Atticus9292012 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Okay I met this guy a couple weeks ago. It honestly was perfect timing. I had come to realize I had feelings for a friend and was coming off of that. We really hit it of. We were texting on and off throughout the day during the past vouple weeks and we've hung out some. Well, this weekend I spent the night and we slept together. Before it went there I told him I didnt want to hook up if thats all it was going to be. He assurred me he really liked me and earlier in the night we made plans for this weekend so I belived him. The sex was pretty amazing. I'm not gonna lie. Well, we both left his house the same time Sunday. He was on his way to work and I went home. I heard from him sometime Sunday night and he said a bunch of things went wrong at work and it was a long day. Monday night rolls around and he hasn't reached out. I have never initiated contact before, so I sent a text asking about his day. He didn't respond until 24 hours later basically saying sorry for not responding, but he went out and didn't get in until late. He asked how I was. I was really short. Basically said I was fine and glad he had fun. End of conversation. Here is my issue....we were in pretty consistent contact until we slept together. I feel kind of played. Maybe I'm just jaded by past experiences, but I find it hard to believe he was that busy in that 24 hour period he couldnt send a text....when he was blowing me up before. It just seems off. Am I jumping the gun here or does it seem strange? It may be too soon to tell. I just feel so cheap and used
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 OK maybe I'm missing something. People do get busy and even if he was lying, he texted you back with an apology. It was one day. Y'all haven't even known each other more than a couple weeks. Why get upset? You are jumping the gun.
Author Atticus9292012 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 I know people get busy. I kind of expected him to say things got crazy at work and sorry for the delayed response... I guess because we haven't known each other that long I don't want to allow myself to be strung along when he got sex and that's all he wanted.
BluEyeL Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 This is why you shouldn't sleep with a man before a couple of months of constant dating and until you two are in a relationship. This way you'll know his character and intentions and you'll not worry about decreased contact after sex. But now you already had sex. You should try to stay in the moment and don't obsess over the fact that he used you. You enjoyed the sex. If it was just that, take it as an experience and have no expectations or regrets. It was an experience, you enjoyed it, whether or not you worry you'll not change the outcome. But worrying might make you look more angry/negative/desperate. Consider it done. And if he picks back up, you'll be glad, if not, at least you'll be zen. 1
Author Atticus9292012 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 My usual rule is 30 days before sex....but honestly I have followed it and not followed it with varying results. I think overall I agree it is best to wait. I guess because I expressed hesitancy and he assured me and we had the date planned it wouldn't change anything. I guess I need to just busy my mind and let it go. If anything it was good sex. It just hurts my pride a bit I guess.
heartshaped Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Don't feel cheap and used. You liked the guy and you were attracted to him so you had sex with him. It was completely your choice, own that. Yes, you may want more out of this than he does, but it's not the end of the world. However, I wouldn't jump the gun. He said he's been busy at work and for now I would take him at his word. I'd wait and see how the weekend plans go. 1
Jules Dash Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 You would think a guy would want to keep getting the sex, at least, if he can. Best to keep a supply around, especially if it was "amazing" as you put it but that word gets thrown around so much it almost has lost it's meaning. Like Louis CK said, now what are you going to do if you meet Jesus one day? You won't be able to say it is amazing because you already used that word to describe the sex you had with this guy. Either way, could there be anything else to account for his behavior? I agree with you, I don't think he just all of a sudden got busy at work. That excuse is so tired and predictable.
BluEyeL Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 My usual rule is 30 days before sex....but honestly I have followed it and not followed it with varying results. I think overall I agree it is best to wait. I guess because I expressed hesitancy and he assured me and we had the date planned it wouldn't change anything. I guess I need to just busy my mind and let it go. If anything it was good sex. It just hurts my pride a bit I guess. Well, it doesn't really matter when you have sex one way or another regarding whether or not it will turn into a relationship. It only matters for making sure you know that person, his intentions, and not getting obsessed/hurt if you sleep with them and then feel this way. It shouldn't really be an arbitrary timescale, just as long as you need to make sure he'll call you next day and next day and next day after and sex will bring you closer than you already are. Men who don't want a relationship will rarely wait 3 months of constant dates and will leave way before trust is established. Otherwise, you had it, you enjoyed it, you don't know him, you don't know how this will play out, just brush it off, stay in the moment and have no expectations for the future one way or the other. Sorry you feel hurt.
Author Atticus9292012 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 You would think a guy would want to keep getting the sex, at least, if he can. Best to keep a supply around, especially if it was "amazing" as you put it but that word gets thrown around so much it almost has lost it's meaning. Like Louis CK said, now what are you going to do if you meet Jesus one day? You won't be able to say it is amazing because you already used that word to describe the sex you had with this guy. Either way, could there be anything else to account for his behavior? I agree with you, I don't think he just all of a sudden got busy at work. That excuse is so tired and predictable. Haha I laughed at the Louis CK comment. Makes me want to characterize it in a different way. He distills booze for a living, which is kind of a laborous job and he's been at a work conference... so that might explain why he was so chatty before. He was bored sitting at a conference vs. actually working. I think I'm just jaded and the more I think about it the more I should just chill out.
ComingInHot Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 BluEyeL said it right. Intimacy and relationship building doesn't start with sex but ends with it. You wouldn't put a roof on a house without walls or walls up without a foundation. Begin building your next relationship (or this one* I hope for you) with learning about each other and future plans. Also, maybe he needed some breathing room after having sex because he, himself feels a bit awkward it happened so soon too. But you'll have to get a man's perspective on that. It was just a thought I had* Be well and remeber you DID enjoy the sex part. Imagine if it had sucked!?! yikes*
Strength in Healing Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Your initial assessment was accurate. There is no chance he would not text you back in 24 hours if he was truly interested. When I am interested in a girl, no matter how busy I am, I find the literally TEN SECONDS it takes to text them to say something. Hell, no matter how busy he is, he could text you when he goes to the restroom. Hate to break the hard reality, but sugar coating is for Dunken Donuts 1
Jules Dash Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I think many of us tend to look at replying to a text when really busy from a black and white point of view. We look at the time it takes to reply to one text and think anyone should be able to reply to a text at any given time no matter how busy you are. With this concept, we should be able to support all of our charities and feed so many starving children around the world. All it takes is a measeley 50 cents per day. It's the price of a soda. You mean you don't have 50 cents in your pocket right now? Replying to a text is more than taking 10 seconds to reply to it. Often a reply turns into a commitment to a conversation over text for the next few hours, requires thought/distraction from something else you are trying to focus on or nurturing someone via text who does not know how to give you breathing space or has a fragile ego. I am not saying that it is ok to ignore texts. I am just saying it is not always very simple or easy to reply to a text.
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