Veronique22 Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now, but when we were on our sixth month i noticed he was texting a lot with some girl and it really upset me because he did it even when he was hanging out with me. Maybe I overreacted and we fight a lot about that, but he promised she was just a friend from his church group. In the next months I couldn't stop noticing how many pictures he liked of her instagram. every single one of them! and he doesn´t usually do that with any person. we fight about that too but i started to realize maybe i was turning it into something bigger than it really was. He then told me she told him she liked him, so he stated very clear to her that he had always saw her as a friend and that he loved me and he didn't want to have problems with me so they stopped talking. At the end of that year we were watching pictures in his cellphone gallery and i saw a drawing of a girl with glasses (just like her) and it said "I love you sweetheart" (he used to call her sweetheart). I started crying because i thought i wouldn't have to worry about her anymore, the date of the picture was from the time they talked but now it seemed maybe he was going with all her flirting. I felt really bad, he was worried because i was crying and he promised never to like any picture of her or talk to her ever again. Now when i thought that was left behind with all the months that have passed; he started liking her pictures again. I mean I know a like is no big deal; but he promised! I told him about that and he said he doesn't understands me, that for him is just a like, that he just loves me not her and i'm the one he wants to be with. She even post pictures with captions that give hints that she still likes him but is like he doesn't see that! He thinks it's normal but i know she is getting other ideas. The fact that i am really insecure about myself doesn't help either. I just feel i can't stand any other fight about her. We have a beautiful relationship and he treats me like a princess, we've had our ups and downs but we always find a way. he has done so much for me, i know he loves me and maybe i am focusing too much in this thing. I just want him to try to understand me but i don´t know how to tell him anymore! he thinks im just too jealous. I don't want her to think she has a chance with him and i don't want this to ruin our relationship. Maybe im the one doing wrong. Please help and excuse my english. Edited November 4, 2014 by Veronique22
Assasda Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 I think you need to work on your insecurities. You need to trust the guy, and be prepared to leave him if he betrays your trust. Thats all you can do. If you do anything else, you'll be controlling, and in the end, he'll just leave you because of that
stillcold Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I think you are completely right in the way you feel. If she was just a "friend," he should have no problem breaking it off completely if he knows she likes him. Your guy has shown some effort to break it off with her which is good, but still, he's starting to like her pictures again which may or may not be a bad sign depending on what type of photos they are: are they photos of herself? If they are photos of herself, then that definitely is something I would talk to him about as I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like it if you were doing the same with another guy that is a "friend." But overall, as a male myself, I would have broken off all communication with such a girl if I knew her intentions were to date me; that's just me though, so you need to look everything in context with him and relative to your own situation and not others. As long as he is not liking photos of her that is physically her and is not chatting with her, I would not worry at all.
Author Veronique22 Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 Yes they are definately a bunch of selfies. And I know my insecurities play a big part in this problem but right now i am more upset about the fact that he made me a promise and then he broke it.
stillcold Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Yes they are definately a bunch of selfies. And I know my insecurities play a big part in this problem but right now i am more upset about the fact that he made me a promise and then he broke it. I don't blame you, you are completely justified in feeling that way! And since they are selfies... that's completely inappropriate behavior if you two are a couple. I'm 100% sure he wouldn't like you doing the same with some other guy that was just a "friend." Definitely more to it than you think, you need to confront him about this! Do not be afraid to confront him because if you are a couple and are dating seriously then you need to be able to discuss these things; if he doesn't understand and doesn't listen to you seriously then clearly he doesn't care about you as much as you do. I'm telling you, as a guy I would NEVER do this to my girlfriend and would be very angry with her if she exhibited the same behavior as your boyfriend. Bring it up, and if it leads to a break-up then so be it cause apparently he cares more about a "friend" then his own girlfriend which is something that is clearly wrong. Says a lot about him. Let us know what happens or what you decide to do. 1
Redhead14 Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now, but when we were on our sixth month i noticed he was texting a lot with some girl and it really upset me because he did it even when he was hanging out with me. Maybe I overreacted and we fight a lot about that, but he promised she was just a friend from his church group. In the next months I couldn't stop noticing how many pictures he liked of her instagram. every single one of them! and he doesn´t usually do that with any person. we fight about that too but i started to realize maybe i was turning it into something bigger than it really was. He then told me she told him she liked him, so he stated very clear to her that he had always saw her as a friend and that he loved me and he didn't want to have problems with me so they stopped talking. At the end of that year we were watching pictures in his cellphone gallery and i saw a drawing of a girl with glasses (just like her) and it said "I love you sweetheart" (he used to call her sweetheart). I started crying because i thought i wouldn't have to worry about her anymore, the date of the picture was from the time they talked but now it seemed maybe he was going with all her flirting. I felt really bad, he was worried because i was crying and he promised never to like any picture of her or talk to her ever again. Now when i thought that was left behind with all the months that have passed; he started liking her pictures again. I mean I know a like is no big deal; but he promised! I told him about that and he said he doesn't understands me, that for him is just a like, that he just loves me not her and i'm the one he wants to be with. She even post pictures with captions that give hints that she still likes him but is like he doesn't see that! He thinks it's normal but i know she is getting other ideas. The fact that i am really insecure about myself doesn't help either. I just feel i can't stand any other fight about her. We have a beautiful relationship and he treats me like a princess, we've had our ups and downs but we always find a way. he has done so much for me, i know he loves me and maybe i am focusing too much in this thing. I just want him to try to understand me but i don´t know how to tell him anymore! he thinks im just too jealous. I don't want her to think she has a chance with him and i don't want this to ruin our relationship. Maybe im the one doing wrong. Please help and excuse my english. Well, if it happened just once, I wouldn't be concerned. However, this issue has come around several times. This issue now really about him respecting your feelings. You have every reason to feel insecure, maybe it's just a feeling, but they are your feelings and he should be concerned about your feelings. If he disrespects your feelings, you should let him know about it and he should change his behavior accordingly. If he isn't there's something else wrong. The fact that he is "holding" on to this guilty pleasure, is a signal I wouldn't tolerate. Draw a line in the sand. You deserve to have your feelings validated by your boyfriend. Be assertive, be direct and be ready to move on. I assure you, if it were the other way around, he'd be confronting the situation head on. 1
Toodaloo Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I think you need to work on your insecurities. You need to trust the guy, and be prepared to leave him if he betrays your trust. Thats all you can do. If you do anything else, you'll be controlling, and in the end, he'll just leave you because of that I don't think you should be worried too much about losing this one... I think you should be more worried about going out, doing things you enjoy and meeting new people. Funny isn't it how when you bring up bad behaviour some people (normally guilty ones) turn it back and try to make it all about you instead... 1
Zahara Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 I don't believe you are making it a bigger thing than it actually is. You have every right to feel the way you do. He has crossed the boundary more than once, disregarding your feelings while prioritizing his own feelings/needs as well as this woman's. Enforce the boundary again. He has to prioritize you and the relationship over her. If he doesn't, then you have to be prepared to make a decision. A relationship requires compromise and if something is causing strife, it gets fixed in order to preserve the relationship. He's not doing that, which makes his behavior questionable. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Have you ever met her? I think he should put in some more boundaries with her & in deference to you should like fewer of her posts. Liking something every once in a while would be tolerable but all of them encourages her & disrespects your feelings. If you have never met her this is a bigger problem. He may not be clear with her about the status of your relationship. 1
preraph Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 OK, he knows she's after him and he's still letting her come after him and encouraging her. That's not good. Sounds like he likes his ego fed a lot. I do think making sure you're with him around her and she sees you're a couple is all you can do except that I do think he shouldn't be keeping this up with her, but you don't control him.
Author Veronique22 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 Have you ever met her? I think he should put in some more boundaries with her & in deference to you should like fewer of her posts. Liking something every once in a while would be tolerable but all of them encourages her & disrespects your feelings. If you have never met her this is a bigger problem. He may not be clear with her about the status of your relationship. I know who she is but we've never talked. She knows about my relationship with him because we are really public about it and we hang out together pretty much everyday. We have run into her a few times but she acts like she doesn't know him, i guess it's because he's with me.
Author Veronique22 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 So I talked to him and surprisingly he accepted he messed up and he said he was sorry and that if it really still annoys me then this time for sure he is going to avoid any contact with her. I have to say at this point i don't fully believe him, i just really expect him to prove me wrong. But if he doesn't, then sadly i think i should move on. If he can't respect my feelings and put a stop to that situation, then he doesn't care that much about our relationship. Thank you all for your replies and support. I really needed to clear the thoughts in my mind.
Poppygoodwill Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I find it alarming that when you do run into her, she acts as if she doesn't know him. That is not the behaviour of a friend; that is the behaviour of someone who has something to hide. Similarly, how does he act in those moments? If he really thought of her as a friend, he would say hello and insist that she talks to you rather than run off because friends should be able to talk to your gf without any drama. So her behaviour and his in those moments belies the idea that he's sort of dumb about what she's up to, or how she feels. And if he knows she likes him, and he keeps in touch anyhow - especially as you've explicitly told him you don't like it - then he's putting his connection with her, over your feelings. Not good. On the other hand, if you're too insecure, you'll drive him away cause no one likes that. So I think you have to wait and see. He's promised once again, he understands your beef. If he breaks his promise, I would tend to think you do need to move on as clearly he can't entirely be trusted. sorry. 1
Toodaloo Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I know who she is but we've never talked. She knows about my relationship with him because we are really public about it and we hang out together pretty much everyday. We have run into her a few times but she acts like she doesn't know him, i guess it's because he's with me. So they have a "secret" intimate text/ phone relationship... RUN.
Jackson37 Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now, but when we were on our sixth month i noticed he was texting a lot with some girl and it really upset me because he did it even when he was hanging out with me. Maybe I overreacted and we fight a lot about that, but he promised she was just a friend from his church group. In the next months I couldn't stop noticing how many pictures he liked of her instagram. every single one of them! and he doesn´t usually do that with any person. we fight about that too but i started to realize maybe i was turning it into something bigger than it really was. He then told me she told him she liked him, so he stated very clear to her that he had always saw her as a friend and that he loved me and he didn't want to have problems with me so they stopped talking. At the end of that year we were watching pictures in his cellphone gallery and i saw a drawing of a girl with glasses (just like her) and it said "I love you sweetheart" (he used to call her sweetheart). I started crying because i thought i wouldn't have to worry about her anymore, the date of the picture was from the time they talked but now it seemed maybe he was going with all her flirting. I felt really bad, he was worried because i was crying and he promised never to like any picture of her or talk to her ever again. Now when i thought that was left behind with all the months that have passed; he started liking her pictures again. I mean I know a like is no big deal; but he promised! I told him about that and he said he doesn't understands me, that for him is just a like, that he just loves me not her and i'm the one he wants to be with. She even post pictures with captions that give hints that she still likes him but is like he doesn't see that! He thinks it's normal but i know she is getting other ideas. The fact that i am really insecure about myself doesn't help either. I just feel i can't stand any other fight about her. We have a beautiful relationship and he treats me like a princess, we've had our ups and downs but we always find a way. he has done so much for me, i know he loves me and maybe i am focusing too much in this thing. I just want him to try to understand me but i don´t know how to tell him anymore! he thinks im just too jealous. I don't want her to think she has a chance with him and i don't want this to ruin our relationship. Maybe im the one doing wrong. Please help and excuse my english. I just want to give you my input: my (now ex) gf was doing similar things with another guys. Texting/snapchat/liking pics allll the time. I didn't get insecure and let it go for a few months. I brought it up one time and she said the same as your bf. About a month later she breaks up with me. She is with him now. This may not happen to you but I just wanted to give you MY experience as a warning. To me, this is emotional cheating and he needs to get his **** straight. It's always hard to draw the line between being insecure and not doing enough. 1
Haerts Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 The fact that he knows the girl likes him, there was a drawing saying "I love you sweetheart" and he keeps liking her pictures and talking to her, says a lot about his personality. It looks like he wants to be with you, but at the same time he can't let her go, which is something you should worry about - in fact you're worried and I'm with you here. Bring the subject again, tell him (now definitely) that you DO NOT like it and he should stop it. It doesn't matters if he thinks it's no big deal; YOU think it is, so that should be enough to make him stop it. The worst part here is that the girl actually does like him and he knows that, so it's like he's adding fuel to the flames when he likes a picture. You deserve to be respected; if he isn't going to do it, find someone who will. 1
Author Veronique22 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 I find it alarming that when you do run into her, she acts as if she doesn't know him. That is not the behaviour of a friend; that is the behaviour of someone who has something to hide. Similarly, how does he act in those moments? If he really thought of her as a friend, he would say hello and insist that she talks to you rather than run off because friends should be able to talk to your gf without any drama. So her behaviour and his in those moments belies the idea that he's sort of dumb about what she's up to, or how she feels. And if he knows she likes him, and he keeps in touch anyhow - especially as you've explicitly told him you don't like it - then he's putting his connection with her, over your feelings. Not good. On the other hand, if you're too insecure, you'll drive him away cause no one likes that. So I think you have to wait and see. He's promised once again, he understands your beef. If he breaks his promise, I would tend to think you do need to move on as clearly he can't entirely be trusted. sorry. He tends to grab my hand or hug me cuz he knows i dislike her. He says she is over him by now but God I know she's not! That's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'll wait and see. I hope this time he respects how i feel despite the fact he doesn't share my opinion.
Author Veronique22 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 I just want to give you my input: my (now ex) gf was doing similar things with another guys. Texting/snapchat/liking pics allll the time. I didn't get insecure and let it go for a few months. I brought it up one time and she said the same as your bf. About a month later she breaks up with me. She is with him now. This may not happen to you but I just wanted to give you MY experience as a warning. To me, this is emotional cheating and he needs to get his **** straight. It's always hard to draw the line between being insecure and not doing enough. Exactly! It's so hard to draw that line! I'm sorry about what happened with her. Thank you for sharing.
Author Veronique22 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Posted November 8, 2014 The fact that he knows the girl likes him, there was a drawing saying "I love you sweetheart" and he keeps liking her pictures and talking to her, says a lot about his personality. It looks like he wants to be with you, but at the same time he can't let her go, which is something you should worry about - in fact you're worried and I'm with you here. Bring the subject again, tell him (now definitely) that you DO NOT like it and he should stop it. It doesn't matters if he thinks it's no big deal; YOU think it is, so that should be enough to make him stop it. The worst part here is that the girl actually does like him and he knows that, so it's like he's adding fuel to the flames when he likes a picture. You deserve to be respected; if he isn't going to do it, find someone who will. I couldn't agree more with you. Is like he doesn't really want something with her but knowing that she's there liking him feeds his ego and he thinks that because he made things clear with her once is enough. But it isn't! Because by liking all her pictures he is adding fuel to the flames and girls in love hold to anything to keep their hopes up.
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