Jackson37 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Disclaimer: this is by no means the end all to moving on but what has worked for me. But I guarantee you if you follow this for 3 weeks you will at least see some type of improvement if and only if you feel that you have endured enough pain, and truly WANT to move on. I can not stress this enough. You have to have a deep desire to move forward because it is this drive along with the techniques listed below together that will heal you. What have you got to lose? Give it a try! 1. The Gym You relieve both physical and emotional tension through working out, not to mention the plethora of endorphins that your body releases afterwards making you "feel good". Try to work out at least 3-4 times a week. This can be jogging, lifting, or both! Find a routine for yourself and stick to it, most importantly stay consistent! 2. Meditation This may be the biggest one. When you need to heal yourself it is important to be in touch with yourself. I would do this daily. Find 15-20min to sit in a quiet area alone, close your eyes and focus only on your breathing...let all thoughts that come flow and then release them by returning to focus on your breathe. There are many methods to meditation and guided meditations, try them all or do what works best for you! You can google/YouTube them easily. 3. Time in nature Especially on a sunny day! The sunlight helps to activate and produce serotonin (the "happy" neurotransmitter) in you! Go on a hike, a walk in the woods, anywhere with nature really. Just make sure to be actively observant of the trees, wildlife and scenery around you. The time walking alone like this can also be therapeutic. 4. Cold showers Sometimes the body can build up a lot of unconscious stress. I guarantee you part of it will be alleviated by doing one "cold blast" per shower session, preferably right before you get done to leave you feeling refreshed too. I know this point may be weird to some of you but just build the courage and try it! You don't need to spend the whole shower with freezing cold water, just simply a minute or so with decently cold(again not freezing) water should do. 5Smile! Scientific studies have shown that you get happier when you smile, even when it is forced!! Look at yourself every morning and before bed and smile after brushing your teeth! Smile at strangers on the road! Smile at the cashiers when you're buying things, spread that happiness everywhere. 6. Active healing This one may be controversial so I put it last. Like I said this only works when you accept what is and are trying to move forward. You will encounter a flurry of emotions, memories, etc...I encourage you to face them head on. Do not distract your mind or stop it abruptly to think of something else. Feel the emotion, think through the memory...BUT do not DWELL on the memory. Set a timer if you must but basically make sure each time you allow yourself to think of your ex it only lasts a few minutes and then move on. This will condition you to deal with memories of your ex that will keep appearing frequently and learn to detach yourself from those emotions, merely acknowledging them and moving on. 3
tikay00 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Great list, and #5 is SO IMPORTANT! Smile to everyone you come in contact with. Just seeing another human being smiling back gives you that warm feeling that everything is right in the world, and that we're all just warm creatures that are good at heart. Trust me guys, SMILE! Also, don't hate your ex. Get rid of the bitterness, and thank them for the time spent with you, and loving you for however long they loved you. Obviously don't break NC, and tell them this lol, but say it in your head. Drove home from the gym, and was literally having a convo with my ex, and telling her, "you know what, we had a good run, and I truly appreciate you being in my life for those 7 months, good or bad, and giving me love for that period in my life. I don't hate you, I will always care about you." (I did not contact her, and tell her this. I said all this in my head). Might not work for you, but damn sure did for me. 1
Author Jackson37 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Great list, and #5 is SO IMPORTANT! Smile to everyone you come in contact with. Just seeing another human being smiling back gives you that warm feeling that everything is right in the world, and that we're all just warm creatures that are good at heart. Trust me guys, SMILE! Also, don't hate your ex. Get rid of the bitterness, and thank them for the time spent with you, and loving you for however long they loved you. Obviously don't break NC, and tell them this lol, but say it in your head. Drove home from the gym, and was literally having a convo with my ex, and telling her, "you know what, we had a good run, and I truly appreciate you being in my life for those 7 months, good or bad, and giving me love for that period in my life. I don't hate you, I will always care about you." (I did not contact her, and tell her this. I said all this in my head). Might not work for you, but damn sure did for me. Exactly It is MUCH easier to move on using love and kindness than it is to be bitter and angry. There is a saying (I forgot the origin) "being angry at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Kill em with kindess has been my motto and helping very much lately. Good luck to all!
mefisto Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Also, don't hate your ex. Get rid of the bitterness, and thank them for the time spent with you, and loving you for however long they loved you. Obviously don't break NC, and tell them this lol, but say it in your head. Am i the only one here, who breaked up on such bad terms so its impossible to feel gratitude instead of hate? 1
ralfgarnett Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Some of this is total b-llocks, 7 months is f-ck all, I have been with my wife 20 years before we separated work that one out using your logic.
tikay00 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Am i the only one here, who breaked up on such bad terms so its impossible to feel gratitude instead of hate? Whyd you guys break up?
tikay00 Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Some of this is total b-llocks, 7 months is f-ck all, I have been with my wife 20 years before we separated work that one out using your logic. Why'd you guys break up? If it doesn't work for you, then find your own path, and keep reading up on this. No one said you have to forgive your ex. If it doesn't help you, it doesn't help you.
Michael 93 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Drove home from the gym, and was literally having a convo with my ex, and telling her, "you know what, we had a good run, and I truly appreciate you being in my life for those 7 months, good or bad, and giving me love for that period in my life. I don't hate you, I will always care about you." (I did not contact her, and tell her this. I said all this in my head). Might not work for you, but damn sure did for me. Works for me too. This is the method I use. Lets be perfectly honest I don't hate her at all. Far from it actually. Find peace within yourself
mefisto Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Whyd you guys break up? I don't know why. How anybody can answer question like that? Maybe i wasnt good enough for her. Read my thread, if you are interested.
lostsoul6486 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Am i the only one here, who breaked up on such bad terms so its impossible to feel gratitude instead of hate? Definitely not. My ex cheated on me and I hate her for it. For a while, I lied to myself and believed her bs about how she didn't cheat even though I had the evidence right in front of me. Now I'm ice cold with her and she doesn't even know why. Sometimes I hope for her to approach me or try to text me so that I could unload everything I'm holding inside, but I know it's best for me to just let it go and heal. I'm trying to forgive her not for her, but for myself. We gotta be strong. It is a lot easier said than done.
tikay00 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Works for me too. This is the method I use. Lets be perfectly honest I don't hate her at all. Far from it actually. Find peace within yourself Yeah, when I said to myself, "I will always care about you", it felt like a sigh of relief. I kept trying to bring up all the bad stuff in our relationship, and think of her negatively, but honestly she did love me, and was a genuinely great person. It felt good to admit to myself that I'd always care about her, even if we had to go our separate paths. It was like admitting I'm a drug addict or something (I'm not a drug addict).
Author Jackson37 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 Yea like I said in the first post, these are based on my opinions. Everyone has to find their own path for healing. I just find it easier to be kind rather than hold onto anger. Closure and healing comes from within, no one can do it for you. And in my opinion this is easier to achieve when you are happy (the opposite of what you will be holding onto anger). I do admit I hated my ex at one point (she cheated physical and emotionally, two separate guys. She's with the emotional cheating one right now) but honestly they will always have their own logic to explain away to themselves how things ended up the way they did, no matter how you phrase that anger and resentment to your ex I don't believe it will get you what you need to move on. Just my 2 cents and also what this guide is based upon.
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