored glasses on and was optimistic, idealistic and looked for the best in everyone. I find now that I just don't see all that as well as I used to. I've experienced one too many situations that prove to me that it just doesn't exist like I thought it did.

 

You'll get past this eventually, as will I. I think it's part of the grieving process and there really is no timeline for when it will end. The best you can do is focus on the positives and keep moving forward.

[whichwayisup]

As the title states still have the emptiness and depressed feeling for over a year. I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if it eventually stops or when it does. Thanks

 

Have you tried cognitive behaviour therapy? This type of counseling is very helpful for those who suffer from depression and anxiety. Understanding what it is that could be making you depressed. Could be unresolved issues, stuff you need to deal with and can't/won't or even just a simple life change could make you feel a whole lot better. Doing yoga, brisk walking, or any type of exercise daily can help lessen the depression feelings. Double up your vitamin D too! This time of year especially it's important to make sure to take your vitamins and minerals.

[Exitleft]

I still feel depressed at times. At this point, it's not even about my ex. It's just the trauma from being abandoned and having that relationship vanish one day. It was as if he died, and the grief has been very difficult at times. When I feel depressed, it's usually from the reality that people can do this to you. I also feel less grounded and anxious about the future. I guess that's normal if you have had your entire life uprooted from one day to the next. Just lingering side effects I guess. I sort of live one day at a time now, and I have no long term plans at this point.

 

100% this. And to answer OP, yes almost a year and a half. I'm afraid of having too little to do now that the year is winding up.

[LivingHalfAlive13]

Thank you for all the responses. As much as I do not wish this on anyone I'm kinda glad I'm nit alone on this. No I have not done cognitive behavioral therapy. As I stated seeing a counselor who has me.doing refocus exercises but my stubbornness takes over. As to my deeper issues. The deeper issue from what the counselor stated is I never hada great childhood, so she understands why I'm holding on to those nostalgic euphoric memories. If I may ask you all how long were your relationships? Mine was a 5 year one.

[skydiveaddict]

As the title states still have the emptiness and depressed feeling for over a year. I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if it eventually stops or when it does. Thanks

 

It took about 18 months And to be honest, I don't think I'll ever really get over her completely .But it's about.95% gone.

[BroknHrt]

It's been 11 months and I still think about her. It was a 3 year first love relationship. Almost always when I'm by myself in some setting (work, home, in the car).

 

I can tell you that finding another girl to go on a date with, to get invested in (albeit if it doesn't end well), to sleep with makes you feel so much better about your yourself. You feel wanted again and that's what your missing since you were abandoned.

 

I know how you feel OP, It'll eventually go away, but be active in finding other girls right now and maybe that'll help your mindset a bit.

[LivingHalfAlive13]

It has been a year and 5 months since my ex of 5 years left me. I am in counseling, got a new job starting monday, after the one year mark i found a new place to live that wasn't 50 yards from her house (my old apartment). I Workout alot , I play football but still seem to have my ex on my mind. What am I doing wrong?