I really can't figure out why I have such a difficult time with dating

[you_can_not_see_me]

I think I m a decent looking guy, I look in the mirror and I find it totally believable that girls would find me physically attractive, More than a few people of either sex have casually said that I have a conventionally attractive face and this wasn't from people who were just trying to be nice.

 

Furthermore when I m around girls its not uncommon for a couple girls to notice me and sometimes the couple of girls who do notice me include some really attractive girls.

 

BUT when it actually comes to me trying to date a given girl it almost always ends in a rejection of sorts. and these are girls who for all intents and purposes seem really interested in the beginning!

 

I ll admit I am not the smoothest guy when it comes to courting girls and I am willing to consider that some of my hardship with girls might be due to this, but I think its highly unlikely that such a consistent failure rate is just cause I occasionally seem awkward and or shy with girls.

 

****

Recently I even tried my luck with a more average looking girl, so that I might have better luck with her, but I starting to feel like the same thing is going to happen with her. Once again the girl has a vibe that suggests she's attracted to me when I m dealing with her in person, but my attempts at getting closer to her have not worked.

 

First: I sent a facebook friend request to her over a year ago and she did not accept until I remembered this a month ago and reminded her.

 

Second: I made the suggestion that we go to launch to her twice and it even wasn't a date launch it was just going to launch as colleagues, she said she couldn't on both occasions, and while her reasons for not going to launch might have been valid she didn't make any attempt to go to launch with at any other time.

 

Third: we have each others phone number and not only does she never contact me spontaneously, when I text her about something she sometimes never responds, and the texts aren't some thing I say, they are actually questions about work related stuff.

 

all of the above points make me almost certain that the girl would reject me if I asked her out and it just ****ing doesn't make sense to me why I can't get anywhere with women.

Edited November 4, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me

[Jules Dash]

You need volume. You need to start coming on to and dating anything with that appears like they are breathing. Youw ill get your experience and confidence up over time.

[Assasda]

1st of all, dont get down on yourself.

2nd of all, its much better to be smooth, and stylish, than have good looks as a guy.

3rd. Why would you waste your time on a girl that doesnt care for you that much. Just move on. You put her on this huge pedestal, and keep on following her around like a love struck puppy, thats not going to work at all.

 

Try to spot what youre doing wrong and we'll see if we can help you with it here

[normal person]

You seem to think all women care about is looks.

 

Is there anything else about you that's worth mentioning, or are you "just" a standard issue, run of the mill, average guy?

 

I'd suggest letting women see something interesting about you, if there is anything.

[you_can_not_see_me]

1st of all, dont get down on yourself.

2nd of all, its much better to be smooth, and stylish, than have good looks as a guy.

3rd. Why would you waste your time on a girl that doesnt care for you that much. Just move on. You put her on this huge pedestal, and keep on following her around like a love struck puppy, thats not going to work at all.

 

Try to spot what youre doing wrong and we'll see if we can help you with it here

The bold is completely untrue and its a tired thing everyone tells a guy every time rejection is involved. I actually never have had a particularly high opinion of the girl I mentioned, I think she looks ok but not great, I think her personality kinda sucks and if I wasn't in a position where I didn't meet a lot of girls I wouldn't have even considered her, but I have to work with what is around.

 

next time don't make a generalization like this.

[you_can_not_see_me]

You seem to think all women care about is looks.

 

Is there anything else about you that's worth mentioning, or are you "just" a standard issue, run of the mill, average guy?

 

I'd suggest letting women see something interesting about you, if there is anything.

Looks aren't everything but usually when a girl is not interested its because she's not physically attracted to you. especially cause girls can't really tell what kinda person you are until they actually start dating you.

[Assasda]

The bold is completely untrue and its a tired thing everyone tells a guy every time rejection is involved. I actually never have had a particularly high opinion of the girl I mentioned, I think she looks ok but not great, I think her personality kinda sucks and if I wasn't in a position where I didn't meet a lot of girls I wouldn't have even considered her, but I have to work with what is around.

 

next time don't make a generalization like this.

 

Ohhhhh.... OK her personality Sucks. And youre still chasing her around?

The fact that youre chasing her around, is YOU pedestalizing her. - not a generalization

The fact that you say her personality sucks, tells me that you also have low self-esteem.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Ohhhhh.... OK her personality Sucks. And youre still chasing her around?

The fact that youre chasing her around, is YOU pedestalizing her. - not a generalization

The fact that you say her personality sucks, tells me that you also have low self-esteem.

what?!

I just texted her a couple of times and asked her if she wanted to get lunch on two occasions, how does that qualify as chasing her around?

 

and how the hell does me saying her personality sucks make me have low self esteem.

[d0nnivain]

Skip FB, texting & lunch. Those are all friend things.

 

If you see a woman you like flirt with her. Ask her for coffee or a drink within hours / days of meeting her. Going on a date is a socially acceptable way of getting to know someone. You don't have to be someone's friend for a year before you consume a beverage with them.

 

Flirt some more. Try to touch her arm. See if her body language is also flirting / interested in you: leaning forward, legs crossed toward you, her touching you, playing with her hair.

 

Assuming all that went went well, as for a longer date like dinner, a movie, a hike etc.

[GoBlue]

I can hear the frustration in your words. I would challenge you to look at dating not from the perspective of them "rejecting" you but as a necessary process to find someone who is right for you. Attraction, as important as it is, really just opens the door. True relationship is built from that point forward, and whether you are attractive or not, if it's not a good fit it won't last. There is one thing worse than being alone - being in a bad relationship. So try and enjoy the journey. I hope this helps. Keep on keeping on - it will work out!

[JuneJulySeptember]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/500458-how-bad-you-women

[you_can_not_see_me]

I can hear the frustration in your words. I would challenge you to look at dating not from the perspective of them "rejecting" you but as a necessary process to find someone who is right for you. Attraction, as important as it is, really just opens the door. True relationship is built from that point forward, and whether you are attractive or not, if it's not a good fit it won't last. There is one thing worse than being alone - being in a bad relationship. So try and enjoy the journey. I hope this helps. Keep on keeping on - it will work out!

I don't even need a relationship, I just need to have the ability to romance women. I can wait quite a bit for a relationship to happen but I can not stand being stuck in the mud and not being able to even casually date.

 

I used to think it was fear (of rejection) that held me back from having a fulfilling romantic life, but I am starting to feel like the fear was there for good reason, because every time I push past the fear I merely comeback with an additional ache in my gut.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Skip FB, texting & lunch. Those are all friend things.

 

If you see a woman you like flirt with her. Ask her for coffee or a drink within hours / days of meeting her. Going on a date is a socially acceptable way of getting to know someone. You don't have to be someone's friend for a year before you consume a beverage with them.

 

Flirt some more. Try to touch her arm. See if her body language is also flirting / interested in you: leaning forward, legs crossed toward you, her touching you, playing with her hair.

 

Assuming all that went went well, as for a longer date like dinner, a movie, a hike etc.

We weren't friends for a whole year. We were classmates who occasionally talked and for most of the year and half I knew her it was not my intention to pursue anything with her cause I was pursuing other girls I was interested in more. I have only in the last couple of months decided to try something with her.

 

I had a run in with the girl today and while she has an interested vibe in person, her actions speak louder than her general vibe. I have thought of just point straight up asking her out in person, but in my experience if you need to ask a girl out and she hasn't already preemptively shown her willingness to go out with you 99.9% its gonna be a rejection and since I work with her in a sense I don't want to deal with the after effects.