Reaching out to ex... How to take baby steps?

[HGirl]

My ex and I weren't together for a very long time. We got together VERY suddenly. He had plans in place to go travelling. He was immature in many ways and had been cheated on in the best, which led to him being a tad emotionally unavailable.

 

He broke up with me because of the pressure, and also because the timing was poor - neither of us were in a good place to start a relationship.

 

At the time, I was upset, but I accepted his reasoning and did the whole NC thing for a while.

 

I've had a lot of time to reflect on what went wrong - I didn't appreciate just how much he did open up to me (I was the first proper girlfriend since he broke up with the cheater). I felt under a lot of pressure for us to progress as quickly as possible because he was going travelling, and I didn't realise I was also transferring this onto him.

 

SO - I have grown from the experience and gained a lot from it.

 

Looking back, the breakup was hard on him too - not being an emotional guy, I don't think he knew how to deal with it.

 

We had a few clashes - an (ex) friend of mine tried to worsen the situation after the breakup, which resulted in me lashing out at him at one point.

 

We spoke/text every so often, but all communication broke down when he saw a snapchat picture of a guy - it wasn't suggestive, but he correctly assumed it was someone I was dating, and he blocked me and refused to speak to me.

 

He is now travelling and I am happy for him. I sent a friendly text to ask how he was doing and how he was finding travelling - since then we have started a tentative conversation.

 

The thing is, while I wasn't in love with him, and while it wasn't like I opened up and bared my soul to him, in the short time we were together, I felt closer to him than I had to my ex of 2 years. I just felt I had a bond with him - I think it probably would've grown to love, if the situation had been different.

 

It is for this reason I don't want to loose him from my life entirely.

 

He will be back from travelling in 9 months. I plan on moving to his home city (for job purposes, not for him).

 

I would really like to reconnect with him, on a friendly basis (I was very hurt by the breakup and not sure if I would want to have one with him again).

 

I am hoping to take baby steps - make small talk every month or so while he is away.

 

The problem is, he is being very guarded. He is talking to me, but he is very guarded.

 

The break up was definitely painful for him, and it did hurt him a lot. For example, he found out about a rebound ONS I had through a malicious friend. I lashed out at him on one occasions (not a big bust up, but I said something to him which I knew hurt him). His friends hit on me in front of him (yes, I know.) So have caused him a lot of hurt, mostly unintentionally.

 

What is the best way to rebuild a relationship with him? As much as I would love to have heartfelt conversations, we can only text.

[evanescentworld]

The best way?

 

Honestly?

 

Really, the very best way?

 

Stay in, maintain and do not break, No Contact.

 

If he broke up with you (no matter what his temperament, circumstances, attitude or emotional immaturity) then it's up to him to rebuild a connection.

 

Especially as you're not really intent on re-kindling the relationship.

Leave it be.

It broke for a reason.

You can't fix it.

 

Stay away, notch it up to experience and go out and meet new people.

Sounds too much like hard work and drama, anyway....

[HGirl]

The best way?

 

Honestly?

 

Really, the very best way?

 

Stay in, maintain and do not break, No Contact.

 

If he broke up with you (no matter what his temperament, circumstances, attitude or emotional immaturity) then it's up to him to rebuild a connection.

 

Especially as you're not really intent on re-kindling the relationship.

Leave it be.

It broke for a reason.

You can't fix it.

 

Stay away, notch it up to experience and go out and meet new people.

Sounds too much like hard work and drama, anyway....

 

The thing is, he's a coward, especially when it comes to emotions. I don't think he would make the first move for fear of rejection/fear I will hurt him again.

 

I'm not trying to fix it as such, but rather, start afresh with a new perspective.

 

I treasure my intimate relationships, whether it is family, friends or partners. I don't connect with people easily, so I am reluctant to let it go without ensuring I have made every effort.

[Simon Phoenix]

The thing is, he's a coward, especially when it comes to emotions. I don't think he would make the first move for fear of rejection/fear I will hurt him again.

 

I'm not trying to fix it as such, but rather, start afresh with a new perspective.

 

I treasure my intimate relationships, whether it is family, friends or partners. I don't connect with people easily, so I am reluctant to let it go without ensuring I have made every effort.

 

If his fear is greater than his want to be with you, then he doesn't really want to be with you.

 

There's no 10-step process to get your ex back. You can't manipulate someone into making them feel something for you. It's ultimately up to them and the only thing you can do is move forward and live your life. There's no way to attract them, but there are plenty of ways to keep them driven away.

 

Your thought process right now is completely wrong.

[evanescentworld]

The thing is, he's a coward, especially when it comes to emotions. I don't think he would make the first move for fear of rejection.

Then that's his problem. While he makes no contact, take it as read that it's for the best. Don't force something simply because you want to make up for his defective reasoning. And on the subject of rejection - as you have no intention of going out with him again, anyway, he'd be right, wouldn't he?

 

I'm not trying to fix it as such, but rather, start afresh with a new perspective.

For whose benefit, really? His, or yours?

because I'm sorry, forgive me if I sound harsh, but I sense a bit of ego, self-validation, here...

 

I treasure my intimate relationships, whether it is family, friends or partners. I don't connect with people easily, so I am reluctant to let it go without ensuring I have made every effort.

 

Yes, but this isn't only about you, and what you want. He initiated the break-up with you.

Take it as read, that it's what he decided to do, because he wanted to.

I'm of the opinion that if I break up with someone, it's over.

Move on.

Egos are beyond massaging....

[HGirl]

If his fear is greater than his want to be with you, then he doesn't really want to be with you.

 

There's no 10-step process to get your ex back. You can't manipulate someone into making them feel something for you. It's ultimately up to them and the only thing you can do is move forward and live your life. There's no way to attract them, but there are plenty of ways to keep them driven away.

 

Your thought process right now is completely wrong.

 

I don't want to manipulate him into being with me. I did say exactly that. I have moved forward and I am living my life.

 

I am asking for advice on how to rebuild trust and friendship with someone. for no other purpose than because I once treasured a bond I felt with them.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't want to manipulate him into being with me. I did say exactly that. I have moved forward and I am living my life.

 

I am asking for advice on how to rebuild trust and friendship with someone. for no other purpose than because I once treasured a bond I felt with them.

 

My post remains the same. You can't. It's up to him to want to rebuild that.

[HGirl]

Then that's his problem. While he makes no contact, take it as read that it's for the best. Don't force something simply because you want to make up for his defective reasoning. And on the subject of rejection - as you have no intention of going out with him again, anyway, he'd be right, wouldn't he?

 

 

For whose benefit, really? His, or yours?

because I'm sorry, forgive me if I sound harsh, but I sense a bit of ego, self-validation, here...

 

 

 

Yes, but this isn't only about you, and what you want. He initiated the break-up with you.

Take it as read, that it's what he decided to do, because he wanted to.

I'm of the opinion that if I break up with someone, it's over.

Move on.

Egos are beyond massaging....

 

I don't want to force it - I want to try and rebuild something slowly - over the period of a year almost! He has been engaging with him, which indicates he is not totally against it.

 

Yes it is what I want, of course, that is why I am asking for guidance. Obviously I can't speak for him or what he wants.

 

Why can the only relationship we have, be a romantic one?!

 

How has this anything to do with ego?

 

Purely for my benefit? Well I consider myself a friend and I was very supportive of him during our relationship. I'll not go into details, but he suffered from the loss of my support,more than I suffered from losing him as a boyfriend.

 

Please stop making assumptions, such as I'm doing this for an ego boost?! It isn't helpful at all

[HGirl]

My post remains the same. You can't. It's up to him to want to rebuild that.

 

but... your post makes no sense in relation to my original post?!

 

I say I don't want to be in a relationship with him... you tell me I can't manipulate him being in a relationship with me... how does that make sense?

 

You've also assumed he doesn't want any relationship at all, when he has been engaging with me. While this doesn't confirm he wants the same as I do, it doesn't suggest he is totally against it either.

[evanescentworld]

I don't want to force it - I want to try and rebuild something slowly - over the period of a year almost! .....

 

Yes it is what I want, of course, that is why I am asking for guidance. Obviously I can't speak for him or what he wants.

That's why I'm advising you that it's a bad idea. if he were to be asking, I'd advise him the same, actually.

Why can the only relationship we have, be a romantic one?!

I don't know. Is what you want different to what he wants? Because you have to be clear on what his expectations would be, wouldn't you?

 

How has this anything to do with ego?

EVERYTHING we do, has to do with ego....

 

Purely for my benefit? Well I consider myself a friend and I was very supportive of him during our relationship. I'll not go into details, but he suffered from the loss of my support,more than I suffered from losing him as a boyfriend.

I can only take your word for it, but it's an unknown as to whether he believes the same as you.

Has he told you this, for sure, or is this your supposition?

 

Please stop making assumptions, such as I'm doing this for an ego boost?! It isn't helpful at all

look at it in the cold grey light of day:

You want to rekindle a relationship (of a kind) with him, when he was the one to break up with you.

There is Ego involved there.

 

Ego isn't necessarily a narcissistic quality.

It's often merely our personality, our Self, just wishing things to be equilibrated, for our comfort.

 

But as you can't speak for him, then it can only be taken as a one-sided wish - and as you are the one here, putting forward the idea, I can only respond to what you write, about yourself.

[Simon Phoenix]

but... your post makes no sense in relation to my original post?!

 

I say I don't want to be in a relationship with him... you tell me I can't manipulate him being in a relationship with me... how does that make sense?

 

You've also assumed he doesn't want any relationship at all, when he has been engaging with me. While this doesn't confirm he wants the same as I do, it doesn't suggest he is totally against it either.

 

He could be being polite. Either way, if he wants a relationship with you of any kind, it's up to him to initiate that. I could text my ex right now about something if I chose to do so and she'd answer and be very friendly. But that doesn't mean she'd want to grab a friendly drink or date me. It means she's being polite. If she really wanted those things, she'd make an effort without my prompting. If he wants to be your friend, he'd make an effort. You are looking for advice to manipulate him into giving you the relationship you want to have with him. It's up to him and him alone if he wants that and if he does, he's an adult, he'll let you know.

[evanescentworld]

.....

You've also assumed he doesn't want any relationship at all, when he has been engaging with me.

Aren't you making assumptions that he wouldn't mind?

This is what I mean about Ego... without you being completely sure how he feels and what he wants, you want to try to establish a connection with him, simply because you feel it's right for you....

 

While this doesn't confirm he wants the same as I do, it doesn't suggest he is totally against it either.

That's not for you to decide. It's for him to action and confirm.

[evanescentworld]

Look, HGirl, I know you're taking flak from both Simon and me, but trust us - we've seen this time and again.

And the more we say 'nay' the more you insist.

 

See, that's not very sensible: it implies that you don't want the kind of advice you don't want to hear - you only want people to confirm what you want....

 

And we can't do that. Based on extensive experience ourselves, and on here, take it from us - it's a bad idea.

 

We can't have everything we want, and we can't make everything we want, be the way we want it.

That's not the way life always works....

[HGirl]

He could be being polite. Either way, if he wants a relationship with you of any kind, it's up to him to initiate that. I could text my ex right now about something if I chose to do so and she'd answer and be very friendly. But that doesn't mean she'd want to grab a friendly drink or date me. It means she's being polite. If she really wanted those things, she'd make an effort without my prompting. If he wants to be your friend, he'd make an effort. You are looking for advice to manipulate him into giving you the relationship you want to have with him. It's up to him and him alone if he wants that and if he does, he's an adult, he'll let you know.

 

Yes, He could be. But I know him well enough to know that he'd let the conversation drop.

 

If I asked him to go for a friendly drink and he said no, I would drop it.

 

But I can't do that, and I don't want to meet up for a friendly drink yet anyway. I'm asking how to go about this slowly. If it doesn't work out, then that's that.

 

I'm not asking for advice on how to trick him, or how to force a relationship. I don't believe one can be forced. I'm asking how to rebuild one and so far he has been receptive to my responses. Yet you are automatically assuming he isn't?

 

He's on the other side of the world, having the time of his life. He could quite easily forget any texts I send him or not bother replying - not like he's about to bump into me on the street is it? But he's engaging with me despite being busy/preoccupied. So while it's a bit soon to lay it all out bare, I think any rational person would take this as a good sign and to continue?

[Zahara]

Looking back, the breakup was hard on him too - not being an emotional guy, I don't think he knew how to deal with it.

 

And why is that your issue to bear? Even if the break-up was hard on him, it didn't deter him from doing it. He eventually dealt with it and moved on.

 

We spoke/text every so often, but all communication broke down when he saw a snapchat picture of a guy - it wasn't suggestive, but he correctly assumed it was someone I was dating, and he blocked me and refused to speak to me.

 

A sign of emotional immaturity and selfishness.

 

I just felt I had a bond with him - I think it probably would've grown to love, if the situation had been different.

 

One thing about dealing with emotionally unavailable men -- we often attach strongly to the drama of the relationship. I have to question the so called bond you had with someone that was immature and emotionally unavailable.

 

It is for this reason I don't want to loose him from my life entirely.

 

In what capacity does he fulfill your life when he couldn't be a mature adult to you when you both were in a relationship?

 

I would really like to reconnect with him, on a friendly basis (I was very hurt by the breakup and not sure if I would want to have one with him again).

 

This is denial. It looks like you are still emotionally affected by him. If you weren't, you wouldn't be posting on a forum, walking on eggshells about the mere fact of having casual/friendly interaction with an ex.

 

I am hoping to take baby steps - make small talk every month or so while he is away.

 

Too much analysis. Hence, you're not ready.

 

The problem is, he is being very guarded. He is talking to me, but he is very guarded.

 

You seem guarded and unsure about yourself too.

 

The break up was definitely painful for him, and it did hurt him a lot.

 

Not enough to still go through with it.

 

What is the best way to rebuild a relationship with him? As much as I would love to have heartfelt conversations, we can only text.

 

I would advise against it. You're young. Moving to a new city. Go out and meet new people. While you may believe you've self-reflected and grown, he may still be the same immature and emotionally stunted person that hurt you.

 

It's his responsibility, if he wants to rebuild a relationship with you and to win your trust back. It isn't your responsibility to lay out the groundwork to make him want and accept you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, He could be. But I know him well enough to know that he'd let the conversation drop.

 

If I asked him to go for a friendly drink and he said no, I would drop it.

 

But I can't do that, and I don't want to meet up for a friendly drink yet anyway. I'm asking how to go about this slowly. If it doesn't work out, then that's that.

 

I'm not asking for advice on how to trick him, or how to force a relationship. I don't believe one can be forced. I'm asking how to rebuild one and so far he has been receptive to my responses. Yet you are automatically assuming he isn't?

 

He's on the other side of the world, having the time of his life. He could quite easily forget any texts I send him or not bother replying - not like he's about to bump into me on the street is it? But he's engaging with me despite being busy/preoccupied. So while it's a bit soon to lay it all out bare, I think any rational person would take this as a good sign and to continue?

 

If you were really this confident about it, you wouldn't have started a thread about it. You would just let it grow organically instead of trying to control the process. I don't think you are being very honest about your motive and I think you are trying to move the goalposts a bit to get us to agree with what you are doing. You said he's being very guarded, but now you say he's being engaging and excited. I think you're all over the place right now, which is another reason why I think you need to hang back.

[HGirl]

Look, HGirl, I know you're taking flak from both Simon and me, but trust us - we've seen this time and again.

And the more we say 'nay' the more you insist.

 

See, that's not very sensible: it implies that you don't want the kind of advice you don't want to hear - you only want people to confirm what you want....

 

And we can't do that. Based on extensive experience ourselves, and on here, take it from us - it's a bad idea.

 

We can't have everything we want, and we can't make everything we want, be the way we want it.

That's not the way life always works....

 

Yes, I understand. But I am a stubborn person - sometimes this can be good, sometimes bad, but ultimately once I decide on something, I can't be talked out of it. I haven't asked for opinions on whether or not I should, but I have asked for advice on how to go about it.

 

So I understand you think this is a bad idea - but are people going to come to a forum and post about their successful reunions? From what I've seen, it's mostly asking for advice.

 

So, this isn't about me wanting an ego boost, or a power play or however my post could be interpreted.

 

My ex is a very flawed person. I understand this might be a stupid decision, and it might backfire terribly. It might work out well, we might both want the same thing. I might even lose all interest in a few months and drop the idea entirely.

 

This is a fairly rational decision. Either way, my mind is made up.

[HGirl]

If you were really this confident about it, you wouldn't have started a thread about it. You would just let it grow organically instead of trying to control the process. I don't think you are being very honest about your motive and I think you are trying to move the goalposts a bit to get us to agree with what you are doing. You said he's being very guarded, but now you say he's being engaging and excited. I think you're all over the place right now, which is another reason why I think you need to hang back.

 

- I'm not confident about how to go about it. I haven't asked IF I should rebuild a relationship, I've asked HOW.

- I'm not trying to control the process - I'm trying to have it as organic as it can be when we are on different continents and can only communicate via text.

- Why are you assuming i'm not being honest? What motive could I have, for not being honest?

- He is guarded, and he is engaging in conversation with me. I didn't say he was excited?

- I am not all over the place. We broke up months and months ago. I have moved on, done my own thing, started dating etc. What exactly are you basing your assumption that I am "all over the place" on?

[Simon Phoenix]

- I'm not confident about how to go about it. I haven't asked IF I should rebuild a relationship, I've asked HOW.

- I'm not trying to control the process - I'm trying to have it as organic as it can be when we are on different continents and can only communicate via text.

- Why are you assuming i'm not being honest? What motive could I have, for not being honest?

- He is guarded, and he is engaging in conversation with me. I didn't say he was excited?

- I am not all over the place. We broke up months and months ago. I have moved on, done my own thing, started dating etc. What exactly are you basing your assumption that I am "all over the place" on?

 

By your erratic posting in this thread, your defensiveness, your need to try to figure out a strategy to talk to someone. No one is going to tell you how because there is no "HOW". You aren't rebuilding a carburetor, you aren't changing the oil in your car, there isn't a step-by-step process that produces a set positive result. In my experience, what you need to be doing is letting him lead. If you want a positive indicator, that'd be it.

[HGirl]

And why is that your issue to bear? Even if the break-up was hard on him, it didn't deter him from doing it. He eventually dealt with it and moved on.

 

 

 

A sign of emotional immaturity and selfishness.

 

 

 

One thing about dealing with emotionally unavailable men -- we often attach strongly to the drama of the relationship. I have to question the so called bond you had with someone that was immature and emotionally unavailable.

 

 

 

In what capacity does he fulfill your life when he couldn't be a mature adult to you when you both were in a relationship?

 

 

 

This is denial. It looks like you are still emotionally affected by him. If you weren't, you wouldn't be posting on a forum, walking on eggshells about the mere fact of having casual/friendly interaction with an ex.

 

 

 

Too much analysis. Hence, you're not ready.

 

 

 

You seem guarded and unsure about yourself too.

 

 

 

Not enough to still go through with it.

 

 

 

I would advise against it. You're young. Moving to a new city. Go out and meet new people. While you may believe you've self-reflected and grown, he may still be the same immature and emotionally stunted person that hurt you.

 

It's his responsibility, if he wants to rebuild a relationship with you and to win your trust back. It isn't your responsibility to lay out the groundwork to make him want and accept you.

 

Yes, I know he is flawed. For these reasons, I don't want to be with him.

Yes, I am unsure - I don't know what he's thinking after all. I have made mistakes in the past in my interactions with him, reacted to things he has told me, very poorly. So of course it is to be expected I am guarded myself.

 

Yes, he ended it. But it was something I had previously brought up and it was an inevitable conclusion. I don't feel the responsibility should fall on one person - if he came here too, and posted the same as me - we'd both be told to leave it to the other person, and neither of us would initiate things despite both wanting to. I'm taking responsibility therefore, because I know for sure it is something I want.

 

As for the bond thing, it's hard to describe. Our relationship was actually very easy, all things considered. Not very dramatic at all - we had one fight. At first I felt ecstatic just being in the same room as him. Gradually, and after we broke up... it was like feeling... reassured maybe? Even though you don't need to be reassured? And I felt we had an understanding of each other, we were perceptive of each others' emotions...

 

It was a very unusual experience because we weren't together for a particularly long time, so it's hard for me to describe,you'll just have to take my word for it.

[HGirl]

By your erratic posting in this thread, your defensiveness, your need to try to figure out a strategy to talk to someone. No one is going to tell you how because there is no "HOW". You aren't rebuilding a carburetor, you aren't changing the oil in your car, there isn't a step-by-step process that produces a set positive result. In my experience, what you need to be doing is letting him lead. If you want a positive indicator, that'd be it.

 

.. but it's not erratic?

 

If i'm defensive, it's because you've made a huge number of assumptions. You are offering a slanted view - why bother commenting on this, if you hadn't read my original post properly? Why bother trying to convince me against something, when I haven't asked for guidance on whether or not I should do it?

 

I've had to defend myself because your posts have been accusatory and antagonistic.

 

I was thinking more along the lines of guidance, topics that should be avoided etc. maybe personal experiences. It is patronising to suggest I think rebuilding a relationship is like "changing the oil" in my car.

 

If I had asked for advice on how to rebuild a relationship with someone who is out of the country for several months - would you be responding this way?

 

Honestly, all this critique and negativity is not constructive or appreciated. If you have an opinion that I'm doing something wrong, by all means have it. But is there much point in expressing it poorly in a post? Again I reiterate, I haven't asked your opinion on whether you think it's a good idea.

[Zahara]

Yes, I know he is flawed. For these reasons, I don't want to be with him.

 

Then why the insistence in slowly rebuilding a relationship with him. If you don't want to be with him because of how he hurt you, what is the objective of a slow rebuild? I know you said you want him in some capacity in your life, but I don't believe you are honest with yourself and I don't believe he will be much of an addition to your life. This much of analyzing is indicative of someone still being emotionally attached, and you saying you don't want to be with him is your way of sitting in denial because that is the only way it justifies moving forward with this.

 

I am unsure - I don't know what he's thinking after all. I have made mistakes in the past in my interactions with him, reacted to things he has told me, very poorly. So of course it is to be expected I am guarded myself.

 

And there is no need to be if you're not looking to be with him. That means you are not seeking a relationship, yes? So, treat it casually. If you hear from him, great. If you don't and you want to reach out, that's fine too. All this planning and scheming is indicative of a certain motive.

 

Yes, he ended it. But it was something I had previously brought up and it was an inevitable conclusion. I don't feel the responsibility should fall on one person - if he came here too, and posted the same as me - we'd both be told to leave it to the other person, and neither of us would initiate things despite both wanting to. I'm taking responsibility therefore, because I know for sure it is something I want.

 

OP, it ended because he was emotionally immature and unavailable. There is no relationship with someone like that. If you brought it up, it was probably because it wasn't fulfilling for you.

 

As for the bond thing, it's hard to describe. Our relationship was actually very easy, all things considered. Not very dramatic at all - we had one fight.

 

I would expect that since your relationship was only months old. It's called the honeymoon period when all is sunshine and roses. If that bond had any depth to it, it wouldn't have been broken by his inability to move forward, and only months in.

Edited November 4, 2014 by Zahara

[Simon Phoenix]

.. but it's not erratic?

 

If i'm defensive, it's because you've made a huge number of assumptions. You are offering a slanted view - why bother commenting on this, if you hadn't read my original post properly? Why bother trying to convince me against something, when I haven't asked for guidance on whether or not I should do it?

 

I've had to defend myself because your posts have been accusatory and antagonistic.

 

I was thinking more along the lines of guidance, topics that should be avoided etc. maybe personal experiences. It is patronising to suggest I think rebuilding a relationship is like "changing the oil" in my car.

 

If I had asked for advice on how to rebuild a relationship with someone who is out of the country for several months - would you be responding this way?

 

Honestly, all this critique and negativity is not constructive or appreciated. If you have an opinion that I'm doing something wrong, by all means have it. But is there much point in expressing it poorly in a post? Again I reiterate, I haven't asked your opinion on whether you think it's a good idea.

 

What you don't seem to get is that I don't care if you are trying to rebuild a romantic relationship or a friendly relationship, the gist of it is still the same. You are still trying to manipulate and control a process that shouldn't be manipulated and controlled. And you huffing and puffing and pouting and whining and insulting me doesn't change that.

[HGirl]

Then why the insistence in slowly rebuilding a relationship with him. If you don't want to be with him because of how he hurt you, what is the objective of a slow rebuild? I know you said you want him in some capacity in your life, but I don't believe you are honest with yourself and I don't believe he will be much of an addition to your life. This much of analyzing is indicative of someone still being emotionally attached, and you saying you don't want to be with him is your way of sitting in denial because that is the only way it justifies moving forward with this.

 

 

 

And there is no need to be if you're not looking to be with him. That means you are not seeking a relationship, yes? So, treat it casually. If you hear from him, great. If you don't and you want to reach out, that's fine too. All this planning and scheming is indicative of a certain motive.

 

 

 

OP, it ended because he was emotionally immature and unavailable. There is no relationship with someone like that. If you brought it up, it was probably because it wasn't fulfilling for you.

 

 

 

I would expect that since your relationship was only months old. It's called the honeymoon period when all is sunshine and roses. If that bond had any depth to it, it wouldn't have been broken by his inability to move forward, and only months in.

 

I am not asking for an anaylsis on my relationship, or my motive.

 

I mentioned emotional unavailability - this put a strain on things obviously. But I understood the reasons for it and I also mentioned he was opening up to me, which you seem to have overlooked. If we had stayed together, I believe he would've continued to open up and vice versa. We actually had a very healthy and loving relationship.No drama, pretty straight forward. Circumstance just put too much pressure on us.

 

I have more information on my relationship/motives/current emotional state than you do. I am not asking for advice on whether or not I should go through with this.

 

Can you provide advice on how to reconnect with someone, and rebuild a friendship (yes I want a friendship. Nothing else at this moment in time, and I am not asking for an analysis on my motives on this)?

 

Yes? Then please share as I am very interested in hearing them.

 

No? Then thank you for your posts so far, but you have nothing further to offer me i'm afraid.

[Zahara]

No? Then thank you for your posts so far, but you have nothing further to offer me i'm afraid.

 

Good luck to you.